Writing my first MLP fic.

[Will Guide 21,362]

For over two years, I've been developing in my mind a fanfic I was going to call "My Little Pony: Memories Bring Disney Magic". It's basically the backstory of my OC, Will Guide. At one point, I thought of making a RP based off it, but I decided to drop it. I want to explain the several aspects of the story, but it will take too long to type all right away in my first post.

 

I'm going to split each aspect into a manageable post so that all who want to help me can have an understanding of what I'm going for.

 

For now, here's the basic plot as it was written early on around December of 2013.

 

Basic Plot: A human who is a Disney fan from the real world is unknowingly sent to Equestria. He becomes an adult unicorn with a blank flank and amnesia that keeps him from remembering the details of his life as a human at first, such as his human name. He still has foggy memories of things that have to do with the World of Disney. As he spends time in Equestria, small happenings and encounters with the inhabitants remind him of Disney, his own life, and slowly restores his memories that reveals how he got here. As the story goes on, his cutie mark appears, piece by piece. Ultimately, he is Equestria's only hope against the infamous Disney Villains.

 

If there anyone out there who would want to help me, please reply either here or in a PM to me.

[Standard User 2,127]

 

 

Basic Plot: A human who is a Disney fan from the real world is unknowingly sent to Equestria. He becomes an adult unicorn with a blank flank and amnesia that keeps him from remembering the details of his life as a human at first, such as his human name. He still has foggy memories of things that have to do with the World of Disney. As he spends time in Equestria, small happenings and encounters with the inhabitants remind him of Disney, his own life, and slowly restores his memories that reveals how he got here. As the story goes on, his cutie mark appears, piece by piece. Ultimately, he is Equestria's only hope against the infamous Disney Villains.

 

Disney characters in the MLPverse would definitely be interesting, provided you stay true to all characters involved.

 

The big problem with this plot is that you follow quite a few cliches and tropes that the fandom has seen enough of in recent years. Namely, you have Human in Equestria (not necessarily bad, but the "Human" tag can be enough to turn readers away), amnesiac protagonist, and OC protagonist is the only one who can save the world. 

 

First, Human in Equestria: like I said, it isn't an inherently bad trope. The challenge comes in making the character likable AND keeping the story from being a self-insert (where the author puts themselves into the story in some major role). Self-inserts can work, but more often than not the writer uses the story to fulfill some fantasies--namely being the big hero and getting together with a favorite pony. I would recommend reading some of the popular Human in Equestria stories to see how they build humans.

 

For the amnesiac protagonist...well, I don't really know what to suggest here. Again, if played right it can work well. You just have to be original with how you rebuild the character's memory, if it gets rebuilt at all. I would recommend having some huge, plot-relevant reason for the amnesia, which it sounds like you're doing.

 

Finally, the OC protagonist being the sole hope is a cliche that I'm not a huge fan of. We've seen time and again that the Mane 6/princesses/etc. are more than capable of finding a solution to even the most dire of situations (Tirek, anyone?). Throwing an OC into the mix and proclaiming that they are the only one who can save the world requires some serious world-building--why is he/she the only hope when over a hundred episodes have shown that the existing characters can save the world themselves? I would guess in your case it has something to do with your protagonist's knowledge of Disney, but translating knowledge to presumed combat and acrobatic expertise--which I would assume is what would happen when the heroes take on the villains--is a pretty big leap unless you do a lot of character building, OR your protagonist is already a combat expert. In that case, you have something akin to a Mary Stu hero. 

 

Yeah, I kinda started rambling there...it would help if you fleshed out your plot a bit more so we know what we're working with beyond the bare bones. 

[Will Guide 21,362]

Disney characters in the MLPverse would definitely be interesting, provided you stay true to all characters involved.

 

The big problem with this plot is that you follow quite a few cliches and tropes that the fandom has seen enough of in recent years. Namely, you have Human in Equestria (not necessarily bad, but the "Human" tag can be enough to turn readers away), amnesiac protagonist, and OC protagonist is the only one who can save the world. 

 

First, Human in Equestria: like I said, it isn't an inherently bad trope. The challenge comes in making the character likable AND keeping the story from being a self-insert (where the author puts themselves into the story in some major role). Self-inserts can work, but more often than not the writer uses the story to fulfill some fantasies--namely being the big hero and getting together with a favorite pony. I would recommend reading some of the popular Human in Equestria stories to see how they build humans.

