Vampira Heart

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 some of you at least

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I know a lot of you are like

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No. I keep all my small problems to myself and it's probably why I go crazy all the time, cause I don't have a person to vent to who acually 

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so they think I'm weak 

   Those are all comparative phrases. You're trying too hard to pin things down into a corner, something to go by and rationalize. You are equal parts dismissing, yet confining & restricting. Pushing while pulling. You're forming your own delusions about things that only stress you out more the more you think about it. Trust me. I'm a schizophrenic tsundere. I'm quite familiar with the motions you are going through. But don't worry about it, all this does seem normal for our formative years. Some of us never stop forming.

  It would be cliche for me to just tell you to forget your worries, but it is still true. Just learn to accept yourself, your surroundings. That, yeah, you may feel terrible now, but your mood will eventually change again for the better. Same as your situation. Things may even be bleak. Say, you may be in a situation where somebody routinely backs you into a corner to harass & pick on you to where you... reach points where you can't see a way out of that situation. 

  Time will change. Everything does. You're not whining... okay, yes you are. We all do, frequently. Doesn't make it some bad thing we should never do. It's an affect of hurting. Allow yourself to hurt. It's only natural.

...

   You remember a certain movie a while back ago? ...with a certain song?

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I'm done being the perfect little girl everyone want me to be..

  "Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know. But now they know. Can't hold it back anymore"

   I literally cannot see through the tears when that song plays. Nearly crashed my car some three times when it used to come on the radio. You know why? Because the entire song is lies. One massive breakdown.

   You think she wants to self-banish herself away from the only remaining, loving member of her family to live on a cold mountaintop? Don't just well it all up inside, bottle it up until it blows up all over the place and makes things get far too out of hand to where you can no longer control it or see how positive things used to be. 

  Stop seeing yourself as what you lack. Start seeing what you do have. You don't need some horde of followers constantly believing in you in ways you cannot provide for yourself. Enjoy life.

  I would prescribe meditation, or maybe some dumb, silly cartoon you don't have to think about. Be silly. I know you can be quite good at that. You & Solar have always been like my teachers in being honest, genuine & friendly souls.

                                                                              ...Even if ya'll is like, half my age... I'm such a bloody mess...

I have just genuinely read through all of your messages and they all made me cry but not from sadness from joy, I was so blind to all of you, I had so many genuine friendships on here that I threw away for a selfish act I tried to commit, I was so blind when I wrote this status update and the replies, I should have been nicer and more grateful, I love you all truly and I am so sorry for what I have done to you all, you were all great friends to me and I hope we can reconnect again as I return now and I beg for your forgiveness, I’m so sorry I threw you all away like that. 

Truth is I have recently been diagnosed with high functioning depression and anxiety disorder, when I wrote this I was in the worst condition ever in my life and I tried to kill myself a while before but luckily I didn’t fall through with my plans and seeked help. I am on anti-depressives and in therapy, i am doing much better now, I’m a happy and healthier person than I was before but I am still healing myself from everything. I just thought you all should know 

but I truely do love you all, your all in my heart. Thank you for helping me through everything so far 

It's ok  *hugs* I'm just glad that you're back  ...and if you EVER need some-pony to talk to, I'll ALWAYS be on the MLP forums and I'm always up for a chat :3