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Kyoshi Frost Wolf

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  1. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    WARNING! There are spoilers for the season 6 finale ahead so if you haven't seen it, don't read this blog!
     

    Starlight Glimmer is a character that I initially hated, I have made that clear on the forums. I originally viewed her as being insanely overpowered for no reason, having a terrible backstory and just being a character that didn't deserve what she was getting, the Twilight pupil thing.
     
    I will go ahead and say that I do still think that her backstory is meh and not detailed enough AND I do think she is still overpowered for no reason. Those for me hold true. However, after seeing the season 6 finale, I can say now that I don't have a negative view overall on her as a character. In fact, I am actually starting to like her! Crazy.
     
    In the season 6 finale, I saw her character in such a good way that the rest of the season didn't do as well. While I have liked a couple of the episodes with her in it, she never fulled clicked for me. Now, the finale has given me something awesome to see her as! See, in the finale, we see her continuing to interact with Trixie, which I friggin' love that! Her interacting with a former antagonist like that and connect with her is so cool and it is pretty cute too. Showing that Starlight really wants to be a friend with her and have a real connection is awesome to see. Then when she went to her old village, she became overwhelmed and became terrified. Seeing her shaking like that actually made me feel sorry for her and it was a moment of weakness that I really wanted to see from her, as weird as it might sound. Seeing her struggle like that makes me see that her character is definitely not perfect despite her immense magical abilities.
     
    Then we see her interacting with Discord too in a funny way, and when they go to the changeling kingdom, that is one of the best parts of the episode. Why? Because Starlight could not use her magic there! That alone made her interact in such a better way because she had to work with others and cooperate with them fully to succeed. Like I said, I think Starlight is still just too overpowered with magic but here, we got to see that she can succeed without using her magic, meaning that she can get stuff done without being overpowered! Solves a problem she was having in season 6.
     
    Not only this, but she had a wonderful message at the end of it, trying to befriend Chrysalis in a way that she could relate, which of course Chrysalis and Starlight did not become a princess like I fear. I found this to be a lot better for her character, because I still think she needs more time to simmer. Glimmer Simmer. With such great moments with her in this finale, it is great setup for her to go further and then, if she does become a princess. I might be completely fine with it later on and it will reflect on all that Twilight was able to help her with too.
     
    So in conclusion, I have to say well done to the writers for making me actually like Starlight now. I was hoping I could at least be neutral to her, but it is better than that. I didn't want to dislike her before but I could not get into the idea. Boy how things have quickly changed. It makes me happy to see her character improve so much. ^-^ I am looking forward to see what they do with her in season 7.
  3. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, simply put, is nowhere near as good as everyone is raving about. While this game does have a lot of positive points and good amount of content, it has so many issues that pile on quickly and ruin a lot of the fun atmosphere this game is supposed to have. First and foremost are the horrendous spirits. This incredibly stupid addition replaces the trophies of past games and it is garbage. Rather than being about collecting things and it being fun in that sense, it is all about getting spirits for bonuses and stats. That's the main reason they are there, for numbers. Without overpowered spirits you stand no chance in the harder fights in the TERRIBLE spirit board, which hosts fights ranging in difficulty from brain dead easy to impossible without the right spirits. The spirit board is a disaster and usually throws any semblance of skill out the window and into a fire. The spirit board really feels like a really crappy free to play mobile game concept that was built for microtransactions, it just doesn't have the microtransactions. Even still, it is just a boring, endless grind and most of what is available to you is out of your control.
    The fighting is still as fun as ever, but there are obviously character balance problems and the A.I. is insanely inconsistent. One match they can barely put up a fight, the next it reacts to your every move and doesn't let you do anything, doing combos endlessly and destroying you and I have no idea why this is the case.
    This game also showcases just how lackluster the joy cons are. These being the default playing method of every Switch, it is sad to see them be so unfavorable in a game as intense as this. You basically have to pick up something else if you want full enjoyment and full enjoyment will only be obtained if you avoid the spirit modes like the plague that they are.
    Honestly, I am just disappointed. This game really can be fun at times, but the hideously inconsistent A.I. the terrible addition of spirits and this stupid meta game that nobody asked for, while the game is missing other old modes that were a better distraction than trying to get spirits all the time. Things like Classic Mode feel tacked on and half baked. Classic Mode does have some character specific boss battles, which would be cool if all of them weren't terrible except for Ganon. Haven't even touched the online, but I have heard that it is pretty terrible, so of course, Nintendo is simply fumbling in all the usual places. I've read opinions of others that this game really feels like it was made purely for tournament players and the casual fun has been diminished heavily and I highly agree with that statement. I am already getting sick of this game and I haven't even unlocked all the characters yet. I don't really have any friends to play this game locally with, so I have to rely on what is here for a solo experience and it is just never ending, bitter disappointment. I don't know why I bother with gaming anymore. I can't enjoy any of it these days.
     