 

For the amnesiac protagonist...well, I don't really know what to suggest here. Again, if played right it can work well. You just have to be original with how you rebuild the character's memory, if it gets rebuilt at all. I would recommend having some huge, plot-relevant reason for the amnesia, which it sounds like you're doing.

 

Finally, the OC protagonist being the sole hope is a cliche that I'm not a huge fan of. We've seen time and again that the Mane 6/princesses/etc. are more than capable of finding a solution to even the most dire of situations (Tirek, anyone?). Throwing an OC into the mix and proclaiming that they are the only one who can save the world requires some serious world-building--why is he/she the only hope when over a hundred episodes have shown that the existing characters can save the world themselves? I would guess in your case it has something to do with your protagonist's knowledge of Disney, but translating knowledge to presumed combat and acrobatic expertise--which I would assume is what would happen when the heroes take on the villains--is a pretty big leap unless you do a lot of character building, OR your protagonist is already a combat expert. In that case, you have something akin to a Mary Stu hero. 

 

Yeah, I kinda started rambling there...it would help if you fleshed out your plot a bit more so we know what we're working with beyond the bare bones. 

 

The amnesia was caused by a poison apple that the Evil Queen in peddler woman disguise tricked Will Guide into taking a bite of. So only by defeating will ALL his memories come back. Until then, his memories would slowly return as the story progesses. 

 

Okay, so it's really a combination of the Elements of Harmony used by the Mane 6 and Will Guide's Disney Magic that would defeat our main villain. Plus, Spike the Dragon's contribution, though little, is what tips the scale in our hero's victory.

 

The story also takes place between Equestria Girls 1 and Season 4 Premiere, "Princess Twilight Sparkle"

 

Would you prefer I give a basic outline of the whole story in one post or should I dedicate a post to cover a whole act of my 4-act story?

 

I was thinking of writing this story in 1st person perspective from Will Guide's POV, but if I do, I might not give the proper foreshadowing to some plot points. Any advice

[Standard User 2,127]

 

 

The amnesia was caused by a poison apple that the Evil Queen in peddler woman disguise tricked Will Guide into taking a bite of. So only by defeating will ALL his memories come back. Until then, his memories would slowly return as the story progesses. 

 

Originality is key to a great story, but the Evil Queen's poison apple is sort of a "classic," especially in Disney. So this sounds good to me.

 

 

 

Okay, so it's really a combination of the Elements of Harmony used by the Mane 6 and Will Guide's Disney Magic that would defeat our main villain. Plus, Spike the Dragon's contribution, though little, is what tips the scale in our hero's victory.

 

Ah, gotcha. So your protagonist is sort of an advisor to the Mane 6 when it comes to Disney and sort of a hero in the traditional sense. I'm picking up what you're putting down.

 

 

 

The story also takes place between Equestria Girls 1 and Season 4 Premiere, "Princess Twilight Sparkle"

 

That's a big, important point that you want to make known before anyone so much as reads one word of your story. You're jumping back pretty far in canon, and some people might be turned off by that. Is there a particular reason you chose this point in the show?

 

 

 

Would you prefer I give a basic outline of the whole story in one post or should I dedicate a post to cover a whole act of my 4-act story?

 

When in doubt, do both. A summary is a good way of seeing where you're starting from and where you want to go. A synopsis that goes chapter-by-chapter (or however you want to break it down) is a lot more work, but can help in a slew of ways.

 

 

 

I was thinking of writing this story in 1st person perspective from Will Guide's POV, but if I do, I might not give the proper foreshadowing to some plot points. Any advice

 

Everyone has their personal preference. For me, I write first person far better than I do third. I'm a personable guy, and I make that element of my writing shine when I can delve deep into the psyche of my protagonist. Others use third person because they like the freedom of tapping into the thoughts of multiple characters whenever they need to. For you, I'd say this: if you feel you absolutely have to foreshadow parts of the plot, stick with third person limited (outsider's view, but you only "see" the "thoughts" of one character). If you want your reader to know your character's every waking thought, go first. If you can't decide at the end of the day, consider dedicating chapters to one viewpoint or the other. That would require some fanciful writing, but entirely possible. 

[Will Guide 21,362]

Thanks for your advice, as usual.
 
