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Entries in this blog

 

Humans

What is a human? a single consciousness sparked within the body? You are only one in this world what you see is completely different from what anyone else sees humans cannot transfer or express their experience to others reliably, you can try but you will never know how the other person experiences things. The existence of single consciousness is pretty insignificant and what humans call life is pretty overrated concept as it doesn't really add to anything significantly.  Without takin
 

Third times the charm三菱

I have no idea what is going on with me rn it's like  when I joined here the first time but this time it's the 3rd time first was 2014-2016 second was 2016-2018 and now is tbe third i didnt even realize it had started already 2018-??? This is getting out of control pretty quickly but I hope that now as I've seen it I can start doing something in order for it to calm a little Look there may have been some red flags somewhere but I've paid them no mind. The foreshadowing was there from l
 

Stability

A stable environment, unchanging landscape situations that happen in your home ground. It is comfortable and safe you know your surroundings and they remind you that it is alright. They calm your senses and be there when you need something to reflect yourself off of. You wake up and follow the path that is your favoured path you can almost feel the ground reinforcing you and your steps, you are on the right track. You lift your fork and start eating breakfast it is your usual breakfast
 

Road trip

I was eager getting into the car it was my first ever road trip I was anxious and didn't really know what road trips were about but I wanted to be part of it so I got into the car At the beginning it was fun to watch through the windows, other cars and scenery. That was plenty for me as it was all new for I had not been around that area before.  more time passed and i was getting pretty sleepy as many hours had gone by it was fun while it lasted but I was already tired and needed some
 

Fame and Misfortune

This episode has been kind of a stepping stone for me as it partly displays something that I've been running away from.  I would say that the episode is good on general perspective but on personal level it is more difficult as it has elements that I started watching MLP to run away from. That is why it's harder than usual for me to watch the episode and I don't know when I am able to do it. As it would require acknowledging things that I've denied in the past to keep myself in more saf

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activity then and now

I tried but looks like i wont be able to be as active these days as i used to be back then even if i wanted to, its not the same and im not the same anymore  back then that was what i needed but these days its not something that i am willing to go through again as it was also pretty straining on me and my emotional health.  Stabilizing myself and my emotions has been somewhat successful when i took the break from here and i feel quite content about it now, my presence here was something tha
 

art

what i really enjoy about Rarity art and art in general is that when i see young or beginning artists put the effort and passion in their craft, it is truly something so special and pure, and for me that is something i value in visual art, it is the passion and that something that tells me that they tried that really hits the spot for me, they may not be  very good pieces by technical measures, but i dont think that really matters as i think the thought behind the whole thing is the key and the

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stuff been thinking

I probably shouldnt let the small things interfere with my well being but seeing that the follower system is pretty much screwed is kinda irritating me to the point that im not sure if i can make reasonable decisions so im trying to not to do anything for a while and see how things will turn out. It kinda irritated me before in the old system and now seeing that i could've fixed it in the old system and i just chose to  run away kinda makes it even more irritating as im not even sure if it

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Balance

I need to find a balance between too much messages and too few messages. As in deviant art  im am no longer able to handle the messages as opposed to here where it's kinda too quiet for me but I'm actually afraid to start investing time to this site again fearing it will get out of hand like it did before. Usually when I'm passionate about something I put everything I got into it but these days it's starting to bite me back as I'm not satisfied of how slowly I answer the messages. But I don

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what did i do

i dont really remember what i used to do here all that time other than scrolling and waiting for something to happen when in reality there isnt really much that can happen at all i just spend time sitting around   posting in topics would be fun but there arent many topics that genuinely interest me anymore. or there are but when i try to say something i cant seem to be able to write sentences that even remotely make any sense my writing ability just isnt on the par on what i would like to say

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2years

2years since this site kinda jumpstarted my change from depressed and chained individual to more happy and smiling individual =)=) and im really happy for that =)=) to me this was the first community that i joined and it was a chance for me to see how i can be with other people since my offline interactions with people werent very succesful and im glad that this site helped me to see that there are beautiful adn smiling people here in the world and being part of this community is something

