Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

Widdershins

User
 View Profile  See their content

  • Posts

    1,302

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by Widdershins

  1. Widdershins

    MLP Gameloft Headcannons~

    By Widdershins,


    personal headcannons
    I do love those little town-building games, especially when they're lower key on the whole forcing you to use special, rare currencies to goad you into online purchases. My Little Pony does have one, and it helps me get creative, thinking of it like a special Alternate Universe timeline to Equestria, one where I meddle, hehe!
    Twilight, having both demanded my presence and sat me down at a desk in her library, sternly addressing me:
     "...So. Because you, as you claim, 'got here late' you decided to use a Time Reversal spell and reset Equestria back before everything happened with me & my friends, decimating Ponyville and enshrouding the land in darkness under irremovable, overcast clouds."
    My fuzzy, noodle head wobbling in place, both eyes pointed at different walls.
    Ayup! Dat sounds about raght!
    Twilight, holding a hoof to her forehead. "...and you see nothing, whatsoever immorally wrong with this situation?"
    Huh-Nyope!
    ... "Well, You WILL be helping out with the rebuilding then."
     
     
     So! As added incentive, and to play on the part that she's now stuck back in her Nightmare Moon form, I have brought Luna in to playact the part of the villain as we doggidly reclaim our home!
    Luna, awkwardly: "Oh, do not worry subjects. I am fully in control of mine own facilities this time around, and I doth swear that this do be most cathartic for mine self. ...U-uhm. I mean. I hath brought-eth the calamity on you all ponies all! What with the bringing of the darkness and such of eternal...a-and such! Ha-HAH-ha."
    Your efforts to... um, enter dark patches of the land? By piling gems in specific areas? U-um... SHALL BE IN VAIN! HA-HA.
     ...I... I don't quite get how we undo the shadows." 
    We pay the clouds to go away.
    "That doesn't make much sen-"   Chaos Magic.   "Ah. Right. Carry on then."
     
     
    So~! Since we need massive amounts of funds to rebuild, and the societal structures and all buildings of our culture have been decimated for unknown reasons, I have been enlisted to come up with teambuilding exercises to work together and earn bits!
     Through enough training of these fun little minigames, Celestia here will grant you *Maagical Wiiings!* to help clear out the magically dense clouds!
    Celestia, flatly: "It's a pretty basic spell, honestly. A parlor trick, frankly. But, uh, morale is important in these times."
    The amassed crowd of ponies, grumbling & unconvinced.
    And as added incentive, while you're up there, you can keep any of the special Bits i've made to float, inexplicably, up there! These babies are solid gold! Turns around and hoists up to show a two-foot wide, golden coin.
     Crowd of ponies breathes with excitement, now convinced to help.
     
     
    Canterlot too, has been decimated & enshrouded under dense clouds and a darkness too dark to even walk through. (though honestly, apart from not being able to walk in shadowy sections, that's the full extent of the magic clouds) With Canterlot decimated and the Changelings' cultural advancement of form "reset" Chrysalis launches a new assault on Canterlot by having changeling spys infiltrate as copies of citizens... often multiples of the same pony. In an effort to combat this & rebuild society, a new city planner has arisen to form a plan. An heir to a paving-stone & and roadmaker conglomerate, he has deigned that with tight boarders of shrubs, trees and other decorations, ponies will have to walk single-file, in orderly, easily monitored paths. Granted somewhat control over security to catch any suspicious acting citizens, Canterlot lies mainly under the neurotic, obsessive, orderly tyranny of this wormy, pale stallion by the name of Psy K. Path.
    "Stay! On! The PAAATH!!"
    "You just... hurdled over my hedges. That is... why would you... DOCKED WAAAGES!"
     
    "I saw that! You clipped my perfectly manicured cobblestone PATH with your fat, clumsy hoof! You know how many workers I pay to make those?! GUARDS! BEHEAD THEM! NOW!!" 
    "Sir, we don't do that."  "Well then, Whack them with something to see if they're a changeling spy! What do I pay you for?!!?"
     
     "Where are the wageslaves I contractually hired for my sedan chair?! What, No!! I will not allow *wheels* on my precious slate pavingstone roads! That's Changeling propaganda! You want the changelings to WIN do you?!!?"
     
     
    I do love the idea that numerous other characters are brought in, seemingly before they ever had their own role in the show or movies. Like Thumbsuck Dimmer! I mean, Sunset Shimmer! Where she never defected and absconded off to the human world, but got stuck in a dead-end pizza joint job and still kept an air of superiority and being naturally too good at the chores needed to rebuild society. She got too bored with the games ponies played to gain coins and put all her energy into being the best Pizza Joint manager there is.
    "Look, Kid. Ize can tell ya destined fa' dis job."
    Sunset: "But... My cutie mark is a solar eclipse. I'm clearly supposed to be a member of royalty, surpassing even Cel-"
    "Yeh, but youse yellow n' red. Ya a pizza mare. Ya want ya paycheck or what?"    "Sigh... yes. .... twelve years of Magic theory & training..."
     
     "HAHA! You may have joined first and founded the way as employee worksmareship in this Pizzaria, Twilight Velvet! But I, through vigorous training, have surpassed you in all ways! The reign of pizza delivery to the members of Canterlot shall be ruled solely under my hoof! MWAHAHA!"
    "Oh, sure thing, honey. You let me know how I can help~"
    "...S-sorry. I, um, need to boost my confidence where I can."
    "Oh, i know dear."
     
    Pony Joe has gained more prominence now as a proprietor of a cafe to provide food & earn bits to pay off the clouds... and changeling attacks. His running gag is that he's just a simple workingstallion, and his personality & energy starts and ends at working a nice service job. Yet somehow, Pinkie Pie and most ponies insist that he's a high class Spy of espionage, adventure or any other form of kickflank Action Hero no matter how unwarranted the reputation of Do-Not Joe, the mysterious, hulking, hero behind the unassuming alter ego of a guy who just sells coffee & bagels.
    "Ah'm flattered. Really. Eat yer scone, boy. Pay me in tips if ya that impressed."
  2. Widdershins
    Howdy Kiddos! We're starting a new topic around here! Because If I keep these rants in, they'll become a hernia.
    So. Incoming Rant here.
     Do help me understand.
     For those of you who don't know, Hearthstone is a virtual cardgame! See, while back they thought "Well, maybe just having the one function of having a card match and just playing cards that do an effect and then get done wit' isn't really that much to do." Y'know, just pressing a button then lights & sounds going off for a few seconds. Pretty bare minimum effort put in, eh?
    … Why yes, I am seething with rage right now. But I am an intelligent, so I make wit' the narrative 'ere.
    So Blizzard company done thought they'd make these "Adventures." A sort of series of card matches with a goal to accomplish like "There's some Baddie over in this swamp that hasn't existed in anywhere else before, but they're totally evil." Or just, y'know, a series of bosses to fight. And then, after about an hour or two you get one third of a reward. Sacks of some currency that, if you pile up after weeks you can use to make something else that's non-existent and offers nothing more than another button to press for sounds & lights to go off during.
     But see, there's this bigger plan they got goin' now wit' tha "New Story." They done figure, we need characters ta follow, so we'll create some sos we got faces for this here game specifically. They need a gimmick, of course to separate them from what's preexisting so they're between the preexisting classifications. They are, as follows:
     Team E.VI.L
    Yes, I don't think they ever express what the acronym is for. Acronyms are cool. If you have to use more than two brain cells to recognize a fact, it stops being marketable Totally Rad.
     Sqampqueen Hagatha: She is an orc. From a place that doesn't have orcs. She's magical! She uses Swamp Magic! Which is just green and does whatever new card she's on does. She evil because she like making others do things they otherwise wouldn't do. Despite the fact that this entire game centers around having effects that destroy other stuff.
    Fortuneteller Lazul: She a troll. She tells fortunes despite never actually been shown doing that ever. Well, I tell a lie, she introduced a block of stuff way back when... which had tentacles and these things called "Old Gods" so... we're going with that's why she's on the side of Evil. She does have an adorable pet snake, so point there.
    Kobold King Togwaggle: He was the fat greedy ratman king that was the head honcho in a previous block... but he never really fought but he described things a lot. Loudly. The man likes his candles. A lot. So much so that now he has a Dragon-Candle that may very well be both at the same time. (My personal favorite.) He is evil, of course, because he takes things that don't belong to him.    ...despite that also being a thing done in every match you do as a natural cause of gameplay. 
    Then, of course, the "Leader" of this team, Supreme Archaeologist Rafaam!:
    No. He doesn't do anything with archaeology. Unless you count following those who do and take their archaeology stuff. But that's why he's different from Togwaggle's greedy thievery. He likes to CALL things evil! That makes him the best at it! He makes these plans, which must be good at being evil because he described them as such and doesn't that so make you relate to him enough to both want to stop him but also help him enough so that you get loot too? Rafaam gathered everyone because he had this mysterious plan that started with the conquest of the magical city of Dalaran! That plan was as follows: Step 1. Go to Dalaran! Step 2. Pick fights! Fighting is evil! Supposedly!  Step 3. … ….Have Dalaran, I guess.
      They did nothing with Dalaran. Nothing specific from Dalaran was used, brought up or mentioned. Because... well, shiny stuff was there. Rafaam is a Ethereal for reasons, and he's shiny. So it must be an adventure if there's just a shiny dude taking people of unindentified qualities to a shiny place where you can then use shiny things.
     Oh, then there's the side of good, of course! The Explorer's League!
     See, to oppose the league of evil, we need good guys! Who ALSO take stuff without asking first! Oh, there's just so many, constant, repeated jokes about overdue library books, things they've stolen from others for the purpose of putting up in their own building to talk about how it supposedly has historical significance despite the fact they only show up as even more showy, loud card effects and so many traps, holes to fall into, countless other beings slain because adventure & being heroic means constantly getting into fights! Despite how we just described EVIL as being the side that picks fights! But, I mean, gotta be heroic to pick fights and win, right? This game would be boring if we didn't constantly berate the audience with yet more fights!
    The founder is Brann Bronzebeard!: Despite the fact he never says that at any point so you would never know that unless you knew the supplementary context. He's a dwarven hunter! That means he goes into the wild! He likes dinosaurs! So he talks about them when they show up! … That's it! ...Oh, and his brother led a major city of his race and got turned into solid diamond against his will, but let's make a joke about that because I'm sure he has no emotional baggage about the death of his estranged relative and last tie to any family at all! But see, that's why He's here. He must be Good & Brave because he goes places and sees things and fights fights we never see him actually fight.
    Then there's the brains of the operation, Elise Starseeker: You can tell she's a smart elf because she wears glasses, a vest and doesn't immediately fire off every mystical object she finds until numerous people are killed! She A Smart because everything she's involved in means she can just immediately summon up the best option to any situation instead of using what's around her and knowing more detail about what she IS doing. Because deeper thought would require staying in place for long enough to NOT get into a fight! No, much better to have the one woman on the team be constantly being sassy about how the MEN are all impulsive while just whipping up fresh nonsense that doesn't follow any logical sense! Elise's machete summons treants! Because she's an Elf and ALL elves are just so much a nature freak they can cause trees to get up and punch things! Elise can just pull spells she doesn't know or entire creatures out of her satchel because that's totally something that can be done in this world since predescribed because that makes the fight more showy! CAN'T LET THE AUDIENCE STOP LONG ENOUGH TO BREATHE!
     IF THEY BREATHE, THAT'S TIME THEY COULD BE USING TO THROW CASH AT YOU!!!
     *Cough* Excuse me.
     This brings us to Sir Finely: He is a very polite gentleman, he prefers non-combat solutions, tea, the furtherment of his kind and the causes of others. He doesn't get much screen time. He helps fight, says posh things. Oh, and he's a fishy, toadlike creature when most of his race don't talk as eloquently as he does. Because we needed one character to just constantly make fish/frog puns at because LOOK at the funny frogman! THAT doesn't usually happen! Let's all draw attention to the character's species and only involve him in things related to the puns we can make about him! LAUGH! THAT'S ENDEARING, ISN'T IT? PAY ATTENTION TO THE WEIRDO WHO DOESN'T HAPPEN OFTEN! PAY US!!!
     Then there's Reno: Think his last name is Nevada. Or I dunno, could be wrong, it's been a while since he went by anything other than "The Amazing." He's a human, of course, because we needed a big-chined, muscley handsome dude to be the stereotypical Hero. So we could make jokes about that, right?  So we've made him a massive Man-Child that just steals magic things then shoots them off without any training or aforethought. So any fight he's in, anything he has to depend on, its just randomly firing off card effects he doesn't even have at his disposal. Just Automatic Fire from a Magic Gun. Because just GIVING powers to a character is really all you need to make a spectacle worth your audience spending money on. More so than anything else in this game, Reno has to be told to NOT do things. Don't portal on ahead, don't wander off and poke sticks at big things with teeth, don't gape, open mouthed at a giant machine swooping down on you to abduct you. Reno has the mind of a child despite being the biggest and strongest! He just wins by throwing out whatever he has access to without any strategy at all!
     Gad, I hate him! And because of that, I love him! I hate loving him and I love hating him! I'm too confused to sort myself out on this matter!
    Because that's what Hearthstone has come down to! And, I fear, what all games have come down to! Not story, but just constant rewards! Use a buncha cards to get more cards that have an effect of allowing you to use more cards in the game! There's no strategy to this blasted cardgame, just HAVE more cards than your opponent. Use cards to put things on the field, destroy your opponents' stuff, then they take their turn to destroy your stuff and put down some stuff for you to destroy. Then repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat!!
    And That's what I need help understanding! That's the "Story" they're going for for years now. People show up to DO stuff. They have fights where THINGS HAPPEN. Things blow up. We do it all over again. It's just fighting. Just more turns tossing stuff out without attention to why, how or when... just more noise, more sound effects, more rewards that only have enough purpose to earn more pointless points of data. There's no STORY anymore! I don't know why I play when all I get is regret how nothing was advanced & frustration over trying to accomplish yet more prattling, noisy fights!
     ...wish I could go back to reading books. Where the next thing to happen has some connection with what just happened.
  3. Widdershins
    For some reason, I feel as if sentiment towards Water is notably lax around these forums. I just seem to be consistently reminded of it for some reason.
     I surely don't know why. *Eye Flutter*
     Now, now, I agree. Drinking some cool, refreshing water is quite enjoyable. It is the Lifeblood of the Planet Earth.
    *Blatant pause & clearly distinguishable cluck of the tongue.*
     It's very important to Humans.
     But that's sort of the... Thing.
     You know the old adage: That which giveth, Can taketh away.
     
      Now, I acquiesce. I am sufficiently biased here. I once had to watch a small puppy drown because there's not much CPR you can do on a young pup barely six inches long. Bit of a... bad time, I'm sure one can agree. ...but I do not disparage others of their own enjoyment of the Watery Arts.
     I used to enjoy swimming an awful lot as a youngspawn. It's relaxing, ain't it? Somewhat of a practice in Sensory Deprivation, eh? Floating weightless, eyes & ears closed, away from anything the body can touch. As if the world didn't exist. But... but I do seem to recall Sensory Deprivation driving some test subjects insane. Me? Floating like that gave me this odd sense of a shark somehow appearing in the pool from nowhere to gobble me up whilst my guard was down. Found it a bit hard to stay relaxed,but I am rather high-strung.
     Clearly.
     Anyhow.
     I wish not to depress my audience with tales of drowning.   .... No, how I DID want to depress you was with what, specifically HAPPENS when you DO drown!
     See, do stretch your imagination with me here. A Hypothetical of sorts. 
      See, The human body is basically one big bag of Squish. If you have access to a human body right now, turn one on its side. Many of its internal organs will just flop over to fit gravity. Sometimes you can even hear it fall over or even feel it tumble inside, if you focus on it. On this, a planet dominated by Water, the dominant lifeform had to basically evolve to contain as much goopy water as physically possible. Humans are squishy FleshSacks.
     Weird, INNIT?!!?
     But that's the thing, though. The human organism needs more than just water to survive. Otherwise, it'd be a pretty jellyfish! It needs to take in the labors of the Earth, but more importantly for our example here, a respiratory system to take in Air. To help with such, the Human Body has specially designed orifices to obtain said element of Air. If a creature dependent so on Air finds itself engulfed in Water (Which, of course so dominates the planet Earth to an extent where it pools together in piles so deep that no living culture on the planet has ever explored deep enough to see the entirety of its encompassing mass.) it naturally closes off the passageways that don't require that much Water getting in. However...
     That time is limited.
     Eventually... the mouth has to open. Because if even it doesn't... the water pressure will force it open.
     So, at some point, Water will invade the organism's body. Force itself down orifices it doesn't belong. Because that much water would severely damage the human specimen. And clearly, an imbalance of too much of one element will prove detrimental to the creature.
    ...
     But literally choking a creature to death isn't enough. Water seeps in through the skin, through every tissue it can. Given enough time, Water will find its way into anything it can, even rock or steel. Water is, after all, known for its Malleability. Even partially submerged for, say, baths, a human body will start absorbing water into itself. The skin will puff up with the excess of Water. And, given long enough time if a body were to die within water, it will continue absorbing water until it becomes weakened, structurally, dissolving into fragments, then into the Water itself.
     Because that, truly, is the Nature of Water. It subsumes, consumes, dominates, overcomes. Water will never stop until everything else becomes Water as well.
     Now, am I saying Water is deadly be dint only of its malleability? Air is also just as versatile. Air surrounds & penetrates all. But if you leave something dead outside in the Air... the Earth will reclaim it from Rot first. Air goes with Life. Water engulfs.Water continues its presence until it is dealt with. Water shifts form to fit its surrondings, dampens things to await its release... finds a way. No living thing is capable of fully converting or eliminating Water, so far as I know.
    ...Almost sounds like some sort of parasitic alien force, doesn't it?
    Earth doesn't continue to pile ontop of you, of its own accord, until you become it. Air & Fire have their limits where they do not go... but Water...?
    Water... TAKES.
     
     
     I'll take a non-Dihydrogen Monoxide based universe anyday.