     
    Oh wait I forgot everything Nintendo does is absolute perfection 10/10 best game ever
  4. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    I just watched a critique of Fame and Misfortune, an episode I hate. This is that video:
    This person didn't like the episode either, but instead of focusing on the episode's real problems like the terrible writing, bad characterizations, bringing up stuff that makes no sense, he mainly brought up and chastised the one thing the episode kinda has going for it, the message. The message of accepting yourself despite your flaws. He didn't like that at all. Opinions are opinions but..what? He basically said that if someone has flaws, no matter what they are, they should work on improving them, even though it is never that simple. He feels that the song within the episode and the message that it says is actually dangerous, since it 'encourages accepting your flaws instead of fixing them.' What if they can't be fixed? For a lot different people, that's the case. Should they just be alienated and treated like lesser humans because of their flaws? Is all of life a giant race to human perfection within oneself? He does bring up the point that if someone is an asshole, they should not be encouraged to stay as an asshole, but good people have problems too, some of which are not able to be magically fixed. If that were the case, then I would be a lot different of a person than who I am right now, I probably wouldn't be a failure! But even with my own flaws, many of which I just cannot seem to overcome because of mental damage that I didn't ask for, I know I am not a terrible person. His view of seeing this moral makes it seem like if you are not actively pursuing improvement on everything that is wrong with you, then you are doing something wrong and I cannot accept that as a viewpoint. Life isn't some montage from Rocky. Everyone is different, everyone's situation is different and everyone's brain works in different ways. This is all a shame too, because I was hoping he would tear the episode apart for what it truly does wrong, but instead his main focus was...the positive message. I mean, damn. He used the Rainbow Rocks bit where Sunset is singing about how her past is the past and all that, he said that is a good way to go about it, because she is saying that she will 'improve herself' but that is 1. Extremely vague and 2. Not indicative of every person on the planet. Hell, even in Fame and Misfortune's blundered delivery, that doesn't apply. Sunset Shimmer is not Fluttershy. They are two different characters, or two different people, with their own quirks and shortcomings. That doesn't make them bad, at least not in Flutter's case. He said that self-acceptance morals are okay if they are about things like your sexuality or your race, but is THAT where the line is drawn? What if you were born with some metal defect, one you didn't ask for and one that you can't fix through sheer will, is that applicable or no? Does that person automatically become bad because they want to accept that they have a flaw? By the logic he applies, that is how it feels. This entire time as well, it really comes across as if the person making the video is assuming that if he can work on his own flaws, that simply means that every other human being is in a similar situation as he is. Which goes back the SUnset Shimmer thing. Not everyone is him, he is not everyone else.
    I don't know. I am sorta tired, I can't sleep because stress is in me mind and I am rambling I suppose. Some could look at me and say I am just making excuses for myself or whatever. I am someone that is very flawed. I have anxiety constantly, I have always been terrible socially because of my quirks and I am extremely depressed and I hate myself for it all. that's because I know I can't fix this anxiety issue, something I have always had and has actually gotten worse despite my efforts and yet, I feel like I should fix it, because if I don't, I am lesser than other people. That is what I see this guy's own viewpoint as and why I think it is dangerous in its own way. It is telling people that they shouldn't accept themselves if they are flawed. They should strive to be near flawless, like their fellow human beings. That just seems wrong to me. It is not wrong to want to improve yourself, but to not accept yourself as a person if you can't? No, that isn't the answer. That would be like telling someone with nervous ticks who gets bullied because kids they think he is 'weird' to work on not having nervous ticks. Telling them that and telling them not to accept themselves with their own flaws is basically telling them that who they are is wrong. Again, you want to tell someone that is actually obstructing someone else's happiness by way of being a dickhole? Sure, tell them that, that makes sense, but one cannot use it as a blanket statement. It all reminds of the type of people that look at those who commit suicide and blame THEM for their problems and not fixing them instead. He himself says that the moral of self acceptance has its limits, but good luck knowing what those limits are.
    Ehhh...That's all I can say really. I guess I felt something really wrong about this person's own message as a counter point to a message that I hold close to my heart, the message of self acceptance.
  5. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Atari has apparently been on a mission to murder the beloved Rollercoaster Tycoon franchise, one of my all time favorite games EVER. They pretty much were successful with the crowdfunded disaster of Rollercoaster Tycoon World and then proceeded to put a few more bullets into the series with Rollercoaster Tycoon 4 Mobile, a horrendous mobile pile of trash.
    Well, Atari is back at it again. They have come back to now parade the corpse of RCT around like some puppet in a horrific nightmare fun-house, minus the fun. Their latest venture happens to be taking place on the Nintendo Switch of all systems, but hey, an RCT game on the Switch? Hell yeah! I like the Switch, I love RCT, good match no? Apparently though, Atari is hell bent on making sure that this series stays buried forever.
    This is their latest 'project'
    Yes, you saw that. How many things can they possibly get wrong with a simple video?! This next 'game' is going to be crowdfunded, despite the COO spending the first 2 minutes bragging about how awesome and successful Atari is. They want a minimum of $10,000 in 3 months. Thing is, you notice how the thumbnail uses a shot of the original classic game? Look closely at the footage of the 'new' game for the Switch. It is just a goddamn PORT OF A MOBILE GAME. What realm of reality are the people at Atari living in? What hellbeast spawn sided with them to make such a horrible cash grab attempt? There is literally nothing about this that has what makes RCT fun or even remotely good. They want US, the consumer, to pay for their shitty cash-in mobile monstrosity on the Switch. The Switch deserves better, RCT fans deserve better, GAMING deserves better. That smug pile of shit COO who clearly wanted us to know how good his company is wants to rely on crowdfunding. Yet, they even are fucking up that to no end. You wanna know how much the minimum pledge is to this game? $250. You read that right. $250, at minimum. What about pledging a higher amount? What will you get from that? Well, if you donate $750 to this campaign, you will get the luxurious prize of...a 25% discount on the game when it releases. So, if you pledge that much money, you don't even get the fucking game. Even then, this game is actually going to cost MONEY? A port of a free to play shithole and we will have to pay for it on the Switch? How about...NO.
    Seriously, screw you Atari. They have done terrible stuff in the past, but this is the last straw for me. I hope they fall, I hope this fails horribly and I hope eventually, they lose everything. This is greed beyond anything else out there. This is worse than EA, this is somehow worse than Activision. This is just abysmal. So, to anyone reading this, please go to that video and dislike it to hell. Make your voice known on their Twitter if you wish. Anything. Atari needs to be sent a clear message for absolutely destroying a franchise that so many people love and grew up with, including me. Rollercoaster Tycoon, a game that stands the test of time even 20 years later, is now reduced to this. Thanks Atari, thanks.
  6. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    With the movie coming up, and from what I have seen of it so far, it feels like an epic celebration of what the show has become, how far it has gone. A big reason of that is because of this fandom, supporting it to the point of putting it into history. A fandom I joined over 5 years ago.
    I am feeling a bit emotional right now, but in a good way. If that makes sense. I am thinking a lot of these past 5 years. Time sure does fly by. I joined this fandom at a time when I was so depressed and lost in life. This show and the fandom itself changed me. It made me do things I never had interest in doing before. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere. This forum mainly. I know that sounds weird, but I mean it. For once, I truly felt like part of a community that I belonged in. This show gave me that.
    I've done a lot in the past 5 years in regards to the fandom, for what that is worth. I have made 100's of signatures, met all sorts of people here, I met my boyfriend here as well, I have gone to Equestria TV to watch the show with others, I have watched the show with the couple of offline friends I have left. Every single bit of this, all of it has created memories for me. Memories that I will forever cherish. I always used to think of the good times in my youth whenever I felt hopeless, but while I have had some bad moments, these 5 years are memories too. Things I can always remember.
    It hasn't all been so easy. I still struggle with depression, hardcore anxiety, feelings of futility, self-doubt and even at times, self hatred. That struggle may continue for years. I often still feel lost in my life because of my many limitations. Life is about being happy though. Life is about feeling joy. It is about laughing, crying, hugging, joking and loving. This show and as a result its fandom and these forums, have all given me more chances to do that. Even if it is just over the internet, it means more to me than many may realize.
    I often don't afford myself the time to simply stop and think of all of this. To appreciate what has been given to me over these years. Seeing this show receive a major film and on its way to its 8th season, it truly makes me think of it all. You all have given me memories, and more. I thank all of you for that, and I love you, all of you. I know it might sound sappy, but I need to show appreciation to all of you and to what this show has given me. A lot of things in my life might still be up in the air and I even have many fears about my life, but at least I can be here to experience what this show is about, friendship. My offline social life just doesn't exist now, but I have all of you.
