ferrousphantom

So. I said i was going to start using this again. Im going to be a bit rambly here, not very structured and instead more “OH NEW TOPIC. FUCK. SWEARING” sort of thing. Minus the swearing bit. EDIT: Im going to go ahead and add a “read more” break here. In the grand sceme of things its not THAT long of a post, but personally i would be pretty irritated to see the whole thing on my dash without a break. So first off i think i need to watch less of hat films, i swear as much as Ross does now. Which explains that. Had enough rambling yet? I wasnt even going to talk about swearing. Holy crap i better use a break thing in this, this is going to go on forever. Anyway, so computer. I THINK the new computer is really good, like, i got starcraft 2 and the recommended settings for my computer was called “Ultra” or something, which is the absolute highest settings. So thats beautiful, however if i so much as play Garrys Mod the cpu gets to 100 C. So yeah, if i continue to game i will probably damage the computer in a way that makes in on par with the old laptop, meaning it would take away the only reason i upgraded it. I have to save up some extra cash to get the heatsink and thermal paste replaced, and buy a ton extra fans, and have it all professionally installed. So yeah, THIS COMPUTER IS SUPER FUCKING CHEAP YOU GUUUUUYYYYS. There we go, i swore. Is swore past tense for swearing, as in profanity? I dunno. Also im saying “the thing is” a lot, and i recently started listening to the yogpod again, so im going to blame it on that. Awesome segway time, which is spelled wrong, the reason ive been listening to the yogpod is because i like podcasts for when im doing something brainless, or something silent. I could go off on a tangent on the brainless part, but im already on a tangent, and it paid good money to be on here. You think im going to fucking rip it off? You think im that kind of person? Thats the end of THAT friendship. I think my coffee must have been better than i thought, im rambling on all cylinders right now. I also cant spell, apparently, as everything is showing up red. And now i fixed it. Will i delete these sentences? So getting back to it, the whole “brainless or silent things”, ive been drawing on my new tablet (i know, great time to be buying something expensive, right?) and i love it. Practicing drawing used to be a chore i rarely did. Like, i really want to get good at drawing which is why i did it, but i was poor at it enough that i hated doing it. This freaking tablet. Im finding i actually enjoy my time spent drawing, in addition to the fact that im making pictures im proud of, whereas with pencil/pen and paper the drawings i liked were very few. Granted i had a figure drawing class with friends last semester, and i advise that to anyone who wants to draw, because my skill grew dramaticaly. So far i have a drawing of a D&D character im working on (for which i might do a short voice series), a drawing of discord to work as illistration for a story i want to dub (i would make a lot of drawings for it in total), and a drawing of a flame thrower ork from dawn of war, because one night i felt like doing a different drawing than the ones i was working on. Im not finished with any of these three, and im going to get out a yogpod and work on the orc after i finish this, but im already proud of how good they each are. Pickles (the d&d character) now has a background, but needs more detail and dynamic lighting (which i have to learn) and hair (which i also have to learn). Discord just needs an improvement of background, im totally satisfied with Discord himself. The orc i decided to do quickly, so in 20 something minutes i sketched and colored him. For me that is absolute bananas, as im slow as hell, and without the color the sketch is actually pretty good. Then i started working on getting more solid outline, which is what im still on. I like it, but i have issues with the gun. So yeah, love that thing. Ive been having a bit of issue with a certain subject lately, that makes me panic if i think too much about it. Im not going to go into this subject to much, but nothing is wrong, its a general subject everyone has to deal with, and im getting better at blocking it out. Moving right along is the subject of CONFIDENCE BOOSTERS THAT LEAD NOWHERE BUT OH WELL I STILL FEEL GOOD FOR HAVING HAD THE EXPERIENCE. So i auditioned to an audio project, and was told i was one of two potential choices. We had a bit of back and forth, me doing the lines in new voices, and communication dropped off. Im going to email again to see whats up. I listened to the project, and i wont be offended if they dont pick me, because they are GOOD. Its about portal 2, after the end, and only has one episode out so far. Link here, because this is like my feelings on “Eyes Like Yours”, which is that even if i have nothing to do with it i will still be a big fan, its genuinely really good. http://queen-mickey-the-sass-master.tumblr.com/post/97024738573/open-casting-for-role-of-aaron-halifax Guess why that link is on Mickeys blog. She showed it to me so i could audtion for it, which is the same way i got into Eyes Like Yours. So yeah, amazing woman, you should follow her art blog and reblog all her great stuff. Not enough people do. So then, other confidence booster that went nowhere, and maybe its good it went nowhere in this case, maybe not, is the following sentence because i already have too many freaking commas in THIS one. So im at the mall getting birthday presents and this girl comes up to me. She says her phone is dead and needs to borrow mine to find her friend. So me being paranoid, dorky, and i think i have the right to say im also nice, i say sure but linger around awkwardly pretending im invested in a candle shelf nearby so my phone doesnt go too far away from me. She dials the number and waits. After a little her OWN phone rings in her pocket. She ignores this for a few rings, says “cool’ or something, and hands my phone back. Then she says “You’re cute. I’ll call you”, turns around, and walks away. ….. Leaving me stupidly saying “Yeah” out of habit, the word leaving my mouth before i processed what she had said. So for a while im just confused. Like, what, i had my own number on my contacts list and she read it or something? It wasnt until later i realized that she had called her own phone, which left my phone on her recent calls list. So yeah! Both confident, and clever, and seemed nervous enough that i could probably hold a conversation with her without being intimidated. I like her hat too. It had that really cool Legend of Zelda logo on it. Like this, but the bill was also black. https://www.gamerabilia.co.uk/image/cache/data/products/legend-of-zelda/legend-of-zelda-black-cap-logo-640x640.JPG Its been over two weeks without hearing anything though, so im going to assume all SORTS of paranoid things, like she sold my phone number to an ad agency or something, and also more logical things like she forgot, lost it, or doesnt give a shit. Truth be told im not hoping to date a stranger at the moment, for reasons that - oh hey, look at that distraction. Thats a nice distraction. So yeah im not too broken up about it, im more just thinking “Wow. Did a girl just ACTUALLY try to pick me up?” Despite certain negative attitudes of mine, i do tend to look on the bright side. Im not sure if i have anything more i want to say at the moment. If anyone actually bothers to read this, thank you for your time. Its pretty therapeutic to write this down. And no, no i did not spell therapeutic correctly EITHER time i wrote it. Before i sign this off, i should say i will probably mention D&D in a later post, and go into a bit of detail. There are many positive and negative things to talk about with that. So yeah. Thank you, and goodnight.