It seems your only question this week is: 

That's a big, important point that you want to make known before anyone so much as reads one word of your story. You're jumping back pretty far in canon, and some people might be turned off by that. Is there a particular reason you chose this point in the show?

 To answer your question:
 
When I first thought of making this fan fiction it was Summer of 2013 before Season 4 of the show even started. Writer's Block and feeling scared of actually getting something like this published online kind of demotivated me from really working on this all this time.
 
When the Season 4 Premiere, "Princess Twilight Sparkle", happened with its game-changing event of returning the Elements of Harmony to the Tree of Harmony, I knew my story would have to take place between BEFORE Season 4. The Elements of Harmony are important to the plot, being one set of things needed to stop our Big Bad.
 
As for why this is AFTER the first Equestria Girls film, well...
Halfway through the story when our main villain makes her presence known and escapes to cause trouble, Will Guide had to tell the truth to the Mane 6 and Spike about what he is and where he came from, even though by this point, he doesn't have all his memories back. The world he came from is the real, Live-action world of our reality and NOT the Equestria Girls world that Twilight and Spike just recently visited to get her Element of Harmony back. If you'll recall from the first Equestria Girls film:
 
Spike the Dragon-turned-Dog: Twilight, why didn't you just tell [Principal Celestia] the crown was yours and ask for it back?
Twilight the Pony-turned-Human: Well, I was going to, but imagine if one of them showed up in Equestria, saying they came from a place filled with tall, mushy, two-legged creatures with these [hands]!; We'd think they were crazy!
Spike: You make a good point.
 
See? It would make a nice callback when Twilight and Spike quickly realize what Will's going to say, when he starts with the true statement, "You see, the truth is I'm not from this world of Equestria." With the Mane 5 present, Twilight would then ask him something like, "Wait, are you from a world filled with tall, mushy, two-legged creatures with tiny, little limbs at the end of your hooves?"
Slightly glad and very surprised that Twilight's guess is correct, Will would say, "Yes." then slightly annoyed, "Wait, mushy?" Twilight would then question, "But how's that possible? It hasn't even been a moon since the mirror portal close." After some discussion, they would quickly realized that Will's not from the Equestria Girls World where the inhabitants are just as technicolor as the ponies of Equestria, but from a different kind of "world filled with tall, mushy, two-legged creatures with tiny, little limbs at the end of your hooves", where the inhabitants don't exactly come in a rainbow of colored skin tones.
 
Also, to quote myself from another topic An adult blank flank? (Season 5, Episode 24 spoilers!):
Quote
The funny thing is I've been planning and struggling to write a fanfic that takes places between Equestria Girls 1 and Season 4. In it, an adult blank flank is found unconscious  with memory loss in the Everfree Forest by Zecora who's being assisted by the CMC. They get him started on his quest for self-identity. Ultimately, our blank flank hero gets his memories back and cutie mark to appear. He returns home, leaving a message of hope to the CMC that if he can get his cutie mark, then so can the CMC, restoring their confidence. This also would explain why when Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon tried their Blank Flanks insult in "Flight to the Finish", the CMC weren't fazed.
 
What will happen in this [upcoming] episode might jossed the way Cutie Marks work in my story as well as the CMC encountering an adult blank flank, but considering that I've been planning and drafting this story for a while, I'm still going to someday share it. Still, I'm looking forward to this episode.

End Quote

 

There you go, more about what I have in mind.

[Will Guide 21,362]

@@Kolth
 
Here's what I got so far for the first chapter of my fanfic, My Little Pony: Memories Bring Disney Magic. It is told from the POV of my OC, Will Guide, as he first awakes in Equestria with his past mostly forgotten. As you review this, can you tell me where I did "showing vs. telling" well or not?

 

My Little Pony: Memories Bring Disney Magic

Chapter 1: Awaking in Denial

My trip to Equestria was a very unusual one for 3 main reasons. First, it was finding myself in another world that’s not my own. Second reason was finding my human body transformed into the body of a pony. And the most troubling reason of all was the fact I had forgotten most about myself. The quest for getting my memories back would bring Disney Magic to Equestria, even if it was for just one Equestrian day. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

The first thought I remember thinking when I first regained temporary conscious was, Ugh, where am I? I opened my eyes for just a few moments. Even with my glasses still on my face, my vision was still blurry. I struggled to make out where I was and quickly realized I was in some kind of forest. I shifted my eyes around as my vision cleared up enough to see the trees. Unable to move my body, I tried to heighten my hearing and heard someone coming. Whoever or whatever was coming, I managed to say, “Help me” before I passed out again.

