Help me with my OC

[ImaginationHeart 1]

Hey, ponies, I need some help with my OC. The main problem is the naming, but I'd like you to rate her as well. My OC and other creative elements will be added into a story I will be working on. Because of this, I need some help, and help with personalizing the character, period! Reply to help! Also, hope you enjoy some history!

 

Name: Unknown, since I can’t think of one that would work. Please reply with good name generators and/or names. I will refer to her as Flutterflight (see past for reason.) A name I have been tossing around is Star Aurora. I need a different one because she changes her name.

Age: Filly

Type: Female Alicorn

Cutiemark: Unknown, since she has yet to find out what she wants to do. It would be with magic though. But since King Razor made Flutter feel self-conscious about magic, that will be hard for her to earn. That, and I don’t know a good one yet. I will find one! Just…not yet.

Background: See attachment. And brace for secret history, more alicorns, and a new race of ponies. And the knowledge of where the idiot Blublood came from.

Weaknesses/fears: Like most character makers, I don't want a mary sue to represent me. So please read the "Flutterflight Fears and Weaknesses" attachment. If there is anything that point out makes a marysue out of my character, please draw them to my attention.

 

I added a family photo to show the family she was adopted into.

Flutterflight Fears and Weaknesses.docx

Flutterflights past part 2.docx

Flutterflights past.docx

Edited July 7, 2014 by ImaginationHeart

[Cyan Blue 946]

I'm going to be a dick right now, but it is very mary sueish. And I though you have a name, it fits fine i guess?

[ImaginationHeart 1]

 

 

...it is very mary sueish.

 

 

Please expand and explain

 

Also, read "Fears and Weaknesses."

[Cyan Blue 946]

 

 

Please expand and explain

 

Also, read "Fears and Weaknesses."

 

Just the overall idea of an Alicorn OC Is mary sueish. Doesn't your OC have to do with the mane 6 anyway?

[TenorSounds 832]

 

 

Please expand and explain

 

Also, read "Fears and Weaknesses."

 

 

I think people just have a natural aversion to alicorn OCs in general; because we only know of a handful of them there is an inherent "elite" quality to them, and that tends to rub people the wrong way. That, plus direct interactions with the main 6, Celestia and the CMC baked into her backstory feels kind of awkward and heavy-handed. Your character isn't a Mary-Sue per-se, but she's essentially a Mary-Sue-esque template with a lot of phobia's attached so she technically has flaws.

 

When I am thinking of how good (quality, not morality) an OC is, I generally ask myself one question: could I see this character in the world of MLP? Now I don't mean like a background character, they don't have to be boring or anything, but are their history and attributes consistent with the MLP universe? I think the reason your OC doesn't quite fit that for me is because you're writing her from the perspective of you fan-fiction, which to be fair is completely up-to-you in regards to how the world and characters work. I would suggest perhaps toning down some of the canon-character backstory bits and maybe consider ditching the alicorn thing since it generally has such a stigma attached to it. You could always make your OC an alicorn in your fan-fiction, but as a general "this is my character in the context of the fandom" I think you'll get a better reception if you bring your OC down to earth, so to speak.

 

Now, if we're ignoring the whole OC thing and I look at it just as a main character to an MLP fan-fiction, she's not too bad. If anything, you might be going a little heavy with "fears and flaws". If your character has to be afraid of heights AND water AND crowds AND small spaces in order to balance-out her mary-sueish qualities then you might be coming at it from the wrong direction.

 

Of course, this is all just my personal opinion so take it with a grain of salt.

Edited July 3, 2014 by TenorSounds

[ImaginationHeart 1]

 

 

could I see this character in the world of MLP?

 

True, I do have the problem with the meeting the main six. But she also does seem like there would be a period where she would be a regular student. And with that, the only thing is that you just don't see her. She also helped Zecora a lot. She is one of those characters you just don't know about. And I highly doubt Celestia would allow the herd from Razor into the public first thing. It doesn't seem like her. That, and who knows? maybe she was let out earlier than the other ponies of her herd. Then she WOULD have a period of being a regular student/townsperson. 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@Cyan Blue,

 

Can't generalize all the time dude. Just because someone makes an Alicorn OC, doesn't mean it's gonna automatically be Mary Sue. 