So i haven't used this in a long time, and a lot of stuff has been happening recently. There are good and bad subjects, so i'm going to make several posts soon, taking each subject one at a time. Ill put the subjects here so i don't forget: Building Computer, Panic Attacks, D&D, New Voices in Voice Acting.

I did a reading, in character as Discord, doing a narrative. Its a comedy, and i will be doing the sequel as well soon. The link to the original story is in the description.

So you guys. Nintendo. Is just the best. I havent been watching E3, so no, thats not what i mean. I got mario kart 8, and it turns out if you get it, and register it (which is free and something you should do for all nintendo games anyway) you get another game FREE. The great part is, the four you get to pick from would normally be $40. This isnt some $2.99 thing to sweeten the deal, its a full, new game. Either Zelda the wind waker HD, super mario bros U, Pikmin 3, or Wii Party U. If you dont have a wiiu already, they have a bundle that comes with Mario Kart 8. and you still get the extra game whether you got the bundle or not. So yeah, spreading this for anyone interested, and to just say Nintendo is just the BEST. http://club2.nintendo.com/mario-kart8-promo/

So i recorded myself reading "A Twilight Sparkle Story", by Obselescence . I read the entire story, in character as Discord. I think it came out pretty well, and i would love to have more people hear it, so ill put a link here. Any comments are also appreciated ^^ The original story can be found here: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/175255/a-twilight-sparkle-story