The next time I opened my eyes, I felt better, although my glasses were now off my face. I could feel that I was lying down in some kind of bed. I turned to face the center of the room. Being near-sighted, my vision of the room was blurry, but I was still able to see that my glasses were within reach of the bed. By habit, I tried to reach and pick them up. Suddenly, I stopped at the clear sight of what has happened to my hands. They weren’t hands anymore. They were hooves! No, to be more accurate, at the time this story happened, I had actually forgotten the word, “hands”. As I let out a shocked scream, all I could think at the time was, what’s happened to… whatever these are called?!

At first, I tried to deny what I saw. That it was just a result of me being unconscious for who knows how long. But what soon followed would put me in a bit of a panic. “Ah, I see that you’re awake. Any requests I can take?” said a female voice. With my vision still blurry without my glasses, I shifted my gaze around the room trying to find whoever said that. Coming in from what I could tell was the front door was some kind of 4-legged black and white creature with stripes.

I closed my eyes to avoid the mental overload of readjusting my senses. My thoughts were, What was that? A zebra? Whoever just said that must be someone who works with animals. A circus performer? A visitor from Africa or wherever zebras are from? With my eyes still closed, I asked, “Whoever is there, could you please help put my glasses back on?” I held still as I heard footsteps that sound more like the sound of banging coconuts together than the sound of shoes on wooden floorboards coming toward me. I felt my glasses being put onto my face.

“There. Now you can see. Open your eyes and thank me,” said the female voice. I did just that only to jump back a little at what I saw. It was indeed a zebra, looking at me with a welcoming smile. Surprised, I fell out of the bed and found myself backing away in a crawl.

No way the zebra was talking, was it? I thought.

“Zecora is my name, and brewing potions is my game,” said the zebra. “It’s strange. I found you out in the wood. You did not look so very good. So I brought you here for some rest and aid. A remedy for your state I have made. My remedy should have taken its course. You should now be as healthy as a horse.”

Wait, “remedy”? “Healthy as a horse”? I was sick? Breaking my graze away from the zebra, I noticed a shiny black cauldron in the center of the room. Not taking my eyes off it, I crawled over to the big black pot and searched for my reflection in the shiny outer surface of it.

What I saw staring back at me was impossible! When I heard her say, “healthy as a horse,” I thought she meant it figuratively. It turned out to also be very literally true! Staring back at me was a red horse. No, too small to be a horse. More like a…pony. I saw shock in my own eyes, which I felt have grown larger; Big enough to see my blue irises shifting around at the rest of my body, now covered in red fur. I don’t think whatever I am is supposed to come in such a bright color like this.

I had forgotten the names to what my new limbs once were, and wouldn’t remember until much later. However, I will say that I realized that my 4 red, fur-covered limbs now ended in 4 yellow, hard hooves. I was wearing my glasses, which I felt were now bigger than they’re supposed to be. They were being supported by my new and unfamiliar muzzle. The only other thing I was wearing was a blue vest that covered my front and where my front hooves were sticking through.

My hair, or rather “mane”, was a dirty brown color. It matched the color of my new and unfamiliar tail that was coming out of my rear. Looking back at my head, I saw something that was sticking out from my forehead and through my mane. It was some kind of horn like you’d see on a mythical unicorn.

I was about to scream in confusion again when Zecora asked (in rhyme again), “I did the best I could do. Now, I must ask: who are you?”

In the middle of all my denial-screaming thoughts, I tried to recall my name. And that’s when the realization really hit me: I couldn’t remember anything about my past. Well, that’s not 100 percent true. I still remembered enough to know that I was now in an unfamiliar place in an unfamiliar body that doesn’t feel right, but when it came to knowing my personal history, my identity, and most importantly, how I had ended up here, I was at a loss.

“My name is..” I struggled to find an answer in my mind, but the best I could managed to recall was, “Will…………ugh..” It felt like a long time, but I settled on something to be called in a few short moments. “For now, I guess you can call me ‘Will Guide.’ I don’t think that’s my real name, but it has a nice ring to it.”

 

 

I'd appreciate your assistance. Thanks!