Blog Entries posted by Shift
gf plz understand dlc plz
DRACO MALFOY IS BEST HP CHARACTER HE IS SO ADORABLEEEE
That is all.
HUZZAH! The second installment of Shift reviews everything. Today, we will be talking about the newest episode; Rainbow Dash can't stay awake in history to Wonderbolt 2; Electric Scootaloo. Wow, what a long title! The first one was 'Rainbow Dash can't even Wonderbolt'.
Anyway, this episode starts off with Twilight reading. Wow. How original. She's learning spells that she can obviously cast, and she's reading them out loud so all of those other pathetic unicorns can bask in the glory that is TWILIGHT SPARKLE!
The book clearly has horrible binding, and Rainbow Dash decides to be thoughtful and flies really fast to show Twilight just how loose those covers really are. I mean, if you had a book with THOSE loose pages, would you want to know? EXACTLY. Twilight is pissed though, and decides to scold Rainbow Dash, who then mentions she has a test. Twilight, wanting Rainbow to pass, gives Rainbow Dash a history lecture about history and OH MY GOD I WAS TOLD THERE WAS NO SCHOOL TODAY ;.;. Anyway, Rainbow Dash gives us Dashabetus. AND OH MY GOD SHE IS SO CUTE OH MY GAWD CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK HELP GUYS THINK OF ALL OF THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD
ON SECOND THOUGHT DON'T AND JUST HELP ME
Also, I am now a Twidash shipper. Happy now?
Oh and Spike and Owlowlicious are assholes. And Spike can play the drum. Soooo... that's a thing? Also, Dash is best highlighter! Heheh. Get it? HIGH lighter? Her colors are really light and she flies up high! Heheheh...
...I don't get it either.
Twilight gives Dash the dreaded pop quiz, which Dash fails on. Also, did Rainbow Dash say 'Celestia's Serial Celebration'? I know it's 'Celestia's Ceral Celebration' but for a second there I thought Celestia had a celebration to honor serial killers. Now, Dash starts to panic.
Twilight tries amazing flashcards to help Dash learn, but gets spitballs in return. That failed.
Then, the other Mane 6 come up with different ideas on how to make Rainbow Dash learn. Gee, I wish I had this many real life friends that were willing to help me out when I needed to be studying... they normally just tell me to 'shut up and read this shipfic'.
Fluttershy tries to play. That fails. And Opal looks stupid. Angel looks awesome. Also, Tank breaks everything.
Pinkie Pie decides to go back to the future... er... 90s and give us a tale on how her life got flip turned upside down. That fails. And boy, if that's how Pinkie learned in school, how long does it take for her to compose an original song, come up with EDUCATIONAL lyrics, and memorize all of the lyrics? God.
Rarity decides to be prissy. That fails. Also, her costume is horrible. And I think she's a creeper. Why am I playing her in EQE again? Twilight also rocks those shades, bro!
Applejack has the best cure though; she doesn't know how to make Rainbow learn shit. Thanks for being honest, AJ. Always the helpful pony.
So, then Rainbow Dash decides that all of their ideas SUCK and flies away. Heartbreaking. I still have Dashabetus from that stool tho.
Then we decide to do it the Rainbow Dash way; THE FACT THAT SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING WHILE FLYING. DID YOU POST TO INSTAGRAM WHILE SHE WAS FLYING? SHE KNOWS. DID YOU READ A CLOPFIC WHILE SHE WAS FLYING? SHE KNOWS. So, using Rainbow Stalker's skill, she knows everything and aces the quiz. Whoopdee doooo. Also, I think Berry was drunk while holding up that sign; she should of asked for booze while Stalking Dash was flying over.
Rainbow Dash passes her test and gets on the Wonderbolt reserves. Wait... Wonderbolt RESERVES? MORE LIKE THE 'Wonderbolt I SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOBs'. All the Wonderbolts do is trash talk and do a bunch of stunts that we never get to see. Rainbow Dash can create explosions out of the sky. And she saved Equestria at least 5 times. And the Wonderbolts are complete arses anyway; they never learn any lesson whatsoever and they abandoned a team member. JUST SO THEY COULD LOOK BETTER AND FASTER AND THE PONYVILLE TEAM WOULD BE OUT.
So, all in all, I give this episode, 4 stars!
"My review is lazy and I should feel lazy. Of course, I don't feel terrible at all. Because I am just that terrible."
SHIFT IS NOW GOING TO REVIEW EVERYTHING EVER.
NOTHING WILL GO WRONG.
So this episode starts off with Applejack and Big Mac playing in a lake, Big Mac apparently lacking to knowledge to swim. Applejack is kicking the water and doing absolutely nothing productive, like, say, SELL APPLES. Also, how deep is the water? Like, 2 feet?