Magma

So today in voice acting we were doing on-camera commercials for burger king, and when it was time to see mine my first two things i thought were 1. (as i was hearing my voice immediately after he hit play) “oh… my voice… is really nice to listen to, isnt it? o.o” and 2. “… i am… not bad to look at, am i?” ….. You guys im starting to have self esteem T.T

Well good day that i would like to talk about, and nobody is on. Well, mostly good day. I'll just go through it by time. So for the first class i had a test in my figure drawing class where we had to know the different names of bones for the skeleton. I'm not great at drawing, and get frustrated, and so I'm not doing well in the class, so i decided "I am acing this fucking quiz". Keep in mind, i don't study. Not because i don't care, but because it does not work well with me, at all. But for this i did. She had given us a picture of the skeleton with arrows pointing to the different bones, with labels. What i did was i drew the same thing, with arrows, but no labels, and i would go through seeing if i knew what names should be on each arrow. Then i would write what i could associate each bone with, along with the name on another page. Then i even would repeatedly write the name of a bone, while saying the name aloud and looking at the picture if i had trouble with a bone. I did this several times throughout the weekend to get it down. Then i got plenty of sleep, shower, breakfast, the works. I got to class, and i got almost every bone correct. Here's the kicker: there were 33 bones, and only 24 were on the sheet she gave us. I got 22 of those, giving me a %66. Which is a D, in other words, below passing. I assumed she wouldn't want us to remember all 200+ bones, so i assumed the sheet was all she wanted, which is why i only knew those. In addition to that one of the bones on the sheet ended up drastically renamed in the quiz, which is why i didn't get it. So i forgot the name of ONE bone, and got a failing grade. So yeah, i always start my day with the most frustrating class, which had been getting a bit better lately, only to make me wish i had dropped it in the beginning like i was going to at one point. Alright, so there's the negative, however the day looks up from there. Voice over class. We were giving our monologues on camera and getting feedback. For the most part this makes the day a bit dull, probably not the best thing right after a class of bullshit, but being passive isn't the hardest thing I've had to do. I cool off here. I finally have to give my own monologue, i read it, this time being given chairs and someone to read to (the admittedly very cute nice girl, and that's not just a personal opinion), and my monologue was a soft, more sensitive one than most I've had to do, and i felt a bit better than the first few times I've done this. I sit down and see what it looked like (we were doing on camera so we could watch our own performance afterword) and my first thought was, "oh god. I am UGLY on camera!". So yeah, GREAT DAY SO FAR. Normally as far as my face i either don't get any comments, or i told I'm cute, so i figure I'm average, and good for some peoples tastes. That's one area where I'm not super down on myself. Something about my appearance however looked like i was soaked, flat hair, shiny face... Normally our teacher asks us what we think of our performance first, then what everyone else thought, but he switched it today. People fucking loved it. As far as my voice, sure i think i was good, but for some reason people just loved it. Very surprising. They even mentioned a lot of things i was trying to make sure came out well, sincerity, eye contact etc. Not that i cant do those, just they were important for this piece. Then on the "Things to improve on" section, the most commonly agreed thing was, "It was too seductive". ... Excuse me? Repeat that? I have been called "Cute", i have been called "Scary, or intimidating" (I know, weird combo), but "Seductive"?! So yeah, I'm still a little dazed on that, so ill just move on, because i have no flipping idea on where to start talking about that. By the way, the monologue was in no way seductive, but for some reason i couldn't read it in a way that didn't get that note. Lets just say this whole class has helped my ego quite a lot though. So then we get to the last class of the day, Acting 10 B. We also happened to be doing monologues in that class, but i had to use different ones, and i had to have 2, which were contrasting to one another. The format for today was to just read and people would call out "Yes", "No" or "Not for you, but maybe for someone else". I have to admit, i didn't listen to the others as much as i would normally. I just kept reading mine in my head. It was a joker monologue, as batman joker, a monologue from one of the games. Our teach said i should have others ready (which i did), and try to not imitate the joker himself, because this would be hard to do considering how popular he is. By the way, The Joker is my favorite villain, and i love to play villains, and never get the opportunity, which is why i chose this. I'm more the "Sweet, Nerdy" type, so though i can do villain, people don't think that immediately and i don't get those parts. Finally we get to me, I'm standing, get my breath... "Memories can be vile, r-" Class explodes with "YES, DO IT" Holy fucking shit. I mean really, holy fucking shit you guys. They calm themselves down because THEY WANT TO HEAR THE REST. I do it all, they say they love me as that role, and THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I managed to make it my own so well they don't realize its the joker, and they just love me as the role. I'm fucking dead you guys, that was it. I'm "Cast" as joker, and they don't even realize. Jesus. Christ. So Leslie (our teacher) says she loves it too, but it would be better for voice acting than a monologue, and i should do others. That's fine, i have others prepared. One is funny, telling a random story, really interesting, and i get some nice/funny character voices in it, and people really liked it. The other is the sweet, vulnerable type which was a bit hard, because it really made me feel vulnerable, but i really liked it, and it got cleared too. So monologues are crossed of my To Do list, I got some pretty good ones, and people love me as my favorite villain, villain being my favorite role. Good class to say the least. Then meet up with friends to talk because WE LEAVE FOR BABSCON IN 2 DAYS. I didn't get back until like, 8:30 pm i think, having left at 8:00 am, so it was a long day, and started out with total shit, and even so, it was a great fucking day. I even realized that on the self esteem issue - not just because of today, but today certainly helped - i feel comfortable calling myself "An Actor". In fact, a good actor. I have big self esteem issues, and with nobody around, i call myself a good actor, especially when it comes to voice. Speaking of Babscon and voice acting, they still haven't announced who the finalists are for their contest to be judge by Tara flipping Strong. -,- So yeah, i have had a long to do list lately, which I'm almost at the end of, and i now have one day to finish packing for Babscon, so I'm tired and busy, which i have been for a bit now, but I'm going to a con with friends that have only become the "Actually hang out with each other" friends a few months ago (and happy to have them as such), i feel like i have a place in acting, I have been told that i could do both a discord voice, and jokers monologue well (which, for both, holy crap i love it), and who knows, i don't want to get my hopes up too high, but i still may be a finalist for The Voice of Equestria. Right now, I'm happy. And i don't mean, "Got an awesome new video game" happy, i mean, "Even after the dust clears, and things settle down again, i think im still happy with myself as a person" happy. "Stop giving myself crap, and actually recognize i don't deserve to hate myself" happy. This means a lot to me. And almost symbolically, nobody is online to talk to during this. Its kind of funny actually. And don't worry about that last part, its Tuesday and i got home late, people just aren't up to talking right now. I'm not going to let that ruin my mood. Also i might as well mention, I'm taking figure drawing to be with friends, so whereas I'm trying to pass this class, if i don't it wont be the end of the world. And yeah. I'm actually proud of my ability and range from hearing peoples reactions to both, the monologues and my Babscon voice entry (in which i do multiple different voice characters). I think i can actually say "Im good at something that matters", for the first time in my life. Holy shit, big day.

