critique wanted Changeling OC: Bashful Thread / Scissor Biter (WIP Name)

[MDLineArt 93]

Hey all.  Still very new to the MLP fandom, but I was eventually drawn (Bu-dum-Tish!) in by the creativity of the community from OCs to Music to Stories (Though I have to admit, the Rainbow Factory music video was what first endeared me to the community).  I thought I would give an attempt at creating my own OC.  I have to admit, enjoying darker themes, I thought I would explore the idea of a Changeling OC, but as I am new to the fandom and the whole of MLP, I think it would be best get feedback and see if the concept works in the basic framework of the cannon (Actual Cannon or your own Headcannon ) before I start illustrating both forms.  When ever a "/" is present, assume the first is when pretending to be a pony, and the other being his changeling self.

 

Names: Bashful Thread / Scissor Biter
Nicknames: Thread-Head
 

Gender: Colt / None

Age: Adult

Species: Earth Pony / Changeling

Mame Colour: WIP (Though I am thinking Sky-Blue with Dark-Grey and Green Mame)
Cutiemark: Scissors Cutting A Roll Of Thread / None
Height: Short / Average

Weight: Average / Unnaturally Thin

Home Town: Ponyville / Unknown (To Him)
Current Residence: Ponyville
Occupation: Tailor
Family: "I have a lot of brothers and sisters out of town." / The Changeling Swarm

Special Talent:  Practical Clothing / Mimicry, Gaining Strength by Consuming Love
Personality: Shy, Practical, Inquisitive, Introvert, Observant, Supportive, Philosophical
Flaws:  Self-Doubting, Worrisome, Deceitful, Manipulative, Coward

Character Story: (Edited for further brevity)
After the defeat of of Queen Chrysalis, the changeling swarm was scattered.  Lurking in the forests around Ponyville, one changeling Scissor Biter crept along the outskirts, taking what little love he could scrounge to feed his little sisters and brothers. 

 

On the road, he encountered two Earth Ponies, Orange Lace and Fire Cracker.  They were moving into Ponyville, and Scissor Biter took the appearance of a fellow Earth Pony, calling himself Bashful Thread.  They took him in and he lived in their basement for months, helping Orange Lace in her clothing shop and learning the trade, while Fire Cracker took duties on patrol.

 

Every few nights, he would sneak out to deliver what little sustenance he could muster for his family of changelings, when one night he was spotted. Running in fear of being caught, he would collide with Fire Cracker, exausted and hungry, he could not remain in his Earth Pony form, and reverted into his changeling form.  In Fire Cracker's shock he took one too many steps back and fell down a sheer-face cliff. 

Diving to catch Fire Cracker, Scissor Biter could not hold the Earth Pony's weight and threw himself between the pony and the ground, his exoskeleton cracking and wings tearing as they crashed, causing Scissor Biter to lose consciousness.

When he awoke, it was in his bed at home.  Fire Cracker was alright if not a little roughed up, but Scissor Biter was badly hurt, his shell cracked, wings torn, starving and scared. He was in no condition to run.  When he tried to speak, claiming his true name, he was hushed by Orange Lace.   "You ARE Bashful Thread."  They rejected the changeling, and held to the Earth Pony they knew. 

Current Home

Bashful Thread still learns to sew from Orange Lace, now the basement turned into Bashful Thread's personal workshop where he tailors and fits clothes perfectly.  Ofcourse, it's easy to take measurements when you can take the shape of anyone!  Fire Cracker keeps Bashful Thread's secret, if not begrudgingly, and occasionally helps Bashful Thread sneak out and in Ponyville.

 

Yet Bashful Thread worries that one day, Queen Chrysalis will call upon her servant Scissor Biter, and then, his loyalties will be tested.  Which begs the question, which one is the real one?  Scissor Biter, or Bashful Thread?  Only time will tell.

Edited March 1, 2016 by MDLineArt

[El Duderino 879]

@@MDLineArt, Good character. I like how your character has two separate identities. Not something I see a whole lot in changing characters. The story is nice as solid except they very end. I was left a little confused on exactly what the other ponies reaction was. It is also a little long and some people may not have the patience to read the whole thing. Instead of shortening it, I would recommend writing a separate backstory that just very quickly summarizes the character. Then, people don't need to have the patience to read the whole story to learn about the character, and it can maybe tease a little bit of the story to catch the readers attention and give them the incentive to read the whole story.

 

Other than that, solid character. 

[MDLineArt 93]

@@MDLineArt  The story is nice as solid except they very end. I was left a little confused on exactly what the other ponies reaction was.

@@El Duderino  Yeah, trying to compress the basic story left that bit difficult to explain.  Bashful Thread has spent alot of time living, working with, playing, and otherwise being involved with Orange Lace and Fire Cracker so long that they only idenitified him as Bashful Thread.  When the reveal happens, they reject it, rather hanging onto the best parts of him that came from him being Bashful Thread.  It breaks their hearts to think of him as some kind of changeling monster living in their basement.

 

I'll re-work the backstory to abbreviate it.  Any thoughts on the visual design for Bashful Thread / Scissor Biter?

 

And thanks for the feedback.  I can finally start doodling!!!! :D

[El Duderino 879]

@@El Duderino  Yeah, trying to compress the basic story left that bit difficult to explain.  Bashful Thread has spent alot of time living, working with, playing, and otherwise being involved with Orange Lace and Fire Cracker so long that they only idenitified him as Bashful Thread.  When the reveal happens, they reject it, rather hanging onto the best parts of him that came from him being Bashful Thread.  It breaks their hearts to think of him as some kind of changeling monster living in their basement.

 

I'll re-work the backstory to abbreviate it.  Any thoughts on the visual design for Bashful Thread / Scissor Biter?

 

And thanks for the feedback.  I can finally start doodling!!!! :D

Yea, make a short backstory, but as long as there is a short backstory, you might as well also make a long story on the side to also go with it if you want. It gives people the option of reading a full story if they want to, but they can also understand the character if they don't want to read a long story.

 

As for appearance, it's a little hard to make a proper judgment without an actual picture, but I like what you have.

[MDLineArt 93]

Quick Illustration of Scissor Biter (Changeling Form) posted, will be doing another one for Bashful Thread soon.

[MDLineArt 93]

Rough Illustration of Scissor Biter (Left) and Bashful Thread (Right).  Got a lot of detail to work on but before we develop, let's double check the direction.  Looking for feedback!  -Starts looking under rocks for hiding forum members sniffing them out with bloodhounds-

[Starlet Harmony 128]

I love it!! It's like a jackell and hyde character! From an art perspective, they look like a LOT of fun to draw! Great job!!

[MDLineArt 93]

So this is a base image I am working on of Scissor Biter before detailing.  Will be doing a full-detail of Scissor Eater and one of Bashful Thread.  Thoughts?  Worried it may be a little too generic without the eye details

[El Duderino 879]

 

So this is a base image I am working on of Scissor Biter before detailing.  Will be doing a full-detail of Scissor Eater and one of Bashful Thread.  Thoughts?  Worried it may be a little too generic without the eye details

I think that looks f***ing awesome! You're a great artist. Keep it up!

[Guest]

I actually have a changeling OC myself, so I will say that anything you create as headcanon is totally fine. There is little actually "confirmed" on this race, so it makes them a virtual blank slate. He looks adorable. <3

[Blitz Boom 4,634]

@@MDLineArt,

 

 

Uuuh, Feisty looking. I like the image mate, keep it going.

[MDLineArt 93]

Just because I don't like leaving people hangin, here's the finished piece.  Any further art on the character will be directed to the art thread in my signature (If I remember to update it!)