Things Left Unsaid

[AegisReflector 886]

NOTE: It's late here and I just felt like explaining how I became to be who I am. I'm not real descriptive here but that's just because I am fucking tired haha. So sue me.

 

As some of you have gotten to know me, you are aware that as a proud socialist and an overall caring person, I don't judge on anybody based on the color of their skin or the way they choose to live their lifestyle. I am always for the common man and the underdog, and think that corporate fat cats and corrupted bureaucrats should be stopped at all costs for the sake of the good nature that average folks like you and me have tried to spread throughout our society.

 

However, it should also be said that I was not the good tender hearted individual I used to be.

 

When I was around 5 years old, my blood mother, the poppin' pills kind of parent, left me and my other brothers for Florida after she divorced my father. At this time, my father automatically met another woman named Elizabeth, a very kind hearted figure with a sweet sense of humor. I knew from the day I met her that she would be my future stepmother. They both had such a sweet chemistry with each other. She had just gotten through with a rough divorce herself, so that only added to the string of similarities the two had with each other. They also loved to dance like total goons. I always used to get so embarrassed. But, hey, I have learn to live with the fact that my father thinks that disco is still the common trend and just ignore it completely.

 

With Elizabeth came two of her own children, an adopted son named Aaron and a blood daughter (for the sake of animosity, I will not name her daughter in this post). The daughter was Mulatto, a result of Elizabeth being white and her blood father being black. Aaron was totally black and not much was known about his past. When I was a kid, I did not grow up in a neighborhood filled with diversity. I mean, sure, my dad is a Native American and one side of my blood family comes from the Onondaga Tribe, but that's pretty much it. Plus, being only part Native, I always confirmed myself back then to be just "that white kid". As we started this new family, race did not ever come into factor, as it shouldn't have. But, as soon as things started to look good for the future of our new-found family, it seems everything is too good to be true.

 

Aaron turned out to be a real sociopath and quite the monster (Not gonna build suspense or anything because I find that technique utterly tasteless at this point). He molested his blood sister (who he never saw again) when he was 12 years old and also did other sexually explicit assaults to minors, but I'll just leave it at that. Elizabeth and my father both knew this, but felt never to tell me or my brother in person, as in I guess they assumed we were too young to know anything. Okay, whatever. When I first met Aaron, he wasn't such a bad kid. He liked video games, played Yu-Gi-Oh (like me), and was a real fanatic about certain anime like Dragon Ball Z. He would always be very nice to me when he came home to visit. At this point it's also important to mention that he was also going to a school for troubled kids/utterly disgusting deviants. But, once again, Elizabeth nor my father never told me that aspect either.

 

Anyways, whenever he entered my room, my dad would always say to me, "Make sure you keep your door open" and "Come check with me every half hour or so", which always confused me, but I always followed his commands. One day, however, Aaron came into my room and both parents were downstairs. He wanted to play Animal Crossing with me and I said, "Alright!" (Animal Crossing was my shit back in the day.....don't judge me >__>) When I popped the disc in, Aaron sat himself down next to my chair, and when I returned to sit, he started to lean towards me in a discomforting sort of way. His leg was also way too close to my personal areas. Thank heavens that my brother happened to be upstairs talking on the phone with his girlfriend. He came walking past my door and I guessed that freaked Aaron out and he stopped his advances towards me. I don't know if that sick fuck was gonna do anything major to me, but if my brother wasn't there as a freak coincidence, I don't know what would have happened. We just played Animal Crossing normally and he just sat there making small talk. I'm guessing he thought it was "too risky" with my older brother upstairs. After that day, he never tried anything on me again.

 

During this time, I was in middle school and eventually in a junior high school in a district in Baldwinsville, NY (a suburb of Syracuse). I was not the most popular kid back then. Baldwinsville was turning into a major shithole, a prime example of urban decay. More children seemed to be joining in movements that were too dangerous and rebellious, and with me being one of the few nerds in school that weren't listening to things such as rap music or not liking anything that had to do with MTV, I was an easy target. I wasn't really bullied a whole lot but when I was they got personal. However, one of these certain incidents I will always remember for the rest of my life.

