Midnight Seeker

Pop music. I have hated it since I was an infant in the 80's. I hated it as I was growing up in the 90's. I loathed it in the 00's. And the music of this decade is just worse as they have given up all together. It's always dumb repetition and idiotic sex appeal to mask that the song is crap and most often ripped off by someone else. Most of these "stars" can't even sing, and most can't even dance! It's ALL auto-tune and effects. The stuff I like (metal and goth) isn't perfect (except when it is), but even their weakest have fucking life to them. They put in passion and energy. Pop is just bland flavour of the month garbage that keeps repeating itself and only succeeds as people are easily led morons who don't even fucking realise it but I see oh yes I see the truth and I'm a freak because it's painful to me to endure that plastic music! And miming while a tape plays instead of preforming is unacceptable and SHOULD be a career killer. I have had idiots tell me that it doesn't matter if the manikins sing, it's okay to pay a fortune just to see them! And don't get me started on that painfully bland mediocre trashy shit stain audio crime against humanity that was fecking ABBA may they suffer the agonies of a thousand forsaken souls lost in perdition and torment! As you can see, my opinion on this matter is a strong one and I tend to get a little overboard in explaining my view.

Granted. I tear out your heart before you can use them though. If it makes you feel better, I got a small electrical shock from your heart (which is still beating, huh). I think I'll use it as a battery for something. I wish I had something that can use an electrokinetic heart as a battery.

Granted. As you snuggle her, I sneak up behind you and rip out heart while you as distracted. I also take Derpy as well. She is very snuggable. I wish for my ears tae pop.

Granted. But the moment you enter Equestria, I appear in front of you and rip out your still beating heart before you even leave your vehicle and see the magical and wondrous land of brightly coloured horses. Then I steal your machine for a wonderful inter- dementional murder spree. I wish I had a Star Destroyer with a fully trained crew who are loyal to me.

Fine. I kick you in the shin. Then steal your wallet, and chain you down. I then chew my food slowly, with my mouth open and keep eye contact with you the whole time. I also sing off key a lot. And murder your friends and family in front of you. I wish to be respected.

Fine. I take you out with a headshot, then hire a dude to remove your heart for me. I pay him and walk off whistling tae myself. Noticing a trend yet? I wish Santa was an evil murdering monster with the build of a Jewish Wrestler.

Granted. I ignore it. Its just a piece of paper man! I mean, come on! And if you wish for police protection or the like, you know I'll kill them first, torment you with their corpses and then kill you? Heart rippy time. I wish for a hug.

Fine. I rip out your heart, via your mouth (doesn't break the skin does it?). Then drum, concrete, Mariana Trench, eternal torment. You have tae be some kind of masochist. Each their own. I wish tae get back into Warhammer 40'000

Granted. I inject you with a immortality drug. Then I rip out your still beating heart, before sealling you in a lead drum, then having it placed in the centre of a giant brick of concrete which weighs several tonnes, then having it dropped in the Mariana Trench. You get to live. Just in constant agony (from the eternally bleeding hole in your chest and the bone breaking pressure of being in the fecking Mariana Trench). Keep trying tae cheat me son. I'm a 32 year old Highland with a blocked nose and fondness for brightly coloured animated equestrian beasties. I am fear itself! I wish for an ice cream please.

Fine. Using advanced spooky psychic powers, I erase your heart from existence. Then I will it back into reality, but in my right hand. Thus your heart is dematerialised then rematrealised. Nah, cannae do any of that. I'll just cremate you alive. Slowly. As your flesh sizzles while you are slowly (oh so slowly) roasted, don't you just wish I killed you quick? So this brutal murder is more your fault than mine. This is what happens when you try to cheat me. So just stand straight, place your hands behind your back and take your medicine like a good walking sack of meat and water next time. Okay? I wish to see your reaction as you read this post, as well as the slow realisation that I am standing right behind you RIGHT NOW!

Granted. You have heart burn. Guess the cure? No, not medication smart guy! I am going to thrust my hand into your chest, grab hold of your heart, and pull it out while roaring like a madman playing bingo and winning for the first time in 37 years! As you can tell, my mother never loved me that much. Either that or I just enjoy rambling over the bodies of people I have just murdered. Huh. I think I may be cracked in the head. Ah well. I wish to become the next Internet boogyman.

Granted. Blah blah, heart rippy outty twist with some horror based set up. I also nick your wallet (for old times sake). I wish I wasn't sick.

I tear out your heart, which SAVES your life. It was growing and growing, so if I hadn't have done that, it would have grown too heavy for your body and you would have died painfully. Because of my selfless actions, you live for exactly three point seven seconds longer. Then you die. An expanding murder heart is still a heart and we need these to live. I wish for something good on the telly.

Your wish was for a mild case of heartburn. I tear out your heart and hold it over a small fire for a few minutes. Then I get out a packet of marshmallows. It's a nice nite. I wish for a shave.

I am utterly fine with that. Good trade. Granted. You wake up chained in a tank filled with a ton of dying fish. Your chains are badly rusted, so with incredible luck and effort, you are able to break free. Trouble is all that fish is suffocating you. It takes more effort to force your way out of the tank, squashing countless fishes and getting smeared in their gunk. Hours of struggling in a horrific and hellish situation, you finally grab hold of the edge of the tank and painfully pull yourself out. I rip out you heart before you even notice me. I then kick your corpse back on to the fish tank where it slowly sinks. I wish for a nice cup of coffee.

Denied. You are trapped in a mansion that you own. There are bars on the Windows and no way to open or break open the doors. You hear a gentle song being sung. The last lyric? "And before light dawns. . . Your heart will be mine" Then the lights go out. I wish for night vision.

Granted. Have your pie. Have some more pies. Pity you cannae eat any. I sowed you mouth shut before I trapped you in that cell. You had two days to eat the pies, but with your mouth stuck shut and your hands tied behind your back, you failed. I smile warmly as I advance on you. Your heart is mine. I wish for a ham sandwich.

Granted. After I rip out your still beating heart, I dump your cooling corpse in a container filled with dead rotting fish waste. I wish I no longer had to shave facial hair.

Granted. Her lifeless body lies in front of you, a bloodstained hole in her chest and a look of agony and horror forever locked in her once noble face. You become aware of barely repressed rage radiating from behind you as you feel my breath. I'll take your heart. After you have paid your debt for my nephews. Get ready for a super magical fun time of wonder and enchantment. House Bolton style. I wish cake.

Granted. I leave it in your lower abdomen. Figure I try killing before I take the heart. Unsatisfactory. I wish for magic murder machine. I wanna give it tae my nephews. Get them started.

Granted. Best talk fast. Five minutes after we start, it's heart rippin time infidel. I wish to have my own dungeon for super magic fun times with lucky, lucky people's.

Granted. I clone myself and have my copy beat you up, steal your wallet and then rip out your heart. We high five and walk away. I wish my clone would die suddenly in a grizzly gory and highly amusing manner.

Granted. I leave your special at your door sans heart. Then I snatch yours. Not being romantic. I think I'm a serial killer. Huh. Anyway, I'll bung you both in the same unmarked grave. I'm no a total monster. I wish to never get caught for my crimes.