  4. Widdershins

    Infinity Acres

    By Widdershins,

    The wink of a television screen turns on from blackness as an awkward, warped, barely distinguishable jingle plays. The scene starts by a old wooden, rustic country post fence and pans over to Widdershins as a rather bulky, tall woman in obviously cloying suspenders. Leaning on a post and acting as blatantly country as possible, Widdershins is 'mostly' human with long grey hair around a madly grinning, chubby face with bright yellow eyes, two mismatched mittens hiding what clearly aren't hands and an immense, limp fish tail flopped dead behind her. Brightly meeting the camera, picked wheatgrass at ready between teeth, she addresses the audience:
      Oh, Didn't see y'all there! Yes, I did.
        Welcome to Infinity Acres! (A subsidiary of Crossbreed Laboratories.[Parenthesis legally obligated]) Here we produce the finest, high quality sausage, potted meats & "samples" from only the finest, high quality...   ...
     Widdershins suddenly blanks deadpan. Walking partially off screen, she hollers to someone else clearly out of earshot in a voice unhindered.         
    OY! Stu! What do we call these freaks?
     ...No! They ain't plants, ya goon! Half of them hardly count as alive!
      ... You know that'un don't count! We barely even know what that thing is in Pasture Twelve & it SURE ain't no Larry!!!
      Eh. Whatever.
     Returning to her intentional slouch on the post as before, she continues with a noncommittal shrug.
     We're who you come to for your "Whatevers." Keep us in mind if you ever need-
     Suddenly the camera is desperately grabbed and yanked to the panicked face of a young, attractive girl with cat ears and tail. A small, cheap bridle of sorts is fashioned loosely around her face and some sort of poor attempt at fashioning blinders to the sides of her head like a horse has been made.
     "Please! Send help! I was only wandering through and they grabbed me and shoved me into a pen like some animal! Help!"
     A large, deep violet mitten drops onto her shoulder, gently but firmly bringing her back, struggling to Widdershins's heel. The big "hand" quickly changes place to drop onto her brown, tousled, short hair between the two out of place cat ears growing out of her head. Instantly, the catgirl relaxes to an expression of joy against Widdershins's wide thigh.
    Eeeeasy girl, Easy.
     "Ooh! Good scritchies!"
     Widdershins returns to the camera without pause, absently petting the contented catgirl at her side.
    Here at Infinity Acres we have Crossbreed Labs approved Ethics concerning our live-... stock? ...Which supplies us a far wider range in healthy specimens to supply to our customers! 
     "Thumbing" over her shoulder, she directs the camera over to the creature roaming the field behind her. Though all that can be seen is a massive, towering wall of green hide & muscle so immense that even from a distance, not much more than the behemoth's ankle or beginning of what could be a toe can be seen. The camera shows a slight tremor as what could possibly be another foot, several miles away slowly coming down.
     Rest assured your neverminds, that every... thingie... here on Infinity Acres has Use! 
         ...besides, the catgirls are the only thing numerous & expendable enough to send at Acre Twelve!
     The catgirl whimpers. Scritching becomes faster to compensate. 
      Come to Infinity Acres! "Where we don't know where we end & the next place begins!"
    ...
        ...And come in early Autumn for our new Breeding Programs!
       The catgirl at her side immediately tenses up as the camera cuts out one final time.
     
        Join us next time! (Likely never!) For! 
               It Came From Acre Twelve!!!
  5. Widdershins
    Warning! Excessive Fanboying & Very Specific Detailing
      Because I know getting way too into specifics about something can come across a fair bit weird, but it's something important to me that I want to get off my chest.  ...or squeezed tightly onto it, as the case may be here!
     
     See, I've posted the Rainbow Dash (Wainboo Daish~) plushie I ordered online in my status updates a long while ago. More recently I went to the "Pokémon Center" and got Evanescence, my Glaceon plushie. The two could not be any more different, yet still the same! And that set me to thinking in the myriad moments I spend, late at night, buried in my plushies...
     While I will acquiesce that, of the Eeveeloutions, Flareon has the best tail & Jolteon may have the best ears... I do have a soft spot for the Ice types. What Evanescence has though, is good craftsmanship. Both of my gi-... both of t-today's examples are. While her tail hasn't any stuffing to it, it is wide, diamond-shaped and pendulously hangs a good foot below when walking around, clutching the plush to your chest. And those ears! I suppose one could say a Glaceon technically has two sets, as one seems to be a set of pigtails/feelers overlaying the also diamond-shaped ears just as long as the tail. 
     ...hmm...and those ears... I'm sure I hadn't thought of it at the time when I designed my draconequusona, Widdershins, but a good, floppy set of ears are just heavenly! Tail & ears are each about wide enough to cover the lower half & mouth and enough to snuggle into, but when you meet the oversized, sleepy time Glay-Glay *cough* Glaceon, chubby face to chubby face, you can wrap both sides of ears around your neck to fully immerse yourself in the plush! 
     And plush, she is! I cannot comprehend how something can be crafted like this! Nearest I can say, is it's like those "memory foam" mattresses. Somehow. You can bury your face right into her head-wide belly ( and I do have a remarkably large head, at that) ,have nearly an inch of Fluff on all sides of your face... and still be fully able to breathe! 
     That brings us to our first Level of Fluffiness! The most well known & imagined form of Fluff: #1. Dense Fluff!
     Dense is what you usually find, should you go in search of Fluff as I oft find myself. What's mostly air, or seems to be. Think of Pinkie Pie or Flufflepuff or any variation of silly, cute fanart you see where they play it up like it's ensnaring or engulfing passing civilians! Just as well, you can call "Fluffy" as a body type! The crucial points being: way more give & room to sink into than you would think physically possible, but still room to breathe while you're in there. 
     I do admit. That certainly is something I find attractive... in all meanings of the word. But that's just one type, one ideal. And that's not quite fair, is it?
    Wainboo*cough*... Rainbow is also just as well made. Tiny little ears for nomming & chewing on, that hand's breadth muff of a tail, half-stuffed/Half-trailing mane to snuggle into... those bumpy, stuffed wings to hold you with...
     ... /blush...   be right back...
     ... Yes. I have be snuggling through most of what I've been typing here... Anyway!
     The small miracle to RD here is that she is just packed! Usually "ripped" means something bad for a cloth figure! Like the arm of most new armchairs, there is hardly any give at all in her; almost as if I was feeling actual muscle in there! Which... is kind of creepy if you think too much about it. How they even, I cannot comprehend any better! As if they had machine poured it into he! I dread the slightest wear on her, because one tiny hole would spring a Fluff leak, but that only makes me protective & love her more!
     That's the best part of this Level of Fluff: #2. Packed Fluff! The reverb. Late at night, engulfed in my roiling emotions... I can feel my own heartbeat & the warmth I can't feel on my own hit her, and return magnified, reminding me I'm alive, of what it would be like to have another there... 
     ...*ahem* So rest assured! There might be some who feel they may not have much to offer. That they couldn't put on weight or muscle mass if they tried. Doesn't mean you aren't still fluffy! Sometimes finding the right place to cuddle on somebeing makes it feel that much better! 
     One wouldn't rightfully call a mare like RD "Fluffy." But cuddling into muscle, feather, or just the soft, sensitive parts like the tummy that everybeing has (... more on that in a later blog, perhaps... have theories there too...) is every bit as Fluffy as the Fluffy Fluff that everyone else fluffs about!
     What the defining characteristics of Packed Fluff is, is that for one: it will suffocate you! There's a reason almost all pillows tend to be down or breathable. It's not Packed if you can still breathe!... though... most would say that dying to Fluffy wouldn't be all that bad of a way to go...
     So too, Packed is more naturally occurring. As opposed to what this current generation considers as "thickness" ... but that's a rant for another time...
       There is, however, a third, final form of Fluff. Namely: Dis Face o' Mine. What is typically meeting the previous two examples. Or rather: #3. Poof! 
     Poof can be, and typically is, entirely metaphorical & emotional. Rarer than the other Levels, Poof is something than can arise from the prior examples. Poof is mistreated Fluff, either from outside or internal forces. Poof doesn't like to be touched or petted... even if it desperately wants to & does anyway. Poof is pout.
     Poof physically looks more wiry, pointing every way it can. Like the tails of foxes or squirrels. There's no only partway Poof, it's always as spherical as possible! Poof knows it's Poofy, hates being Poofy and only succeeds in making itself more Poof.
     Poof happens when you're trying to be something you're not; in trying to not be so light, reactive & blown about by every slight gust. You fretter yourself & become more airy, less intact... which only makes you more Poof. Viscous Poofing.
     I'm sure we all know characters like that. Personally, I'm thinking Jigglypuff. Not the Pokémon species as a whole, that specific one. The one that only wants to sing... but sends any audience into unconsciousness by trying.
     
      ...and that's why I bring all this up. Because of a small confession I have to make.  ...way down here where most of you have hopefully stopped reading! *cough!*.... I do love my plushies. They're there for me. They don't ask anything. Their's are faces I can meet and see something besides judging looks. They feel real to me when so very, very little else does.
     ... I have pure, unmitigated Flufflust! 
     It's like Bloodlust, but with fluffy stuff! 
    I just... it feels good to muzzle into something. Shove it as tightly into my chest as I can. To hold onto something that won't leave me, that I can't botch & make things weird and suddenly ruin things to where they tell to leave & feel bad...
     .... I wanna hug. And nothing living lets me hug.
  6. Widdershins

    Before Before

    By Widdershins,

    Madness, risk-taking and high emotions run through the Ohms family. Both of his parents were a busy & extremely passionate couple. Between his loud, boisterous, monster-tamer of a mother that was famous among the Rhyhorn Racing sporting scenes and the nonsensical ravings of his father going on about imaginary wars & being a proud, manly "Lightning American" despite that not an actual nation in the Pokemon world, there never was a quiet moment in the family.
       Glitch had been a trainer the age of ten, like most boys, and showed considerable promise. He had lucked into a present of a Deino from an estranged relative that his parents weren't impressed with. They preferred their own types of pokemon, but namely it was very hard to housetrain. About the only reason they hadn't gotten rid of the biting, ornery dragonling was because their kid had grown attached to it and was really the only one the little feral whelp listened to. A few years after that, Glitch somehow found & befriended a shiny Doduo on a family vacation. (Primarily through giving it treats to gain its trust.) Since he already had the Pokemon and the knack, there wasn't much hesitation to let him loose at ten to begin his Trainer Journey. As was the tradition in his world's culture.
       For a while, he ventured around Kanto & Johto picking up the rest of his team*(see Footnotes), but by the age of fifteen Glitch Ohms had grown tired of wandering & came back to live with his parents with only two badges and clearly no intention of finding his own place. By twenty, his parents had grown tired of their jobless son around (and wanting alone time for other "reasons") they decided to pack him off to help his Grand-Uncle Bill. Hopefully, they thought, he could get a good job in the vaguely "sciencey stuff" their even distant-er relative did and pick up a more respectable team of "Real Pokemon. Like, Electric ones."
       After close to two weeks of traveling and stumbling northwards, Glitch arrived to find Grand-Uncle Bill gone from his house. Eventually figuring out his computor-phone and calling him up (No one bothers to lock their houses in the Pokemon World, of course.) ,Bill told him he was at a conference trying to get funding for his latest invention and told him to watch his house and not mess with anything until he got back.
       This was a mistake. Glitch has his name for a reason.
       It is a rather odd & funny happenstance in many dimensions that given names can be somewhat cruelly descriptive. As a child, Glitch always had a high build-up of static electricity. This was seen as a far more notable & adorable trait than his talking to Pokemon. Indeed, Glitch could essentially talk to the super-powerful animals that inhabited his world. But his parents and anyone else had always seen this as typical of trainer aptitude and it really only worked with those who he had taken the time to train and be around for long periods of time. Any other strange Pokemon came out somewhat garbled and at the usual level most trainers used to understand and order their Pokemon. No, it was the small inclination to electricity, because of his dense, brown hair, that was seen as a brighter omen. Mostly because his father had seen this as a sign that he'd take over the family gym business. But, alas that trait had not led to not much more then a higher chance of getting a small, annoying shock when touching Glitch. This, though, meant that what limited technology he did get to was bound to not end well.
       After some several long hours in his distant relative's one-room house, eventually Glitch found himself staring at the huge device blanketing the north wall. Reasoning that he ought at least be familiar with his Uncle's work if he was to work for him & facing what could be days of empty house-sitting, Glitch began to prod the machinery.
     It was not long that smoke & sparks began to fly. As things like this are want to happen; the resultant explosion engulfed our trainer & the majority of the house. With one small, but important sensor deep inside the cavernous mechanical bowels forcing its matrix setting to "Clefairy.".....
     Once all the disaster had cleared out, all that remained was discarded clothes and a belt of Pokeballs. After some quiet, slow settling hours the Pokemon inside gradually became aware something was amiss & released themselves to figure out what had occurred. Namely... that they were human now.
       Knowing their trainer full well by now, they correctly guessed Glitch was the cause of this and set out to find him.     ...as a small ball of terrified fur cowering under the same desk he had contacted his uncle on just earlier that day.
       As a young Eevee.
     
       Sworn all to secrecy, (mostly because it was all too embarrassing to have to explain the situation again to anyone, much less to his Grand-Uncle.) the team set out again on their trainer journey on a quest to get back to "normal" while exploring the sudden upset in power dynamics: Six "trainers" with one "Pokemon" between them.**
     
       About a decade later of this chapter of life, they & he had become stable enough in physical form (Via gaining the favor of an all-powerful Mewtwo *Cough!makesiteasyCough!*) to pass as what they originally were. Glitch Ohms then showed up in Unova where, after collecting very many more Pokemon & friends, he finally settled down in Black City as a "Specialist Researcher." From nearly a lifetime of desperately attempting to operate his own physical boundaries & getting back in touch with his folks, civilization and his Grand-Uncle, he set out to find alternative ways to apply his personal experience with Bill's rather interstatial technology.
       During his travels, Glitch had learned that evolutionary stones served both as a dampener & stabilizer for not only his special situation but other matter given the right stimuli. Harnessing a latent, oft-ignored "magic" in the Pokemon World, (Like, "Psychic-type", Duh.) Glitch struck a deal with the mysterious shadow-government that led Back City. Their town was one fueled by an unashamed, powerful goal: Greed. They wanted more money, an endless economy, which meant a limitless hunger for jobs and a ceiling that you could never reach. Glitch answered their metaphorical question with a very literal solution. Buildings that were somehow taller on the inside. Skyscrapers you could climb your entire life on.
       What did it matter that it seemed some citizens seemed to just literally vanish? A city needs constant growth, more & more people. You can find everything you could want in Black City! Unless you're looking for a specific soul...
     
       Not long after that, another decade & era, Glitch had to leave the nation and start over new. For reasons some likely already know.
      Retiring his team in a rushed & dangerous time of his life, Glitch was tired, lonely & needy. Now Forty, he set up his now-retired parents in Kalos*** and resolved to start over as just a regular trainer. If a bit old for it now.
      Upon meeting the local, young professor, Glitch instantly fell in love with a little Fennekin. Seeing it as a new, fresh, clean slate on a tarnished life, He named him Spark. For a nice while, everything was great. Spark was doted on & spoiled & had an air of high-class superiority that only increased as he gained telepathy when he evolved into the much more humanoid Delphox. Glitch however, knew first hand what it was like to be a Pokemon & serve others. By now, on rare occasion, secrecy & the proper set-up of the required devices, he could turn into a Glaceon and this began to show more as he grew older. His hair grew paler & shaggier as often as Spark would hold the conversation in the many times they could be seen lounging & chatting around the open-air cafes in Lumiose City where they now lived. Wasn't an uncommon sight for the Delphox to be standing on the sidelines of his trainer's battles acting as pretty much a co-trainer & strategist, even if he wasn't even a part of the team. 
       They traveled the land, caught more members & Glitch finally scaled the local Elite Four, but this short, happy era was as brief as any before. At Spark's behest, it was suggested that Glitch keep journeying to the land of Alola ...without him. After all, he didn't need Spark around to do half the battle tactics and some distance would be healthy for both of them.
       Turns out, often the higher energy output of the more "magical" of Pokemon means they tend to live shorter lives and being nearly human through telepathy taxes that further. About a week after Glitch made land on the island chain, he received the bad news from his parents. 
       His hopeful Spark had died.
     
       Honoring the wishes of the best friend he ever had, Glitch Ohms decided that it was right to keep moving on with his life. Perhaps as someone new. So, with his own pale mane shaped somewhat like the pendulous pigtails of the Glaceon he could no longer muster enough energy to turn into anymore growing past his own shoulders, he took on a new nickname & identity.
      That is, the name of Widdershins.
     
       But this is not the end to our story; so rarely in life do stories end.
       Somewhere & When, in a place perhaps yet to be adventured in... there is Team Cannon.
     
    To Be Continued in: Before Before Continued: The Cannon of Cannon.
     
     
    Footnotes:
       * Each team throughout the chapters of his life has more than their fair share of characters. The three teams: Starting Johto Team, Kalos Team and the Alolan Team, are worthy enough for their own addendum and backstories. Perhaps, if enough interest is shown by whomever reads this, It may be another project for me to tack on after this story ends to its beginning.
       ** This is something I've kind of always seen as a sort of running comic-strip like story of its own. Loads more impactful events I can see happening. Like, for instance, accidentally "Gijinkaing" passing wild Pokemon friends or befriending my own version of a Mewtwo OC. But, that not only plays into the prior Footnote but is far, far more stories beyond this one that will be potentially always further down the road from this one.
       *** Rumor has it they're planning a new child!
  7. Widdershins

    Spark of Hope

    By Widdershins,

    Sigh, well... it's a topic that really I'm not too embarrassed to bring up, clearly. But it is one that comes up enough times that perhaps it'd help to have a blog link to head to for reference when it does come up. 
     