 

I was on my way to the bus to go home when this big brute of a bully who I had known for a while, who was black, got in my face and basically told me what kind of shitty Japanese filth I was gonna jack off to when I got home. I mouthed off to him, I admit, calling him a faggot and to get the fuck out of my way. He punched me in the face, but not hard enough to really leave a mark. The force, however, was so great that I went backwards to the floor. My books were scattered everywhere. People were just walking by, teachers just standing there telling the other kid to "stop please stop oh man you'd better stop that right now young man". I quickly gathered my things, shouted to him "I'm gonna fucking kill your faggot-ass!" and stormed out of the building. Everybody laughed, especially the big black kid, giving me one of those high pitched "AWWWW SNAP!" kind of rhetoric.

 

They suspended me 3 days from school for threatening, but didn't give any punishment to the kid who punched me, who actually did PHYSICAL VIOLENCE on me. I had self-taught myself to not give out any punches so that way the other kid can get suspended instead of the both of us for fighting. Not the case here. Fucking Baldwinsville and their warped logic. As soon as I got back to school, a lot of kids, most notably the kid's black friends, all started to gang up on me and call me nasty names. Just ignore them, Aegis. Ignore it.

 

A few months later, Elizabeth was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And a few more months, she was dead, as the cancer had spread from her pancreas to her brain. That was the most mind-blowing thing to ever happen to me. She was a sweet and gentle soul who would never hurt a fly, but would if circumstances were nigh. A strong and passionate being now reduced to a lifeless corpse. Dear heavens. The Church I was in (Ironically, at this time, I was part of the Catholic Youth Organization) basically gave their condolences and told us that "GOD HAS A PLAN FOR HER." That quote stuck by me until one point, explained later. The Church has told me that God took her because he needed her. That kind of hurt me. Why the fuck would God take such a kind, loving individual, and a mother figure no less, away from a binding family?

 

After the funeral, basically, Elizabeth's family screwed me, my dad, and my brothers over by repossessing the house and not letting my dad have anything in her will. They were more concerned with Elizabeth's money and possessions than the fact that their fucking daughter and sister was in the clouds. What a bunch of fucking heartless demons. They automatically turned on us and thought we were gonna be some sort of deviants to Elizabeth's daughter. Upon hearing this, Reggie, Elizabeth's past husband, thought it would be necessary to take her away from my dad. This was the guy who practically abandoned her for more than 16 years and only came to see her like 3 times a year. He doesn't love her, only buying her love through possessions. My dad did not want to give up my step-sister, stating that Elizabeth wanted her to stay by our side.

 

Now, Reggie is a member of the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency). He lives in some slumhole in South America. Using his corrupted police tactics, not only did he take the daughter away from him through the use of our local police siding with him through extortion, but also sued my dad for emotional distress. Reggie, having the daughter now, was still trying to make my dad's life a living hell, almost acting like a Scientology and not leaving my dad in peace.

 

A few months later, I received a text message from an unknown number. It was a giant erect black penis that someone was stroking. Who the fuck would send me such filth? I called the number and, lo and behold, it was that monster Aaron. He sent me porn. He immediately hung up and we tried to get law enforcement on his ass, but unfortunately, they did not see fit to pursue. Typical.

 

One day, as we were about to move out from our old house in Baldwinsville and move to a place called Camden, NY, I had an emotional outburst to myself in my nearly empty room. Nobody heard me because my brother and dad were out and about.

 

 

What the fuck is up with these people? Why have they wronged us? What did we do? We were peaceful, loving individuals but they felt the need to royally screw us over. That Reggie. That Aaron. All of those awful kids at school. All my CYO buddies. The Church. FUCK THEM ALL. I hate black people! I hate homosexuals! I hate Catholics! I hate the police! I hate those wiggers at school! I hate religious people! I hate those queers and the kind of filth they spread! All of them can go to hell! Those fucking priests think that Elizabeth died in place for some kind of God and his plans for essentially nothing! Everybody can go fuck themselves! RANT RANT RANT

 

 

I started my freshmen year at Camden High School, with all my rage getting the better of me. I started to do poorly in my classes. I was very cynical, conniving, and had no respect for the education system. I started to make new friends though, and joined the Cross Country, Basketball, and Track teams. I was getting to be popular, if not for the wrong reasons. I was starting to trend out of the nerd culture a little too, so I guess that helped.