I am so fucking pumped for Babscon. This thursday we leave for San Francisco, and friday saturday sunday the con happens. I get to find out if im a finalist for The Voice of Equestria, tons of voice actors are showing up, people from the fandom who sing and make music like Eilemonty and Eurobeat Brony will be there, its gonna be awesome!! Should be tons of panels too, ill probably be busy the whole weekend. Plus it should just be a lot of fun to hang out with the people im with. Wii U with smash bros brawl, mario kart and mario party, 4 controllers 4 people, brony convention in the SAME BUILDING. So yeah, im just getting super excited, and i figure i should have some positive stuff on here too.

Alright so i felt like i needed someone to talk to, and felt i didn’t have anyone i could talk to about this. Then i remembered that’s why i made this journal. So, i don’t know if this is just me being down for some reason or not, but i think my lonely thing is going up another notch. Even though i can think of several people i love and care about a lot, I’m starting to think i have known them all for a very short period of time. Like, the only people i care about i barely know. Before i continue, i realized this sounds worse than it is, and i just want to get this out of the way - no, i am not suicidal. I have known a few people who were, and i realize I’m talking like they were, so i just want to get that out. I was just going to say that if i thought about it, it would be very easy for anyone to replace me, and most probably wouldn’t notice me being gone. No, that is not meant to imply that i plan on leaving, its a hypothetical. Ugh, i guess this is good that I’m getting these thoughts out, i think i might be a bit worse off than i thought. Not really sure what to do about that.

