From Dim to Grim. Stinger's story!

[Devious Detonation 442]

I am currently working on my OC's backstory, which is beeing made as an image of my life, which it means that most of the things you are going to read, happened to me in real life...

Chapter one--

--The... End?

 

Stinger woke up. It was a graceful morning, birds were singing, in their nests, happy for their lifes.

His house was dusty, didn't have a broom sweep in some years. Stinger streched his body, yawning and thinking to himself:"Another day in hell...". He got off bed, ready for a walk to Ponyville, that was about three hundred feet away from his house. As he entered in Ponyville, he saw a gourgeous mare, which he blindly fell in love with, unaware that she was already taken. He spent some time with her, until her boyfriend appeared to pick her up. Stinger tought:"Another disappointment... Well done, Stinger!"After some time walking around Ponyville, he went back home. He checked his mail, and there was a bill that had a three months delay. Stinger was broke. He couldn't pay the bills. His days seemed to be each day more grim, and sad. Stinger was too disapointed to notice that was a great day out there, because he had a depression. His parents disappeared misteriously, although he thinks they abandoned him.

He opened the dusty white fridge. There were anti-depression pills, which the doctor advised him to take one each day, and there was a half filled bottle of milk. He took both. He went to the table, took the pill and a gulp of the milk, and gazed at Ponyville from the window. "They are having fun..." He tought to himself, disapointed with his own life. He had some pictures of when he was a little colt, and one of his dad. He stared at the picture. He said:"Why? Why, did you do this to me?! What have I done to deserve this?! WHY DID YOU ABANDONED ME?!?!". Some tears shed from his eyes. He kicked the picture, breaking it into the wall. He started to think about why is he passing through all this, and he remembered his father again. He left the house, galloping as fast as he could, hopelessly trying to run away from his problems. Suddenly, he tripped on a tree stump, and he hitted roughly a sharp rock with his head.

Deadly injured, and bleeding pots of blood, slowly closing his eyes, he said:"It is... Over..."

He shed a final tear...

 

--To be continued...

 

I was very tired when I wrote this on paper, so if I have a bad grammar here, blame me for trying to compose a symphonic metal symphony for a week and three days, which I failed to sleep.

 

Now, tell me what do you think of it? I know it is a bit dark, but my life has been like this for a long time...

 

I am going to post here every chapter, after they're complete.

 

Updating this post because I mispelled alot of things and still working on the second chapter so yeah, have fun reading : p

One more character to make one hundred ):<

Edited September 5, 2012 by Devious Detonation

[Regality 233]

I liked it, even though it was a bit too dark for a fanfic in my opinion. It'll be interesting to read the next few chapters once they're complete.

 

One critique I'd have though is to elaborate more on the character's life. What exactly is his occupation in Ponyville? And we don't even know what his race is.

 

Other than that, good job though.

~~

[Devious Detonation 442]

I liked it, even though it was a bit too dark for a fanfic in my opinion. It'll be interesting to read the next few chapters once they're complete.

 

One critique I'd have though is to elaborate more on the character's life. What exactly is his occupation in Ponyville? And we don't even know what his race is.

 

Other than that, good job though.

~~

 

Ah, yes, I failed most details. I was very tired the day I wrote this on paper, and forgot to mension almost everything about Stinger.

Stinger is a Pegasus pony, which lives in a hill nearby Ponyville. He has no job, currently. As an orphan, he doesn't had parents(no shit duuuh) to raise him, and help him, so he never knew what to do about his life.

 

Anyways, thank you for the reply! Probably tomorrow night the second chapter will be complete, and more revelations about Stingers recent past and the reason why his parents "abandoned" him!

(that ^ is a commercial for my story :L)

 

Yesterday night I was having trouble to fall asleep. So I decided to pass the whole night writting the second chapter, instead of taking care of my Symphonies.

 

Here it goes:

 

Chapter two--Dreadful Revelations

 

Stinger slowly opened his eyes. His vision was blurried.A figure was gazing at him. He didn't knew what was happening, or how did he ever survived. As he tried to stand up, he bumped his head on something. Stinger grumbled silently. His head was hurting like someone had sticked a knife on a bruise. After regaining his senses, Stinger noticed that his head bumped on some kind of vial, hanging in a rope. He was on Zecora's "voodoo lounge".