        See, how this story begins...
      I was, and still am, trying to find my place in the world at the time. I couldn't afford my own place so I was living at my sister's while working my first big job. At the time, my sister had to temporarily move out of state so I was left on my own to watch her place and... and well, that's not all. See, as I'm sure most of you can attest that working as a Bagger (Courtesy Clerk, if you want to get all snobby about it and you know that I do!) in the Service Industry field of jobs is quite taxing and stressful. Especially if your an introvert that already gets overwhelmed when you don't have to literally spend your entire day sprinting around and praying that your superiors will notice you enough to not keep cutting your hours down to Nil. That's sort of why I couldn't handle that too... didn't have enough voice in me to speak up and ask for more hours or find yet more stores to work at in the area... but... but even that aside...
      It's one thing to not have anyone to come home to cry about your long day. But technically, I did. The dog I was taking care of at the time. And part of that latter part, if you've caught on to a bit of what I have said before, should have a few of you knowingly wincing already.
     Blaze was a good dog. His bark was directly proportional to the thickness of the fence he was behind. Outside of that fence, however... the poor pup was afraid of garbage cans, of all things! At the time though... His father, a purebreed, had already taken a very long, wasting death that had kind of taken its toll on me. Never mind the close to twenty dogs I had lost before that point. In turn, it was also quite obvious that his mother was in poor shape as well to her long age causing her health to fade, but being a mutt, she was hanging in there on last l- *wince* ...okay... very poor choice of words there...
      Father dead, Mother dying, and only the two boys left didn't bode well. His brother's legs had mysteriously gone out for reasons we're still not sure of. My sister, in her wisdom, had decided that in the time she was gone, she'd take the two sicker dogs with her to leave me the healthier one and, hopefully, less for me to be responsible for.
    ...that was... uh... not to be true. Let's say.
     I blame myself, really. A phrase I'm sure you've all seen coming. Perhaps he had his brittle purebreed father's genes; maybe I was the cause of it. I think I might have lost my temper once and pushed the poor pit bull pup wrong.    ...Blaze somehow got himself a Bone Tumor in his back, right leg. A problem that blew up rather quickly. L-like... literally. His leg literally blew up underneath him. At one point he was literally chewing off his own toes and flesh... I could see... an... an actual hole rotting into the side of his leg...
    Sigh... 
      ...So here I am. In a job I can't keep up with, one that's causing me to bust into weeping fits late at night in the parking lot when there's no human around to witness my weakness...
     and a teen puppy at home that getting slowly eaten away by something I don't understand... where I had frequently just bought armloads of gauze and tape in a desperate attempt to keep him from chewing off his bloody stump of a leg, only to seal it so tight that it couldn't breathe and have i-it moldering out from under him as he's still alive...  and all the while my p-puppy just looking up at me with his big eyes like he's already far past being aware of what's happening to him... and accepting it more then I am...
      ...Blaze knew he was dying... I... I could see that in his expression.
    ....
      I'm sorry... PTSD getting to me again...
     
       My, uh, point being... I wasn't in a very healthy place, emotionally at the time. A rather dark place.
     I've... never been really one to speak up. Even if I had somebody to confide in... I probably wouldn't of. Up to that point, something like Hope was merely a concept to me. ...but I wanted to learn it. Desperately.   
     So... what I told myself, Is that I needed a goal, something to aim for. A new Pokemon game was coming out at the time. Really wanting some form of escape, I had thought it a good idea, albeit not all that confident in the idea. I honestly didn't care what new land we were going to or what sparkly-doodad-gimmick-sellpoint they had. But... one of the pokemon they started you off with was a pretty cute little fox. Foxes are cute. I'd like to play with a cute little fox pup. I wasn't going to get invested in that because, surely, it was just some fictional character and spot of data. Not something else I had to be responsible for, more stress to shoulder, j-just something cute n' pretty to come home t-to. S-something th-that wouldn't die on me. P-please... not again...
      That... that little fox was something I could live for. That Fennekin was something at the perfect level. It's just a game after all that had no bearing after all, something I could put down at any time, maybe even have the whole contraption break on me like it had done before and be able to walk away just appreciative of the experience. And above that, It would be what I spent my very first paycheck on.  It was my decision. My feelings. Something concrete, yet unimportant enough to walk away from. The game itself & its console, not the Fennekin itself, served as a symbol that I could accomplish things on my own, no matter how things went. That I didn't need my monster of a Mother breathing down my neck at every turn. That I can always find something else to strive & live for even if I fail at some other points in my life... even if some things went sour, there was still room to travel on and continue with my life.
       So that was my plan. A simple task to accomplish. Just buy a video game & gameboy with my very first check. I... I did what I could with Blaze... my life as a whole. And this, this served as a direct, physical proof of what I can accomplish. A sort of landmark for a stage of my life. And that's what I did. Bought the game, and went out of my way to start the game off with a male Fennekin.
      (Yeah. If you know Pokemon any, you'll know that even before the game actually came out it was made clear the little fox kinda became rather "girly" as it evolved, aged and progressed through the game. Internet Ensues. I wanted to counter that a little bit with a male Fennekin, if but make it a little bit silly at the same time. Besides, I already kind of knew that I'd get just a teensy, smidgen bit dependent on it and I didn't want to give those feelings too much room to go down a rather weird... "sonic fandom-y" route, if you get me.    ...Fat lotta good that did me. Lol.)
     I named my Fennekin Spark.  Because... that's what he was. The last remaining spark of hope that I still had in me. That while I couldn't see any light anywhere's else in my life & world... I had this game to prove that I could accomplish things. That I could still feel happy looking at something cute. That... that I could even still feel happiness or appreciation.  
     It was a world that I had a control over how I connected to it. A sort of self-reassuring glint of madness I'm sure is becoming clearer the more times I bring it up here. I could pet that little fox and make it happy and on the flip side of that coin, I could shut it off and walk away comfortable in knowing that I did what I could. That it wasn't something I needed to focus so hard on that it would be such a devastating loss as so often seemed to be the case with the things that did stress me.
     It's just a game after all. But it's my game. It didn't matter, but it mattered to me. 
     
       My journey with Spark was as uneventful as it tended to be in these games I had played for most of my life. I never really did get all that invested with the pokemon they started you off with. Sure, I named them, gave them little personalities when I felt lonely, but they were still just data and tools to use during the game. Until that one eventful day.
     
       We were travelling through some ice cavern at the time. Yadda, yadda, pretty deep in there we were. There was some other trainer; a hiker or fighting type specialist or something, I dunno. Got in a fight with some dude's Scrafty. 
     Scrafty, for those of you uninitiated with the Pokemon Franchise, has this combat ability called Moxie. If it knocks out one pokemon in a battle, it gains a boost to its stats that only makes it stronger for any immediately following battles.
     For many of the preceding factors, I truly did not care and was just proverbially farting around in those Ice caverns. There was very little stakes if I screwed up. Worst come to worst, I'd lose the battle, get knocked out of the level to heal up, and have to spend another, what, fifteen minutes to a half hour going through the cave again to get back tot he same area. Besides, I was kind of overleveled for the area anyhow. I wasn't really bothering to keep my team healed up or watching what I was doing.
      So, by the time I got to that Scrafty, I slipped up a bit. I had six party members ready for battle. Perhaps my first were low on health, or at a disadvantage. The first of my team went down pretty fast. Moxie activates, Scrafty gets a boost. I do not care in the least. Second and third pokemons in my team go down and by this point, while my pokemon are getting progressively higher in level, Scrafty is now at a point where just any move they do knocks out a quarter health. Things are snowballing out of control, but hey, Spark has a ten level headway and a resistance to this guys moves anyhow.
      Scrafty, however, is also partly immune to half of Spark's attacks. And by the time Spark is sent out with his smug little Delphox smirk on his spoiled little face, Scrafty is so far boosted that whatever attack they could pull off is going to ram for half health anyway. 
     I sit there and notice: "Huh. I only have two options to do here."  I tell Spark to spit out a piddly bit of fire and Scrafty goes down to two-thirds health. And, The Hammer Drops. Half of Spark is gone in one blow. "Great." I say to myself. "I've once more dug myself into a hole. Now I just need to wait for the pain to be over. Again."
    Next turn: Spark spits out another trifling bit of Mystical Fire that brings Scrafty down to Half health, and I prepare myself for the inevitable. Once more, the Hammer Drops and the bar jolts violently to the left as I await for the screen to black out, signifying me once more shooting myself in the foot and my cherished gamelong companion to go down with his long, wailing hoot of a cry that foxes have.
     "Spark holds on to his last bit of health because he doesn't want his trainer to cry."
      "Well... that's fine, Spark. That's admirable, but it won't help us here. You're at one health, my last option, and we're looking down the barrel of a gun here. Do what you want, it's not going to help us here."
      Next turn: I am still resigned to my fate. I flick the same button again without bothering to look anymore. Once more, Spark does his fire thing to knock Scrafty to quarter health. And I wait for the Hammer to once again Drop, killing me for far more damage than is really needed at the one point of health Spark had somehow chosen to hold on to.
     "Spark holds on to his last bit of health because he doesn't want his trainer to cry."
    .... I am immediately in tears.
      Now... Now here I stand. Having somehow lasted three turns of annihilation against the be-mohawked, saggy-pantsed lizard that's been sneering down after its plowed through the team I'd spent so much time into, just one failure after another. And now, only by virtue of having the turn priority because I had the level headway on him, I am given free reign to deal out my last, measured blow and finally end this.    
      I... I had given up. In so very many ways. And this... this piece of data, this representation of merely finding things cute and earning my own way through life....  by some roll of the dice... and some cutely chosen choice of words from the programmers....  has stuck in there..... because i-... it didn't want me to b-be s-sad...
     I....
         I-i'm... quivering so b-bad right now as I type this, even now. In a way that I feel somehow has nothing to do with the temperature.
     
        I understand the situation a bit more now. Turns out, from taking the time to pet your pokemon in another little minigame in that video game you get small little bonus battle effects like that. Small little, unimportant messages and helpful things like that that only make you a small percentage better at the game. Little did I know at the time that I was doing that. I just wanted to spend time with Spark, because he was cute & I was scared & lonely. I didn't want him to be strong. I just wanted a friend. I just wanted to see something be happy that we were together.
     And that's the thing too. Whatever effect or code of programming that is... i have never gotten that to happen twice in a row like that ever again. By some... minuscule number game of programming in what goes on in the ingame battles, the appearently random choice of words they put in to serve that small role, what I chose to find cute, endearing and a source of light-hearted comfort in a time where I could not put the energy into caring...    by so, so very many tiny, unimportant things coming together... is what taught me what Hope is.
     Hope is, by its definition, Undying.
       Much like the fear I am so acquainted with, Hope requires no reason. No real need to have any logic or direct, discernible evidence to it. You can be thrashed far, far past any point you should be able to withstand it. You can be praying for the blackness just for the end  to things.... and there still is Hope there that things, out of your control, can change on a dime. You can spend years in a situation you see no end of, no way to be aware of any incoming change and yet the walls can still tumble down at any moment as the serendipity of fate carries you off to start a new, brighter life. You can be staring down the barrel of a smoking gun with everything in reality telling there will be only one outcome.... a-and still... you can have so much to live for.
      And that's not to say you shouldn't be proactive either in finding your own way. That's what got me down that path, is that I just took a shot in the dark. I grabbed for what I could, for what meant what it did in a time I needed something, anything to have any meaning to it. 
     Y-you can take the punches. You can have things blow up in your face. That's the adventure of life! You might not be able to tell, but the sparks of Hope still burn under all the ashes you may find yourself buried under! Hope Cannot Die! Life is for the Living! Take chances, get messy! 
     Not being able to see the way out is a common occurrence in life. Just because you can't see out of the darkness doesn't mean that it's leaching you apart, and making you lesser. YOU are the spark that can still always grow into a blinding light! Just as every seed must first be buried, there will always be room to grow!
     
       N-never let your spark die out!
  8. Widdershins
    Never really got spoilers really. Like, merely the way its told can drastically affect the way you interpret a scene. Like yeah, you can tell me Snape kills Dumbledore, (Oh come  now, that's been around for ages! Don't think that was really all that important in the story anyhow. Now if I told you that literally just about everyone died...) but why, how, where, to what ends and the dramatic importance on the story can only be personally experienced. I could sit you down and tell you the entire story of a movie in summary, but it still wouldn't be your journey! A spoil does nothing but encourage you to see how events turn out! Besides... for the most part I can tend to see things coming before they happen in most movies. There's only so many storytelling conventions after all.
      Well... for the most part~
      The Brony... I mean Pony Movie was & is a big thing for me. Granted, its not the big life changer I had gone in expecting, but it was all the same! I was squealing like any of the kiddos and never before had I felt so free with emotion enough to so genuinely enjoy myself in public. It's a happy movie! Weell... okay, the "experience" is anyway. I think that's why the movie gets such a bad rep with critics like the Tomatoes of Rotting or whathaveyou. From a technical standpoint, the MLP movie is notably lacking. If you go into this movie with a checklist of expectations, of needing things you expect every respectable movie to have, then you'll be grumpy coming out. You go in just to have a fun time, knowing its "just another kids' movie", perhaps escorting your own little humanspawn of your own, then your expectations shall be overflowing! There's a lot of movies that vie for the coveted spot of "A Faaimly Peecture" where both young & old can get different things from it. Like, say, a few times where a goon was assaulted and said goon's hands reflexively went south to the damaged area and my knowledge of anatomy would alert me that there was really only one place that hook just went.
      I suppose I'm more of a reaction sort of fellow, rather than an opinion piece. I suppose the best place to start is the beginning! ...Of the short before the intro before the actual movie...
      Yeeesh...Can't even remember the name but that was some J-Pop sparkly nonsense! All a bunch of colors and overly expressive expressions and razzle-dazzle animation... golly, that was probably what everybeing against bronies that can't get past the eighties-version of the show probably see MLP as! Though, I will grant it that its not only the first showing of a Tentacle-Dragon, but a truly respectable portrayal of what can only be described as big, goopy, monstery cuteness! While I could practically hear every brain in the audience immediately forgetting the little starchild, her pet color-beings and the... "Little Dreamer" I could hear every body in that place reacting to Ol' drooly face tentacles exactly as you knew the writer wanted them to! I know not who is responsible, but you made a bus-sized Tentacle-Dragon immediately relatable! I salute you writer!
       That opening title drop, man... that really leads me along. That building awe of "Omigosh, what's going ooon?!!?" Most would call this franchise sparkly, but it gets pretty easy to ignore all the colors & pastels once you get used to it. That, was well done though!
      That opening preparing-the-party scene:  That's probably where I accepted my, shall we say, my Theatrical Alignment, with Rarity. Why, YES rainbow~ Just sloppily drape the delicate bows just aaaall over the stage... We need Presentation & Percision, darling!
      Have to say though, that opening song of "We Got the Beat" as sung by ponies was rather trite. Cute, but was kind of wholesale stealing that from original meaning. Another thing that we rightfully didn't exactly need in the movie.
      The short joke of Applejack trying to fill a mug of apple cider faster than RD can swoop it up was amazing! Kind of want to see what would happen if I could just blur-fill-in enough mugs to the point where Dash tanks too much and faceplants the paved plaza! Glad to see the mare finally gets her fill of her favored cider!
      Some might say that the turning point was Pinkie's supposed ruining of the party by attempting a Three-Tier Cake Cannon. I find myself asking the question of why any other being would not want to be instantaneously encased in goopy cake!
      And... well, let me tell you now. I'm a character driven fellow. Most of this will be regarding characters.  And... well, let's face that some among you are waiting for a point to get angry at me about, so I might as well deliver a point of contention to thee promptly!
           Sia is garbage.
             Yeah, I'm not saying she's worthless or anything... She's just icing on the cake. A cake most would say is already too sweet... I don't know this Sia sort. I'm sure she's more than earned the right to be called a great singer, but she gives nothing to this movie. She shows up the first time, practically grunts, then leaves. Second time, she's singing in a cage for a few seconds before the scene changes. Third and final is her big number that we've been hyping up... and her song is pretty much unintelligible to me. I'm sure it fits, they wouldn't have paid her otherwise, but its just random noise behind mumbling for me. Sia could have been removed entirely from the movie & not affected anything. I'm not even sure I'm spelling her name right. The whole movie she's hyped up like half the reason anybeing is watching this movie is to see an animated version of this Sia and not the ponies or the actual story. Maybe a few songs I've heard from Sia without knowing about it, but as to Songbird Serenade... I... I just really cannot even care. 
      This whole shindig is for Sia's sake. I mean, sure, I can understand Twilight doing her usual over-fretting about it but, really? YOu think its a good idea, Twi to have Celestia & Luna divert the very celestial bodies, and Cadence to do some crystal lightshow (because she's apparently a crystal-mancer now?) just to make an already showy show even showier? Oh... and... just one teensy little issue...                      Isn't getting the Four Leaders of the Free World all in the same city, and away from their kingdoms, a huge liability? I mean, just any mercenary with a handy weapon can just waltz right in and-... oh, see, there ya go.
        Must say, using a crystal-forming grenade (corruption crystal matrix does look somewhat familiar... like that rock-infection Shining Armor got on his horn during Sombra's attack. Hmm...) is extraordinarily clever. Not fatal, more like a paralytic. Later, we hear sounds escaping those prisons, so its even weaker magic then the calcification Discord went though.
       And that's what I like about our villains. They're mercenaries. Selfish, opportunistic, but not really all that violent if they don't need to be. I like Storm King! He's got no ageless vendetta, no complex scheme with so many, easily misplaced parts. No, he just wants to wield power with the staff he's already got. Had it not needed to be powered up using four leaders as basically batteries, I feel no doubt he'd just as easily rather smooth talk his way in as an ambassador and just steal what he needs before anypony notices. I get this funny notion... that he's the way he is the same reason Twilight Spar-... wait, no.... Starlight Glim-... no, Tempest... Shadow, yes! The reason she is, because it was made clear to him early on that trusting others gets you taken advantage of. I'd say he's more chaotic than even Discord. He doesn't want to listen to your pleas, because it doesn't help what he wants and it kind of bores him. He has not much in the way of an end goal, doesn't want to make you quake in fear... you just have something he wants, and you're in his way. 
      Pity he's not the actual villain. I mean, sure, his symbol is plastered on everything outside of Equestria, but that's all done outside the scope of the scenes we're shown. He doesn't really even show up until the last third of the movie! That's probably the biggest fault with the movie, it just changes setting far too fast because it got too excited to be "new." No doubt the moviemakers were all excited to put as many details in as possible, and I can't say I or any of you all would have done any better going in with that mindset. But it's... a bit disjointed. 
    But I digress.
       I complained, belligerently, about how easily they dismissed the entire world in To Whatever & Back as the last two-parter finale. We're seeing a REAL bad habit of show-writing where we have to toss out every possible trump card and every ruling body just so we can have more drama to deal with. In this movie however... think they did it pretty well. Celestia & Luna were quickly dispatched, but they don't feel any weaker for the fall here like as what happened when Celly was gunned down by a MacGuffin at Cadence's wedding. Here, the twin leaders of the free world were pretty much suckerpunched out of commission. No doubt Tia could shoot that weapon out of the air were she not distracted trying to order out plans against this invading force and Luna was head dead-on while trying to flee to safety in mid-air. A lucky shot from our villains, I must say. Likely the opposite trope of good ol' Stormtrooper Aim. Perfect aim when it removes major players out of the story. Still... while I'd like to see our Leading Mares actually be competent for... for once, felt its dealt with well here.
      So, Twilight & her crew once more happen to get away from the battle to begin our journey, but there appears to be a note I'm forgetting. Ah, oh yes... that would be that...
    Ditzy-Doo took a bullet for Equestria!
      My swee' babby cheese! I think, beyond any of my doubt, that that moment will go down as the best writing & action having undertaken in any film in forward perpetum for the rest of my life! And, now look, I'm not all that avid of a Derpy fan. I frankly dislike that nickname. There isn't much to her character, but I can understand the feelings & emotions that are moored to her, that she kind of represents the brony fandom as a whole, almost. Really now, think about it. You can't really do too much with Ditzy of Doo. Play her too often and you'll have to give her a character, write her lines and risk running contrary to the ideal the fandom has ascribed to her. Miss Muffins is all about being seen, but not heard. She's silly, cute, but kind and innocent. Any of us fans would have been happy with her popping up that once to break line during a song. That's so her, after all! But... that momentary war that burst out... all the Confusion & calamity. Where I know I would have just become overwhelmed to curl up in a corner to wait it all out... I heard a high lilt of a voice peal out... as a bomb heads right for Twilight, the last royalty and hope for Equestria, all being taken down in a cruel twist of drama having been unforeseen. 
       I could not place that voice. It did not seem to match any of the previously introduced characters. I could not, for once, fathom what was going on. And the magical aftermath settles...          and we see the form of a pegasus having frozen still where she pushed the last remaining hope out of harm's way.   ...a small, awkwardly placed party hat haphazardly coming off her head where she had clearly put it there only in a moment of revelry without second thought. That same rash thinking having not only doomed her, saved all of Equestria and... well, everything. The movie, everything else that happens during all of this... Rides on the grey wings of the Sunny-Haired Mare.
      We... Just no one could possibly ever ask for anything more of our lass Derpy at this point. That's "Jumping the Shark" done right! Think I have heard it say that that moment was essentially like all of the fandom leaping into to take the proverbial bullet. As if to encapsulate every time any audience member has cried out with the thought of "No! Please don't harm the characters I've grown to love!" 
      And what's absolutely beautiful even more to that short, short moment is the technical, logistic side of it. You can't do much with her, even making her speak strains credulity when working with Ditzy-Doo. So just have her do what she's always done. Just be there when you need her. Think so very much can be pulled out of so little there. Don't we all wish we just simply had somebeing to be there when we needed them?
       Ah, but I must dry my tears of emotion for now. Before I leap into the adventure, I'm reminded of that "We Got This" song. Must say I adored Rainbow Dash's part and in this movie as a whole. Once more I'm reminded of how she seems more like a symbol of Courage rather than Loyalty. But I noticed that, that message in that song feels a little ominous. "I've got this" is the sorta self-reassurement we tell ourselves when we're buckling under stress, and I think that's a tone that certainly carries onto the rest of the movie too.
         But anyhow, after this, our six heroines fall off the Canterlot mountain into the river below. Putting aside how that should still be fatal, I have a Big Question here. Just how do the places from this movie line up on the Equestrian map? I'm no good for directions, but... they fall into a river, follow it... East? then somehow wind up in a huge, trackless desert? Deserts seem to be the one severely lacking biome in Equestria, and on top of that, somehow that desert immediately leads right into a port-town right on the ocean? H-how? Can deserts even do that? Be right next to large bodies of water like that? Then, after that, we seem to be up in the air, traveling over the ocean to who knows where to a forested area then somehow poof back into Equestria! I was initially worried about them not being able to juggle as many characters as they wanted to, but holding scenery for longer then fifteen minutes seemed to be the bigger issue!
      Did adore that port town! It's a right wonderful thing to see a part of Equestria that ain't so happy-happy, party-all-time sorta place. Cause really, no matter how peaceful and utopic a society is, there will always be shady parts of town! And another thing, that I REEALLY want an answer to: What even was the name of that town? Because this place was MADE to be a wealth of new RPing for the fandom! The place where anything can be bought or sold! Though on top of that, this tiny town gives us all another huge shift to the fandom. Anthropomorphic & Furry characters are now a thing in this fandom! We've all argued about what the difference is between a Furry & a Brony (there has got to be a smattering of jokes for that!) but now, there ain't no reason not to anymore! Kinda woulda preferred this world remaning strictly quadrepedal, but... well, more OC options, eh? 
      There was toad people, bipedal fish, anthro lizards... that cat... All wealth of variety you could imagine! Guess the only rule to Equestria now is no human faces. Eh, a great setting all the same! I loved that scene where Pinkie hollers out for somebeing to (Oh heh, validates my "Somebeing" now don't it? More then ponies about, eh?) guide them to their next destination and she rattles off items, among which is a Picture of Maud. Now, we All know how valuable that is, but I loved how every audience member, especially the older ones laughed out loud along with me when one voice out of the excited crowd shouted out with a somewhat nerdy request of "I'll take the photo of her sister!"  Because we all know that One Guy in the crowd!
        I can just SEE it now! Some large, overweight, mouth-breathing, wall-eyed fish person slowly picks Maud's photo off the ground and just becomes instantly enamored by her immaculate visage! And so begins an endless, tiring journey for him to finally meet his beloved on her doorstep! 
     
