Why do parents/teachers make kids say sorry?

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

This has happened alot to me as a child, and sometimes still does. If I do something to another person, we have to write or say an apology to them. And for alot of people, they only say sorry because they are forced to. That means that they aren't really sorry for the thing they did, and in truth, that means parents are basically making the person give a fake apology to the other person. Why?

[silvadel 1,393]

Actually it is probably more effective as a parent to apologize for your child and show the kid that their action was so much a problem that you feel the need to apologize about it.

[Zerul 554]

Most kids won't truly take their wrong doing into consideration unless they're taught to do so.But it is proper to apologize after doing something wrong.

Edited September 4, 2012 by OdinForced

[Ink 191]

Because it's polite. Kids have to learn manners from someone, after all. I tell my friends I like the gifts they give me on my birthday even if I don't like them, same concept. ;P

[Flying Whales 311]

Just think what if we didn’t? Then we are condoning the behavior. Perhaps they aren’t sincere but at the very least you are making them realize they are wrong and they shouldn’t do whatever they did. If they did nothing then you are essentially saying “sure this is fine, if you continue to do this you will not have to face any consequence for your actions.”

[Crutch 898]

Umm...the parents are just trying to teach kids good morals, almost to an extent that it becomes a habit. My parents used to force me to apologize, and I hated it. But they did it so often, that it kind of became a habit for me. I say sorry for even the slightest things, so I guess that teaching style was pretty effective for me (and yes when I say it I still actually mean it).

Edited September 4, 2012 by coastercrutchfield

[Motion Spark 7,807]

these are called values. Kids won't understand at such a young age why are they apologizing for, but with the pass of the ages those "values" and morals that they didn't get at some point will evolve and strike when needed, also that builds your character and personality.

 

Someday you will face a situation when you know you did something wrong and feel the urge to apologize, because your subconscious won't let you feel at peace, and then you'll remember all the things you've been taught since you were a kid, where? is school and in your house (though some children receive bad example by their parents, but that's for another topic)

[Starshine 16,330]

It's practically a way to instil a sense of guilt to kids, so they would understand that what they did is wrong. But I agree the way the parents forced their kids to do a fake apology is a terrible way to do it. Most of the times the kids will learn to play-act their way out, instead of feeling ashamed.

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

you are making them realize they are wrong and they shouldn’t do whatever they did.

 

I'm pretty sure if they were forced to apologize, they didn't realize that they were wrong, or else they probably would fess up themselves. And I think it would make more sense to just punish the kid rather than actually make him apologize, since it is a totally insincere apology. I can tell when it's an insincere apology, it's not that hard. When I see that, and if I haven't already forgiven them for other reasons, I don't forgive them.

[Miss Light Diamond 2,801]

I agree with Silvadel, if parents were to talk to the child and tell them that whatever the other kid did was wrong and maybe not apologize for them, Maybe just talk to both of the kids about what had happened so whichever kid did the bad thing can learn values... This means that I will make an amazing parent or a really bad one hahaha

[Scarfy HOOVES 310]

it teaches kids that even if you felt it's justified and your not sorry at all it's better to just be the bigger person and fess up and just say im sorry and be done with it. you don't have to mean it. It's about teaching your child to be the bigger person. because a good "I'm sorry" and ending it can go along way rather your actually sorry or not almost doesn't even matter.

 

it also teaches that holding a grudge is just silly and it's best to just forgive and forget.

Edited September 4, 2012 by Scarfy HOOVES

[Flying Whales 311]

I'm pretty sure if they were forced to apologize, they didn't realize that they were wrong, or else they probably would fess up themselves. And I think it would make more sense to just punish the kid rather than actually make him apologize, since it is a totally insincere apology. I can tell when it's an insincere apology, it's not that hard. When I see that, and if I haven't already forgiven them for other reasons, I don't forgive them.

Hmm, I see what you are saying about the apology being insincere and the victim of the action of the child deserves a real apology. It’s almost a slap in the face of the victim because the child who committed the action is saying “I know what I did was wrong and I don’t care” but I believe through repetition patterns and habits can be instilled, so if you stay consistent I think you can change the behavior over time.

[Tycoon 79]

Err.. well, in my opinion, it's better to make them say a forced apology than just letting it go and they say no apology.

 

Forced apology > No apology.

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

Err.. well, in my opinion, it's better to make them say a forced apology than just letting it go and they say no apology.

 

Forced apology > No apology.