"What ahppened!? I didn't die?!" Asked Stinger."No, young one. I saved you. I saw you bleeding as I was gathering some ingredients for one of my potions." Answered Zecora. Stinger started thinking why is he there and not in his house."I have some bad news. Your house was purged by flames, due to a fire. It is very common in this season." Said Zecora, before letting Stinger ask her more questions."But... Why didn't you took me to Ponyville's hospital?" He asked."Because I could do more than just putting a wrap around the hole you have in your head. Also, I have something to show you." Said Zecora. "But... They didn't... Oh, wait... Forget it. I am not really important to Ponyville and they did not even cared that my house was burnt down, huh?" Stinger stood quietly, waiting for an answer."They were very concerned about you. But, since they didn't found your body, they think that you died in it. And now, all Ponyville is dressed in black, thinking that you departed." Zecora was mixing some ingredients in the big cauldron in the middle of the room. "I... Can't even belive that somepony cared for me. I am a lost soul!" Said Stinger, with a grim look. "Also, I owe you my death." Said Stinger, sarcasticly. "Don't be so naive. I have something that you must see." Zecora pointed to the cauldron, that was now bubbling vervishly."What you think that is the true, is in fact, the biggest lie. It is sucking your happyness to the unexiztance." Said Zecora, staring at Stinger from the bottom to the top."W-What do you mean? What truth... Or lie?!" Stinger was deeply confused."You always thought that your parents abandoned you--" "Why are you bringing this subject to the conversation?" He interrupted Zecora as he heard the word "parents"."Do not interrupt me. This is serious. As I was saying, Your parents didn't abandoned you: They were murdered". After Stinger hear that, he paralyzed. He was shocked. "Gaze deeply into the fumes of this cauldron, and what you seek to know will be revealed." Said Zecora, with an echo on her voice. Stinger stared at the smoke, and without noticing, he was before a handsome gentlecolt, and a gorgeous mare."My parents..." Thought Stiner. As they were walking into the night, a shadow crossed their path. The shadow was holding a silver bladed dagger, which it's hilt was socketed in many rare gems. Stinger saw the carnage right before his eyes...

 

-To be continued...-

 

 

Next chapter is currently under develop! Don't lose a single word about Stinger's life, in the next chapter: Boundless Agony!

(?) Chapter name is not permanent yet.

 

Ok. The next chapter is beeing scripted in my paper! It's name will be: Boundless Agony. The title in the last post was confirmed. All check. Ready to write. By tomorrow morning I shall be posting chapter three--Boundless Agony!

Stay "tuned" for more information!

 

This chapter is the worst in my opinion. I mean, read it:

 

Chapter three--

-- Boundless Agony

 

Stinger backed off. As he was trying to forget it, the scene repeated itself in his head."That... Was the Grand Galloping Gala murderer." Said Zecora. "I... I thought that was just a urban legend to scare those who tried to left the Grand Galloping Gala earlier..." Stinger was still a bit disturbed. Finding out that his parents were murdered... That was very though for him. He always thought that he was abandoned... His previous toughts sinked like Titanic. "Howcome nopony told me about my parent's death!?" Asked Stinger, starting to get a little upset. "Remember that you were in your early ages when it happened. The police didn't know how bad you could react to such news, so they simply said that they departed without you." Said Zecora. "I... I must have... REVENGE!" yelled Stinger. His eyes ahd flames of vengeance, burning his sanity to ashes. He needed the blood of th murderer...

"Take it with ease. Revenge is not the best way to solve your problems." Said Zecora, wisely. "Well, it still is a way." Said Stinger, daring Zecora. "Humph. By the way, I have something else to tell you. Your parents left you a gift." Said Zecora, starting to mix some ingredients in the boiling cauldron. "Where is it...?" Asked Stinger, sheding a small tear. "Since your parents wrote in their testament that they would give it to you when you become older, but before that happened they died, the police department buried the gift with them, so no one else could know of it." Said Zecora, putting some kind of flower in the potion. "You mean.. It is on my parent's grave...?" Zecora noded to that statement. "Ach... I'll have to." Said Stinger, determined. "Before you go, I give you this potion. Drink it before you start digging on your parents grave." Zecora handed the potion to Stinger. Stinger remembered his parent's death. He passed through moments of agony each time the dagger was sticked on his parents bodies. "It will be a long trip... But where is that graveyard, where my parents were buried?" Stinger was confused. "It is right behind the gardens of Canterlot Castle. You'll find it right after reaching it by your own hooves." Answered Zecora. "But... How ill I get there? Where do I get supplies?" Stinger was concerned more about surviving the trip than to get to Canterlot. "Remember that you are presumed dead in all of Ponyville, and you can't go there because you have no house, nor supplies. You'll have to live from what the land gives you. Good luck, young one. Find what you seek, and may fortune smile to you." Said Zecora.

Stinger departed from Zecora's house, determined to know more about his past...

 

-To be continued...-

 

Don't miss more of Stinger's past, in the next chapter: Ghosts from the Past!

(That is a reference to Starcraft 2)