Applebloom then decides to show off her aqua acrobatics that are Equestria Games level, but has been demoted to carrying a flag that nobody cares about. She cruelly wakes up Granny Smith, so she can do what my grandparents do every other minute; say a bunch of crap involving 'back in my day'. Also, she apparently has a fear of 2 feet deep water. In other words, she's more of a chicken then half of the kids at my school and that's saying something. Apparently, Smith was a big shot water diver and not the 11th Doctor. Also, she was pretty hot by pony standards.
Applebloom then decides to be stupid and ask her younger sister if she will be afraid of the water. Big Mac puts on a shark hat for the sole reason of putting on a shark hat, and the fact that he has learned how to swim without floaties in the past minute. Then... theme.
Suddenly, people start passing them by in a crowd, probably to snog Justin Bieber or the like. However, the show proves me false and it proves to be a circus. Maybe the Madagascar cast is there. A cart goes to the middle, and suddenly Seth wonders if Trixie ran away and joined the circus. NOPE! Green magic aura. It's Chrysalis. But wait! No! It's the GODDAMN FLIM FLAM BROTHERS! Then they start talking about valuable time, which I am wasting writing this review. Applejack gets pissed for good reason. I mean, they DID try to destroy her life.
Then Flim and Flam start talking about time again and The Doctor decides to guest star. Guess he's running out of money. Or is this... FORESHADOWING? Apparently, he is puzzled. Maybe it's Sherlock Holmes. Also, Flim + Flam apparently look super young-er in this. I bet their tonic really does work. Oh, yeah, they're advertising about a drug that cures all diseases. Also, they claim that bacteria are villains. I'm sure Twilight would get a kick out of that. Also, they decide to school us... BY SINGING A SONG. Also, they diss the natural world, pissing off Fluttershy in the process in a galaxy far away. Then they start talking about how dangerous the world is in.
Well, EXCUSSSEEE ME! YOU LIVE IN A WORLD OF PONIES AND RAINBOWS AND FUN! DO YOUUUUU HAVE MAFIA BOSSES THAT CAN KILL YOU? DO YOUUUUU HAVE EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS THAT WILL TORTURE YOU? DO YOUUUU HAVE CHEATING NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS WITH REALLY LOUD DOGS? NO!
ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE TOO POOR TO GET A HOUSE AND EVEN HAVE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS!
Okay, apparently, now they're talking about a tonic. A drug. Yep, kids, do drugs. Then they get the whole crowd singing, a pony does shit and gets his shit cured, and granny buys one. And Applejack mourns.
Also, dat ass.
Now, Granny has her eyes opened to the wonders of addiction and is swimming in her clothes again and being an overall ass to the world around her. So, in short, the tonic is like a TM? GRANNY FORGOT BEING OLD AND LEARNED SURF!
Anyway, AJ is suspicious of business ponies and prepares to confront Flim + Flam but finds out the whole tonic thing is a fake. Way to go, Flim + Flam. The pony who got his shit cured apparently had no shit to be cured either. Bummer. AJ decides to make the ponies happy by not telling them.
The next morning Granny does what a normal addict does and buys every drug that is a tonic ever. Then AJ gives her seal of approval, and because AJ is Ponyville's best pony, everypony ever buys every tonic ever.
AKA, AJ bucks up.
Oh by the way before the whole seal of approval thing Applejack decides to mope on a swing. Mopey mope mope. Also, Granny can do aqua acrobatics. IF YOU JUST BELIEVEEEEEE!
HOOO HHOOO HAAAA!
AB + Granny join a swim team and once again do Olympic worthy swimming, but the government totes ignores them. Also, who needs luck when you've got drugs? And apparently, Flim + Flam are stalkers and got a picture of AJ. They are photoshop masters. Berry once again proves she loves alcohol. Granny then dies a horrible death. I LIED, SHE DOESN'T! Flim + Flam get their rape faces on and Lyra, Dizzy + THE DOCTOR give 10s. Because an old lady like that is srs bsns.
Then a pony breaks it to her that because of AJ, he's going to become Jim Moriarty 2.0. OH SHIT!
Granny then decides to be stupid, leaves a suicide note at home where nobody checks and then Discord burns it because he is evil. Then Granny commits suicide by jumping off of a diving board but AJ saves her and tells her that;
"Now, granny, there's nothing more cool then doing drugs with someone you like." AJ sez. "But If you do drugs and I approve in a place or a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good!"
The Flim Flam bros go away forever now, and Jim Moriarty 2.0 pays Applejack off and rules the world from heaven. However, apparently the show misconcepts it as a key for the Mystery Box of Plot Importance. K.
Applejack writes a drunken report in the diary, falls asleep, and then we realize that AJ got the best key because she got paid AND got something to save the world!
So, anyway, I give this episode 4/5 STARS!
...because it was good?
"IF SOMEONE TRYS TO RATE YOUR EPISODE IN A PLACE OR A WAY THAT MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT'S NO GOOD."
Shift's Opinions: Stamp Edition
Shift's Opinions: Stamp Edition
Shift's Opinions: Stamp Edition
No. 3: Fluttershy
No. 2: Twilight Sparkle
No. 1: Applejack
In No Particular Order