 

One day, in the bathroom, someone wrote on the bathroom stall that "SCHOOL GOES BOOM". I remembered that with the group of kids I used to hang out with, one of them was planning on going around the school and just write fake terrorist threats on the wall. Seeing the fun in dark humor, I wrote in iddy biddy pencil "Praise Allah! La la la! Merry Fucking Christmas!" and I walked out, thinking I was sooooooooooo funny.

 

Yeah, funny. Funny enough to get me suspended from school for a total of 4 months (from Christmas until Easter). My dad thought of me like a different person. He was filled with rage at me, seeing me as a delinquent rather than the carefree nerdy kid he used to know. I had to go get a tutor for my homework.

 

This tutor was the nicest lady. She has dealt with very nasty kids before, but she said I was a rare case. She couldn't believe that I would have gotten expelled from school (Besides the other incident mentioned above in junior high, I never did anything bad). I immediately poured my heart out to her, saying how ignorant and racist I was that I would let those feelings control my personality. She understood. She didn't diss me or give me a lecture. However, she did pointed me to one thing that changed my whole direction of life, a movie called Schindler's List.

 

That movie made me end up in tears. Of course, I knew a little about the Holocaust at that point, but Liam Neeson and the other wonderful actors in that movie portrayed those horrifying events so greatly that I was moved. I was absolutely crying when Schindler at the end portrays his ending speech when the Jews were finally being liberated ("I could have done more to help them! This ring....I could have given them my ring!") When the credits rolled and the footage shown were Holocaust survivors leaving their flowers to the dead, that's when I hit me.

 

My stepmother, no, my MOTHER, Elizabeth, cared about everyone, regardless of color or orientation or religious practices. She wouldn't want me to live on like this. She would want me to not only be happy with myself, but to spread happiness to others as well. I swear, she had Pinkie Pie in her somewhere. I felt so bad that I nearly secluded myself from anybody besides my tutor until my suspension was up. I felt like a total loser. I felt horrible, like I was a bad soul. I realized that not all gay people are disgusting molesters or that black people are horrible and corrupt just because a select few of them happen to be of those positions. Everybody should deserve to get a chance in life. This is how the Aegis you know was born today.

 

For the past 4 years, I have accepted virtually everything in my life. People need to see that their lifestyle shouldn't be decided by others. Who are we to be the dictators of decisions that other people feel are right for them? It just doesn't make sense. It took a lot of years to finally understand this, but I finally feel happy with myself and now I am virtually a social butterfly. I am like Pinkie Pie, to be honest. I like talking to other people and making them have a good time. That's what I like to accomplish.

 

That's why I'm a socialist, an agnostic, and a fan of MLP: FiM, because everybody deserves to be loved if themselves are willing to do good in the world. For everybody here, I don't care if you're gay, black, Asian, Vulcan, Saiyan, or even a goddamn Halo fan, I am happy for you and won't ever dare to change your lives around. My MOTHER, Elizabeth, taught me this, and now I'm simply using this as a basis for how to live my life, as a happy, successful, and accepting human being so that the world can keep on spinning and hopefully improve on it's moral standings in a few centuries or so.

 

Thanks, Bronies, for bringing this show to my light and actually make me feel like part of the family. As a once ignorant person that was filled with hatred and rage (and trust me, some of that still lingers, but I'm fighting it....KINGDOM HEARTS RIKU STYLE!), I am now a member of a very cool group of people.

 

Thank you for reading, and I hope this all proves to you that you can become a better person by simply getting help from others or having an enlightenment moment where everything becomes crystal clear to you.

 

 

Okay, so I just wrote this because I was tired, bored, and just thinking about my life at the same time, so if this seemed really basic and not descriptive enough, I apologize lol. Just a way of me reflecting on my life and for thanking you guys for accepting me for who I am.

Edited November 8, 2012 by AegisReflector

[Sugarcube 213]

Having read this has really brightened my day, it is really fantastic to read your story of learning to be able to open your eyes and accept others. I am sorry your journey there was so rough, *hugs* Thank you for sharing Aegis, I am sure Elizabeth would and is very proud of you. Major brohoofs

[Twilight Circuits 603]

Stories like that are the reason i have this written in profile:

 

00:30 But thou hadst toucheth darkness, and grew to be resentful.

00:35 Thus Discord belayeth a pony.

00:38 For Discord take awayeth the love of thy craft.