So holy shit. I already posted this on my main tumblr, but i figured its good here too. I just showed my voice acting instructor this: which is the intro to the Borderlands 2 DLC “Campaign of Carnage”, and then showed him an mp3 where i tried to do the voice of Mr. Torgue. (I cant put that mp3 up yet because its for a contest, [yes, the babscon contest] and im going to just keep it to myself until after the contest deadline is up)He said he liked mine better. He said he liked MINE… BETTER. Specifically he mentioned that he thought my ACTING was BETTER. I am so fucking pumped up for this contest you guys don’t even know.

Yes, by its definition fenimism is actually a very good thing that stands for equality. But as im sure most of us Bronies are aware of, when some people join a movement or group, and then loudly represent it in an unfavorable way, the entire group is blamed. The group stands for something great, the people are great, and if they had their way it would be great, but if the idiots are loud enough that is all people will see.

Alright so im actually REALLY pissed right now. I don't want to bring the source into this, because i respect the hell out of her, and don't want to start drama regardless, but i DID make this journal to vent, so i feel i should at least make some sort of post on this. Im probably not going to be able to make as strong a point as i would like without refrencing it, but again, people should feel free to post, so i don't want to drag her post in here and act like she doesn't have the right to say it. Alright, so to begin, i just want to say ive always thought that on gender discrimination women have a lot of unfair nonsense they have to deal with that should NOT happen to them, but at the same time any time something bad happens to a man it doesnt matter. And thats not just when a man is discriminated, but in fact regardless of the subject matter. A man's pain is funny, and a women's pain is unfair, right? Women go through so much shit that shouldn't happen, but people, please don't think that means men get a free ticket to life. I know from experience that as a man, you have to hate yourself. Women are told to feel bad about stupid shit like their weight, but if a man is fat not only should he feel bad, but its not society telling him to feel bad, he needs to know that his weight just makes him a flawed person. He isn't being beat on by society, he is just a bad person. He is just worthless, and he isn't "Overweight", or "Over the normal weight", he is just fat. Did anyone read my saying "if a man is fat" and get offended by it? Would you have been more offended if i had said it like that regarding to women? And then if i could talk about pain tolerance. Before i begin, i am in NO WAY saying that the forms of pain i am about to use as examples are similar in how much they would hurt, i just want to go over a few things i have noticed. I OF COURSE understand that were talking different levels, my point is about how people react to different people being in pain. Have you ever seen a women talk about the pain of childbirth, who you know for a fact has never had sex? Someone who hasn't experienced it at all talking down to men as if their lives are easier because they havent felt it, even though the speaker has not either? And if you said anything regarding the pain, even something to agree with them, you know you are going to be attacked for even mentioning it. You ever see a guy get kicked in the balls? You ever see a women downplay the pain? Ever see anyone raise an eyebrow to them insulting a high level of pain they would never feel? Of course not. And you know what else, its funny. When you see the guy get hit, you better believe people are laughing. And he isnt taking a prat fall, he is collapsing from real pain. HILARIOUS. And you know why? Because men aren't people. Thats what i wanted to get down to. There are humans, then, on a lower level, there are men. Men are taught that not only are they inferior in intelligence, and are only good enough to lift heavy objects, but if a man ever implied that he had an advantage in that field it would be sexist. Even in the first few grades you hear things like "Girls get the brains, men get the brawn", but if a guy says he is stronger than girls, i don't think i have to tell you people would be mad. You ever hear about the whole, "Men aren't in touch with their feelings" stuff? Most of it is not because men aren't capable of feeling, its because we are taught to say that. If a man thinks he is a person, or his pain or struggles matter, he is either too weak to handle being a man, too lazy to improve his life, or whining when, as everyone knows, only women are discriminated against, and only women feel pain. Again, i do not mean to downplay what women go through, it is HORRIBLE what they have to deal with. Just don't think that means men don't have issues of their own. Again, i won't post the example i saw, but i realized that in this post about someone treating men poorly (which i admit, the men were definitely at fault in several of the scenarios), if you replace "boy" with "girl", "he" with "she" and so on, and had a man post it, people would be FURIOUS. The man would be a monster. Because its not ok to treat people like that, its only ok to treat men like that.

