adventure My first fimfic. Could use feedback and pointers

[Mr. Critical 434]

I could use some some feed back on what I can do to make my fanfic better, and to make the future chapters better. I have the first chapter up for all to read. So, whaddya say, can ya help me out. Here's the link to the story.
 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/195426/the-world-they-once-knew

 

Its a human in equestria dark adventure story. I look forward to your responses and criticisms. Just be polite about them please.