    If you have ever communicated with me, and you ever feel down, just know you had a part in this. I might just be some person, not famous or anything, but even helping me is something I can't thank you enough for.
    Sorry if this seemed sappy or anything, I needed to get all of this out. I think it has built up for a while, to finally say all of this makes me feel happy.
  8. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    I am not good at social interactions. Never was. I thought I was getting better when I was in school over time, but it seems all of that has gone away and my ability to properly socialize has gotten worse in time. I also suffer from depression, but lot's of people know that already. With these things, I have a terrible social life offline and lately, online too. I am starting to feel like most people hate me for whatever reason. Could be people think I am too depressing or maybe I pissed some people off by saying something stupid. I just feel like I have fucked up numerous times without properly knowing it. Or I could be paranoid beyond belief and overthinking things.
    I am having a sort of emotional spasm tonight. I know, depressive bullshit is nothing new from me, but these feelings just hit me. Like a car crashing in out of nowhere. I don't mean for my depressive nonsense to bring others down but I just seem to bring others down without knowing it.
    If anyone here reads this and thinks I am overthinking things, then ignore this post. I am just getting thoughts onto some kind of outlet somewhere. I am tired of bothering specific people with my ramblings on life.
  9. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Anyone that knows me knows that I have issues, for sure, Mental issues. Sometimes I get really depressed, other times I get super stressed out, and sometimes I get super pissed off. Being someone that is autistic and has a crippling anxiety disorder, this stuff isn't too much of a surprise. Regardless, I know that I do come off as abrasive sometimes, or perhaps even more than that and if I have ever come off as an asshole to anyone here, I apologize, deeply. I mean no ill will towards anyone, I just have my moments and stupid stuff results from those moments.
    I hate the feeling that many people might not like me for what I have said in the past, it makes me extremely worried because I want to be a positive influence, a good person. Still, I know I fail at doing that half the time. I guess my own paranoia is what is making me write this clarification. Reassurance is something that helps and I am wanting to reassure myself by trying to clear the negative air that I know I sometimes make.
    So in closing, I shall now hug you all with a big pizza. Oh yeah. *hugs with big pizza*
  10. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    *Disclaimer: While this blog is me stating why I think you should not buy this game, it is your money so feel free to do whatever. I can't stop you.   So Call of Duty WWII has been revealed to the public to apparent positive reception in initial impressions. The like to dislike ratio in the trailer is actually positive, which compared to last year's Infinite Warfare, that means something, I guess.   The thing is, I am not impressed. While the trailer to me was simply okay, nothing mind blowing, the actual game itself is something I highly recommend that any of you considering purchasing it to not do so, especially not just based on the trailer. A picture only says a few words and the underlying problems are far worse than any scenery change could solve.   First off and this is a bit more of a nitpick but I do want to point it out: The name. For years, people have been clamoring to 'go back to WW2!' and so Activision does. How do they make sure everyone knows that it is back to that? Why, by literally calling the game 'WWII'. Creative subtitle, no thought put into it, just putting WWII to make sure the market knows exactly what it is. This would be like if Uncharted 2 Among Thieves was instead called 'Uncharted 2 Drake Jumps and Shoots'. This extreme blandness and being so on the nose about it is a clear indicator that Activision is just going for a 'market', not a good product. Even Battlefield 1's name is less generic.   Secondly, also over the past few years, everyone has been saying 'go back to the roots of the franchise!' Will that actually fix anything though? Also, by 'roots of the franchise', what do they mean? It is now being used as a clear selling point of this new game, so a clear definition would be nice. Oh, do they mean WW2 because that is where the franchise started? Because if we look back at the old games, like Call of Duty 2 for example, I don't remember that game having idiotic killstreaks, a $50 season pass, expensive supply drops and terrible cosmetic DLC out the ass, nor do I remember a tacked on zombies mode. So to go back to the roots, would be get rid of all of this and we know Activision and even some fans wouldn't want that. Greed goes a long way. Or do they mean 'foot on the ground' gameplay finally? Well, didn't Modern Warfare Remastered do that? Speaking of that...   Third, Modern Warfare Remastered. It went 'back to the roots', right? It had the standard COD gameplay, which is apparently all anyone wants, so it should be the perfect game, right? The thing is, it was TRASH. Seriously, MWR is one of the worst multiplayer experiences that I have ever played and the campaign was just average to me. The balance in the multi was out the window, supply drops were at the forefront (which WERE NOT IN THE ORIGINAL GAME), quickscoping was basically encouraged and the maps were horrendous. So simply going back to the 'roots' of this franchise won't actually fix anything.   Fourth and this might be the biggest one, GREED. Seriously. Everyone has been going on and on, bitching and moaning about 'the futuristic settings' and 'mecha soldiers' of the past few games and they have been pleading for something more standard. The thing is, the 'setting' is not the damn problem with this series. The problems are far worse than that, yet they apparently are never seen by the COD faithful. Activision's GREED is the disease corroding the franchise. We get a new game every damn year, with each game having a $50 season pass, supply drops microtransactions where the game is fine tuned to make you buy, P2P servers with server problems like crazy, unbalanced weapons because no care was put into it, half second kill times, overpowered killstreaks, terrible maps, these are all things that have been killing this series for years now, and a simple change of scenery will not do a damn thing. I have seeing comments like 'YAY! WW2! Finally I am excited for a COD game!' Why? It will be the same problem-riddled experience, just in WW2. I have also seen comments like 'I hope there will not be supply drops.'. Wake up. There WILL be supply drops. There will be countless amounts of pointless DLC. There will be greed throughout this game. Activision is the overseer of these games, they decide what goes where. The developers, Sledghehammer Games in this case, are simply puppets that Activision pulls all the strings on. They have no real say-so on what goes where, Activision is the one that has the ultimate power here and they WILL make sure there are micro-transactions and horrible practices. Each game in the series for the past several years has suffered from this. A scenery change will not prevent this and people need to realize this now. Oh yeah, people...   Fifth, THE CONSUMER. This is both a reason not to buy this game and also another reason why this series is so f*cked up now. Activision is clearly a massive part of the problem, but it is the gaming community that is the second largest issue. This shit keeps happening because people are buying it, every single year. They buy it, then complain about how terrible it is afterwards only to buy the next one. They also buy the map packs each year and the supply drops, showing Activision that people are dumb enough to fall for it all, so they will keep doing it. Vote with your damn wallet and the series might improve. Or not, nobody actually listens to that idea.   Like I said at the start, I cannot stop you from buying the game, so by all means if you really want to, then go for it, but I urge you to at least WAIT a bit and try not to pre-order just because of the 2 minute trailer that barely tells us anything. Wait until you know more, though in the end the game will end up like all of the others in the series, an absolute mess driven by greed, not passion. And if this game sells well, or even if it doesn't somehow, Activision will be sure to exploit WW2 for a few years at least. This is obvious. I can see all of this from 1,000 miles away yet the COD fanbase sees nothing. 
  11. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Last night I was thinking while going on a walk. During the past several years, me and my few offline friends loved to play video games together or perhaps go places. Playing stuff like Minecraft, Dynasty Warriors, or even Mario Kart 64. Those are times that I cherish. I got to thinking about it all though, about how it all sorta vanished. How we just don't do those things anymore it seems. I am not sure why. Perhaps everyone is just busy with their own life, which I can understand. Perhaps there has been a falling out between me and them somehow that I am not aware of. Whatever the cause, it bothers me. Those same friends are essentially the only 'offline' friends that I have. I barely get to see them anymore, let alone do anything with them.
    I am not sure if those times will ever come back as they were, but I guess all I can do is hope. I still get to play games with my boyfriend and that I am very thankful for. I hope one day it can come full circle and have those friends be able to do the same thing, and us enjoy those simple things like in the past. I miss those days.
  12. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    It seems no matter what I do or think about, eventually the day will give me some type of reminder to why I don't like myself at all. Makes me wish that either my existence never happened or that I wasn't me at all. Either one would have solved a lot of problems not just for me, but for everyone else that has the misfortune of stepping into my life. While I try to live within my means, I don't think it will mean shit when the years go by and I cannot do anything right. Goes right back to me wishing I was somebody. Self-acceptance is important to me, I try to live by it, but I am having an incresingly difficult time accepting someone that is so insignificant and drowning in failure. That being me, obviously.
     