So each voucher will grant one signed item, or one person to sign a certain number of items?

I might, however my doctors arent very helpful. Also i should add to the record, it has completely stopped now, for whatever that is worth.

Yeah thats the thing, its just my ear. I dont have headphones or anything, i think they call it tinitus? Im sure my spelling is off though.

I suppose this might as well go here. So yeah, anyone know that white noise, the kind of thing they play in headphones to have noise cancellation? Yeahhh, that was just playing in my head. In only one ear. And it wouldn't get louder or quieter, or move to the other ear no matter how i moved or turned or covered my ear, so it WAS in my head. Then it got louder, and then a bit louder. So yeah! Im good now, it has gotten so quiet that its just a mild ring, but that wasnt the best. It was in the right ear by the way, not sure if it matters.

So as of 9 minutes ago, our acting class has homework due tomorrow. This has been happening a lot this semester. I really liked our teacher last semester, but i don’t get her now. A week or two ago we were emailed homework at 11:50 am the day of, with our class starting at 2:30 pm. Personally, my classes go from 9am to 5pm without break each day, and somehow we are expected to do assignments during our classes, which is already assuming that we are constantly reading our email DURING our other classes to even know. And no, we aren’t told ahead of time that work will be emailed to us the class before, or in earlier emails. The work is not mentioned until we are sent it. One last thing, they are emailed as a pdf. I don’t know about you guys, but i don’t have a phone that can download a pdf, so i would have to leave class to get on a library computer, so i would definitely have to skip a class, or leave early/show up late at the very least, just to know what the assignment is.

Does anyone know if we have to pay to have things signed? I heard at another brony convention everyone had to pay $20 at the signings

Just had that situation where i recorded something, listened back and was super proud at how it sounded, and now when i listen to it again I don’t like it nearly as much.

Yeah good point. And then i'm 20

So I’m getting really out of it more than usual lately. Like I’m not lucid (if I’m using that correctly) while I’m awake, and i notice the moment i become present. Maybe I’m tired? I dunno

Thought i would mention i killed the captain. I spent time figuring out the forge, made great new tools and came back to get the TNT and kill him. I guess you just focus one until he dies, and that kills the rest? I got a couple diamonds for killing him, and stripped most of the TNT.

Sounds like it might be fun, but i feel i should ask ages. Making plans to meet up with minors for dinner over the internet sounds a little sketchy, no? xD

Update on my Hexxit adventure, I found a bigger pirate ship. It had spawners for pirates, so it was PACKED, there are special guys that would make spider web appear at your feet so you cant escape, there are rooms full of dynamite, and there are real, fully functioning cannons, already loaded with bombs. There was a pirate captain which - fuck me - is an asshole. I wish i could say "was" but i had to seal the bastard off. Ass you attack him he disappears and clones reappear. Not only is it unclear if im doing damage, but eventually it became clear that there would be more and more until i died. The first encounter was me just bashing him, until finally he got a clone. So i emptied a loot chest, booked it out of there and launched myself off the deck into the water. I went back, fought, blocked them off, and looted more. The fucking loot, jesus. Blocks of gold, enchanted demonic helmet, elemental staffs, and a fucking GRAPPLING HOOK. I wished there would be one, but never expected it, and best of all it doesn't take damage, so it can be used infinitely. I even got 15 or 16 diamonds, plus i can go back to take all the TNT. I love this fucking mod pack, and would definitely recommend it, especially if you wished minecraft was more exciting. You get the technic launcher, and when you run it you can select "Hexxit". Most fun I've ever had on minecraft, and this is considering all the mods I've played with as well.