Progressive House Fluttershy's Lullaby

[Luminance 2,181]

... Removed... Removed... Removed...

Edited November 16, 2018 by Luminance

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Ok. 

 

It's an ok listen. 

 

However, perhaps the biggest thing that put a damper on your piece was that you limited yourself to the I and IV, knowing that this piece is in the key of C Major. Maybe work with the chords of the song, which are the I, the IV, the V of V (5th of the 5th [example: D is the 5th of the 5th of C]) and the V. You can also implement the ii (which is simply done by minoring the V of V) and the vi (the relative minor to the current major key (example: A minor is the relative minor to C Major). 

 

Here are some suggestions you can do

 

I-IV-V of V-V

 

I-IV-ii-V

 

vi-IV-V of V-V

 

vi-ii-IV-V

 

I-iv-ii-V

 

There are many other ways you can order these chords. 

 

Your plucked leads sound good, but why not pull some arpeggiated runs with them on 16ths? The repeated staccato chords began to stale out after a bit. Also, you could sweep some of them out into plucked sawtooths that have a short decay time. While this is going on, have another layer of plucked leads running on arpeggios. Also, that synth string pad could use a tiny bit of high in to add an edge of brightness to it. 

 

Your percussion was perhaps the biggest gripe I had on this piece. There wasn't really any fill-ins or transitions. Work with your phrases to figure out where you can put fill-ins. Here's a diagram of the 8-phrase electronic song format:

 

1-2-3-4 | 2-2-3-4 | 3-2-3-4 | 4-2-3-4 | 5-2-3-4 | 6-2-3-4 | 7-2-3-4 | 8-2-3-4

 

Fill-ins usually occur on phrase 4, at beats 3 and 4. From the 5th bar on, elements such as sweep-ins, build-ups and bass rises occur. Try experimenting with fill-ins and phrasing, instead of just transitioning from one phrase to the next. 

 

All in all, it's a good piece, but it could use quite a bit of work in terms of development. I can help you if you'd like. Just keep working at it, and you'll get it soon.