00:42 Thus, a pony loseth all love for their craft.

00:46 Thus, a pony refuseth love.

00:50 Thus, a pony learneth hate.

00:53 Thus, a pony seeketh revenge.

00:58 Thus, a pony darketh the earth.

01:02 So Twilight teacheth the elements of harmony.

01:10 For Twilight balanced the discord within.

01:18 Thus, peace, love, and harmony be restored.

01:40 So Twilight sayeth to thy little pony:

01:46 I used to wonder... What could friendship mean?

01:50 Until you, all shared it's magic with me.

01:53 It's having adventure.

01:54 It's having fun.

01:55 It's having a beautiful heart.

01:56 It's being faithful and strong.

01:57 It's sharing kindness, as it is free to give.

01:99 And like magic, you'll feel loved.

02:02 My Little Pony,

02:04 Didn't you know? That makes us best friends.

02:17 For Twilight sayeth:

02:22 Judgeth not, a pony that loveth their craft.

02:24 For that pony understandeth love.

02:30 As there is always time to socialize.

02:38 For a pony must remember:

02:45 The elements of harmony still dwelleth within.

02:49 If thy pony learneth to reach high,

02:52 Haste in thy persistence will grant thee a gift.

03:00 For the pony learneth the truth,

03:05 And the pony shall receive love,

03:16 As all, are never lost.

 

Peace. Love. Harmony. Always.

 

Some of that might be too hard to understand right now so I'll let my friend Eminem explain it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHzrvAkAYv4&feature=related

 

True knowledge and understanding of what love is can sometimes only be taught by the events the precede our life experience. It is our intrepretation of these events that determin how we see them. As one wise master had taught me, the worst that is to happen in our lives is also the best when we finally reach it's polar opposite and discover that should we not have had that happen, we would not understand how much better we think later on, and the lessens it taught us that we were blind to see at the time. Sharing kindness, as it is free to give, and like magic, the warmth in our hearts brings warmth in others, as that is the power of love and kindness.

[null1 606]

@@AegisReflector, You sir have hit the nail right on the f#king head. Tolerance and MLP came hand in hand for me too, made me more observant, to tolerate anything, even if I had a real strong disagreement with it.

 

I know I don't show it, but the tolerance is there.

[AegisReflector 886]

Having read this has really brightened my day, it is really fantastic to read your story of learning to be able to open your eyes and accept others. I am sorry your journey there was so rough, *hugs* Thank you for sharing Aegis, I am sure Elizabeth would and is very proud of you. Major brohoofs

 

Thanks, it means a lot. My journey of self-discovery (hehe Spike) really was well worth it, and yeah, I'm pretty sure Elizabeth is smiling down on me right now for seeing the light in way of the hatred. I tell you, ever since I changed my beliefs and started to become more worldly, I am now a full fledged Honors Student, I've lost a ton of weight, I am more brave enough to try new things. It's just absolutely amazing as to how my life completely changed right around.

 

*hugs* Thank you very much.

 

True knowledge and understanding of what love is can sometimes only be taught by the events the precede our life experience. It is our intrepretation of these events that determin how we see them. As one wise master had taught me, the worst that is to happen in our lives is also the best when we finally reach it's polar opposite and discover that should we not have had that happen, we would not understand how much better we think later on, and the lessens it taught us that we were blind to see at the time. Sharing kindness, as it is free to give, and like magic, the warmth in our hearts brings warmth in others, as that is the power of love and kindness.

 

Yeah, for example, I think getting suspended from school might have been the best thing for me, as odd for me to say that. If I didn't, I never would have met my awesome tutor and probably would have stayed on the same course to failure. But yeah, these experiences really taught me a lot and have made me to be the Aegis of today!

 

Thank you for that awesome PMV!

 

@@AegisReflector, You sir have hit the nail right on the f#king head. Tolerance and MLP came hand in hand for me too, made me more observant, to tolerate anything, even if I had a real strong disagreement with it.

 

I know I don't show it, but the tolerance is there.

 

Discovering FiM was just, well, "I love this show. Animation is great and the characters are kickass!" If I were to take my high school freshmen self and look at this I would probably say "This shit's gay." and turn it off. It just goes to show you that once you open your eyes to a lot of different fads and values that you can actually see your personality change for the better.