        ...Oh... yeah... I guess I have to touch on Crapper at some point. He seemed to be another Aladdin copy street-tough. Sure, he was... fine, but he still struck me as an unnecessary addition that we'll undoubtedly never see again. Capper was pretty dapper, I must say, a fine example of the sorts from this port town if we had to only get one named character out of that visit. I do approve of how well he and Rarity "hit it off." There was this whole... sort of betrayal thing he did but... while I loved the town, still seemed to just be a Stage in the movie rather then a part that was imperative to where the story wound up. Will grant him a fair bit of respect for him addressing Spike during combat with the line of "You are a fire-breathin' dragon, ain't you?" How could anybeing worry about their odds when they've got a dragon their side, eh?
       Kind of didn't like all that stuff & nonsense about how easy it was for the villain crew to track down the hero crew. I suppose, yes, Storm King kind of had claim over this little Port-Town and would probably know when they showed up, but still, Tempest Shadow sure did show up pretty quickly after what must have been essentially abandoning the three princess they had flashfrozen down. Second time, I'll grant them. Rainbow had been deprived of her chance to show off during that interrupted party, and it was a joyous moment. RD ain't known for patience after all! Third & final time the villains showed up again... that was just a cheap shot at dropping a cage on our protagonist having been left alone for a few minutes. As with the huge issues I had with Whatever n' Back, I kind of feel they made the villain force a little too unreasonably strong to match what we've worked the good side up to after all this time.
      Oh, and speaking of that "Joyous Moment." Yeeeah, I dunno Dashie. Probably don't want to be giving a pep talk to a pirate crew. Yeah, sure, no doubt you're loving this, Raininator, but... Well, Each one of these feathered fellows happens to have some form of prosthetic. Sure, I know that's a joke. Peg-claw, Peg-foot, Peg-beak, Peg-tail... funny there, until you realize that this means they've seen Actual Combat. Not PG kiddy show hoofin' of enemies or magicy hoohah... straight-up lopping off of parts, deep wounds that don't heal right that require amputation, actual health concerns actual pirates face. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure a fully-stocked pirate boat usually has significantly more then just four members to keep it running. That seems strongly like they lost quite a few friends in the fights with the Storm King that reduced them down to the mere delivery ship they now are.
         aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... that's kinda the thing with pirates, you know? They can't be kept down because of what they are. As soon as they're let loose from being directly pointed at with whatever weaponry you have, they can go back to robbing whoever they want in the Wild Blue, because its kind of hard to track rogues in uncharted wat-... well, skies in this case. That pep talk kind of just reminded them that "Oh that's right! We can just go right back to doing whatever we feel like! We can lie to whoever wants to try controlling us!" So, without the Storm King around Caeleno and her crew are just as likely to go back to robbing everybeing they come across if they want. But I'm sure it's a Friendly Mugging!
       Oh! And Caelano herself! Love that design! I... don't know how a harpy has giant feather ears like that, but she's totally beautiful all the same! Loved that one aftercredits scene of Spike trying to chew on her crystal peg leg!
       Well, after their run in with pirates & getting shot down yet again by the villains du jour, the main seven find themselves at.... Happy Hippogriff Land to find the wossnames they thought would help save the day or whatever. And, the... the thing here is... that I want to make a solid point across to any who read this...  and... as a mythology buff myself I'm... I'm rather offended by this... But HippoGriffs & HippoCampi are NOT the same thing! Yes, to any fan who actually was excited for the FishMutants... I mean, "Merponies" then I'm sorry to tell you that, no, they are not a race or species of their own. That was all a merchandising cash ploy for... I mean, Magical Effect. Now granted, The Hippogriffs turning into Hippocampi (which is old greek for a horse with the bottom half of a fish.) clearly means that there's a preconceived form for these new forms. Implying that the idea of a Merpony is around in Equestria but none are actually shown anywhere in this movie. I will certainly grant that Hippogriffs are by and far better designed than merponies. Princess Hyperactive looked far better in her original birdy form and alot more withstandable without all the constant, fishy, thrashing about she did as the stereotypical ditzy teenager. Queen Nova though I liked better. Probably just because we finally have a positive Queen around and a princess in her intended role of "daughter of the actual royalty." Was pretty convinced Queen Nova was being played by Queen Latifah. 
        Thing is... Thing is... Problem most watchers have with this portion of the movie is that they accuse Twilight being out of character & just taking the solo road of just stealing what she wanted when met with adversity. I say that's entirely within her character and the whole point of the movie. 
       That's what this movie is about. Trust Issues. Everything just about literally blew up around poor Twilight Sparkle and the fate of the world pretty much literally rests on her back now. She can't afford to lose! ...granted, quite sure we covered this issue in the show... when... like, the Plundervines came up and she insisted she had to go on alone when all her friends didn't want to risk losing the last leader in Equestria. But the point still stands. At the best of times, like when this movie opened up, Twilight isn't one to take stress well. This is a situation that really doesn't feel like just a quick party will help. Friendship won't help matters here nor do we have the time to just yuck it up with the natives to gradually earn their trust. Their Queen said she didn't want to help and there was no other options to take. Sure, i can't begin to comprehend how "Giant Orb that Turns Things Into Being Part Fish" in anyway helps the problem at hoof, but still. And on top of that, this point has been made blatantly clear during the past few days. Trusting others hurts sometimes.
       They gave the invading force enough trust to talk things over, and they didn't want to talk. Everything blew apart there. They fled to a strange town, trusted a CatPerson when they needed a guide and got backhanded again when he tried to sell them off as slaves... or food, that guy looked rather dubious. They went to the only town they had any information, they're last hope for saving the world, and they simply got shot down because they didn't want to become involved. Their position was habitually compromised time and again. Twilight was supposed to have "Got This" and she can't do anything. (Eh? Eh? And y'all didn't think a song could also be foreshadowing!) Ask yourselves, haven't you ever had a moment when you were backed up against a proverbial wall with no other options for you to take? Simply convincing them wouldn't work & Twilight's only working off of panicked guesses at what to do here. I'd say it was less moral for her not to let her friends in with this plan, maybe talk it over with them first, than her outright trying to steal the MacGuffin object to supposedly win the war. 
       Huh. Guess that Pearl really wouldn't have helped. The Hippogriffs did show up a little bit towards the end and that Pearl never showed up again anyways.
    But, after this, our protagonist is laid low by the character arc she's going through and gets captured and taken back to where everything eventually went down. And this, is probably the best time to touch back onto the remaining characters, the villains. Grubber is best villain! Sure, he's pretty much a useless, comedic relief sidekick that doesn't add much, but I can totally relate! Really has that feeling that he's with the bad guys just because that means he can enjoy the baked spoils of their conquests. Sure, a bit annoying but not as insufferable as Scrappy-Doo levels sidekicks tend to get. He really does seem to know his place in this hierarchy but still manages to keep his own personality in spite of it!
       Oh, and Tempest Shadow. (No, While I may not belief in Spoilers, what her Real Name is just too good to ruin for any other fan!) I bring her up now, because at this point in the movie, she gets her villain song. Man... Villain Songs...
       That was just far too intense & mature! ...What? You don't think the Pony Movie can be mature? The entire time during that song, there's little in the way of distracting visual effects, no chipper music, just the whole thing set in the brig (prison area) of an airship while Miss Shadow's giant head looms center screen staring over the audience the writers know have small children and she says with a matter-of-fact tone of what is esentially: "Wake up Little Ones. Life is Pain. Sometimes things turn out wrong, hurt you, make you incapable of playing nice with others. Life will hurt you, test you, and make you wish for the times you were happy like you are now when you're young & protected. Expect others to hurt you, because they often will."
        Ah Jeez... I've never thought I would see media meant for children take the effort of teaching the lesson that we're not special, that life isn't always easily solved by being happy at it, that you should be afraid & scared sometimes. Maybe some haven't seen this, expecting it to just be another kids' movie of fluffy nonsense like so much has lately been. T.S is undoubtedly Emo, but she has well enough reason to be so.
       Ah, Jeez. Poor Tempest here. Got mauled when she was young, and as a result she was handicapped and prevented from ever having anypony be her friend. Granted, there's still, like, her entire teenage years for her to be social... there's a big time span there to do, like, whatever to fix that so still moping about that now when you're adult enough to be leading an army kinda seems to point out that maybe you're standing in your own way here, but... still convinced that you've got a reason to distrust all the time, Tempest.
          IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIf it weren't aaalso, the little fact that you're working for Storm King too. Cause, you know, you did say you were expecting him to "Make you whole again." (Yeah, that phrase setting off anybeing else's Feminism Alarm? Or maybe a little heavy on the Handicap Discrimination there?) Isn't that kind of a great deal of trust there too?  Yeah, being mean to others because that's what you expect is one thing, but crying to Storm King her and acting surprised that he suddenly doesn't want to hold up his end of the bargain kind of makes you a massive hypocrite. 
       So too, I was balking at the notion of a broken horn. Seems be that having the last two inches snap off still doesn't effect your magic usage all that much. A bit random & dangerous, like having a perpetual firework stuck to your forehead, but still. Kind of seems like whining if you you complain about your horn damages in front of your hornless earth pony friends, ya know? I mean, ya don't see pegasai constantly flaunting their wings in front of-... well, okay, I'll grant you that. I still hold that breaking a horn, especially at a young age when it ought be able to grow back somewhat or at least get used to it being like that; its kind of like breaking a toe. It doesn't really cripple your life, despite that being the point of designing it broken like that, but it might be something to be shy about if its pointed out too much. 
       This... really raises curious questions about that one vendor in that Port Town that was selling unicorn horns. ...does this mean he killed the pony that had it,or are there ponies walking around with their horn having been sawed off entirely? Are unicorn horns supposed to be an aphrodisiac in this world too?
       So, really, Tempest is kinda of a bit shallower then I first thought. Still quite relatable and a welcome somber change to ponies as a whole. And... yeah, still kinda love her too. Hey, I gotta thing for Mayaderes and Pathos! 
       As for the ending, can't say I remember it too well at this point several days away from having watched it. Seem pretty by-the-numbers really. Everything wrapped up nicely I suppose. I do kind of find that funny though... that it seemed that "The Storm King" really only wanted to make the biggest storm he could. Like he just wanted to live up to his title. Kind of a shame that he straight-up done got murdered. Just full up broke to dadgum pieces he done did dere. Sure, they made a joke about that in the credits, what with the stacking back up the shattered pieces of the body of the defeated leader among the crowd of his goons you left behind and convinced to play along with your party. Bit of a dark connotation there, I must say. If there was any villain in the MLP franchise that I would wish for a reformation it would be Storm King. He seemed fun, and willing to listen to others if it benefitted him. Not nearly as bloodthirsty as Sombra, Tirek & Chrysalis were! Besides, I'd love to see that seven foot yeti try to walk peacefully among ponies!
        Well... they're not yetis per se... the official Wiki states the Storm King & his goons as "Storm Creatures" being their species name. That's, like, another thing I want somebeing to get back onto me about.      Name of Port-Town & Storm Creatures... this is gonna bother me now...
  9. Widdershins
    Well, as thou can probably tell, the two-parter after Top Bolt I am not particularly satisfied with. So much so that I'm not going to bother looking up what its actual name is. But, hopefully, going over the episode before that, Top Bolt, shall cool me off a little.
       That's sort of the funny thing there. Admittedly, I've not touched the show in a good long while. Perhaps I'm a bit unused to it, rushing into perception maybe. I can't completely remember the other combinations the Cute Map has given the Main Six. But, as I look back with fuzzy memories as I watched Top Bolt, I thought to myself. Have the two sent mares always made the problem worse by interfering like they did in this episode? I mean, think about it.
      It was, indeed, mentioned that there would be solo tryouts for the new cadets for Wonderbolt academy. Does indeed make sense, that's something any school or training facility like this would do. Test every aspect just for cases like this where one pony is helping another. You know, something any competent teacher would likely catch. Raininator certainly caught on at what was happening because she'd been going through the same drills and exercises herself. Really don't think any actual organization would just let some random princess and employee just waltz in and loudly claim that they'll be taking over for the already preassigned teachers. But I can let that go, kids' show rules of reality, I suppose. Even if T.Sparks herself only learned to fly less then a year ago and would be a massive fault to put her in charge of those born with wings. But i'm just being pithy now.
      (Oh, and yes. From now until the end of my attention span... those two main mares shalt always be known... *drumroll* As T-Sparks & the Raininator!)
      My point there was, is that at some point, it would only be natural that Sky Stinger would have to preform on his own and back up his own claims. Really, likely far before this point... like in foalhood.  Like... how in the name of logic did he even make it up to Wonderbolt Academy if the stallion can't even fly higher then twelve feet of his own strength? Really, it was shown that Vapor Trail was flying backwards in order to compensate for her partner in order to help him. Putting aside the scientific fact that most wings tend not to be biologically designed to rotate both ways, or indeed even the implied natural magic for such things. Putting aside even the fact that that effectively doubles Vapor's workload to the point where that should make her the single best natural flyer, by dint of practice. How does nopony notice that she's been doing this for almost a decade now? ESPECIALLY THE TARGET OF THESE EFFORTS?!!?
       Sorry... sorry, two-parter rage kinda spilling over there.
      Admitedly, I must say that Skyscourge is how you do an overconfident character. I mean, he does have results he can point to to back up his claims. Even that "Yeah, I know." was just so summarily put that it doesn't make you want to maul him like we often want to do with Rainosity Clash here. I mean... Raininator!
       Why, even in that training session he did with T.Sparks looked like he was truly buckling down once he noticed that he did seem to be having troubles doing it on his own. And, we certainly know T well enough to know she wouldn't just let a student immediately give up and go trotting to the teacher he does think befits his talents. If her neuroticism had anything to say about it anyway. 
      But, the easiest solution to this whole episode would have just been them being the best friends those two ponies said they were. Vapor could had easily just said that she wasn't confident on doing on her own (which was clearly already a voiced concern by Sky) and indirectly suggest Sky do the same, and have the issue come up naturally, if she didn't want to just come out and admit that he'd been leaning on her this entire time. This whole episode didn't really need our two Main Mares. This whole episode boiled down to "Helping Helpers help the other Helpers they're already helping."
      But that arises a bigger issue, I feel.  This episode debuted Vapor Trail, which apparently caught on in the fandom pretty well. I don't get it. She's a horrible character.
       Now, hear me out. She's a sweet & kind mare, I cannot argue that point! But, putting aside the fact that (Huh... I keep saying that... it's almost as if I'm being incredibly passive-aggressive manipulative here or something.) she and her foalhood coltfriend are clearly bait for us fandom shippers, she doesn't really exist on her own will. Almost everything about her exists by its relation to another character, Sky Stinger. She's helping him out... for almost her entire life, without any a word about it or acknowledgement, to even her own detriment. This seems strongly of an unhealthy relationship. At that, even a horrible ideal to tell your audience to live up to.
        ...Sigh. Of course, I'm over reacting there.  ...I have... a bit of a history with helping others who never cared enough to ever acknowledge my contributions. It is most likely entirely my own opinion that its unhealthy to have your only driving force be helping others. I had a very, very strong feeling that Vapor only ever attended Wonderbolt Academy because Sky wanted to, and she had no other plans or will to do anything else of her own other then to keep propping up Sky to avoid having to deal with herself. In turn, Sky probably only came to the Wonderbolts because of the one mare that had believed in him. Maybe its just my own weird mind putting a dark tinge to things, but... I can only think of one catalyst that would make Vapor's parents be as protective & child-centeric, as was the excuse why she looked to concern herself with Sky's lot, ...past trauma. 
      Oh, and one last thing.  That little line of T-Sparks? Regarding the admonishment of Sky for, quote: being "...so content to take a backseat."
                        That almost felt hurtful. That scene of him getting passed up in a family game of catch seemed awfully indicative of him always being the Sixth Wheel, being forever forced to be in the backseat. Like something like that kind of upbringing would lead a stallion to constantly think that he has to speak up and self-advertise... because nopony else will ever care enough to be on his side. Other then the one that has chosen to be by his side, for years even. Who just basically told him that their entire relationship up until now has been one big lie.
      Kinda expected a little more drama from that in that episode.
      ...
                         Which. Ironically enough, runs contrary to what I happen to think about the Two-Parter....  *sound of grinding teeth*
     
