critique wanted Please critique my OC's updated back story

[SugarfootWillie 383]

Hello,

 

The title says everything really

 

Please let me know where I can elaborate on subjects touched upon in the back story, if anything is confusing, or any other area where improvement is necessary or favourable.

 

 

Long ago womb waters flow.

As the spring atop the world
births oceans far below,
so too does our ancestry
ferry across the throws of time,
delivering us to our current capacity.
Begotten high in Canterlot hight,
our gilded company weaved
a pony versed in the royal writ.
Knowledge of infinite things
Accompanies chivalry and virtuosity
So as to befit the word of our King.
The grace of arts enlightened us
to the language of all ponies and life.
Well regarded in both tongues, thus
Those of thought and feeling
Regarded us well in kind.
Upon our talent’s revealing
to the ballroom we were ushered,
wherein the aire was coloured
by melodies sweet and jovial.
The birth of our mark
followed suite with a hearty wrawl,
defining our role since.
As per the will of faith
we hark and herald the princess
of crystalline love: The Cadence
to our past, harbinger of the present,
patreon to our soul, laden
with the endurance of courtly praxis.

 

Edited May 12, 2016 by SugarfootWillie

[Illiad Easle 3,160]

@@SugarfootWillie,

 

That is certainly an interesting way to write a backstory, from what I could interpret you're a poet from Canterlot?

 

The best advice I can offer is to follow up the poem with a more plain-text version so everyone can understand what you're trying to say without having to interpret your word choice.