 

@@ImaginationHeart,

 

Anyway, backstory is good but there is a chance that this OC could come out as Mary Sue. Be careful here, as you have King Razor sensing great Alicorn Power in Flutter. 

[ImaginationHeart 1]

 

 

King Razor sensing great Alicorn Power in Flutter

 

well, he does. At first. He sees her great potential. But to compare it to Twilight, she is more like a Trixie or Zecora(if Zecora was a unicorn). But to add onto King Razor, he is determined to make her great, and so he drills her. The main part of Flutter's magical ability is that she had been drilled ever since her horn could lift a quill an inch of the ground.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@ImaginationHeart,

 

Drills her? In what way? Either way, there is still a chance.  

[ImaginationHeart 1]

 

 

Drills her? In what way? Either way, there is still a chance

 

True, there is still a chance. But everypony can be assured that she will NOT become as strong as Twilight. Maybe close, but that is several years in the future.

 

What I mean by "Drills her" is that most of her time was spent studying, testing, practicing magical spells, competing with unicorns, etc. Mainly, hardcore practice and studying sessions. Does that answer your question, Thunder?

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

True, there is still a chance. But everypony can be assured that she will NOT become as strong as Twilight. Maybe close, but that is several years in the future.

 

What I mean by "Drills her" is that most of her time was spent studying, testing, practicing magical spells, competing with unicorns, etc. Mainly, hardcore practice and studying sessions. Does that answer your question, Thunder?

Yeah, now it does. Well...can't wait to see the finished thing. 

[TenorSounds 832]

True, I do have the problem with the meeting the main six. But she also does seem like there would be a period where she would be a regular student. And with that, the only thing is that you just don't see her. She also helped Zecora a lot. She is one of those characters you just don't know about. And I highly doubt Celestia would allow the herd from Razor into the public first thing. It doesn't seem like her. That, and who knows? maybe she was let out earlier than the other ponies of her herd. Then she WOULD have a period of being a regular student/townsperson. 

 

That's the thing though, you could explain-away any sort of canon-character interaction by saying "oh, well they just never brought her up" or something. Regardless of how you explain it, it's still something that is generally frowned upon. Again, this is looking at it from an self-representative-OC perspective and not a self-insert-fan-fiction-character perspective. Like I mentioned before, it might be worth considering separating your fandom OC and your fan-fiction's main character.

 

Edit: I just realized that the character may not be intended to be your fandom-OC, that was an assumption on my part. If that's the case, then feel free to disregard my ramblings.

Edited July 7, 2014 by TenorSounds

[ImaginationHeart 1]

 

TenorSounds: 

 "I just realized that the character may not be intended to be your fandom-OC, that was an assumption on my part. If that's the case, then feel free to disregard my ramblings."

 

 

Actually, she will be ONE of the characters. I suggest you look at the past editings, though. It might help to see my OC in the mlp world. Because it is supposed to double as it.

Edited July 8, 2014 by ImaginationHeart

[Snow Frostflame 3,568]

I found a video that really fits this topic and should be more then enough advice you need on your OC

My point is you dont need other people to decide your OC you need to come up with this stuff before using the Pony Generator

Edited July 10, 2014 by PonygamesFluttershy

[Everleaf 541]

Littleleaf? 

 

I don't know...

 

and cutiemark a leaf itself 

 

I'm cool with him being a alicorn, alicorn or not he's your oc.

[ImaginationHeart 1]

I'm cool with him being a alicorn, alicorn or not he's your oc.

 

A) its a girl, not a boy.

Point B: I don't think LittleLeaf would work(though with her nurse heritage technically it would.) Nice try though. I might use that as a character in the fanfiction, however, it would be cool to do.

C) Thanks for not being biased against me. 

Edited July 9, 2014 by ImaginationHeart

[TrulyHeart 5]

Maybe instead of just having "magic" as her talent, you could pick a form of magic...like protective spells...or healing? If she was great at healing spells, her CM could be a band aid or something of that sort...maybe call her Remedy? QuickFix?

[Professor Annabella 330]

I'm sorry, but if your OC is a alicorn, it's going to be hated unless you have some amazing, epic, and complicated fanfiction made out of it... which still some would probably dislike if you called a OC instead of a character.