 

Uhh, I would rather get no apology, I don't know about you. It's like a girl/guy saying she loves you, but it being insincere. Think about it this way:

 

Insincere love confession < No love confession

[I used to be a stranger 7,989]

When we are slighted, when something happens against us, when we are offended, we expect repatriation for what's happened to us.

 

When we're sad, we expect compassion. When we're hurt, we expect pity. When we're insulted, we expect an apology.

Why?

 

It's because there is a fundamental exchange, a transaction that takes place at the subconscious (or more appropriately, if you believe in that sort of thing, spiritual) level. Forgiveness is not a material thing but it is a thing that is required and expected and interacted with nonetheless.

How modern secularization expects to despiritualize this, I am not sure, but the fact remains that it's largely there due to the historical influence of Christianity upon the modern world throughout the past 900 years, if one wanted to be really stupidly deep about it. Before it, forgiveness was a social convention that was just good manners. But ever since Christ taught that it's far more deeply rooted, it's had a theological significance.

[Tycoon 79]

Uhh, I would rather get no apology, I don't know about you. It's like a girl/guy saying she loves you, but it being insincere. Think about it this way:

 

Insincere love confession < No love confession

 

LOL, that's a different situation ENTIRELY. Read some of the singular posts above mine. Even if the apology is insincere and forced, it still achieves the main point: to teach the child a lesson (in this case, that what they did was wrong and its best to apologise and move along). There is a large different between lying about your love, and lying about your apology.

 

Sometimes, doing the wrong thing is the best thing to do.

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

LOL, that's a different situation ENTIRELY. Read some of the singular posts above mine. Even if the apology is insincere and forced, it still achieves the main point: to teach the child a lesson (in this case, that what they did was wrong and its best to apologise and move along). There is a large different between lying about your love, and lying about your apology.

 

Sometimes, doing the wrong thing is the best thing to do.

 

I guess I can see where you are coming from. I guess it can be sort of a teaching thing, but in truth, it is still morally wrong in ways.

[Tycoon 79]

I guess I can see where you are coming from. I guess it can be sort of a teaching thing, but in truth, it is still morally wrong in ways.

 

Do you have a solution?

 

I mean, if parents didn't force their children to say sorry, it should go without saying that said child would grow up thinking 'I don't need to regret what I did to you.' or 'What I did to you was perfectly fine.' (while it wasn't.)

 

Is there a way parents can persuade their children to understand what they did was wrong and that they need to apologise - without forcing them to do it?

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

Is there a way parents can persuade their children to understand what they did was wrong and that they need to apologise - without forcing them to do it?

 

Well of course punishing a child for what they did I think is enough to make them realize what they did was wrong in the adult's and most people's eyes. However, what is right and wrong is subjective, but that's another story.

 

I mean, if parents didn't force their children to say sorry, it should go without saying that said child would grow up thinking 'I don't need to regret what I did to you.' or 'What I did to you was perfectly fine.' (while it wasn't.)

 

I think punishing the child, like I said, is usually enough to make them realize what was wrong, and I have had instances where I haven't had to apologize, but the consequences and discipline of my actions made me realize what I did wrong.

[Tycoon 79]

Well of course punishing a child for what they did I think is enough to make them realize what they did was wrong in the adult's and most people's eyes. However, what is right and wrong is subjective, but that's another story.

 

 

 

I think punishing the child, like I said, is usually enough to make them realize what was wrong, and I have had instances where I haven't had to apologize, but the consequences and discipline of my actions made me realize what I did wrong.

 

The parent won't always be around to punish their child for what they did, and when the child grows up and/or when the parent passes away, what then? No more authority to punish the said individual for what wrongdoing they did.

 

This ^ is why I think "saying sorry" comes in. Listen carefully: Saying sorry to someone, in a way, is like punishing yourself for the wrongdoing you did and revoking your actions, as to show your regret for doing them to the victim. Saying sorry is 'punishing' yourself. = when the parents are gone, the individual has learned how to deal with incidents like fights by saying sorry (punishing themselves) instead of needing to be punished by the parent that won't be there as long as they are. Make sense?

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

Listen carefully: Saying sorry to someone, in a way, is like punishing yourself for the wrongdoing you did and revoking your actions, as to show your regret for doing them to the victim. Saying sorry is 'punishing' yourself. = when the parents are gone, the individual has learned how to deal with incidents like fights by saying sorry (punishing themselves) instead of needing to be punished by the parent that won't be there as long as they are. Make sense?