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Rarity drawings

I dont know what is it but when i look at my drawings they look somewhat decent a but when i look them again they look pretty odd tbh   i dont know if im missing something or if its something else but i mean they look kinda what i pictured them in my mind but they are still pretty crappy in my eye compared to what i would like them to be though im still pretty happy that they are somewhat decent   though i really cant say if i have anykind of style in my drawings they jsut are somewhe

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feels different

its a new feeling for me looking through the forums its like good feeling but in the same thime its not very good seeing all the people all the posts it doesnt feel so much the same anymore the fear is gone it feels more free and open like i could actually do something   like i had the right to say something and not feel so bad about it later or feel so much pressure its so light and free feeling i dont know if it shoud be like this or am i just not accustomed to this yet
 

idk

i dont know what to do it just feels like that everything i do dont matter and nothing really pleases me just feels like the days go by and nothing is really happening and i cant achieve anything highlight of the week is mlp episode and every other day is more dull than the last and it feels like im going around on circles and there is nothing for me to do just doing same tasks on daily basis i just cant really enjoy anything
 

what did i get myself into

first here and now on DA its the same feeling same system same thing all over again just different sites and different people   here it was bit easier since it is relatively small community on this site only about 100-200 messages in a day to respond to plus greeting every new member took me so long i felt more like a machine not human I broke the friends system here too having too many friends and i cant bare to unfriend anyone   now on deviantart over 300 messages to reply to and to

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Dunno

Dont know if its good or bad for me to actually be here as far as im concerned I let my emotional state go overboard and that resulted in some wierd behaviour I've visited the psychologist regarding my mental state and she agrees that my assumptions one normal social situations are quite wrong and it causes me problems   I hope i could return to this site and continue using it like i used to but due to my increased stress on this site and past events and some discussions here I believe

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How do you feel about it?

it happened some time ago it wasnt easy for me Im trying to get better every day it has been working i think feeling more calm these days but it will always be in my memories   what about you how do you feel about it ? Did it affect you ?

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Feel

ifeel its more peace in me now seeing that my friends are happy here without me bring here so often that i used to be   here i saw the person who i want to be but its long journey ahead   made by http://lovelyheartmlp.deviantart.com/

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bye for now

well i think i'll need some time off from this site . interface here has grown against me and my habit of being and it interferes my posting abilities i, i also sense too much unhsppiness around in near me and i need to breathe   though i will miss welcoming new happy members here most since it really brightens my day to greet them so i might still come in and greet them sometimes though postingh topicsand posts feels too tough because of the stuff going on wit my posts   i come back whe

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i just need hear your voice

first i was afraid of it, then i it got closer to me i still was afraid finally now i realize what i was hiding from i was hidning away from everyone i only talked to nicks here bbunch of letters not real people i was afraid of people   now i see that i am nothing without people people and the community is everything and i need to know that there are more out there than just letters and i know there are many lovely ponies here happy beautiful and amazing <3 humN BEINGS   together we

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im sorry

sorry=( i havent been so active these days i feel like just going away iweekend is really hard forum works against me and its getting harder to be here and my rehab makes it even harder in the weekends really depressed and lonely sorry

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DashYoshi, a great pony =)

@DashYoshi is awesome friend to have I want to make this as thank you for everything that he has done. Being my friend and talking with me everyday, I dont have much things to talk about, but he still answers my messages and is there for me. He is amazing artist too I dont know why he doesn't share his art because it is so amazing . and then he just posted this to me I can't believe it I almost cry it is so beautiful <3<3<3   He is awesome I dont really know what to say Thank

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1 Year on the forums, Hi all

Hello, about these times last year, a shy boy from Finland came into this happy site of MLP Forums, I didnt know what to do or what to say, I had no friends I was depressed lonely bullied and nothing was working. I had found MLP during summer and I had heard bronies were good people. So I decided to try MLP Forums in order to find some new friends.   It all started quite quietly So to say     But wait "My Favourite Mane 6 Pony: Fluttershy"     I liked Fluttershy first I saw lot mysel

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