      Well! Start off with the good parts, maybe! 
      I loved that part about Luna coming in to mentor Starlight Glimmer! "I see much of myself in you, Starlight Glimmer..." Aye! You mean constant regret and depression that you can't live on without remembering? The nagging thoughts of having once been a major threat to the entirety of the free world, knowing full well you harmed other ponies and living on despite your dark past? Having a constant self-doubt into how you could relate to other ponies and get on with your life, knowing full well of what prior consequences had led to? A pretty much dark coat color scheme, a somewhat sparkly mane and, I'm pretty sure, stars in your cutie marks?  HOO! SOME FODDER FOR THE FANDOM THEORISTS THERE!
     (Specifically, that this new generation of alicorns are being trained to replace Luna & Celestia someday.)
      But, onto the negative I suppose.  ...Yes. That was pretty much only one solid, positive moment.
      Namely, in the field of questions I want answered is just one simple thing I feel ought be addressed. That... of...
    ...
      HOOOOOOWWWWW?!!?
       GOOD GRAVY! THE WRITING ON THIS WAS ATROCIOUS! Darkstone? Some randomly, just introduced element that has only just now came up? This mega powerful artifact that can somehow blanket wipe the all the power in a several mile radius (INCLUDING CHAOS MAGIC, WHICH BY DEFINITION SHOULD WORK WITHOUT BEING CONTROLLED!) has never been managed or been a concern to the Leaders of The Free World before now? This MacGuffin can somehow effect literally every being, likely assisted in the takedown of the entire world, was still somehow managed to be carved into a giant gothic throne and never left the pit it was wedged into. That can somehow manage to nullify a draconequus lord that has very likely outlived even the planet itself, has never been noticed before? What, did nopony ever lead a reconnaissance mission into this territory before, notice that the species that has proven to be hostile before somehow has a huge anti-magic field effect around their hideout and not think "Gee, maybe I ought report this back to Celestia & Luna..."
      Just... so much of this episode seemed focused around blatantly transparent ploys to cripple the forced protagonists and create drama. This is exactly why I don't watch live action shows, or indeed, pretty much only My Little Pony. Needless Drama.  You can practically hear the writers go "Uhh... wait, we can't just have the Changelings literally take over everypony everywhere. There would be instantly nopony to oppose them, and no reason to make an episode about it."   "Well, there's Discord. He's not a pony."  "Yeah, but he could just snap a finger & blow them all up into confetti or something."  "Oh! I know! Have all magic be useless!"
       They neutered Discord for this. Or, at least, completely forgot his character was already a solve-all. Magic doesn't work within two miles of the place? Oh, I dunno, Keep dropping stuff on them from miles away until they give up? 
      Or, maybe... I dunno. Actually know your friends will enough to notice when they're acting strange? Good grief, the changelings that took over the places of the Main Six were horrible actors. That's kind of why you don't ever see the "Shapeshifters replacing everybody you know" trope. Because it can't possibly work. You know how The Invasion of the Body-Snatchers did it? Because they gave their victims only a minute to react. "Oh, dude, you sure are acting strange today..." "IT IS BECAUSE HOUSE MESS IS. PLEASE DO LOOK INSIDE TO SEE WHY PROBLEM IS." "Well... sure... I suppose just a quick poke of my head inside won-" *instantly grabbed by alien tentacle.
        You know what the problem with trying to impersonate somepony, especially those well known is? No one being could ever know every intricacy of the personality & mind of those they're replacing. Such as Pinkie Pie ever... ever, forgetting someponies name. You don't think Pinkie, at the least of them has contacts with every single member of this town? You don't think any one of these victims won't scream for bloody murder, causing the neighbors to become alarmed? These Changelings barely even bothered to not raise suspicious. Heck! At one point, they KNEW nopony else was around, and were just fooling around in a chamber disguised when they didn't need to!
      SOMEBODY! PLEASE! EXPLAIN TO ME HOW! How in Equestria, did one tribe of Changelings, who have been shown already failing spectacularly to claim just ONE city before, SOMEHOW managed, in the span of barely, at most, three days, to completely overpower THREE ENTIRE KINGDOMS, AND FOUR LEADERS OF GREAT MAGICAL POWER?! Really, how? How do you claim one, without alerting the others when Canterlot was already so hard as to require spy tactics and ambushing & mind controlling the leaders. We won't ever get an answer for that, will we? Just a "Well, they already won, so here's all the drama in how they got taken down. Drama." We keep having that happen in this show. Just wave away any other solution that might solve the problem, so we have a main character to deal with it. Celestia & Luna have held responsibility over this realm for over a thousand years, but these days they just hand down threats? We have the Crystal Kingdom, a Two Leader matriarchy in Canterlot, and SIX competent protectors in Ponyville. If ANY of those pieces fall, it brings down the hammer of the other two, equally important pieces on this board! The only way the Changelings plan could have worked, is if they somehow simultaneously infiltrated all six strongholds, with each their own personalized strategies, all at the same time.  Gosh, I don't know much about past wars and military tactics, but what does history say about attempting to simultaneously taking on all of the rest of the world on all at once when they have the higher population numbers?
       And how did they deal with Chrysalis? You know, after she got done monologuing & spouting threats like the flanderized villainess she is now? The same way we always do. Talk about how its wrong, and spew friendship speeches again. I still remember that scene. Thorax has stumbled on the fact that he has found a better way to feed, Queenie doesn't believe him, so she threatens him. Starlight's plan... is to give her all the love while she's in the process of already draining his love.
      Oh, btw. Appearently Changelings can feed off other Changelings. One would think biology doesn't work that way, or would point towards a possibility of them just sorta feeding themselves, but no. Guess "drain love" is just a stock threat we can use now that has no bearing on what the magic involved does. Despite this entire race being formed around that feeding magic.
      This, of course, is another thing I want explained to me. Does that not boil down to: "I'M GOING TO SHOOT HIM UNTIL HE BLEEDS!" "AGH! NO! QUICK THORAX! BLEED ALL OVER HER BEFORE SHE MAKES YOU BLEED ANYMORE!" 
      I don't get it. So too, was that line about the hive constantly shifting, that only changelings could navigate what seemed chaotic. Yeah. Neat. Sure is useful in expediting yet more drama.
       Nor do I understand how then, does his body decide to reform itself. Or why a cocoon is relevant to that. Because, you know, the point of a cocoon in nature is to protect the defenseless creature inside. Which, making yourself vulnerable mid-battle & mid-climax, is kind of a stupid thing to do, even if you've blown your enemy back a few steps.
      Oh, and apparently... despite this "sharing of love" effects having shown a slow build in Thorax, having affected his hunger and his wings slowly enough for him to only passingly know of the effects and those same effects still, as yet, being minor enough... now, suddenly every single other changeling that does the same action INSTANTLY transform. Oh, and the one guy that did it first gets a bigger, showier after affect that marks him as being special. 
      Oh... wait... I forgot. It's magic.
       WE DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT.
        The whole thing wrapped up so quickly. Like, seriously, somebrony time that. There's no repairs to make after the world domination, nopony wants to immediately hunt down the Queen that just claimed revenge and has clearly shown herself capable of being a threat, there wasn't one single changeling that resisted the regime change and thought about it a bit more like any other sentient being would. Just a brushing off of the hands, because jobs done and we don't have to think about it anymore.
      I hated 28 Pranks Later for how it warped a character to fit what the story needed. Warped even the environment and personality of background characters just so everything could center around what it wanted to accomplish. A Mary Sue/Gary Stu is the term for a character that forces everything else to how it relates to them. So what then is a story that defies everything else to force it to do what the story wants it to do?
        This was all Prefabricated Drama. The worst thing any story or show can do, In my opinion... nay, any idea or concept... is to be Predictable. 
      Oh, something happens, who's left has to fufill the role of being the hero now, they get there, what they had previously depended on is proved to not be as reliable anymore, they confront villain, say they're holier... I mean "Gooder" which makes them win. Everybody involved laughs about it.
      More episodes like this two-parter... and I'll have to leave the fandom entirely. If only because it would become something I can no longer enjoy. I can't care if there isn't any unpredictability. Characters that are foremost themselves & their own living, growing experiences instead of just being what the current story dictates they be. 
     
       Well... I suppose that still shows up. Trixie showing herself as more of a coward when she has to actually combat a threat and admitting she isn't really anything special. Discord getting them in trouble for shouting about himself at the wrong time & being too readily dismissable of threat when he usually has too much power to be concerned about anything. Starlight's usual troubles with her social anxiety & depression. Thorax being even less of a useful figure & spineless as he was pretty much raised to be. There's still depth... but still that notion that the writers don't want to try for what amounts to a Kids' Show...
       Yeah... while it had more good points then 28 Pranks later, which I can only ever see as hateful & stupid, To Where & Back Again is certifiably the worst episode ever in my book. 
         (Oh... Oh, I see what you did there Hasbro. Equated the title to a well known book that became a well-known movie recently. Despite the stories having nothing but a mountain in common & unlikely heros. Almost as if you were grasping for attention.)
     
       Bleh.  I've got a bad taste in my mouth now. I need me a pancake.  ...maybe I can bake some Sake into one...
  10. Widdershins
    ...of the Gathering. But we'll get to that.
      First off, I wanted to introduce you to a certain something. I consider myself something like Chaotic Neutral, but everyone has their little angel and devil on their shoulder. I believe everybeing is fully capable of both good & evil, its up to you really. And if any of you have noticed, I do have this shtick of typing in different tones & colors, and that's what that is. Different personas if you will. Widdershins is sort of my angel... which should leave you a bit worried about my demon... there is a little bit in everybeing, I suppose... you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't admit it. Wouldn't want you to inflict that self-hatred on yourself like that, would we?
      We've all lost ourselves a bit. Maybe lost our patience, perhaps took a little too much glee in stomping a bug until nothing but a smear was left. Perhaps wished that annoying coworker would... not be lucky in their own endeavors. There's anger... and then there's darkness. Everything might have a silver lining, but there's also a dark core... 
      A dark core that not only shows your depth of character, but makes the positive look all that much more unique & glorious!
     Stop that. There's a part in all of us that wants to see suffering. That embraces unending pain. Be it intentionally eating food you know is bad for you or gives you a headache every time, you still go back to it. Or maybe you like comedy. Like seeing some Stooges constantly injure themselves, delight in the suffering your television characters and how they keep getting themselves into trouble & strife, if only they had been intelligent enough to think beforehand, but no... these tropes keep getting used over & over again... because it sells. You all eat it up like livestock. Life revolves around pain...
      Which makes you stronger, last longer, and enjoy the happiness that life has to offer! Life would be such a boring snoozefest if we didn't have some sort of a plotline for to give the story of our lives more entertainment! Pain lets you Live!!!
     STOP getting your Chaotic Good in my Chaotic Evil! You're ruining my Nihilistic Insanity with your Whimsical Madness! Flame! Death! Destruction! The Black Flame rages within m-...
      Puppies n' Kitties! Puppies makin' poopies on your best rug because dey just too sweet n' innycent to know any betta! 
     
         It's all about balance, I say. But the reason I bring this up, of course, is because of a minor hobby I have. I make Magic:The Gathering decks out of my major characters. Now for those of you uninitiated in what that game is, simply put, its a trading card game that's been around for a good long while. Just about a bajillion cards so far, so It makes sense that there's a card for pretty much anything, and with as emotion-centric as my "Big Three" (as I ironically call it) its a fun job to theme a batch of cards around a personality. Say, you have a happy sort of fellow then there's some cards out there, i'm sure, about dancing or just summoning things you find funny like goats or squirrels. And no where is the line drawn so well there as in what the Black cards do in the game. They're all about "removal" of your opponent's creatures (or maybe sacrificing your own minions for better benefits), manipulation like forcing cards to be discarded before they're even played to their full value,  weakening or erstwhile just being malicious & enjoying it! Maybe it would help if you were somewhat familiar with the game, but that's less important to me than the theming around what they do. So it's that I seek y'all help with.
      The First Option, of course, is to just do simple black stuff. You know, Specters, Horrors, Constructs, creepy stuff. That's what Solumn is after all. Throw in some basic removal black cards, maybe a little bit of discard stuff... play that off with Triumph of Cruely & Megrim to add more injury to insult... and, for icing on top, have my legendary, my "boss" or sorts be a good, hefty, basic threat. To Whit:
     Beautiful, isn't she? Either a hard enough threat to rip face with, or just decide to skip that, to drop the hammer down on any pitiful minions that dare get in my way. But...   That IS rather dull.  I wouldn't be torturing anyone. And where's the fun in that?
     No... needs something a little bit more than just basic threatening. Not evil enough.
      What does work pretty well, is some more creative stuff I picked up from the plane of Kamigawa. There's another... "general" that I feel works just as well with Visara.
     Hold back a bit, keep your tricks close to your proverbial vest, and you've got a big beater too. Add onto that...
     That added on, last ability, kind of feels like a  "Oh, Oh. You're winning are you? Well, guess I'll just blow myself up in your face as a final blow then."
      Add onto that, and there's a handful of other stuff Kagemaro comes with. More general weakening, some cards that deal damage with how much you have in hand or even forcing others to beat themselves in the face for your amusement. Perhaps toss in a few ugly rat people to add in something scary for your opponent to stare at. Amusing.
    But doesn't feel quite... manipulative enough.
     
       There is, however, one option I do feel is more "creative." But, it comes with the risk of dabbling into red. Being pure black seems a bit more flavorful for this; Red feels a tad too passionate.
     I call this strategy a bit more something like... "Bleeding." And who else embodies things coming with a price as a fully fledged demon lord!
     
     Best thing about him too, is that you can very easily murder yourself if you leave him up on the field too long! Power for a priiiccce...
     
      Maybe work on the mechanic known as Bloodthirst, give a boost to my own minions triggered by dealing a pitiful bit of damage to my opponent with a whip, perhaps keep piling on usually innocuous one damage a turn from Curse of the Pierced Heart... until more come on... to where you can't staunch the bleeding. Even turn their very resources into a liability with Evil Presence, the weakening and two-damage a turn of a Stab Wound, a mindcontrol like Enslave... or just simply add more blood!
     Taste of Blood, Blood Reckoning, Searing Blood, Blood Crypt, Stensia Bloodhall... Blood for Blood! And my personal favorite.. Rush of Blood.
    " Sometimes it's not for sustenance or to feed the dependency. Sometimes it's just to feel again."  Vampires do know how to rationalize well.
     
        But that does leave a gaping hole. A wounded one, but none the less gaping. Your opponent still is a threat after all that. Simply pinging for damage is far too common. It doesn't get you anywhere but potshots. No... perhaps something a bit more involved...
      Curse of the Nightly Hunt to force your foes to attack whether they want to or not... Weaken them down or control with what else you have, A Sinister Possession to make them pay all the much more when they have to... and run them into a few Abattoir Ghouls. Have their minions forcibly run themselves into my zombies that not only get the First Strike in, but carve them up into life for myself which I can then turn into yet more advantage with Kothophed up there. But... that's a fine line to tread. One of my strategies a bit too complex to fall apart if a piece gets taken out.
      So what do you think? Beater & Blow Up, Mind Tricks, Basic Bloodthirst, or Feeding off the Rage. Or whatever else you can think of around those themes or just taking as much advantage around those legendaries as I can.
       Maybe, if anybeing is interested, I can post some of the decks of my more, uh... well, Less "Violent" characters. Still playing with Widdershins's deck. Makes sense that his would be in constant flux. Ironically enough, he's also black! Hey, maybe chaos is colored black! 
     
