Catpone Cerberus

How can you tell the difference between a Finnish introvert and a Finnish extrovert?
When he's talking to you a Finnish introvert looks at his feet.
A Finnish extrovert looks at yours.

How come the Arabs got oil and Finns got potatoes?
You can't make booze from oil

Finnish storm - a tragic memory.

The following is a real e-mail and photo I received from a Finnish mate in summer 2004. Who says Finns aren't funny?!:
"With all the news on TV lately about the extreme weather conditions affecting the East Coast of the US, the mud slides in the Middle East and South America, the flood that made its mark on Southern England, along with the dire predictions made by such films as The Day After Tomorrow, we shouldn't forget that Finland has its share of devastating weather too.
I've attached a photo illustrating the damage caused to my home from the storm that passed through South-Western Finland last week. It really makes you cherish what you have, and reminds us not to take things for granted."

Finnish weather explained
+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wears winter-coats and gloves.
The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.
+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.
+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start.
The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.
0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in the Vanda river (in Finland) gets a little thicker.
-5°C / 23°F
People in California freeze to death.
The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.
-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Finns start using long sleeves.
-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.
-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die.
The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.
-40°C / -40°F
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Finns stand in line at the "grilli-kioski".
-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.
-60°C / -76°F
The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.
-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don't survive.
Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.
-273°C / -459.4°F
All atom-based movent halts.
Finns say "Perkele, it's cold outside today."
-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over.
Finland announces a tax reduction.

You Know You've Been In Finland Too Long, When...
You meticulously manage your plastic bag collection.
You don't think twice about putting wet dishes in the cupboard.
Silence is fun.
Your native language has seriously deteriorated. Now you "eat medicine", "open the television", and "close the lights off".
After giving presentations, you stop asking "Are there any questions?"
You accept alcohol as a food group.
You no longer eat mashed potatoes - you eat smashed potatoes.
You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.
You know that "one" beer means "let's get pissed."
You've become lactose intolerant.

Q: What is the difference between an empty stomach and a Finnish person who wants to ask something from a stranger?

A: You can actually hear the empty stomach.

Q: How many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Once a Finn has noticed that a light bulb is made of glass and has the shape of a bottle, he'll try to open it.

Q: No, seriously, how many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five. One to hold the bulb and four to drink enough vodka for the room to start spinning.

Recipe for Finnish summer punch: 

1. Pour a bottle of vodka in a bowl
2. Quickly dip a strawberry in it. 

:3