I can't help but notice that when it comes to this blog, despite it says "My Pony Day", I tend to use it more to vent my frustrations.

You know?

Talking about how bad or stressful my day is?

I'm not saying I'll do this every time, but I feel a bit bad that I do it anyway. I feel like I'm doing it just to gain attention and again I'm not about that. I guess I just do it for my own benefit, like therapy, I'm talking to a therapist who doesn't talk back, they merely 'listen' so I can get it whatever is off my chest.

So...here it goes...

I'm surprised how often my limits are challenged emotionally and physically. When I feel like I'm finally getting on top of things, something comes along and knocks me down a few hundred feet, making me totally rethink my way of doing things, how I live my life, or how I tackle the day...even how I view my friends and family. Stress is a big part of the family life style for me, there's never a dull moment here and it's just become a habit of not being as often surprised when something occurs that would usually make others break down I guess.

I'm not saying what I go through is worse then what some go through, but just about every other people I meet don't exactly experience what I do and therego I'm not sure if they can fully comprehend my situation. For instance

- About two weeks ago my family and I were given notice to vacate our home by our landlord, after she tried to increase our rent pay by over a $100, and discovered there were more then two people leaving at the place. Those two people...happen to be my baby nephew who was born 3months ago, and my grandmother who had to come live with us due to her alheimzers...

- It's now two weeks till the move, and my pet rats had to vacate the house as well cause apparently she didn't like that I had so many or something... resulting in my little babies having to stay with my sisters till the moving is done...and one of them is really old now and needs special attention, and the other has cancar.

- Me and my husband don't see each other much anymore due to we are both working at fast food joints. I just started last Monday myself and into my first hardshift... My first day didn't go so well cause their AC was broken, and at 94F outside...*sighs* I overheated and past out...it was a bad and embrassing day to say the least. And today I got to go in for another 6hour shift like yesterday, and tomrrow. Luckily I have the day off so that's not so bad.

Anyways I could go on and on about my little life troubles, but I think for now that sums it up and I'm feeling a little bit better. I did have a nice pet talk with my mother yesterday morning when I came up for coffee. She saw my dark cloud over my head, and stopped me to say "Even though we are going through all these horrible things...We still have a choice here... We can choose to be misserable or happy, and try our best to get through it and find that sun light again at the edge of the storm."

She is right, it pays to try and find a smile despite the ugly times. But it's just a bit harder for me because there's that level of uncertainty and fear. We're moving into a smaller home with 3 bedrooms cause homes for rent are harder to find, and we have a total of 7 people, two dogs, a cat and my 6 rats...Oh and in one more year or so after our move into this new house... we may have to move again, offically buying a house. But that's just it...during that time, me and my husband want to get our own place, but with the hours we get and the minimum wage... I can't see how we could afford an apartment let alone our place but... I always believe and hope he and I would be able to save up for our own place one day and that's the aim...

-- Dreams --

I still hope that dream job will come my way and I'll finally set into the role as animator or character designer. And the idea of having a small little house... like 1000sqft is just perfect for us... We don't like huge spaces because it means more maitenence and cleaning. We don't have that many possessions and we've lived fine in a small bedroom before. So those are my dreams...and hopes...and I am still hopeful. What's a point of life if you don't have dreams or goals to reach? We have to have dreams.