    Just feeling a healthy dose of self-loathing tonight, mixed with some depressive thoughts. Ignore me.
  13. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    So after beating Dark Souls 1 and 2, I finally got the third installment and started playing it recently. I have put 9 hours into it so far and from that I have gathered my first overall impressions.
     
    What a disappointment, is the best way I can put it. What we have here is a game that is clearly trying to stitch Dark Souls with Bloodborne and we don't have good results from what I have played. The graphics are amazing and there are some subtle improvements like to the dodge roll, Estus Flasks and item usage, but the overall 'feel' of the game and its combat is incredibly odd.
     
    The main thing I have noticed is that the standard enemies here are far tougher to fight than the previous games. From what I have seen, this is because the enemies are now FAR faster than the other Dark Souls games and by 'faster', I mean how fast they can hit you. I have heard, this is a carry over from Bloodborne which had a faster combat system, which I can see that, but the huge problem is that your character still moves at Dark Souls speed, swinging weapons and all. Now your attack animations seem sluggish in comparison to most enemies and enemies also do far more combo hits than before, meaning that even some trivial enemies become huge threats in every situation, which is annoying as hell. This huge change to the combat system has dampened my excitement for playing the game, quite significantly. I feel like most fights are a chore at this point.
     
    On top of that, it seems enemies now can't care less about what you hit them with anyways. From my playing experience, even the most basic of enemies could stun lock me with most hits and I could not do the same to them. This is another huge issue to the combat and why it has become irritating already, only 9 hours in.
     
    This goes into another issue: Leveling up. Enemies seem to give you drastically less souls than in the previous games, but item prices are the same as before. This makes stocking up on items tedious. Not only that, but it seems to take far more souls to level up too, which again is a chore if you want to concentrate on specific stats.
     
    Then there are other dumb changes like not being able to improve armor at all, constantly being invaded by insanely overpowered dark spirits if you are embered and some long load times.
     
    Now, I will say that the game is not bad. I'd say it is at least decent so far for what it is. I just can't help but feel that this game pales in comparison to Dark Souls 1 and even Dark Souls 2 in some way. I hope the game does get better later on, because I have been getting urges to just play through my NG+ on DS1 instead.
  14. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Like clockwork. I was actually looking forward to Thanksgiving. Going to my mom's or something, having a nice meal, hanging out with family. nah, didn't fucking happen. I went to my grandma's, on my dad's side of the family, whom I hate almost everyone in, had some Turkey, some mashed potatoes, with no gravy or anything extra really because there wasn't any. Then I went on a walk around town. trying to be positive you know. Just looking at the simple joys. Then I go home and I ended up passing out because I didn't sleep well last night and there wasn't anything going on so I drifted off to sleep for a bit. Woke up around 9pm.
     
    Then I find out that my mom and a bunch of family on her side went to Indianapolis for Thanksgiving. I wasn't asked, at all. She thought that 'I wouldn't want to go' so she didn't even consider asking me. Lovely. So that is a bit mood crippling on its own. Then I found out my brother, one of the only people I can connect with in my family, him and his girlfriend went somewhere today, a few places actually. Was I ever considered? Nope. Not even once. I was never told. Never was asked. Sure, I spent around $50 or so on my brother in the past month despite my limited funds, because I want to be a good person despite me being entirely worthless. I guess that isn't even deserving of going somewhere with him.
     
