A couple months ago I used to have extremely depressing dreams all the time. Since 2006 I had them constantly.

They stopped right around the same time I got into MLP. (Coincidence?)

But last night I had one of the worst dreams I think I've ever had. I usually remember my dreams and my mother told me from a young age to always record my dreams in a journal.

Well this dream combined a tragic event in my life with MLP. I woke up in tears and was having a panic attack. That hasn't happened since 2011. Even thinking about my wife makes me tear up. It hurts to talk about but I feel better when I actually talk about it too.

So in my dream I was Dimitri, my OC, and it seemed very weird. I was him in first person, but at certain points it was like I was watching him from a distance.

Well the dream started with me waking out of bed and getting dressed. It wasn't a lucid dream (If it was I'd probably have a cute-induced seizure). I was in Fluttershy's cottage and she was in the living room reading. She hugged me and we talked about daily events, somehow I knew exactly what she was talking about....something involving Twilight and weasels....

We had breakfast and I didn't want to leave her alone, but she said I had to go see Pinkie Pie about setting up a pie-eating contest (What?). I hugged her again and left the cottage. It seemed very identical to Ponyville, but the only thing was that it was snowing and some new houses were around. Pinkie Pie tackled me to the ground and started speaking Russian extremely fast.

She made no sense as she just kept talking about pies and apples. Then she asked how she did speaking Russian. I ignored her and talked about getting the pies baked. We baked pies for what seemed like only minutes but it was several hours. I was about to leave when Rarity ran into me sobbing. She said that some thing happened at Fluttershy's cottage.

I freaked out and ran toward the cottage. (This is where the dream went to a third-person view) I got to her house and saw several royal guards and a bunch of other ponies were there. I pushed through the crowd and broke the door down to get into the house. It was a perfect recreation of what happened to my real wife back in 2006.... Fluttershy was on a stretcher on the ground and was bleeding.

I ran to her and, I'm actually tearing up right now...uh.., she said exactly what my wife said. "Come closer, it'll be okay honey. Just hold me." I held her in my arms and looked at the paramedics, they shook their heads and I couldn't stop crying. She said that she loved me and I felt her pressure let go of my body. I couldn't stop crying and someone pulled me away from her. Someone said they knew who murdered her. All I heard was Big Mac.

I got up and started to run. I don't know where I was running but I just kept running. I woke up after I passed out in my dream. I was sweating and couldn't breath.

I know this sounds stupid, but it was almost exactly like what really happened. My brother actually thought I was fighting someone because he said he heard me screaming from the living room.

It feels good to talk about this. Even though it makes me sad, it feels amazing to talk about.