Trust me, you'll need this:
About two days ago, on an island
far, far, away. . .
GAMELOFT STRIKES BACK
Now, I wasn't going to ANOTHER one of these, but about two weeks ago, during my CRUSADE toward the other side of the world, I was looking at the MEDIOCRE laptops in a convenience store (laptops in a convenience store, how about THAT?). Normally, I'd simply fiddle around with them and CRITICIZE how bad they are (2.5Ghz SINGLE core? What is this? The 90s?); but this time around, something caught MY EYE. On the start menu was a little blue icon with a loopy "G", signifying the ever-so triumphant, GAMELOFT. My timing was bad, but never before had curiosity grown on me. I began to wonder if My Little PONY could be played on WINDOWS 10.
When I got HOME, I pulled open my NEW laptop and began to search the store for anything resembling my FIANCE'. Finally (after about three seconds), I managed to find a copy of the famed, "HASBRO simulator" dubbed, "My Little Pony: A GAMELOFT game". Here's where things got a bit complicated.
FIRSTLY, the game is so outdated, they're still pulling up Equestria GIRLS promotions (which was equally bad as it sounds. It's some kind of RHYTHM game, but it's got a really bad delay of about 0.75 SECONDS). And the HUD is about as old as Windows 98 (This version dates back to 2013).
Unlike the LAST, this version had hardly any lag. In fact, it ran at a smooth 180FPS . . . when it wanted to. Ever so OFTEN, the game would drop to a dead HALT at the worst times. "Want to grab that apple that's falling on the other SIDE of the screen? WHOOPS, let's drop the frame-rate to 12 and forget this was going to happen". It does that QUITE often and always at the most inconvenient of times (like that STUPID EQG dance party mini-game)
A lot of the THINGS here are the same as what I said in the ORIGINAL post. It's a waiting simulator that only runs BETTER because it's a Windows 10 counterpart. Despite this, I still MANAGED to have fun by burning all of Ponyville's REVENUE and forcing all the MARES to work for low wages, basically creating Gameloft's COMMUNIST dream society.
One thing that, REGRETFULLY, remained the same were the loading times. Now, in WINDOWS 10, apps that work like programs are SUSPENDED whenever the person clicks off them or MINIMIZES them. That's fine and all, but when you're DOWNLOADING updates? It resets EVERYTHING and you have to start it all over again. For a game that already had LOADING issues, it was pretty bad and took me 6 HOURS to downloading something with bad HOTEL internet. Nice thing is that after that FIRST boot, everything goes back to normal and you can spam your Twitter feed with as many horses as you want.
The BETTER thing about this version is that I could ACTUALLY experience all the game has to offer. (Such as BAD minigames and other DELICACIES)
A lot of the minigames are the same, do the task at HOOF and earn some points. Problem is, it gets really repetitive and you'll soon find out that you earn the same amount of EXP per game (I'm looking at you, TELESCOPE game [which is harder with a MOUSE).
The game still costs a lot to play. Not so much REAL currency, but the bits are just as bad. Buying is a pain and really scrapes you dry. ONE problem with buying is that it NEVER tells you just how much money you'd be making with a new SHOP, forcing you to blindly punch numbers into a calculator to find the bits per SECOND ratio. (Yay, SCHOOLWORK)
Eventually, like many of you I'm sure, got TIRED of the waiting and remembered a little trick. CHEAT ENGINE, the problem solver of the world. Within this MAGICAL program is a SPEEDHACK, which can UNLIMIT the FPS in the game; thus, making me more MONEY. As soon as I remembered it, I downloaded and submit my COMMUNISTIC Ponyville to EXTREME measures (Pinkie Pie style). Now we're happy to announce that we're making 10,000 BITS every twenty seconds.
So that's GAMELOFT'S PONY GAME, from what I've heard, there's a co-op mode where you can play with others. I've got a friend who might be able to help with that; so if all goes well, I'll UPDATE this story and add an EPISODE III.
No this is NOT the 5k special.