    And that is it. That was my Thanksgiving. Wasn't even really a Thanksgiving at all. Completely ignored by most of my family, having no friends to hang out with and now I literally feel nothing. I don't want to play any games, I don't want to do anything. Can't bring myself to fucking care. Tomorrow is Black Friday and Cyber Monday will also be upon us, but I don't have any extra funds, so who cares.
     
    This is currently one of the worst nights I have had in a very, very long time. I guess learning that you are entirely insignificant to your family will do that.
  15. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Most of you know by now I suffer from severe depression, as well as self hatred and crippling anxiety. All of these are things I have mentioned many times already. Yet, I keep bringing them up. Probably because they are such a common thing now that I feel a need to get them off my chest at least a little. I am taking medication currently, which I think it sometimes helps, but other times it definitely doesn't. Some before have recommended therapy. I have actually tried that before, though not much. Didn't exactly like it much. I never felt any real connection with my therapist, it just felt like I was there to be 'cured' so I could be moved along for the next patient. I dunno, it is weird but I just want to have a real connection with someone like that I guess. Nowadays, therapy is not a viable option due to my transportation issues. I can't drive and while I might have someone that could drive me, I really don't want to get in their way.
     
    So I am trying to stay happy in my own ways, even though lately these things just haven't been working. Other than talking with my boyfriend, nothing has been making me feel much in the way of joy, at least, consistently. I will have moments where my mood will be bright, but it just doesn't last long enough for me to think it is right. Not even close. Talking with my boyfriend is one of the only things I can do to feel joy for a good while. He is just wonderful. Being able to put up with my many flaws and...I honestly can't even come up with the words right now to describe how amazing he is. I am insanely lucky. It just seems that a lot of time, durring the night after he has gone to sleep, I get saddened, sometimes by nothing at all. That is the depression I think and the anxiety is additional fuel. My mind will just wander in a void, eventually thoughts will enter the fray and it will add up before making me collapse emotionally.
     
    What sucks is that, it can be anything that can make this tower crumble. Even just getting frustrated at a video game nowadays is enough to do it, and with my horrid self esteem, even video games can make me feel horrid. So my simple joys haven't done much. Video games and the like, it is tough enjoying them these days. When these types of nights happen, it all crumbles down and I usually end up crying, emotions just pouring out, also into a void. A void where nothing is accomplished fully. I may get my emotions out but it returns eventually. With tonight, it has been the bleak future and thinking of my dog that has me in a rather dark state. It has been over a month since Dover died, been doing well blocking that out of my mind but with the crumbling tower that is my emotions, it comes back to me, making everything worse. I am very easily teared up and with something like this, it all flows like a waterfall.
     
    I am not sure where I am going with this blog really. I am trying to just get my thoughts out there and regain some composure. It is early in the morning now, my sleeping pattern is a bit screwy. Don't know what I will try to do, either stay up and try to get my sleeping into a different pattern or just sleep, if I can. Mostly been listening to music the past hour, just one song that has been a fuel for the emotions as well, but at the same time allowing it all to ease its way from me. I might play some Tomodachi Life or something peaceful like that for a bit. Anything to put my mind in a more calm state.
     
    I realize I say these things, I see my own repetition, but hopefully you all understand why I do it.
  16. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Rambling time! The title sounds like a TV show honestly. XD It has been a little while since I have done one of these. Been scattered as all hell. I get scattered so easily. All it takes is for me to focus on one thing for too long and boom, I am all out of whack, so then I am not sure what to do. Been in the same situation this morning. Been posting here for a little while, seeing what's up. Now, I am not sure what to do, so I am making this blog. Couldn't hurt right? Even if my life just isn't interesting.
     
    So you all know me by now, I get stressed easily. I just hate how much I tend to do this to myself. I stress myself out over the dumbest things. Oh, did I do enough signatures today? Did I make sure to talk to this person or that person? The amount of random worry that goes through my mind on a daily basis is staggering. I try to circle back to my simple joys though, to keep my mind focused on positives instead of negatives. While it may not always work, I can at least say I tried. I know I tend to repeat myself a lot, you all have heard this stuff so many times by now. I guess it is a convincing repetition to remind myself. Does that make sense? Kyoshi no make sense of stuffs. Even this very moment I am stressing out a bit over nothing, but hopefully I will stop that and just do some gaming for now.
     
    Speaking of gaming, been doing that a lot lately. Firstly, I got the Xbox One S! Pretty nice machine. The size of it is so much better than before as it is more sleek and compact and it all around looks far better. Beyond that, I have been playing a few new games. One of them technically is not new but still. Dead Rising 1, as well as the sequel, were released on Xbox One and PS4 recently. I bought the first one and I am enjoying it so far. Now, I do wish Capcom would, you know, allow for backwards compatibility, but playing the game with a better framerate and such is still nice. The game is still flawed but it is still one of the best zombie games out there. Other than that, I have been playing Virtua Fighter 5 Final Showdown, which was an XBLA title that is now backwards compatible for the One. While it doesn't have the quest mode of the original, the gameplay is still absolutely top notch and it is, to me, the best 3D fighting engine ever and it is so very fun. Jean, the new character, is pretty awesome too. Playing that has brought back memories of playing the original VF5 nearly 9 years ago. I would always be excited to get home from school to boot up my system and play it. Good times. The game overall is nice though I wish some of the stages were not changed. The city stage in particular was drastically better in the original.
     
    Anywho, that is enough rambling from me. I hope these are not boring or a chore to read. I just like to get my thoughts out there, it really does help sometimes. I hope all of you are doing well. I greatly appreciate all of my freinds here and the support you all give me. It truly means so much to me.
  17. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    A wild Kyoshi rambling blog has appeared! Punch it! KO, blog has fainted.
     
    New blog, means more rambling. As you can see from the title, I now have Discord. Yup, the now legendary communication application that reduces frustration by...basically replacing Skype. XD So yeah, I have that now, wish they would release it on Windows Phones though. If you want to add me, my user name is Kyoshi Lonehearted. My tag is #7442. Really liking the app so far, it is clean, fast and very easy to use while also being stable. Far more than what I can say for Skype. Not in any groups yet so we will see how that goes.
     
