writing My OC'S Story

[Dopey Hooves 90]

Adventures of Louis

Bright lights shined into the little filly's bright yellow eyes. He awoke with a loud cry. But, when he saw a middle aged pony he was rocked to sleep. When he awoke once again he was layed in a bed. Before he could begin to look around he was swooped out of the bed. He saw the same woman. The woman put the little filly onto the floor, looked him in the eyes and said "My name is Bloom, your name is Louis." Louis could only comprehend a few words, he said "Bloom!" In the loudest voice he could manage which was not very loud for only he was a little filly.  Louis soon became aware of his surroundings and felt very comfortable. Bloom was the best caretaker a filly could have ever dreamed for!  She fed Louis, gave him baths, brushed his mane, took him out to play and home schooled him. By the time Louis was 3 he could read big books and do things no filly could have done. The years pasted when Louis got older he was only 13 years old and his caretaker, Bloom became very sick. Louis was a very smart pony but, he was scared and he thought that if his caretaker died he would be taken to a home full or orphans where they didn't take care of you. After two whole weeks Bloom died, Louis at the side of the bed crying not knowing what to do. Louis said in a murmur "My life is over."

 

 

More Adventures of Louis coming soon.

[Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953]

 

Adventures of Louis

Bright lights shined into the little filly's bright yellow eyes. He awoke with a loud cry. But, when he saw a middle aged pony he was rocked to sleep. When he awoke once again he was layed in a bed. Before he could begin to look around he was swooped out of the bed. He saw the same woman. The woman put the little filly onto the floor, looked him in the eyes and said "My name is Bloom, your name is Louis." Louis could only comprehend a few words, he said "Bloom!" In the loudest voice he could manage which was not very loud for only he was a little filly.  Louis soon became aware of his surroundings and felt very comfortable. Bloom was the best caretaker a filly could have ever dreamed for!  She fed Louis, gave him baths, brushed his mane, took him out to play and home schooled him. By the time Louis was 3 he could read big books and do things no filly could have done. The years pasted when Louis got older he was only 13 years old and his caretaker, Bloom became very sick. Louis was a very smart pony but, he was scared and he thought that if his caretaker died he would be taken to a home full or orphans where they didn't take care of you. After two whole weeks Bloom died, Louis at the side of the bed crying not knowing what to do. Louis said in a murmur "My life is over."

 

 

More Adventures of Louis coming soon.

 

 This is really fantastic my friend! I could actually feel Louis's pain, and that's great when an author does that. I want to know what happens next, do more!

[Meteor Whirl 0]

This is great! You are a great writter! I hope Louis life gets better... Can't wait to see what's next! (damn 100 "thing", it makes me keeping writting too much, oh wait! I did. whew!)

[Night Shine 767]

Fascinating. Pacing's quite rushed (lil bit of Show Don't Tell could be nice)...but i don't want to be a cynical critic/debbie downer.

 

I actually am very curious as to what this story is, since this little segment reveals very little of the story you're thinking of. I kinda want to know that story. o3o

[Dopey Hooves 90]

Well, thank you everyone for commenting. I will be making another story about Louis in a couple of days or so. Thanks for supporting me. 

 

 

 

 This is really fantastic my friend! I could actually feel Louis's pain, and that's great when an author does that. I want to know what happens next, do more!

 

This is great! You are a great writter! I hope Louis life gets better... Can't wait to see what's next! (damn 100 "thing", it makes me keeping writting too much, oh wait! I did. whew!)

 

Fascinating. Pacing's quite rushed (lil bit of Show Don't Tell could be nice)...but i don't want to be a cynical critic/debbie downer.

 

I actually am very curious as to what this story is, since this little segment reveals very little of the story you're thinking of. I kinda want to know that story. o3o