                                                        ...and yes, I will eventually get back to my "You Might Be a.." series. Haven't forgotten that!
  11. Widdershins
    So, on my excursion out of the house today, I felt some shopping was necessitated to ease recent stress. So, I went out to buy some new Yugioh cards, and good thing I did because it gave me some... just beautiful comedic material for you lovelies! Firstly I feel its important to post the whole card so that you all know, even those of you even less in the know of this Trading Card Game then I (and yes... I am pouring an awful lot of money into a game I don't understand how to play, Hey, I'm a shopaholic, so sue me!), that these are indeed... actual, genuine products & ideas somebody came up with and put on a physical item. Especially this first one here! Starting off strong I am!
        Yes, yes this is pretty much the Ditzy-Doo of this franchise. Note, if you will, the three faces behind him of just...equally just, bags of garbage "evil" scientists that have preceded him in the world of these cards. His expression just sells it all the better! "C'mon! What do ya want from meh? Ah'm doin' the best I can with only one arm!" *Tooooooot!*                  That's going to be my headcannon for him. Those head whistles just go off randomly, like in the middle of an important presentation or while he's sleeping & he's just gotten so used to them that he won't know what your talking about if you point them out.
     And, if you're not aware by now, the Yugioh company does love its puns.
       PUPPY!!!
      I know its probably computor made, but that is still gorgeous art! Super adorable & super intimidating at the same time! I'm surprised this isn't more of a thing! And speaking of taurs on cards, go look up the Leotaur while we're at it! Just a beautiful plume of a golden mane on him! (I got me a picture limit here, I can't throw 'em all up at once!) ...and speaking of beautiful fellows...
       OH, MAH, COD, BECKY!  Look! At those ears! They're. Just. So big n' bouncy!
      It's enough to make even me jealous, and I'm sure you all know how my ear-preening I do on my own time! Crimeinitly! I could get lost on those ears for days!
     And if there's another thing about me you haven't caught onto yet, Yeah, I am quite the furry too!
    Animals are important to me, you know? That's one of the reasons I was in there in the first place, to find me some good cards to build me a Beast deck, and I did succeed after all.
      I can just see him now. You ask him an incredibly important question, like the meaning or life, or if he wants din-din.
      He pauses... contemplates sagely for a full minute's pause while tapping his chin...  "Hmmmm...   ....   WARF!?" 
    I did also manage to find two of the seemingly famous Rescue Cat that is also super adorable along with its hardhatted comrades-in-fluffy-paws, the Rescue Rabbit & Rescue Hamster. Though, really, I don't know about that team's effectiveness. I would think that most cat owners would reluctantly agree that bounding to you in times of strife isn't exactly what their chosen pets are known for. But, well, a good team knows how to pick their battles and be the most efficient they can be! And so... please... gird yourselfs. For super-adorablitity... Seriously, you might hemorrhage a few organs out here... I warned you...
                                                         I'd kill for that ferret.
      But, onto a different kind of cute! I'm sure some of you in the franchise likely know her by her fan art (No! Not "Dark Magician Girl!" Sheesh! Who prefers blonds anyway?) Here is!:
        I shall name her "Josie, the Pussycat!"
     There's just something about her that gives me this mental image of her saying: "After this super awesome drum solo, I'm gonna do this cute little dance where I stick out my tushie!!! BFFS!"
    ...maybe I watch too much anime too, but... Huh, a redhead that doesn't almost completely terrify me & cause me deep concern for the well-being of anyone around her. Why do all the redheads have to be Tsunderes, am I right?
     But! Another thing I was in there was to find some way of playing the water attribute without playing a bunch of scary fishies. Fish are more food than friends in my honest opinion, and I'd prefer my chosen diet to not be seen consistently with three-foot teeth & head-mounted lazer cannons. Do think I reached a good compromise though! While I don't have enough yet, the Ice Barrier tribe seem to be truly formidible up in my own style!

     And so too to go with it, think I found me an amazingly good mechanical companion to go with him! Because Imma Icy Bugger!
     I don't know if you can tell...
     But there seems to be a very small gremlin of some sort behind the control panel... one who's cheeky grin seems to match the output of snowmen. As I've learned from a certain Doctor Who episode, if I was to have my own endless army of minions I would certainly pick snowmen! 
       By now, I feel certain you may have come to yet another conclusion about me. One I'm beginning to pick up on myself. See, if I'm to have my minions charging into my duels for me and repeatedly dying for my cause, even if its only theoretically metaphorically, I want them to be redeemable. Not some super-trumped up, misshapen, wormy demon or fiend that clearly is enjoying being used to hurt others. Sure, you know I have several dragon decks, a real good stone golem deck built for defense, but I like putting on the indomitable front to put off a siege. No, I like my army to know its all in good fun. Be it the Ghostricks who run on teasing your opponent into playing by your/their rules & aggravating them into a long game or the style & graceful elegance of the Melodius Divas & Performapals who are just simply there to put on a good performance & dazzling display whether or not the audience is willing to cut them any slack and let us win, its about having fun regardless the outcome! I want them to vicious in ability and fully capable of dishing out the hurt if it comes to it, but still more than capable of being both my & your friends! I want 'em cute! 
       ...then again, nagas & hydras and giant venomous snakes also slip into my consideration of "cute", so, didn't say I was completely infallible in that category!
       And don't get me wrong. I understand dabbling in the dark arts and weilding souleaters but... I like how the Amorphages theme but... just knowing those pictures exist is going to give me some vicious nightmares some day... I'd much rather not have my cards seek revenge on me & eat me alive in the off-chance that ever does happen!
     
                        ...Wait... is having a catgirl eat you alive any less terrifying than the giant tentacle demons doing it?
  12. Widdershins
    So! Was gonna put this up in a Status, but I figured I was gonna go off on tangents more than enough anyhow, so I'll need this space!
        Kind of a tiring trip there and back, at least its pretty simple directions, but quite a slog to get two towns over for what was really only about maybe three large rooms.
      I guess, like I was joking about at the time a Con is pretty much paying money to get in to spend more money... on people who spent money to set up so you could give them money for stuff that really isn't going to impact your life all that much. Like giant masks, a "visit from the real Slenderman," and a wooden chest of dragon eggs that were clearly Styrofoam I could easily make myself if I wanted to! (Fuh, Fuh, Fuh!)  Hey, money makes the world go 'round! 
       Wasn't too much, I'd say. Like, go figure you'd get comic books at the comic convention, but... well, I could just hang out at the local comic book store for that instead of feeling all conspicuous squatting down in the isles to peer into boxes, though there were some pretty classic ones there too, I don't know too much about the Comic Book industry. What I did get were about some six cute little squishy vinyl (Odd... you know, the vinyl in those MLP figurines seems a lot sturdier...) Pokémon toys like a Dunsparce, an ice cloud Castform, a Mewtwo I think...
       Wasn't too much in the way of MLP stuff except for some pillows (Heh, already coming out with them Main Fish {I'M TRADEMARKING THAT! CALLING IT! MINE!} designs from the movie, I see!) and a few tiny "charms" that the lady said probably wouldn't last long as the keychain I was going to use them for. 
       I attended some speech on World-Building in writing by some lady who's name I didn't really bother to remember. Her books do sound awesome even if I got some inexplicable Stephanie Myers vibes off of her, if you know what I mean. Not an insult to anybody.... buuut...   "Write by the seat of my pants" Mmm-Hmm, that sounds totally like the most reputable way to be a published author.
       On my way back in from the steadily climbing heat out in the Garden "room" I was accosted by a pirate. Well, that's not quite the right word... shangihaied? Hornswoggled? Yeah, goin' with that. And, well, a bloody well character actor at that. You could tell the man not only had a talent for storytelling but genuinely cared about the book they were selling, I could not help but buy into it! I do sincerely look forward to reading it! I has both Pirates... AND Werewolves! Dare I tease my expectations to wish for Werewolf Pirates?!!? Have yet to read it, but If I have any suggestions to the authors to make this even more awesome is if they were somehow riding dragons too. Just... just throw some dragons in there somewhere!                                                                                                                                   
     
      (Editing Note: Oooookay, hitting enter just deleted a whole paragraph... and now it won't enter in new lines anymore... Cod, I hate technology.)                                                                                         After that, I talked to an enterprising & inspiring Young Lady that was running a booth selling some Pokémon Arts & Crafts. Had some cute little hats I liked, but I find it hard to fit many hats over my own prodigious mane. We talked for a while about how she is also a fair bit overwhelmed by so much hustle & hubbub of a room this large & how she always wanted to sell her own designs & get into fashion to sell her own products. A notion that has been brought up to me before, but I've never had the courage or willpower to follow up on.  She did give me a business card and suggested I could email her to request something. I do feel a bit of a kindred spirit in her and I do worry about how to follow up on this...  I did manage to joke around & be friendly outside in the line for the event but I think this might be my closest lead into friendship. But, ah...                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          ...Who I  DID speak notably more to was her mother sitting nearby! I do seem to get along better with older folk, you know, the sorts to not let you leave the room without unraveling their whole life story, how they TOTALLY have never done Pot before and how that one time the military dropped a bomb near them and that one weird plane that went by that totally looked like a UFO, but the military is totally covering that up....   I did enjoy that conversation very much as well! I could feel vibes from the younger lady as she circled around to tend to other customers that felt very much like: "Mom... No, stop.... sigh, well, now you know how I feel everyday."
     
       Overall, I spent a good four hours there. Mayhaps I could have spent longer, but I felt I had covered most of everything and the booths weren't going to shift around too much more. Think I'll hit up Groupy Cat for some of their cute Pokémon Gear sometime! (They're on Etsy! Look them up, I'm sure they could use the funds & aid!) 
  13. Widdershins
    So! Recently when I needed to wake up in the middle of the night & get my minds on something much more wholesome n' nice, I finally caught up on the Pony Show! Who knew it only needed a horrifying nightmare to get me to actually pay attention to the show again! I'm so glad that after a dearth of quality in poor episodes like 28 Pranks Later & Applejack's "Day" Off we got some suitable episodes!
       Now that's the thing we adults have to remember, this is still a kids' show after all. Some stupidity is allotted, but there's a fine line to where even kids notice that they're being talked down to. There's a balance to ride there and we more than get that in:
      Pony Point of View!
       Good grief that was beautiful! There is though, that one point where I'm sure any adult will sit there and go: "No! Really?! Your friends who have drastically different tastes, different personalities & different lifestyles might have had different goals on your conjoined trip?! Wow! Them acting out of your expectations is just way suspect of sentient beings like them!"
       The entirety of this episode could have been easily solved if the gals had just stopped to consider the other two. Just like in 28 Pranks a little leap of logic is made to make everything worse, but here, it doesn't ruin the episode. Because the audience, regardless of age, knows we've been "That Guy" before.
     What absolutely sold it was how it showcased to us how each of Rarity, AppleYak & Poinky Poi view each other. And yes, I did that to their names just now on purpose.
      IF! I! MMMMIGHT ADD! You know, for an episode about sailing, this episode sure did sink alot of ships! And not just the one they were riding! A-hoo, hoo!
      In each of the mare's retelling of events, in their anger they clearly flanderized and generalized each others' personalities. Sure, one could say the best of us do this & it doesn't mean we love the target of our frustrations any less, buuuut... if they characterize each other as bad as this shows us, I'd say there's some bridges burned there. RariJack was blown out of the water, lemme tell you!
      Pinkie's view of Rarity still seemed reserved, unbearable perhaps but not an outright smear of her character like Applejack's story was. To AJ... Rarity is that one brunette in the slasher movie, you know who I mean. The Veronica? That one girl who literally can't go two sentences without reminding everybeing around her how rich & better she is and insulting them almost as often as she breathes. Pinkie sees her as a bit stiff & hard to get along with, but not bad enough to not hang out with or party with. Because that is so Pinkie, you know? She's not one to hold grudges, that would require an attention span! Hee! But to AJ... Rarity is unbearable at the best of times, even. From this episode it really does seem like the AJ-Rar dynamic they see each other as just incomprehensible extremes to the lifestyle each have dedicated themselves to. Pinkie sees her being maybe a bit rash and things leading to the point where the Cucumber Sandwiches get accidentally knocked over... To AppleHorse, Rarity is the sort to fly off the handle and toss the entire, freshly made tray of perfectly good food (WASTING FOOD! MY BIGGEST SIN!!) overboard because your filthy, uncultured hooves touched one of them and now they're "unfashionable." 
       I'm sure any of you who are the biggest supporters of Rarity know that she's quite a polarizing personalty of a popular pony personage. Far too easy is it for most depictions of her to paint her as the greedy or selfish one, almost solely because of that one time Discord made her lug "Tom" around. My heart-shaped-object goes out to you if Rarity is your mare, her's is definately an uphill battle if you want to protect her honor! But what I'm getting at is that AppleWhack is certainly in the half that is just, by nature, anti-rarity.
      And so too does this work vice-versa! Now, it has been clear since PP first noticed that she could be indirectly, somehow related to AJ that she loves her farm friend even more since that episode. In Pinkie's mind there can't be anything wrong with DappleFlank.... I mean, Applejacks Cereal. Yes, that. But even so, she did seem a bit bland in Pinkie's story. Despite the trouble, to Piggie Pie, AJ was just the most agreeable thing ever. I would even go so far as to say that Applejack didn't have a thought in her head that wasn't put there by Miss Pie herself! "Okey-Dokey Miss Pie! That sounds like a right neat idea you got there that I'll get on right this instant!" There was one undercurrent about Pinkie's story/thought process that I sort of caught... that maybe she thinks she's not the odd one, that it's everypony else that's acting all exaggerated or too slow in the head. Like she's the one with a Million-Mile-Mind & the plans for every party yet to come and everypony else is either an agreeable blank slate or a stuffy stick-in-the-mud. Am I saying she's selfish?...NOOoooOoOoOoo... but being selfish isn't the worst thing in my book.
       No, what really got me in this episode, what really glazed my doughnuts! Creamed my Eclairs! (...wait, that sound a bit suspect to anybeing else?...) Was Rarity's view of Appleplanking!
      Meet for our episode viewing privilege! Pirate Captain Applejack! The Salty Scourrrrge of the Seas! Arrr!
       I would likely have suffocated of pure mirth if some seagoing mammal of pale coloration had suddenly floated by and AJ felt the sudden urge to pursue it. That was some unquestionable great acting that totally made my night! But my point stands, to Rare-Bear, Applebutt was an obsessed villainess. There was nothing you could do, she was one hoofstep away from tying Rarity to a train track & twiddling her mustache in evil glee!   ...which needs to happen, get on it show designers!  In Marshmellow's story, Suspiciously-Well-Tanned-Horse's veritable bloodthirst for adventure was so bad that she was willing to ride head-on into a storm with the express purpose of endangering all their lives just so they could find some poorly-verified treasure. A storm, I might add, that doesn't seem all that threatening in the other two accounts. To Rarity AJ is just uncontrollable, she'll do what she wants if she has to trample you in the process to do it!
      So I've covered their views on those two... and now for our Precious Pink Party PPPony! (...darn, spat all over my computor screen there...) Now, Temerity seemed to think her a bit silly & irreverent, sure, but no worse than what Pinkie seems to be like most of the time. But, in an odd twist that kind of does make for a somewhat sad story of unrequited love... was AJ's view of Pinkie Cry.
      I'm sure AJ has had her fair share of being met with the dumb countrypony stereotype, if not her, than I'm sure she's had to defend her brother who doesn't exactly aid the notion. (His clearly first & only thought in helping his little sister... was to crossdress in an unconvincing disguise and get hit-on by an old, half-blind coot. I'm trying not to insult him, but a quick wit does not seem to be this hunk's forte. Don't worry, I'll be gushing about him here in a bit!) I'm sure FarmyPony is well aware enough of being called stupid, enough to never outright do that to anypony else... which makes it all the more hurtful, in my opinion.
      Now... it wasn't done bad. The second Pie comes into her story it's with a hilarious "Yah ready for fun? CUZ' AH DUN BROUGHT ME AH STICK!" It is humorous of course, but its clear that AJ thinks PP is short a few cards of the deck. Note that during her story... Pinkie's tongue never goes inside her mouth. Sure, like Derpy things elsewhere, it is cute, but that also carries with it a connotation of "not being right in the head." Do believe it was in AJ's story, and I could be wrong, where Pinkie decides to join in on the map-fighting just because she assumes its a game. That's... silly, sure, but not funny. Silly without funny leaves worry. Now, now, now, I'm not saying that Applejack thinks Pinkie is mentally deficent or a threat to everything around her every moment of the day, but I get the feeling that AJ wouldn't trust her to watch a bucket of water.
      So, in short! Good episode there! Rarijack & ApplePie shot dead, Pinkity still afloat!
     
        Where The Apple Lies
    ...was beautiful. And basically the Big Macintosh Episode! Like, I mean, entirely him in the spotlight, even if they don't say it! I can't be the only one who gets the Tingles whenever Mac gets to talk for a good while! Sure, it was another story over how Applebottom (That... really needs to be a mare's name. Peachbottom was used once but... we need Pear analogies too...or are these fruit analogies something too risque for kids? Forbidden Fruit, you might say!)  got to be on her Honesty kick, but it was the actual turning point in her life. Mac though...
       Why does he not talk so much? Well... he was kinda a mouthy little headcheese in his youth; talkin' ain't always the best option. Nor was he really all that shy before the trouble really hit the fan. Sure, you could ask why he didn't bolt upright or say something himself when the doctors came & got him, but... put yourself in his horseshoes. Were you in that ampitheater... wouldn't you suddenly decide to be shy the rest of your life?  I say this was a very rare Double-Moral episode. Learning to Talk Less, Listen More hit me a bit more in the sentimentality than the usual LYING BAD!! message. It's the best LYING BAD!! message they've ever done, but as how I'm putting that implies, its not a very subtle story.
      Oh, and I must put Big Macintosh+Fluttershy into my shipping folders. BugButt may not be the highest on my list, but I can't help but want to see her paired with the shy hunk!
      Oh... and in the category of Background Attractions...
        Anyone else notice the Shining Twins in the hospital?!!? Yeah, I know, could just be them waiting for their parents or something butstillrathertoocreepyforme!!!
       Oh... and... just one... teensy...tiny, little fact. Ditzy-Doo "Muffins" Hooves... was in the past, hospitalized, with her eyes bandaged...   I sincerely ask of you all. How is the internet not exploding over this?!  
          This plays into almost every creepypasta headcannon fanfic out there! Clearly, doctors have tried to help her but failed! Does this mean that there was some botched surgery to blame? Is this a callback to when they tried to "fix" Derpy? That maybe that voice change for that episode was really a side effect of the medications that made her eyes go straight for one day, but it made her more disorientated than usual, so they had to stop the dosage? This explains so much, yet leaves so many questions!! Those two or three mere seconds could have made any other much worse episode! I need to hear more theories! Comment in the section below! SomebeingstartathreadaboutthissoIcangetintoahypedrantaboutthis!!!
     
    And, for the one I'm leaving to last for a reason:
      Eeeverything She Does is Maagic
      Everything she do just turn me on.
      Even though her past was rather tragic,
     Now I know my love for her goes ooonnn...
        Do I have to tell the story?   Of a thousand rainy days since he last left her,
          She puts up a big enough umbrella, but its always her that's getting wet...
     