    Onto phase 2, games. I have been playing some more games lately, a few new ones. Firstly, I finally got Tomodachi Life on my New 3DS thanks to the game going to the Nintendo Selects thing. Despite me watching a lot of Tomodachi Life streams, I am still really enjoying the game already, especially now that I can actually scan QR codes and such. Already have had some funny early moments like Guy Fieri wanting to be friends with the Swedish Chef, match made in heaven right there. XD Other than that, I got Resident Evil 4, version 18 million. The Xbox One version. I played a bit of it and wow, playing that game again is just weird, especially in 60FPS. It seems so strange now but I am definitely enjoying it. The game is still haunting in its atmosphere and the gameplay is satisfying as hell. With how horrible Resident Evil 6 was, it is wonderful to go back to the masterpiece. In terms of new games that is kinda it for right now, though there are some other games upcoming that I am interesting in, like the very Zelda-inspired Oceanhorn. Very cool to see a game like that coming to the Xbox One. There is also the Attack on Titan game that I have been playing, but I may do a full review for that one. Stay tuned. In short, I am loving it.
     
    So what else has been going on in my boring life? Well, besides getting my first ever commission done, which the thread I posted for it was locked yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, not much else has been happening. I am really happy for the commission though, my friend id a wonderful job. Still giddy just looking at it. The best part of my day is talking with my boyfriend, but beyond that, I don't ever do much, I really can't do much. Trying to look forward to certain things is tricky these days with how much I worry about everything and now I need to get a situation with my meds figured out and...bleh.
     
    Speaking of bleh, I have been feeling bleh! Past few days have been me sneezing, sniffly and feeling like crap. Funny how this happens more in the Summer for me far more than in Winter. Just another reason for me to hate Summer with a passion. Despite me feeling like crap, the weather has been lovely in Indiana. It has been fairly below average in temperatures and the breeze is divine. This makes me look forward to fall and winter so much because it will be much more of this and even better. The peace of a cold winter night, even thinking of it makes me smile. That is at least something wonderful to look forward to.
     
    So that is kinda all there is for now. My simple life is simple, and probably boring for a lot of you. Really, there is probably way more I can say in these posts and word it a lot better but I suck at getting my thoughts organized. Especially since I woke up in the middle of the night thanks to my stomach being bleh too. So I hope these blogs are at least somewhat comprehensible.
     
    That is all for now. Thank you for reading.
  18. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    I want to rant about something that has been bothering me lately: Video game publishers. Companies like Activision, EA, Ubisoft, those guys. The ones that pay for a lot of stuff and make most of the big business decisions. These are also the ones that are usually involved with fucking us over. Trying to ruin gaming bit by bit. I have already explained why Activision is the biggest piece of shit in the group, but they all are bad ot some extent. A perfect case in point for this is the Xbox One backwards compatibility. This feature was HUGE when it was announced in 2015. It was awesome and it is awesome. It is such a fantastic feature that it is now a huge selling point for the One. However, it seems a lot of publishers don't like this feature at all. Many publishers are now deciding to instead 'remaster' their games instead of letting us play the 360 games we already own. Most of these 'remasters' are just straight up ports that have an upscaled resolution and that is it.
     
    So these remasters allow a publisher to charge near full price for games that are quite old by this point and force us to purchase the game again to play it on the our new system. You know, the Sony way. All these greedy assholes need to do is give Microsoft the thumbs up to allow their games onto BC and boom, Microsoft can begin making that work. That's it. As well as being greedy, many of these publishers are also insanely stupid. The ones that have done backwards compatibility for their games, they have seen drastic sales increases, like Red Dead Redemption experiencing a sales jump of 6,000%. Yeah, that is a lot of money to make from a game that came out in 2009. So they made a ton of money from a game they had already made and didn't have to do any major work on now and people who already had the game got to play it on their new system for free. Win-win. Apparently other publishers don't give a shit. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not completely against remasters if done right, like how Skyrim Remastered is being highly enhanced and will include all of the DLC, but even with that, they need to give people the damn OPTION. Sure, on PS4, you cannot do this, but on Xbox One? We have backwards compatibility for 360 games, LET US USE IT and stop being greedy pricks.
     
    Apparently EA is thinking of remastering the Mass Effect Trilogy even though they already made Mass Effect 1 backwards compatible. So, are we just getting the first one? Why? These big publishers make so much money yet they are so incredibly stupid. The worst offender to this is also Activision by the way. Prototype 'remasters' that ran worse than the 360 versions and Marvel ultimate Alliance ports that offered nothing new and at first did not even include the DLC, until Marvel stepped in and said something. Yay for greed.
     
    Rant over. Bleh.
  19. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    My dog, who's name was Dover, passed away today. I had him for 11 years. His health was deteriorating rapidly over the past month, and as such, I was trying as hard as I could to mentally prepare myself for his death. Despite that, it is still hitting me incredibly hard. Knowing that I will never see him again. Knowing that he is gone forever. I have already had a couple of moments just today where I went into my living room, expecting to see him on the couch like I always did every morning, but he wasn't there. I can't imagine life without him being there, and now he doesn't exist.
     
    This is what life is I guess. Existence is suffering, watching everything die around us until we meet the same fate. Now all I can do is cry, remembering the first time I heard him bark, and all of the memories of life when he was here. Before, those were better days. Life is slowly becoming worse and worse as each day goes on and this is the ultimate reminder of that. The only positive at all is that his suffering is over, but that's all life is, suffering.
     
    I am just rambling, I am not taking this well. I can barely come to grips with the reality of it all and my mind isn't in a good place. I just wanted to post it here, to explain to everyone why my mood probably won't seem right for a while. I hope that makes sense.
  20. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Another rambling blog. Been a bit since I have done one of these. Oddly enough I ramble, yet for some reason, I need to have a starting point to even make one of these. I am odd. Really, things have been relatively the same overall. I am still doing my usual things such as games, videos, signatures sometimes, things you all know. I still try to go on walks but the weather here in Indiana has been dreadful. Extremely hot and humid, the humidity is what makes it horrid. Bleh. I am excited for the Fall and Winter seasons, my absolute favorites.
     
    Been around the forums as I always am it seems, but still, I sometimes worry about my place. If I am doing enough for the community. I guess I worry because I feel as though I don't have much worth in my regular life, so I try to supplement that here. Goes into my depression. Speaking of, been dealing with that a lot lately. Last week in particular was one where I was having a lot of distressful moments. Wasn't fun, wasn't good. Speaking with my boyfriend though really helped a lot, he is just wonderful. <3 So with the depressive stuff, I told my doctor about it and she upped my dosage on my medicine again. I am hoping that will soon help more, once I pick up the new dosage. I have my doubts on how much this medicine even helps, but I am willing to try it, as it is one of the only things I can do in the long term. With how much I worry, I hope it helps. I am always worrying about something, about being a good friend or whatever.
     
