AppleButt

This is gonna be a somewhat lengthy update, but I had a nightmare last night that actually got to me.  Normally when I have a nightmare it just doesn’t scare me.  
 

Like one time when I dreamed I was in the deep abyss and a shark kept popping out of the dark to attack me. I was just like “meh” through the whole dream. 
 

However, when it’s something that could actually happen to me it’s different. 
 

I dreamed last night that a plane crashed cause I fueled it wrong.  It was considered my fault.  I couldn’t handle it in my dream and I couldn’t handle it in real life if it were to happen.  I don’t know what I’d do with the feeling of guilt. 
 

When I witnessed 4 people I had just met die in a plane crash in 2016.   I remember having those same feelings.  “What if it was my fault?? What could I have possibly done wrong to cause this?!”  
 

I couldn’t sleep for the next few nights just thinking about it, replaying the scene in my head over and over and over again,  wondering if it could have possibly been fault. 
 

It was the biggest relief when we were ruled out.  It didn’t take long thank goodness.  But I’d pay money to never have to feel that again. 
 

And that’s why that nightmare hit me kinda hard.   It’s been 4 years ago, but I’ll never forget that day, and I’ll never forget the fear and helplessness I felt for those people.