dark First ever fanfic - finished!

[WWAPD 126]

So I just finished my first ever fanfic and published it on FiMFiction right here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/82891/pony-royale (this is the same link you'll find in my signature)

 

It's based of the book/movie Battle Royale. I only have the first part up, but I was planning on releasing the rest soon.

 

The reception doesn't seem to be too good, but I wanted to know what you guys over here thought!

Edited June 20, 2013 by WWAPD

[Proton 565]

First thing I can say is the poster needs work. Now, about the fic... Well, even though I have only read the first two chapters, I can already say your writing is really good. Far better than mine. But it still has mistakes, such as this: (SPOILERS) "Twilight couldn’t even bear to look at what was left of Flim, who sat bleeding and almost certainly dead, just to the right of Twilight. (SPOILERS). Pronouns. Those things can be annoying, but they really make people see you as a professional. What I mean is this: Instead of "Just to the right of Twilight", it should have been "Just to her right". It just isn't pretty when you repeat someone's name in a single sentence. Other than that, and the usual but almost invisible grammar mistakes, your style is pretty good. Now, I have never really seen the movie "Battle Royale" but, according to some comments regarding your fic at the fanfiction.net website, your fic is apparently a rip-off of the afore mentioned movie and perhaps a little of The Hunger Games. On your next story, please be creative. Make up your own topics and settings, as unoriginality is something really bad-seen in the universe of writing.

 

Other than that, it's a good fic, and I'm looking forward to your next works.

[tdtuesday1 11]

I love it! The writing was perfect, the plot was intriguing, the whole nine yards. I couldn't stop reading! I cannot wait until Part 2, try to get that up as soon as you can!