    Sometimes I look at the future from this stuff and feel hopeless, I want to live my simple life and enjoy it but boy, it is difficult at times. One day though, hopefully I can move in with my boyfriend, and that would probably be the best change I could do for my life. Right now it is not entirely possible, but eventually.
     
    On another subject, games! You all know I am a gamer pony. I have been playing a lot of Overwatch lately, though that game has been frustrating the ever living hell out of me, because, of all things, an achievement for Lucio. It is ridiculous. Completely designed against the character. I am sorta dumb so I keep going for this cheevo because Lucio is my main and it is nigh impossible to get. It just doesn't feel fair at all when most of the other achievements in the game are designed for the character rather than against, but whatever. I still enjoy the game for what it is. I also tried some other games, Quatros Origins for the Xbone which is a sorta Tetris style game with 4 playing fields. Really cool concept, but it is surprisingly much harder than regular Tetris, it becomes too much of a guessing game when the blocks start stacking. I don't think it is all that great but it was only $5.
     
    Another game I was finally able to pick up was Chrono Trigger for the Nintendo DS. I started it a couple of days ago and I am enjoying it so far. It really has a very old-school Square vibe, and I have been itching for an old-school style JRPG. This is definitely a game that was originally made in the JRPG hayday. I look forward to playing it more as I keep hearing it is one of the greats and already I am seeing why.
     
    I need to play more Elite Dangerous as well. I really love that game, I absolutely love being able to explore space. The only thing is, the game does feel a tad empty overall. Not just because it is space lol, but also just because there still is a lot they can improve. A lot they can add. I am hoping the game continues to expand more and more, because it can only get better.
     
    One last thing I want to mention is pizza. Yup, pizza. A local store in my town is now serving my absolute favorite type of pizza, Hunt's Brothers. It is so delicious and they have good prices too. Now with like, 4-5 pizza places in town, it is like a pizza competition zone. XD That is what my town feels like. Nice to see my town being something like that though. So far, the store with hunt's Brother's has my vote, but I am sorta biased.
     
    Anyways, I have been rambling on long enough. It is just so nice to be able to get my thoughts out here, you know? I know that many won't read these but just knowing that I am putting my many thoughts somewhere else, it is just comforting. I will try to do more of these in the future. Thank you for reading if you did.
  21. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    You know, sometimes I feel down. All of you know this by now. Struggling with depression, hardcore anxiety and other things is indeed brutal. Past couple of days has been that in full. Been feeling really depressed for some reason. When I could climb out of it, I then worry about things and that cycle repeats. It is odd. Still, been trying to stay positive. Trying to think about things like I like, think about those little positives. Like games and such, been thinking about those and looking forward to whatever games I could get to add to my collection. I even got a new awesome case for my 3DS, I was excited even for that. It is such positivity like that, it is what I have always felt before in my life. The type that gets more difficult in the years, but I still hold onto it.
     
    I noticed that one thing that can bring me down is when a game really irritates me. I get frustrated easily at some things, games in particular, but there is a game I finally got, Ark Survival Evolved on Xbox One. It is still in development, but form what I played in the trial, it seemed awesome, though confusing as hell at first. Then I bought it and man, that game just doesn't want me to get into it. The PvE was horrible and PvP I knew would be worse. The game just doesn't run well online. Found the single player though and I was really getting into that, but then the game was throwing random nonsense at me, like level 40 raptors in easy zones. Friggin odd. Still, I am gonna stick with the game because what I have enjoyed, I really have enjoyed. I love the simple joy of gathering materials, and building a place of safety, and slowly but surely making it better. Creating this wonderful haven for yourself. That is what made me want the game and it is definitely what is keeping me at it despite the frustrations.
     
    So yeah, other than that, things have been relatively the same. Been chatting with my wonderful boyfriend of course, he is just perfection. <3 And trying to talk with friends on here when I am not all scattered. I get so mixed up in my mind that it makes it hard to keep up at times. Anxiety is crazy. Still, I do appreciate my friends, that I is something that is always true even if I may seem like I am distant. Also haven't been doing many signatures lately, but I am in a state where I sorta do those at random points, so I don't stress myself out about it. Me stressing myself out happens easily.
     
    Just been wanting to do another one of these rambling posts, haven't done so in a while and it feels good to just say things that are in my head. Been trying very hard to just stay positive in my own way and while that is an immense daily struggle, I find many moments where it does happen.
  22. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Oh look. Another pointless rambling blog by Kyoshi. Essentially this is just me shouting into an empty void. I know what I say means nothings, I know these blogs are one of many and they don't mean anything. I still do them though, Probably because I have nothing better to do with my time.
     
    So I got my check. Wowee how wonderful. My check is already nearly gone though. For those that don't know already, I get disability. A simple monthly check that isn't worth jack shit. It can help me stock up on some things, maybe get a game or two, but really, that is pretty worthless. It seems nowadays I am living form check to check. I get one, I then spend it on whatever, get excited for maybe 5 seconds because of the cool stuff I bought, then all of that feeling vanishes because I know I am still empty inside. I know that no matter what I buy, no matter what stupid video games I get or whatever, my life is still as hollow as it ever was. No amount of pointless shit that I buy will change that. That could be the depression talking, but that seems to be getting worse in time. This depression seems to destroy any possible joy I could have from anything I do. As I sit here currently, I don;t see many reasons to go to sleep, because I will jsut wake up to another day of emptiness.
     
