I Hope the Worst isn't Over

[Slipstream 84]

In which Discord completely misunderstands how friendship works. It's actually a legit theory I have, but I felt it easier to put into narrative form. Also, I have a slight Discord/Nightmare Moon ship,but that I keep to myself. This might be completely overdone, too, but when you gotta write, you gotta write.

 

It might suck; it was kind of pounded out pretty quickly, but it wouldn't leave my head, so I had to get it out somehow. Also, I like using names as little as possible. It's a thing I do. ALSO, SHAMELESS SONG TITLE.

 

~~

 

 

There is a certain beauty to an untuned piano, a violin missing strings, the unpredictability of a Summer storm followed by a Winter's chill. This, of course, is why it's so infuriating that those two upstart unicorns have been traveling his kingdom with their little Elements, syncing up the sky, sowing what they call harmony in his herd of ponies. Who do they think they are to simply come into someone's house and start redecorating? R u d e. He must do something... something to preserve his precious chaos, his unquestioned reign.

 

The Youngest... of course the weaker of the two would have the most faith in her grand elder sister. With those elements in their hooves, a direct conflict will be suicide, but what you can't take by force can be easily be taken by stealth. It takes only a day or two's observation that the Youngest has taken on responsibility for the moon. On the day he finds this out, his normally default grin becomes predatory. Oh, Discord, you genius.

 

So, in light of this, he begins to visit her nightly. Not for a confrontation; that would wake the more powerful sister. No, these visits are mental; on some nights dulls her hearing to block out the crickets; on others, her sight, to make her meteor showers and stars appear dull, lifeless... pointless. The ponies he keeps indoors. He visits as the snake in her ear, the doubt that sours the wine, appearing only as a whisper on the wind to confirm what the Youngest is already starting to believe herself - that the Eldest has cheated her out of the pleasure of true company and has intended her to fail from the start, taking the glory and adulation for herself. He implants in her heart shards of mistrust, of self-doubt, of discord.

 

When finally the sisters find him, he can only grin, relaxing back on a tree. His paintings have straightened, his Stradivarius tuned, and Harmony reigns throughout the land, and yet he harbors not a lick of worry. A quick glance at the Youngest reveals her doubt, the festering pustule of mistrust in her heart, and he can't help but cackle to the sky.

 

The love the sisters still have for each other is a given. Their Elements he cannot stop. But when the blast hits him, he can't help but simply sing a triumphant song to the heavens, an aria of a future, unstoppable triumph. Now, a year from now, ten years from now, a thousand years from now and the Youngest will succumb to the disease of mistrust and dark magic that have been planted into her very soul. The Elements will be useless. Nothing will be able to stop his return, and without the Elements... well, the Eldest is just another horse. With her weapons dulled and the shell of her sister dancing to his strings, the world will be his again. The Eldest's love is strong. The Youngest's love is rotting away from the inside like the core of an apple.

This is not a loss. This is a strategic retreat. While there is rarely fun in making sense, sometimes there is fun in exploiting frivolous logic.

Oh, it will be a glorious day to return and witness what madness she has brought in his absence.

~~

 

Eeyup.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Slipstream

[Sakamoto 103]

Discord as an evil mastermind, nice!

[Slipstream 84]

Discord as an evil mastermind, nice!

 

I can't picture him any other way. I figure he wasn't so worried about the mane 6 because... well, they weren't Celestia and Luna. He hid the elements, he broke their minds, and they weren't his old enemies. That's why he was shocked when they beat him.

 

My own pet theory, of course.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Slipstream

[Finesthour 7,289]

My critique:

• The beginning does not bring any form of excitement at all. You want me to be intrigued when the story starts, and I am not feeling that.
• "R u d e. " Don't do that. Make it italicized, not spaced out. It just looks bad.
• You skip around the story costantly. You never have a single thought and work on it. You jump around like a primitive child on a sugar rush.
• Your sentance grammar needs to be fixed. There are so many errors, it's hard to pay attention to the story.
• The plot you have going has potential to be interesting, but you did not have the right state of mind to get people interested. It's just boring throughout.

You need to put more thought into this, I'm afraid.

2/5

Edited July 14, 2012 by Crona The Critic

[Slipstream 84]

Holy crap, I can reply now! Again, thanks for the consideration.

 

I'd like some elaboration in the grammar, though. I'm not automatically disagreeing with you; if it's bad, it's just bad. I've just never been called out on it before, so either this is amazingly bad or people have been lying to me.

[Caelious Crome 1]

I liked it.

[anythingmasterz 75]

I liked the story, but the beginning could use a little more excitement. It just doesn't attract my attention as well as the rest of the story. This does have great potential, though.