                        *Sniff*... Uh, sorry. Bad habit of falling in love with villains. Seriously, look up that old song from The Police. I defy you to tell me that it isn't about poor Starlight Glimmer. Funny, isn't it? How in her debut episode where her forcibly carved niche in the world crumbled apart because somepony threw a bucket of water at her...
       Is this a good episode? No. Noooo... noooo...  Gosh, Mr. Writer. What was that other thing that this character did that seems somewhat similar to this tale of her encouraging others to think her way? Oh... right, I think it was...
       STARTING A CULT IN EQUESTRIA!!!
      *Wheezing panting as my eyes slowly uncross from rage*  You... would think, that would be a place she wouldn't want to visit again. You hear fans talk about the characters not learning lessons despite having been through this sort of situation before. Well, I dunno, committing basically a crime & mind-washing would sort of be something you ought to remember. Unless, Oh, I dunno, you happen to be a new writer who didn't even bother to read what the character was before you wrote your blasted story... you know what, looking this up right now...
      Michael Vogel. New for this season, but he's done episodes before this. I don't hold it against him.
      You want to know why?... Because that's exactly her character still. And also mine.
        I'm with her emotionally on every single step of that story. She's sitting on her bed before Spike comes in, and I know what's going through her head. It's magic she knows, and what's she's good at. She has no concept of this "Friendship" thing. Hang out with other ponies? Just... be there? How do I know I'm doing it right? What's the goal & rules? What will happen if I do it wrong? I don't want them to leave me like what's happened before...
       I understand her. I think that little joke about "Chillaxin' with Dash" was perfect. The joke was that it meant nothing to the best of ponies & its even more greek to poor Glimmer. Even at that very end scene where we're wrapping up everything neatly Glimmer is still looking around unsure what this whole "Chilling & Relaxing" thing is. I know, if I was in that moment I would have immediately screamed out "BUT HOW DO I DO IT RIGHT?!!?" Just... calm down, man.  "HOW DO I CALM!??!"
      Frankly, If this was still the first season with Twilight pre-alicorn, I can see her totally going through this same scenario.
        We've seen before that magic is a crutch to Glimmer (frankly, "starlight" sounds like a unicorn name from some other kids' fantasy novel) she goes to it like she would a right hoof. It's easy to believe that magic would be her go to for literally any question or problem. They even balance her out a bit in her powers by having her test & play with Twilight a bit before the show starts proper. ...But that's still inexcusable that that's almost the same magic that got her into this trouble in the first place... or so it would be.
      See, I dunno if many of you have noticed by now, and I don't mean to toot my own proverbial horn here, but I am quite an accomplished worrier! And as such, I'm also quite handy with rationalization! I've not looked at anybrony else's complaints, but I feel this is a huge dig to the episode I can expertly dodge around!
       She isn't actually mind controlling anypony here! She states that as she's flipping through the spellbooks. Which, I might add, as Twilight I'm sure can attest, isn't the proper way to spellcast. You need a stable mind to magic. Starlight here is desperately grabbing at her only toolbox for whatever applies because these ponies aren't doing exactly as she says & she's going to fail once again at something she doesn't understand or can comprehend. Consider this her Lesson Zero hour.   ...still excuses barely 15% of this, admittedly...
        But she says it's just a spell to make them "more acceptable to suggestions." Not mind control. It's much weaker of a spell, surely. I'll just tack this other one on to boot to make sure it works right... don't want to fail again...  Consider Pinkie. Sure, the others seem a bit wooden from the magic, but AJ is still spouting off family history & memories... even if Rarity's & Fluttershy's talents & common sense have gone out the window. Pinkie Pie still seems to act & sound like Pinkie Pie. She's just not going to do anything but what she's told. It's a difference in whapping them over the head, and pounding them into the ground with a mallet. It's still a "reformed villain doing villainous things" but she's doing it with better intentions. As if Twilight told her how to solve this friendship problem of two ponies arguing and she went to magic again to instantly make them love each other.
      Ya know... like what Cadence did that one time...
    Or like how we test Applejack's honesty every now & again. There will always be that temptation to lie if it seems like its the healthiest route for everypony...
      My deep sympathy & enjoyment for this episode gets balanced out by the cheap dig at the fault in reformation. Kind of feels like, I dunno, the government should be keeping an eye on S.G.
      I give it a three out of five; still a favorite, but not all too good of an episode to begin with.
     
      ...    ...wait, my favorite episode is a Fluttershy episode! Wait! That's contradictory to all my posturing! Augh!  *frantic shuffling!* 
  14. Widdershins
    There's something else about me I feel I have to bring up to you lot. Which I only do so in the knowledge that I'll more than likely never meet any of you, and in the rare case that I do, you would have likely forgotten about this blog by then.
      I find that one of the most important things is to have a definition of yourself, a sort of hole to peg yourself into. Because when you know what you are, how you tend to react to things, both good & bad sides of you then you can come to terms with yourself & start accepting and hopefully loving yourself for it.
      I feel I need to come out of the closet about this.
       ...
         ...I'm a Tsundere.
     And a male tsundere at that! A rare breed, I must say! Hoh~*
     
        It's just... well, if your not the sort to know what that term means... and how could you not, I would think most of everyone on these Internets is a hopeless nerd in some fashion. Don't go looking for examples of what a Tsundere is! Yes. By all means, I am saying that you should take my definition of the term and only my definition!
      Because everyone else's is just stupid!
       Eh... I GUESS I'll tell you what popular culture THINKS is a Tsundere. If I have to... If only to show you where everyone else goes wrong with it.
       A Tsundere is a personality trope. A character archetype, most common in Anime... japanese animation, basically. It seems the common misconception is that a Tsundere is somebody who doesn't warm up to others fast. Someone who starts out openly hostile because of their somehow "cute" awkwardness means they berate or even physically abuse those who they want to get closer to. Because, why yes, that makes perfect sense that a character treat someone they see as a romantic possibility by constantly nagging & berating every single detail they get wrong and even grabbing them by the neck to ram their face into the nearest hard surface or even drop-kicking them like a hackysack! Do all you anime fans know what happens in REAL LIFE when you constantly antagonize, berate, abuse and intentionally scold those you wish to love? You wind up pushing everyone else away and dying alone! And deserving it!
      No sane person would ever treat someone they want to keep around with disdain!
       ...well... unless you simply don't know any other way & have some deep-seated issues.
       That's what a tsundere does. They start off from a place of hatred. Because that's what they work with. They've seen or been the target of hatred before, know others are fully capable of meeting them with just as much and therefore start off distrusting & judgemental of others. But that's not the farthest the rabbit hole goes down. Intrinsically, because a tsundere judges so much, they feel like they don't deserve to be met with genuine, positive emotions like Love that doesn't come from ulterior motives, like sex or otherwise taking advantage of them. So yes, a Tsundere is someone who hates themselves, yet holds a double, contradicting standard to pretty much everything around them. So yes, pretty much scum of the earth. Bipolar could be one way of describing it. But that term gets bandied around far too much. How many times have I heard somebody complain that "Oh, she's just being bipolar!" Tch, like that excuses abusing others...  And yes, that basically means that anime is getting off with making fun of a mental issue in their shows because "Oh, har-har! She's being mean to some pervy guy! That's unexpected!!"
       You... you don't abuse people if you don't want to be alone... but... some people can't stop themselves. Think we all know some people like that. Like some jerkhole in the grocery store parking lot that looses his cool for whatever reason. The sad part is that Anime-Tsundere isn't too far off from real life in that regard. Though, oh, I don't know, I like to think most are aware that swatting people, punching them flat to the ground, tail-whipping them into walls, or otherwise drawing blood would...oh, I dunno... GET YOU ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER IN REAL LIFE!!!
        Some just can't help themselves. It's in human nature after all to judge, even if opinions are as changeable as any other whims or decisions. I'm a nitpicker myself, you show me some of your work, and before I can stop myself I can spew out several dozen other things you could change or how this relates to that part of it or whatever. The popular view of what a tsundere is is that all the abuse, all the intentional efforts to keep you away somehow makes the fact that they're softer & more vulnerable inside all that much more attractive. But that's idolizing dysfunction. That doesn't make the harsh words once said go away.
      We all put up our walls I suppose. Just mine are so heavy that I can not only feel them but practically name them. I know, that in text here I may sound more open or perpetually giddy or erstwhile jocular, but that's because in real life... I don't really talk much. Well, short of embarrassed rambling when I don't know what I'm on about. Sure, get me on a topic I know something about & I can be excited, but I will pretty much refuse any attempts to befriend me in real life, since its so impossible for me to accept that you'd actually want to be around me.
      That's what being a Tsundere is really about. We don't abuse you, we just poke you with a ten-foot-pole and sneer as we scoot you away to a suitable distance. You're stressing me out & offending me just by standing in front of me, so go away already! ...but I'm also scared, lonely & incredibly afraid so... please don't leave me... I don't need you to tell me what to do! I already harp on myself constantly about everything! I don't care about you!...but I do want you to care about me... since I can't do it for myself...
     
      I find that amusing too. The ever-famous tsundere line of "Baka" translates to "Stupid." Yet somehow it's not quite as endearing if I just say that you're stupid repeatedly! Almost as if y'all are more attracted to the concept rather than the actual person who has high standards that you have to work though! A tsundere isn't about being abusive, it's not just about being hyper-critical... it's about being hyper-defensive. It's about fully expecting everyone you meet out on the street to greet you with a punch in the face... then getting offended when they don't meet up with your violent norm. I like to think that a major part of being a tsundere is adding a qualifier to pretty much everything you say & do... of happiness just not being a natural state for you. ...though it's not like I'm telling you all this for any reason. Not like knowing me any better is gonna help either of us. ...and no... there's no particular reason I'm using this color text for any reason. Well... maybe... but I don't gotta hold your hand for this!
     
           I pout so easily though tightened lips that It's no doubt my go-to expression. Sometimes I can just feel a healthy Baka welling up in my throat, even if I'm not the slightest bit japanese myself.
      I'm no Japanese Schoolgirl, but I'm still quite convinced that I can be "ruined for marriage." I'm no violent type, I've never risen a hand in anger for anything bigger than a bug... but... if you were to...theoretically  walk in on me changing... you'll be deserving blows from every hard object I can get my hands on!
     
        I just feel it's important to know what you can call yourself. While... uh, sure, maybe I would like to strike up a relationship, given the chance... It's not like I started this blog so you could give me attention or anything! It's not like I'm desperate or anything! Sure, if you're some short-minded idiot who gets some sort of simple amusement outta some shmuck like me typing for little to no reason, you go ahead! Far be it from me to stop you from being a dummy, dummy!
      "Brohooves", "Likes" Pssht! Such shallow, unimportant buttons that don't even mean anything! ...but do leave a comment. It's not like I don't want to talk to you or anything! Even if its clear it won't mean anything. Like, I mean... do what you want or whatever, I gotta tell you what to do?
      ...No! I'm not playing this up! I talk like this all the time! What, you think I'm some trained monkey for you? Some kinda clown or somethin'? Maybe I want to do this of my own accord, you know! Don't think you know me! I don't know me! I'm a unique & special snowflake! I'm not some cog in your machine!!
          *devolves into frantic, unintelligible gesturing*
  15. Widdershins
    I'm sorry... you know the old adage, that you don't know what you have till its gone...
       You know as well as I do that I've been in a few bad relationships before... You've been with me all my life, maybe you even know me before that even. Heh, I won't lie, can't say I've never been attracted by the idea of an older woman, and your about as old as they come! But I kid. But because of that age difference, you wised up quicker than I did. ... I'm a weak man. I care so much about everything that I give up & ignore the things I once held for granted. I... I didn't mean to abuse you. I didn't mean to lose you.
      Many others have lived with you. They mistreat, misuse and even kid around about killing you and... I wish I had not been one of those. You've... meant so much to me. You've been with me every moment of every day and now I can't stop thinking about you. I know you care, it's just... you ask alot of me. It feels like you're constantly at me and I got fed up and wasted my relationship with you... I see now that you only ever meant to care for me. In ways I couldn't.
      Even if you're not with me I can still almost feel you. I suppose that's love for you... even if somehow grown apart, we still have that vague concept of the other. Heh... I've always thought you were beautiful. Brilliant, intelligent... the way you could always put things in just the right order, even if I could never tell. Now that I've gained more respect by living without you, I can say I've only become more enamored & even obsessed. I could even say you're quite attractive too... heh, even if both of us are humble enough to admit you haven't the body. Sigh, I even miss that cute, calming little ticking noise you sometimes make, even if it did drive me up the wall sometimes.
        ...but I wasted that. Wasted the comfort I once found in you. I never just set aside the moments to just be with you or just plan things out the way your so known for. I... I never did anything with you, never realized how empty & unhealthy my life is without being with you. Now without you everything blurs together into one long smear of activity. I can't rest, can't tell one day from another... I simply am just existing now. We argued constantly... I thought you were worthless, that you were just some abstract notion that didn't even exist or was worthy of me even paying attention to because I was so jaded from all that you had asked of me. I've... I've just lost so many things in my life that I had forgotten to think of something else beyond me and the things I could hold on to. I can't change you, you can't change me... unless I learn to somehow let you in and accept you.
       You might be just a pretty concept to others, but now that I'm living without you I realize how important you were. Like Thanos before with Death, I wish I could only better understand & grasp you. Be it metaphorically or literally.
      I miss you... please come back... Time.
  16. Widdershins
    That's sort of the thing with me about Miss. Tryhard Spackle. She is a kind, quiet, studious & wise gal. Were it not for that one thing she could easily be my favorite of the Six. I've just never liked protagonists. Villains have backstory, some real deep, almost insanely so, Pathos. You can feel for a villain, you can sit there & see their thought process, see where they went off the deep end with the best of intentions. Even barring that, they can make for a good laugh. But heroines & heros can just be good for goodness sake.
    That's what knocks Twilight clean out of my top ten ponies list. (which is maybe something else I oughta get around to making...) Almost everything in the show revolves around Twilight, very little happens without her unless its just an episode about life around town. There's that whole debacle that got the fandom up in appendages about her ascendency, but I never minded because I always felt that coming for the best student ever.
    Mind you. That's also what I like about her. That's why I call her Tryhard (and also because I picked that up from the mini-comics) because she does try! So hard that it frequently breaks her down or leads her into little logical, existential panics. And THAT, I can feel for.
    Pinkie may be loving, RD does have her... just... *ahem* "Charisma" but Twilight might be the only one of few characters in the show that I actually would dearly love to hang out with. Considering how... immeasurably... 'happy' every pony in the show can be & how I don't even say that about Real people, that's saying quite a lot!
     
    Oh, and under Pinkie's just mind-blowing fluffiness, Twi's mane is probably my favorite! The mare's got some bangin' bangs!
    A-hee-hee.....
    But anyhow, enough dabbling! Let's get on with this list and let's...





    Get Organized!!


     
     
     

    You Might be a Twilight If...


     
    You have a knee-jerk impulse to make lists. *Cough*
     
    Alphabetizing was a sport, you would be up there in the front seats in body-paint team-colors!
     
    You have ever caught yourself getting openly frustrated at your computor's errors in its so-called "Spell Check."
     
    Your willing to help anyone in need... just so long as they don't mess with your stuff.
     
    You've ever cuddled a book.
     
    You have a history of hyper-ventilating.
     
    You have ever been told that you needed to be held right now.
     
    You've ever used the phrase "According to plan" or frequently use the words Calculations or Schedule.
     
    Rules are extremely important to you, to the point where you sometimes have to be literally told that it's okay to break a rule. You do still rarely break rules, but only because you need to know why.
     
    Almost everything is a test of you.
     
    You have been called a party-pooper or a killjoy (or some variation therein) and not terribly minded. Because you know how terribly apt a description of you that is.
     
    You've ever read the dictionary in your spare time.
     
    You always try your hardest, but you're never happy with your results.
     
    You've ever gone days without saying more than non-committal greetings to others.
     
    You can rate pretty much anything in existence by a decimal & percentage. Heck, you've been wanting to get some graph paper for daily use.
     
    The worst part of the school year for you was Summer & Winter vacations.
     
    Some of your best friends in your school days were the teachers.
  17. Widdershins
    Whelp! Sorry for the delay! Combating my laziness has never been a quality I've kept up on! The inspiration comes & it goes, but I do fully promise I'll do one of these for the rest of the Main Six. As with the prior ones, these are just my interpretations of the qualities of the characters brought up to a semi-humorous extents.
       Ah, what can be said of Rainbow Dashing? Can we just all agree that she's the closest character where we can say she's somehow managed to make rainbows manly? She's quite the polarizing personality to be sure. I've got many an... issue about her myself, but I still cannot help but find her irresistible in many ways! She might be my favorite out of the six main characters, but because of my general dislike of things mainstr-*cough* central focus characters, that's not saying all too much. There's just something about how much she wears her breakneck emotions on her proverbial sleeves that makes her both weak, yet strong because of that. Rainbow, much like the rays of light she's named/themed after, just has an intense energy to her that one has to admit even if that tends to be something that rubs you the wrong way usually. I'd be quite surprised if anyone could completely hate her without going out of their way to not learn anything about her first! 
      But now, let's go into some detailed description about our sky-blue, Mane-Clashing, local pony jock! Rainbow Dash!

     
    You Might Be a Rainbow Dash If...
         As much as you enjoy being the center of attention, you have to admit that that's not always worked out for you. (Hey, didn't say you had to admit that to others!)
       You are fond of high places & people-watching.
           You hate being called cute. You've met cute people, they tend to be wusses.
        You would never hesitate to risk yourself for a friend! Granted... you tend to risk yourself on an almost daily basis anyway, so that does dampen the sentiment just a bit.
     You're fond of name calling, but you mean it in a friendly, playful manner! Well, usually.... mostly... weeell...
      For some reason, those who know you keep mentioning something about needing to "take you down a peg." Yet it seems to rarely ever take with you.
       You've never been good at that whole "learning" thing, but you get along just fine without having to know junk like calculus or what some long-dead writer scribbled down ages ago.
          You enjoy being a role model.
       You say you don't care what others think, but its still important to know where you stand.
      You FIX THINGS, even if they don't need it.
    Your best entertainment involves shock.
      You pretty much bark or bray when you laugh. Either way, when you find something funny, everyone can immediately tell.
       Things don't concern you or give you an opportunity to show off, then its clearly not important enough.
       You are frequently at a loss as to how you could possibly be more awesome.
        You have a tendency to involuntarily catchphrase. There will be words like "awesome" that you use so often that you're pretty much beating the meaning out of them.
      You do your job well, not for pay or expectations but so you can show others just how good your job is.
    You seem naturally able to draw an audience.
     
