@@Sugar Cuddles,
You hear the disembodied noise of somepony playing a piano, and the pony raises his hoof, ending the sound with a discordant note.
"Yes, I know that this would be the perfect time for an introductory song, but I am holding a firework gun."
He rests the gun against the wall and introduces himself with a bow.
"My name is Johnathan M. Rivet, but you may simply call me Rivet. I am a scientist, and..."
The piano starts up again, giving you a moment to facehoof before he starts singing.
♪I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, *pauses to think of rhyme*
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery –
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy – *pauses again to find a rhyme*
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!♪