 

I get exactly what you are talking about, don't worry. The part I bolded is exactly what I am talking about. When an apology is forced, you aren't showing regret, you are showing false and insincere regret. If someone is sincerely sorry and they fess up, props to him. But in this thread I am talking about those insincere apologies kids make to their peers/enemies because they are forced to by a parent/teacher.

 

The second part I bolded is an example of a sincere apology. But if they truly are not sorry, why would they feel the need to apologize to the person they "fought" with?

[Tycoon 79]

I get exactly what you are talking about, don't worry. The part I bolded is exactly what I am talking about. When an apology is forced, you aren't showing regret, you are showing false and insincere regret. If someone is sincerely sorry and they fess up, props to him. But in this thread I am talking about those insincere apologies kids make to their peers/enemies because they are forced to by a parent/teacher.

 

The second part I bolded is an example of a sincere apology. But if they truly are not sorry, why would they feel the need to apologize to the person they "fought" with?

 

Let's assume the individual truly isn't sorry, refuses to apologise, and a parent wants to make them do it anyway. We need to consider, mainly, who should be apologising, and who is at fault. In most cases, both people are victims and guilty offenders (such as people that fought or argued). If in fact we take this into consideration that both people are at fault, and one of them is forced to apologise, than the person that's being apologised to will most likely be sorry as well. It just works out that when someone apologises for their actions, the other person will apologise too, even if they aren't at fault, and 100% of the time, a victim will accept an apology. Even a fake one.

 

It's not whether the apology is sincere or fake, it's whether the victim believes it's sincere or fake. If said person believes in the apology, even when it's fake, then we're all good. Victim accepts apology, and the two people will usually go back to being friends or doing whatever they were doing.

 

On the off-chances that the person being forced to apologise REALLY believes he shouldn't have to, and he is forced to apologise but the victim sees through it and knows it's fake, then we go back to square one. The two people just fight again.

 

In the end, even if the apology is fake, it's best that one of the people at fault at least try to apologise sincerely or fake. If no one apologises to no one, then nothing chances, we're still both mad at each other and we hold a grudge. SOMEONE's got to say sorry to end the fight, whether it's fake or real, whether they should apologise or not, nothing gonna be solved if they ignore it and no one says sorry to no one.

[Marceline 187]

I have many philosophies, values and ways of life; one of those things is to never apologize unless I mean it (obvious fun/joking situations excluded, lol.) A guy I used to be friends with got so mad at me because I wouldn't apologize to him . . . after he treated me like complete crap and talked crap about my boyfriend who was also his friend, and actually caused me to cry due to a flurry of emotions, including frustration (which is exceedingly hard to do). So I obviously didn't give that douche an apology. I'm not gonna apologize just to earn back someone's "friendship," when he was never a friend at all. All I did was defend myself against him, so I said some things that he didn't like. I don't care about him now, and I'm not going to.

 

Am I going to apologize for saying that I don't care about someone? Nope! Story/example time over.

 

I think it's a disgusting "moral" to teach children to apologize to fix everything. It's like they think they can get away with everything as long as they say sorry, and that it's okay to lie and say you're sorry when your not. An apology is meaningless unless it comes from the heart, and I'd rather not get an apology from someone rather than have them give me a fake one.

[Dreaming 9]

why do parents make children apologize for things they're not sorry for? well... to put it simply, it's to teach us that it's better to creat an illusion of peace and forgiveness, to live in ignorance of the bad in order to prosper in our illusions of good. because that is part of human nature. we would rather live happily in ignorance than otherwise in knowledge. humans truely are cunfusing creatures. we try not to offend other people by making all these rules about politeness, but in doing so only make it that much easier to offend one another. humans are the only creatures that care if you fart in the same room as them. the only ones that care if you get their floor dirty. and the only ones that care if you say sorry.

I am a very forgiving person; to a fault, actually. but I'm not apologetic. why? because of this. being forced to apologize was scary for me, especially when I didn't mean it. hearing the all too common "I forgive you" was even worse because I never really meant the apology. and if it was a fake forgiveness, it only fortified my disliking of that person (which never lasted long due to my forgiveness issue). so now I usually don't apologize for something, even if I mean it, because I'm scared. I don't know what I'm scared of. even if I know they'll forgive me, even if it'll make everything better, even if I really want to, I'm too scared to say it.

 

humans are such foolish creatures... I wish I could be a pony, live in equestria... because maybe there even someone too scared to do the right thing can learn how to make a friend...

[PonyPowaX1000 69]

Who wants rude little brutes running about the exact reason as to why im not to found of certain kids

 

So the parents won't look bad