gaming My Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Halloween Joke Review.

[Prof. Yana 16]

I wrote this for my school newspaper, so little kids will be reading it, and I don't want them to accidentally buy the game, hence the disclamers

Disclaimer: This should not be taken seriously, it is a joke. Do not buy this game, it is terrible.

 

Game: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)

 

Platforms: Xbox 360, Playstation 3.

 

ESRB Rating: E 10+

 

Genre: Horror.

 

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog was a popular gaming franchise that still holds one my favorite all-time games, Sonic Adventure 2: Battle. It had many great games and millions sold. In 2005, Sega, the game’s developers, announced they were making a new horror game, codenamed Big Shadow. A few months later, they announced that it was really a reboot of the Sonic franchise. What followed is the single scariest game I have ever played.

 

Sound: The voice acting... The voice acting... it’s just so terrifying. The way the characters speak is

just so... menacing. I really can’t describe it, you have to hear it for yourself. The music is perfectly haunting, it makes even the happiest cut-scenes terrifying. Oh, and the way the characters in the town hub-world say “Hey” is just freaky, it’s almost like they know exactly who they’re talking to and how to scare them.

 

Graphics: The CGI cut-scenes look especially scary. The 4-foot tall blue, black, and silver hedgehogs, with their horrifyingly oversized hands and their massive heads, they look so out of place, it’s just scary. Back to the town’s people of the hub-world, the way they move their arms when they’re talking to you, you know that they actually just want to strangle you.

 

Story: The game takes place around the princess of Soleanna, a creepy zombie who should have died ten years before the game started, but was brought back to life by time-traveling hedgehogs. As a side-effect of her being brought back to life, her legs are permanently orange. The evil Dr. Eggman, a man literally made of bloodcurdlingly scary eggs, is trying to use her to unleash doom upon this doomed planet. And now for the scariest character in the game, Mephiles. He is very angry, and with good reason. He has no mouth. But that doesn’t stop him, he keeps talking anyway.

 

Gameplay: I’ll review this truly petrifying section in three parts, one for each of the horrifyingly scary characters. I’ll start with Sonic. He ditched his fast-paced roots, in favor of a slower paced, slightly startling light jog. He died between games and is now a ghost, therefore he can stand upside down on loop-de-loops. He has ghostly homing attacks that magically home-in on unsuspecting robots. He can also break-dance at high speeds. Shadow is essentially the same as sonic, except that instead of break-dancing at high speeds, he can do it while menacingly hovering in place. Now for Silver. Silver, Silver, Silver, he was just too scary for me to play as, so I had my friend play most of his portions for me. But from what I did play, he has terrifying psychokinesis powers that let him pick up objects and throw them at anything. Including creepy lemons. To kill forbidding robots.

 

Closing Thoughts: Don’t play this game, it is far too terrifying. That’s really all I have to say on the subject. I’ll have to give it an over 2.5/10. Don’t buy this game, this review was not real.

[Xebec 74]

You sir have made my day. I remember back in 06 I bought my xbox and with it came this failure of a game. The dissapointment I had in it was so tremendous that I broke the disc. this "review" brought tears of laughter to my eyes

[Jammo 986]

What was Sega thinking with this game? -_-

Remember the old school yard debates over Mario vs Sonic?

Compare Sonic '06 to either of the Mario Galaxy games. It's clear which company still has passion for their iconic hero.

[TailsIsNotAlone 3,694]

Great review. That game was scary in a bad way.

 

Sonic lost all meaning after the Dreamcast. Sega needs to start over with a new franchise...Tails the Kitsune!