 

Thank you too!

 

Means a lot, guys.

[Rain Dance 131]

Okay, this was AMAZING. I was like at first am i supposed to read all this? Then i read like the first 4 sentences and i was stuck in front of my computer. (Literally STUCK).

 

This have made me much happier today! Thank you so much

[AegisReflector 886]

Okay, this was AMAZING. I was like at first am i supposed to read all this? Then i read like the first 4 sentences and i was stuck in front of my computer. (Literally STUCK).

 

This have made me much happier today! Thank you so much

 

No problem! Anything to make members more aware or just the fact that something unexpected can totally bright up their day!

[With A Bang 23]

It really sucks that you had to go through things like that, but I'm glad you managed to come out a stronger person at the other end! And a better one. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that. I don't even know you, but I'm so proud!

 

Unfortunately I can sympathize with losing your mother. My own mom passed away a little over a year ago from cancer. I know she would want me to be as tolerant as can be, too.

[Rain Dance 131]

I don't know how it is to lose a family member but i do know how it feels to have a very sick family member. When you just go around worried sick all the time. You try to get away from the worriness or whatever it's called by trying to play games being with friends or whatever.

[AegisReflector 886]

Yeah, cancer sucks, and ever since then, I have been donating a little bit of money to various cancer treatment organizations. Just another way of me helping out, and it's given me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Sorry for the loss of your mother, With A Bang. You're definitely not alone in that ship.

 

And Rain Dance, I very much would like to play fun games, but at that time, I nearly secluded myself from society. I was so distraught over the death of my stepmom and that I was an ignorant bastard that I just simply dwelled on the past. What really mattered was when I watched a very tragic movie and someone who completely understood me changed my ways of thinking, for the better, of course. That's when I started to make new friends and get away from all the delinquents. I came back as the nerd that I always was, and even better!

[With A Bang 23]

It does indeed. That's about the best way to put it, really. That's an admirable thing to do! I'll have to find some that I want to donate to. Maybe it'll help a bit, put things in perspective and all that... Thank you, Aegis. I know I'm not alone- even without counting my family, there are kind strangers such as yourself!

[Betez 1,734]

Really nice post. I'm happy for you. You've been through a lot, I'm glad you got through it all. I hope it keeps going well for you. Good luck, man.

[Flying Whales 311]

Wow, thanks for sharing that with us. It took me all day to read though XD. I'm happy you were able to change your narrow-minded views even though, at that point in your life and through your experiences to an extent you were justified in your thinking and was able to change that. I'm so happy that My Little Pony was able to help supplement that change in your life, one that is so positive, and has seemed to have changed your life for the better. Totally wish you the best of luck in the future by the way.

Edited November 9, 2012 by Flying Whales

[AegisReflector 886]

Wow, thanks for sharing that with us. It took me all day to read though XD. I'm happy you were able to change your narrow-minded views even though, at that point in your life and through your experiences to an extent you were justified in your thinking and was able to change that. I'm so happy that My Little Pony was able to help supplement that change in your life, one that is so positive, and has seemed to have changed your life for the better. Totally wish you the best of luck in the future by the way.

 

I'm so glad people felt compelled to read that wall of text. It really means a lot to me for someone who was just thinking out loud one sleepless night.

[Zygen 6,066]

I always have some weird enjoyment out of reading these storys. I don't know what it is honestly. Maybe it's the fact that It gives me hope that people who seem to be terrible people at one time can become truly open minded and amazing people.(Because honestly I feel like a good majority of my school is full of people I just they're ignorant to say the least I guess.)

 

Its quite amazing to hear about all these storys though. It also gives me hope that theres good people in the world(Because sometimes i find it hard to believe there is.)

I'm accepting of everyone regardless of how they are. I may not become BFF's with them all or anything. (Infact I can be quite the loner.) but I do accept everyone regardless. I might be white, but that doesn't mean I hate blacks(Seriously whats skin got to do with anything anyways?) I might be christian, but that doesn't mean I go around shunning atheist, jews or other's with different beliefs.

I don't even shun homosexuals. I don't see anything wrong with them liking what they like. Thats their business anyways.

 

Anyways... I'm gonna stop rambling on. Before this becomes a 5000 word essay where I repeat the same things 500 times.

Glad to hear you've improved your mindset for the better!