The Adventures of [Insert Name Here]

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

((All right, so I haven't seen any of these around the forums, so I'm not sure how well it would be received here. This is a play-by-post game. If you don't know what that is, it's essentially where you have a character, and you input actions for the character to act out. I figured the forum games was the best place for this, since it wouldn't quite work in the roleplay subforum.))

 

[insert name here]

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

Kawaii Jesus

 

Wake Up

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Your name is Kawaii Jesus. Yes, you are fairly certain that is your name. After all, no other name could possibly be noble enough for one of your special talent.

 

Wait... What is your special talent?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

Killing Mexican Weird Al Wannabes.

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Yes, of course. You always knew you wanted to kill Mexican Weird Al wannabes, ever since you were a colt, and when you recieved your no doubt utterly ridiculous cutie mark, you were ecstatic. Unfortunately, it's difficult to find a profession with your talent, as murder is generally frowned upon in Equestria, and Mexican Weird Al wannabes are extremely rare, especially considering there isn't anyplace called Mexico in your world, and no creature that you know of goes by the name Weird Al. As a result, you've been jobless most of your life. As a result of that, you've also been homeless.

 

You wake up to find yourself in your cardboard box, which you sleep in every night. It's a bright sunny day, the birds are singing, and Ponyville is moving along just like it always does.

 

What do you do?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

Yes, of course. You always knew you wanted to kill Mexican Weird Al wannabes, ever since you were a colt, and when you recieved your no doubt utterly ridiculous cutie mark, you were ecstatic. Unfortunately, it's difficult to find a profession with your talent, as murder is generally frowned upon in Equestria, and Mexican Weird Al wannabes are extremely rare, especially considering there isn't anyplace called Mexico in your world, and no creature that you know of goes by the name Weird Al. As a result, you've been jobless most of your life. As a result of that, you've also been homeless.

 

You wake up to find yourself in your cardboard box, which you sleep in every night. It's a bright sunny day, the birds are singing, and Ponyville is moving along just like it always does.

 

What do you do?

Hold on, let me rephrase that, Hispanic Cheese Sanwich wannabes.

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Ah yes, this makes much more sense. Please disregard my previous post. I will now type down a completely different one taking into account this new information.

 

Yes, of course. You always knew you wanted to kill Hispanic Cheese Sandwich wannabes, ever since you were a colt, and when you received your no doubt utterly ridiculous cutie mark, you were ecstatic. Unfortunately, it's difficult to find a profession with your talent, as murder is generally frowned upon in Equestria, and Hispanic Cheese Sandwich wannabes are extremely rare. Nevertheless, you have preserved, and managed to make quite an earning working for illegal agencies and secret organizations. This will no doubt have a very large influence on our story.

 

You wake up in your lush, extremely comfortable bed. Your house and all of your furniture is of the most expensive kind there is, which you of course bought with all the money you've made as a mercenary. You look out of your elaborately curtained windows to see that the sun is high in the sky, the bees are buzzing, and Canterlot is moving along just as it always does.

 

What do you do?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

Ah yes, this makes much more sense. Please disregard my previous post. I will now type down a completely different one taking into account this new information.

 

Yes, of course. You always knew you wanted to kill Hispanic Cheese Sandwich wannabes, ever since you were a colt, and when you received your no doubt utterly ridiculous cutie mark, you were ecstatic. Unfortunately, it's difficult to find a profession with your talent, as murder is generally frowned upon in Equestria, and Hispanic Cheese Sandwich wannabes are extremely rare. Nevertheless, you have preserved, and managed to make quite an earning working for illegal agencies and secret organizations. This will no doubt have a very large influence on our story.

 

You wake up in your lush, extremely comfortable bed. Your house and all of your furniture is of the most expensive kind there is, which you of course bought with all the money you've made as a mercenary. You look out of your elaborately curtained windows to see that the sun is high in the sky, the bees are buzzing, and Canterlot is moving along just as it always does.

 

What do you do?

I go over to my TV, turn on Discovery Family (since the Hub is no more), and watch My Little Humans : Friendship is Science.

[Galen Selanno 351]

You turn it off when you find out that it's the sex-ed episode and go make some breakfast because you're fairly sure it's morning on whatever planet you're on.

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

You turn it off when you find out that it's the sex-ed episode and go make some breakfast because you're fairly sure it's morning on whatever planet you're on.

I watch the episode while eating my cinemmon Life, and then the commercials come on. I notice they're now selling Weird Al dolls (he's the Cheese Sandwich of that world) and I noticed that Cheese (the guy who voices him) looked like he was wearing a wig and had a sombrero behing his back.