    Speaking of video games, I got a few new ones. Woopideefuckingdoo I suppose. I got Overwatch, because I have been hearing the internet fucking rave about this game. Aaaaand...well, it is good. Yeah, it actually is pretty decent, but...it is overrated. Simply put, for $60, this game just doesn't give you much to work with. The game is essentially the same 3 modes over and over, with a ton of characters sure, but at least half of them are worthless. The ultimate abilities of these characters are also a disaster in terms of balance, so I don't get where people are saying 'This game is so super balanced!' I am not seeing it. How this game has a 92 on Metacritic is beyond me, but I guess when you are a critic and get the game for free, it is so much easier to judge a game with a positive outlook. I am a peasant and wasted my money, so I am not as positive. It can be fun at times though and honestly, maybe my depression is making me not enjoy it. The more I played it, the more I felt like I was doing nothing. I eventually felt like I was doing something completely pointless and I felt entirely unfulfilled by the end. I look at other people enjoying their hobbies like video games so much and I am just wondering...how do they do it? I just can't seem to do that anymore. I also got Elite Dangerous Horizons which...yeah, that is kinda cool too I suppose, but thanks to Frontier not caring about giving us any info at all, I am still rather lost on what to do on the planets once I land on them. So yeah, thank Frontier. I guess I will just go to the fan made Wiki as fucking always.
     
    So in the end, it is just another month. Another month of me getting my measly check to sustain my pretty much futile existence. I sit here and think about how I want to enjoy my life for what it is, but then another thought happens. The thought that my life is worthless. That I will be doing the same thing, day in, day out, until I eventually meet my end, with nothing to speak for it. I know I will never be successful, I will never even be worthwhile let alone that. So my life is completely pointless, but I still want to enjoy what I have at least. With the anxiety and depression, I can't seem t even do that anymore. Why I bother even continuing on is beyond me. I just wish things were different, mainly with me. If I weren't me, things would be a lot better.
     
    Now I guess I will have a snack and watch some videos, one of the few little things I do that at least makes me sorta forget about all of this, for only a short while. thinking about what the next day will bring. Or in reality, what it won't bring at all. I don't know if this depression will ever end.
  23. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Seems making something like this was a long time coming. I have decided to make a rambling series now. Something that is far more constructive than what I did before as is feels more like an archive and it will give me something to go directly to and get my thoughts out, rather than congest the statuses with my weird stuff. We'll see how this goes.
     
    Elite Dangerous Horizons just came out, and I was sooo excited for it. I love space, Elite Dangerous was a game that lets me live a dream of flying through space and exploring the galaxy that we live in. Awesome. Took me forever to learn it due to lack of info in the game, but I did get it eventually. Just had to have the wiki open at all times, which is not exactly a positive thing for the game. Then comes Horizons, we can now land on planets! My excitement was through the roof, but then the roof got repaired the moment I started played. There is no info given to you whatsoever when it comes to planetary landings. You are not told what you need, if you try to land and fail, you are not told what is required, and you are not told that an item that originally had a totally different purpose is now required to land on planets at all. So that was essentially 2 hours of me running into a brick wall trying to access the content I had just payed $45 for. So I became insanely frustrated, as I seem to do that in these situations, it has always been a problem. Autism can bring good things surprisingly, but it brings so many negatives too, this is one of them. I did finally know how to land, but my enthusiasm was so torn in half that I just didn't care. I will probably be more into it later but right now I am in a state of meh.
     
    So after that, I am trying to calm down right now and keep my thoughts in check, but because of that burst of frustration, it basically killed my shields allowing ofr thoughts and anxiety to pour in, so I was feeling like I usually. Depressed, alone, frightened, and self loathing of course. All feelings that I hate, but are hard to fight. I ran out of my meds yesterday so that is definitely a contributing factor, hopefully gonna refill tomorrow. I want to keep doing what I have always done to sustain my positive feelings. Thinking of my simple joys and looking at the positives that I have in life, there are many of those, but it is so strange how difficult that becomes when fear and depression both take hold at the same time.
     
    Hopefully these feeling s will at least lessen a bit over time tonight, as I do want to play some more games despite me being a bit tired. It is a Friday after all, so I like to keep in line to what my Fridays have always been about, getting down. Actually no, Rebecca Black gave us bad advice. Rather, I would love to just embrace my joys, and keep doing them. Nowadays it is rough.
     
    Eh, I am just rambling. Wait, this is already a success! I know I might be retreading plenty of well worn territory here and I have a feeling many are tired of hearing about it from me, which I do apologize for that, it all just seems like a really long, near endless struggle, but at least putting my thoughts out there can help. On some other notes, Idid get some other new stuff, like a new SD card for my 3DS, which I will install tonight and I got some amazon money too, happy about that. Having so much more storage on the 3DS will be really nice as Nintendo for some reason only gave us 4GB to work with on the 'New' 3DS. I really don't get that, but this will solve that problem. Might get a new game or two for it as well. I need more virtual console titles.
     
    And so, there is my first rambling thingy doodaa. If you read it, then I thank you and applaud you at the same time, as my rambling can be rather hard to follow sometimes. I will keep doing these, hopefully I can remember to do these instead of posting statuses that serve no purpose other than to possibly bring others down and I never want to do that.
  24. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    And my words are rust. Not in a depressed mood entirely today, so that is not what this blog is about. Not entirely. Mostly just about the fact that I am still waiting, still waiting to work things out about this status stuff. Until then, I remain mostly silent, but perhaps the forums are better off that way? I am not sure yet. I have posted some new threads, wowee I suppose but either way, I still don't know exactly how to feel in this regard.
     
    This is mostly just a random ramble from me. In a weird mood today. One part depressed, one part confused, one part not sure what to do, one part blargh, among other things. Trying to be as positive as I can be, even if it doesn't mean much.
  25. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    The glorious life of me. Not having any real worth, use, point, whatever word you want to use to describe it. Sitting, worrying, fearing, hating myself, loathing my own existence. My attempts to bypass such feelings are very hit and miss, many times, they are just miss. Try to focus on the joys that I have, though those don't really mean much. The only joys I have in life now are my boyfriend and my friends here, which I can't exactly communicate with people here properly right now so, that's fun..
     
    So that leaves me with my own thoughts if I am alone. Sitting, waiting for the next thing to supplement my fucking life. Waiting for certain things to fill in the gaps of my life like puzzles pieces, only for the pieces to be scattered all over again. Each day, again and again. The same shit is in my mind. I can try to be positive, but we all know how far that gets me. I can try to do the things I like but all of my 'hobbies' are completely pointless.
     
    Days like this make me wonder about how awesome it would be if I wasn't actually me. There wouldn't be all of this trouble, there wouldn't be any burden provided by my life, and I could then be someone that actually has a place in the world, a place in society. Instead, a better way to describe me is a low-tier peasant that can't do anything right, unless doing everything wrong is somehow a skill.
     
    Seriously, why the fuck do I even exist at this point. Each day I wonder more and more.
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