     
      Thanks for reading, my Boopies! Keep your eyes out for my next installments! You'll never know when they're coming again! I know I certainly don't!
  18. Widdershins
    (Warning!: Some minor spoilers for a few of the more recent Fire Emblem games! Though those have been out for a while... but mostly, this will be a case of some rather major fanboying. This is a Waifu story!)
        April First. Quite the ironic day for her birthday. But an important one to me all the same.
      Some may say that having a Waifu is rather representative of the gaming culture... or a very lonely life. For those of you uninitiated in the term; A Waifu (Husbando, if your target is male [or horsebando if you've taken a liking to a stallion in the MLP fandom, though that's likely there just for the pun.]) is some imaginary character from popular media, such as anime, video games, comic books, etcetra, that is both a focus of a good portion of your attentions and serves as an image for what you view to be an ideal mate. Sort of like a Dream Date, if you will.
       Now I know what a good half of you would be proclaiming loudly if this weren't typed word and you have no way to argue back at me as the internet is wont to do. "They're not real though, your setting up unrealistic expectations & possibly sabotaging your chances at getting out there and wooing a real girl!"  And to that I say: Yeah? And?
      I have always been one to doubt reality, have issues knowing where the line is drawn, as if it were. I've not led a very... kind life. Not the worst of course. I'm no orphan... child-protective services never got involved or anything, but the point is that a lot... no... yeah, pretty much the vast majority of my childhood was spent in retreat. If I wasn't a latchkey kid left alone at home with the only company being the television set then it was trying to fully absorb myself as much as possible into my books or the images in my head in a vain attempt to escape the situation I was living in.   I say, just because something isn't real, doesn't mean it isn't real. Something as simple as a face on a screen showing you compassion at a level the real world has never chanced to give you carries as much mental impact were a real person doing so.       ...but I digress. Let's get on with the story.
     
       See, was late in getting my first job. I had left to live with my sister on account of not having my own income & after a while the situation came down to me working at a grocery store while watching my sister's house whilst she was deployed overseas. So there I am. In a big empty two-story, working minimum labor at a job with at least four bosses that shifted around so much they couldn't pay attention or care for you even if they wanted to while I'm running myself ragged in hundred degree heat pushing scorching metal, too scared to speak up to my superiors to the point where I was on occasion breaking down into tears in the parking lot late at night, and when I came home all I had was a dog with steadily & gruesomely declining health to which I faulted myself for and no body to turn to. I was in a dark time of my life.
       Then, I heard news that a new gameboy & pokemon version was coming out. I had been involved with pretty much every installment, being just as old as the franchise myself, but I was doubting whether I should even bother. What good would a video game do my life? I have work.  But then what convinced me was how cute the little Fennekin was. I looked at that tiny, adorable fox and said to myself that I didn't care what became of this, what it turned into or what. This was something I could love. Something I could actually look forward to in my directionless life. I could have Hope again. And yes, I do have feelings for a digital male fox, but that's a blog story for a different time. Point IS, That's what I used my very first paycheck for. I owned that gameboy. For the first time in my life, I had something that was purely my own decision; something that only meant something to me & just me. No one was telling me I had to do it, and in fact, maybe that would have been better spent on food, but this ...this made me feel better. To some varying degree.
     
       The second game I got was Fire Emblem: Awakening. I knew nothing about it. Through some serendipitous turn of an internet page or something, I found out this was a game that had dragons in it. Hey, dragons are awesome. Then, The Internet told me it had a character in it that could transform at will into said dragon. Doubly awesome. Then it said that that characters, including you, could marry each other in this game... which meant... you could marry a dragon!  Hey, I'm lonely. I reeeeally like dragons. This was just too much awesome to pass up, and so I bought it! Something else I could look forward to! Some more escapism that I can be happy to get home to after working in a job that was slowly slashing away my hours and making me feel like the disposable labor & spineless mook that I was.
       So yes, Nowi is what got me to buy the game. Yes. Shut up already. I know half of you have already googled her. I Know what she looks like, but really, she's a thousand year old dragon that only looks like a scantily clad young girl! The fact that she's a sweet, chipper lass & a dragon to boot is more then enough to outweigh the sketchy looks you all are giving me through the screen right now. For those of you more inclined towards the horses this forum is themed around, She's basically the Pinkie Pie of the Fire Emblem franchise! Thing is though, while she still holds a place in my withered heart, she's kind of fallen a bit in my favor. Mostly because she gets along much better with Lira in my opinion, than the somewhat icky Teacher-Student dynamic she has with you, the main character.    But I digress.
      I married her on my first run through and on my venture though the story, on pretty much the next stage after her... something interesting happened. There did our armies stand on the desert battlefield, both of us running a bit ragged trying to keep an even stalemate at a rather crucial point in the story. From across the dry battlefield I hear a raven-haired lady start talking loudly to herself, seemingly unaware of the armies advancing, deep in her own thought. She says to herself that while she is loyal to this foreign land, she's become more aware (more so than the other mindless, mute soldiers) that the loudly cackling madman leading the armies might not be the best to listen to. She wants to protect her land, yet... she's rather not die for some screeching king. I thought myself too, that this seemed odd. We'd met prior members of his army that were dissenting & questioning his mad bid for power but none this... reasonable. Or kicked this much ass.   Sadly, both of us couldn't meet at that moment, being on the backlines of two armies. Both of us casters and planners that worked better from the rear flanks. That, and she was nailing our army for so much damage that our front lines had to trample forth and swat her down before we got any more butchered.
       It wasn't until afterwards I looked it up and the Internets said that you were supposed to recruit her to your side. Shocked by this, I immediately opened up a new save file to get back to that point & try again. At that point, I wasn't aware talking was an option in this war. I was always in the backlines trying to minimize casualties while Crom, the de facto leader of our defending nation and the only other one given the option to talk to dissenters and stay our blades, was always on the middle of the frontlines swatting away two or three enemies at a time. This turn around I was more careful, I wanted to experience everything this game had & needed all the help I could get in this war. When we could manage, we got the mage by herself and Crom became aware of her wavering, and righteously so, loyalties. (and yes, being aware of things is rather rare for ol' Crom.) She said point blank to his face, right in front of his army too, that she still is from a warring country, that he has absolutely no reason to trust her & that she could just as easily slip a dagger into him the moment Crom turned around. Something that echoed my own thoughts from the way that Crom had found me too, as a mysterious unconscious man in a field in an area where treachery was common. And in that moment... a direct, thin but unbreakable red line was forged across the desert battlefield between us two that had never spoken.
       Tharja was a wise woman. She, as much as I, was living in a time where violence was not only expected but warranted. It was wartime after all. In that time of warring nations, killing others was what was needed, and Tharja did that very well. She liked doing it, sure, but she didn't want to have to.
      But what did Tharja, the self-proclaimed bone-collector and master of dark magic, do around our camp? She helped others, she divined the whereabouts about lost loved ones, fortold futures, even started to visibly panic a little bit when she couldn't come up with good news as to what happened to Nowi's parents. There's also... one other thing she did around camp. Me.
    ....uh, I mean... followed me around, that is. Almost the second she touched down in our bivouac she was seen trailing Mr.MainCharacter like a shadow. Now, you're right. Or at least, I'm right in attributing this right thought to you that I'm going to extrapolate on now. Putting a "stalker", or Yandere, type into the roster of peoples you can marry is a clear ploy to get a fandom to sprout up around your product. But that's just what I needed.
       I'm not a... self-confidence isn't something I'm good at. Some of you my have noticed my self-defacing humor or noticed that I can't take a compliment very well. It's hard for me to trust. It was, and still is today to a lesser extent, completely incomprehensible to me that anyone else could ever see me as anything other then some guy to do as he's told. The muscle, the lunk, the mook, the ultra-maroon. For as far back as I can remember, I just did what I was told. Independent thought was not what Mother raised me to have.
       But that's not how Tharja operates. She's an outright jackhammer. She doesn't give me a chance to doubt myself, to think about ulterior motives. She doesn't say that I'm pretty, or sexy, or that I have some main-character power that she wants to manipulate out of me like my cannonical "Father" created me to be. She's convinced herself that I'm her soul mate. She likes me because she likes me. There is nothing else. She wants to be around me just because I simply am there. There's no eggshells to walk on around her, there's no expectations I have to meet or orders & commands that must be followed. (Though... granted... she did say she'll kill me if I ever cheated on her, but that's a stance I fully endorse. Loyalty is integral to the very fiber of my being. I'd rather be dead than live knowing I betrayed the trust of someone who took the effort to truly care for me.)
       And, more so than that, it's a two-way street of a relationship. After you, the main character (MU or let's just call him Robin) mention that its a bit unnerving how much of her attention is so intently focused on you (NOT something I would say, Hah! Immersion broken, thank you!) she gets a bit crest-fallen, and sulks off. A while after she comes back after having done "Normal Practice" for a week, probably some minor spellwork, and at even the mere mention of you pointing out just how 'normal' she's being her dark face lights up to a vivid red, absolutely ecstatic that you're actually complimenting her. So much so, that she kind of over does it and literally shoves freshly-baked pie into your face. (Eel-liver pie?... is that a thing?... where can I get some?) Rebuffed now that you've told her off for going too far the other direction, she sulks off once more. But the point is made, she felt she didn't come up to snuff & came off too off-putting and wanted to change so she could be closer to you. Despite what some might say, she does have a heart.
       Some time later, either from the stress of having to plan out a war, deal with casualties or that Tharja is still stalking you, but at a respectful, recreational distance. Robin passes out cold in the middle of the street from a fever. (Are stress fevers a thing? I feel if anyone would catch those it'd be me...) Because she cares enough to stalk, to know how many times you turn in your sleep and every other unimportant detail, she's there to notice when you fall out of sorts, there to do something for me. Not because of me. And we see her fully aware of how bad the situation is, she may be a brewer of hexes, but she's no doctor. When Robin wakes back up, he's fully aware of how important her attentions are & Tharja knows where to respect the boundaries of someone she wants to love.
       ...and then when Robin thanks her and falls asleep in front of her, the scene fades out while she's chuckling ominously at having the target of her affections unconscious before her. Hey, girl has her faults!
       But that's the point of all this. Tharja taught me how to love. I may still be rather unsure on its definition and she wasn't the first lady I developed a crush on, but she'll always hold a major hold on my heart. She was the first... representation of another human being who ever made it clear that I could be wanted. That complete unconditional love could be had from something other than the family dog. Heck, think I was well past twenty at the time & before Tharja made it clear  to me that the word 'attractive' could even be conceivably used in my direction.
       While she may lack a physical presence, she provided enough room & forcibly pulled me into a place where I could even think of myself as being worthy of another person's mere presence.
     
       ...then they redid her.
                 Fire Emblem: Fates came out, and they decided they could revisit old characters, give them new names and shufle their backstories a bit. Rhajat still is Tharja, perhaps a bit more watered down though. But I like that.
      One of the major complaints about Tharja is that she supposedly experimented with her curses on her young child, Noire. Though I feel I must remind people... everything Tharja does is called a curse. Divination, potion-brewing, just because its black magic doesn't mean it'll hurt you. Sure, Noire is a bit messed-up, but I think that's what they were originally alluding to. She carries a pendant around with her since childhood that Tharja gave her with vague words of how it would help her poor self-confidence, she may go full psycho in battle but if she loses that pendant she loses all confidences and devolves into cowardice. And I don't think Tharja ever put any magic into that pendant, the age-old story of being just as capable without it. But hey, the poor girl does have a Black Magic Woman & a Shadow Dragon Construct for parents, cut her some slack!
       Rhajat however seems a bit younger. She's not had to be forcibly recruited into battle, she's not so dark a mage that she dabbles in poisons, bone-collecting or... well, she does do necromancy, but only because she wanted to prove her magical prowess to her father.
       I can still see it now! She's set up shop in the swamps outside of the town she was raised in to practice her necromancy and has succeeded in setting up endless spawnpoints for those bulky zombies that she affectionately refers to as her 'children.' Me, having led the charge into battle has forgotten to think of that enough steps ahead (hey, last generation was the tactician, ima big honkin dragon now! Dwagons don' need to think ahead of time!!) and am currently drenched in about seven zombies deep with Silas clinging frantically to my back. She's cackling at her proving her magical might, I'm cackling mad at my refusal to admit how stupid my plans have been & gotten myself stuck in an endless loop of battle. Truly, we were meant to be soulmates! 
       That's what the story is behind Rhajat. That your love has transcended the boundaries of time to be reincarnated again in to star-crossed lovers destined to meet again! You having rescued her as a child (time is sped up in the peaceful pocket dimensions the characters go to raise their children. Yes... its another age issue... stop wit' the looks, will yah!?!) which set her spinning into a life as a more cautious and magical woman that she is today, forever grateful for your unintentional heroism!
       And we see too, that she's every bit as shy & socially awkward as her ancestor. She weirds out the villages in her attempt to help cure them of the disease they're under the sway of, but has to have her strong-armed mother come in to set things straight. (Rika, think her name was? The flame-tribeswoman and barbarian? Might have gone for her, but I was determined to get my soulmate!)
       But anyhow! This, April First being the birthday of Rhajat and the second being the birthday of Tharja: I thank you deeply, Tharja, for opening my heart & allowing me to feel that it is actually possible for someone to love me. Just... something I wanted to put out there on the Internet & profess my feelings for.
     
  19. Widdershins
    For my second installment I'll be covering a mare that might very well be my favorite, of course, that depends as my tastes seem to vary wildly every time I come around to contemplating it and that does seem very like a Pinkie fan!
    Do keep in mind though, that which I bring up may not be something the character has actually done or never has been shown canonically doing, just what I feel seems very in spirit to them. Its observational, so humor may vary just as wildly. How very pink!

     

    Aaand for my second installment...Dramatic drumroll, if you please, Pinkie!







    You Might be a Pinkie Pie If...


     
     
     
    Once you learn a new gag, you have a tendency to beat it to death. *coughGIFscough*

    You've ever done something just to see if you could.

    Others seem to ask you an awful lot of questions about why you do the things you do & you can't really give them any answer.

    You don't always think things through, but with as many ideas as you have, failure rarely slows you down.

    When you crash, you crash hard.
     
    You're overly sympathetic. Someone else's temporary bad mood is a knife in your heart.
     
    You love the sound of yourself & have a huge range of impressions & sound effects.
     
    You sometimes have to divert all bodily functions to laughing.
     
    You think with your mouth. Rarely does a winter go by you're not out there snapping at snowflakes or playing in sprinklers or other jets of water in summer.
     
    Language, grammer & coherent thought structure are more of open suggestions to you.
     
    Expressing yourself is quite important to you. A fact that tends to be rather blatant to those who spend more then five minutes with you at any given moment.
    (Pinkie! Enough with the emoticons!) Oki Doki Loki!
     
    You are very well acquainted with the concept of meta-humor!
     
    Given the possibility to explode into pure emotion, you would do so. Frequently.
     
    You can't leave things be when you know someone doesn't like you. Even if they yell this point in your face.
     
    You don't pay all that much attention to your style or fashion, yet you still get compliments. Especially if its about your naturally permed hair.
     
     
     

    Well, sure hope you all had a good laugh!







    I know we did!


     
     
     
     
     

    .....okay, maybe one more...






    Yeh! I'm just looking for excuses now! Ee-hee-hee!
     

  20. Widdershins
    Well, for our second blog installment I thought I'd do a little bit of a series of observational humor. As that special brand of humor has its own sort of reputation for not being especially funny, this will be a few things I've noticed, and just leave it up to you all whether or not its funny to you. So let's first take a look a pony I am rather like, but don't rather like: Fluttershy. You know, if...




     

    You Might be a Fluttershy if You...


     
    Have ever been out on a walk and found yourself down on all fours, with your bum in the air, intently staring at something a few inches in front of your nose.
     
    Reflexively slip into baby talk. You also call every animal by its younger terms, every dog is a puppy, cat is a kitty to you.
     
    Have ever needed to be literally pulled into having to do something.
     
    Find yourself referring to things like Miss Flower & Mr. Car.
    "Oh no! Watch out! You're about to get hit by Mister Car!!"
     
    Have ever been caught "squeaking" when surprised.
     
    Have ever used the words "...if that's okay.", (without a question inflection)"Oh~My...", or any other names that end with a suffix of -pants or -head.
     
    Frequently apologize or excuse yourself when you know no one else is around to hear you.
     
    Are very well-acquainted with "Squeeing" & do so on a daily, unintentional basis.
     
    Care more for the lives of others more so than you do your own.
  21. Widdershins
    Huzzah! My first bloggy hoohah hooplah nonsense! Now you all are obligated to sit there and bask in my gibbering madness! And now, as the great Barnes once said! ON WITH THE SHOW!
     
    Little known fact is that the twelve days of Christmas actually happen after the holiday as opposed to leading up to it! Or at least I was told that by somewheres I can no longer remember & I automatically believe everything I'm told!
    A more known fact is that I like to abuse words & punch them until they form silly little piles of nonsense! Thus we begat our own holiday celebrated by a changing every day of my avatar & status update to match! Without further rambling ado I present to you:
    The Twelve Days of Crit-Mirth!
     
    On the first day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    A Partridge eating a peaaar treeee!
     
    On the second day of Crit-Mirth my Google Images did give to me:

    Two turtled doves!
     
    On the third day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Three anthropomorphized French Maid hens! (and if your wondering what that Google-Translates into, its something along the lines of "Surely you guys don't expect me to clean all this up!" It was kinda a gimmie, you know how google translate is!)
     
    On the fourth day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Four singing birds! (Alright, so it ain't funny, but it sure is cute, innit?!)
     
    On the fifth day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    FIIIIVE GOLLEM RIIIIINGS!
     
    On the sixth day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Six geese a'throwin' horns!
     
    On the Seventh day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Seven swans a'proselytizing!
     
    On the eighth day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Eight maids a'warping! (You have NO idea how hard it was to find something on the internets about maids or milking that wasn't sexually related!!)
     
    On the ninth day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Nine chicks a'dancin'!
     
    On the tenth day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Ten Lemming-Lords a'leaping... to their deaths!
     
    On the eleventh day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did give unto me!

    Eleven walruses pipin' bubbles!
     
    Aaand on the TWELFTH day of Crit-Mirth my GoogleImages did enable me to do...
    Twelve drumrolls drumming....For my fiiirst ever bloooog!
     
    P.S Just between you & me, dear reader...all that was a lie. I never used google images...Scandalous, I know!
×
×
  • Create New...