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Whoa there guys, I'm the narrator here. Your job is to input actions. Simple, right?

 

You turn on your TV to the Not-Hub, and begin watching your favorite show - My Little Human: Friendship is Science. Unfortunately, it's currently airing the sex-ed episode, which is strange as this is supposed to be a kids' show, so you decide to make yourself some breakfast instead. You pour a bowl of Cinnamon Life and begin chowing down as the commercials come on. You notice how they're selling Weird Al dolls, which is of course the Cheese Sandwich expie in the show. However, you also notice that the Cheese in the commercial looks like he's wearing a wig and is attempting to hide a sombrero on his back...

 

Suddenly, it hits you! This isn't the real Cheese Sandwich! It's just a wannabe, and what's more - he's Hispanic! This sends you into a rage. There's no way you're letting that Hispanic wannabe impersonate the real Cheese Sandwich!

 

You know now what you must do. So what is it?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

Whoa there guys, I'm the narrator here. Your job is to input actions. Simple, right?

 

You turn on your TV to the Not-Hub, and begin watching your favorite show - My Little Human: Friendship is Science. Unfortunately, it's currently airing the sex-ed episode, which is strange as this is supposed to be a kids' show, so you decide to make yourself some breakfast instead. You pour a bowl of Cinnamon Life and begin chowing down as the commercials come on. You notice how they're selling Weird Al dolls, which is of course the Cheese Sandwich expie in the show. However, you also notice that the Cheese in the commercial looks like he's wearing a wig and is attempting to hide a sombrero on his back...

 

Suddenly, it hits you! This isn't the real Cheese Sandwich! It's just a wannabe, and what's more - he's Hispanic! This sends you into a rage. There's no way you're letting that Hispanic wannabe impersonate the real Cheese Sandwich!

 

You know now what you must do. So what is it?

I go down to the place where the commercial was made, and I found him still there, still wearing that wig and hiding a sombrero, maybe it was another commercial shooting. I go up to him and say, "Hello, 'Cheese Sandwich."

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Unfortunately, you cannot do that, as you have no idea where the commercial was filmed. Fortunately, this problem is quickly solved as your phone rings - probably one of your employers calling to bring your attention to this abomination.

 

On a side note: Most ponies don't have such exquisite technologies as TV's or phones. However, you managed to get your hooves on some of the few existing models with your immense sum of money.

 

Moving on, you pick up the phone using whatever means you have available. As you're living in Canterlot, one can assume you picked it up using unicorn magic, but of course one could be horribly, unfathomably wrong. So, just to make things clear, what race of pony are you?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

I am a pegasus.

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Yes, of course. It was absolutely preposterous of me to believe you were a unicorn, as you quite clearly have wings instead of a horn. As such, you pick up the phone with your nimble, almost finger-like feathers, and hold it up to your ear.

 

"Hello, this is Adventure calling," says a voice from the phone. "I'd like to speak to Kawaii Jesus, please." The voice sounds neither male nor female, neither young nor old. You do not know anyone named Adventure, though no doubt it's a common enough name in some parts of Equestria.

 

What do you do?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

I ask "Who is this "adventure" you speak of?

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

"It is I, Adventure," Adventure replies cryptically. "And I have a mission for you. Surely you have seen the new Weird Al doll commercials? If so, you should have noticed that the Cheese Sandwich in the commercial is actually an impostor! My sources tell me that his name is Sándwich de Queso, and he is currently staying at a hotel in Manehattan. I would pay you a hefty sum of bits if you go over there and, shall we say... Dispose of him. Do you accept?"

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

"It is I, Adventure," Adventure replies cryptically. "And I have a mission for you. Surely you have seen the new Weird Al doll commercials? If so, you should have noticed that the Cheese Sandwich in the commercial is actually an impostor! My sources tell me that his name is Sándwich de Queso, and he is currently staying at a hotel in Manehattan. I would pay you a hefty sum of bits if you go over there and, shall we say... Dispose of him. Do you accept?"

I do.

 

I go over to Manehattan and look in all the hotels.

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

Through the magic of narrative storytelling, you are suddenly in Manehattan. You have arrived at the hotel which Adventure directed you to, and step inside. You ask the receptionist if a certain Sándwich de Queso is staying there.

 

"Yes," she replies. "He's currently staying in Room 69."

 

You thank her kindly and ride the elevator up to the sixth floor, then quietly make your way to Room 69.

 

This is it. The moment of truth. Once you step through that door, there's no going back.

 

Are you ready?

[DiscordedCelestia 102]

Yes.