Count to a million

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

239888

 

Night Rising!

[Overdrive 5,366]

239889

 

Night Rising.

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

239890

 

Leaving to do virus scans and stuff. See ya.

[Overdrive 5,366]

239891

 

Which means I'm all alone. Great...

[Discordly Cutiepie 2,065]

239892

[Overdrive 5,366]

238893

[lomk 20,663]

238894

 

And the total mistake of the day goes to:

 

Me.

 

I'm sick of feeling like I'm the letdown of the century. 

[Overdrive 5,366]

239895

 

Is everything OK?

[lomk 20,663]

239896

 

I'm just sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. My checking account balance is negative because of Christmas shopping and I stopped keeping track of my checkbook and you know that story. My mom calls me today to gripe at me because I took half a day off of work yesterday when it's not that big of a deal. Everybody takes a day off every now and then. I actually use less of my leave time than most of the people in the whole department. And she wasn't even supposed to know anyway. I went to see my brother and he "accidentally" ratted me out. That makes it twice now. So I've determined that if I take a day off because there's something I've gotta handle in my old college town, I'm not visiting him anymore. I've asked him in the past not to mention me if I take time off work for something and my efforts have proven futile. And my mom makes a bigger deal of it than it is. My bosses are like "You have leave time. You can use it." and she's like "You may have leave time but that ability is locked until you work there for a year and kiss enough ass and you'll be looked down upon as a sorry son of a bitch if you use leave time before you've worked there for a year." Then there was something I was supposed to do today of relative importance before I left for lunch, but I was so busy doing that part of my job that ensures people get paid that it completely slipped my mind. I got back into work and my boss asked me if I handled that. Which I didn't. So I rushed over there and got that done because the lady I was supposed to work with leaves at 1:30 and I got back into the office at 1. I generally don't feel very good about things. I'm getting fatter despite my efforts to combat it. I'm just not motivated anymore because I feel myself slipping into depression. I know I need to be seeing a counselor, but I feel like that won't help much as it took me years to finally begin to open up to my previous therapist. I've got confidence issues like you wouldn't believe, and I'm sick of the emotional baggage that (for some ungodly reason) I cling to. I feel like I'm supposed to do everything right, but I don't even know what I want for myself. All I've ever done is what my parents wanted me to do, but when I begin to do the things I want to do, I get lectured as to why it's wrong. How am I supposed to make choices if I'm not allowed to do that? I'm just so confused. I haven't slept right in months. What's the point? Why? Why am I even doing this? I've nothing to prove. Sure, I've come a loooooong way, but what does it affect in terms of the big picture? I'm a speck among many specks, and my impact on the world is negligible at best. I'm tired of feeling like I've got to be fucking perfect to be acceptable. Make straight A's in school. Get a high paying job. Yadda yadda. I feel like I'm going to end up leading a boring ass life doing a boring ass job and taking out a boring ass retirement when I'm 65 and even more of a boring ass person than the boring ass I already am. 

 

I'm sick of feeling like everything I do is a mistake.  

[Overdrive 5,366]

239897

 

Maybe something's telling you to make a change.

[lomk 20,663]

239898

 

I don't know. I'm just not myself today :/

 

Like, I've felt horrible all day. 

[Overdrive 5,366]

239899

 

Maybe you need to relax, and do something to take your mind off of it.

[Mirrory 258]

239896

 

I'm just sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. My checking account balance is negative because of Christmas shopping and I stopped keeping track of my checkbook and you know that story. My mom calls me today to gripe at me because I took half a day off of work yesterday when it's not that big of a deal. Everybody takes a day off every now and then. I actually use less of my leave time than most of the people in the whole department. And she wasn't even supposed to know anyway. I went to see my brother and he "accidentally" ratted me out. That makes it twice now. So I've determined that if I take a day off because there's something I've gotta handle in my old college town, I'm not visiting him anymore. I've asked him in the past not to mention me if I take time off work for something and my efforts have proven futile. And my mom makes a bigger deal of it than it is. My bosses are like "You have leave time. You can use it." and she's like "You may have leave time but that ability is locked until you work there for a year and kiss enough ass and you'll be looked down upon as a sorry son of a bitch if you use leave time before you've worked there for a year." Then there was something I was supposed to do today of relative importance before I left for lunch, but I was so busy doing that part of my job that ensures people get paid that it completely slipped my mind. I got back into work and my boss asked me if I handled that. Which I didn't. So I rushed over there and got that done because the lady I was supposed to work with leaves at 1:30 and I got back into the office at 1. I generally don't feel very good about things. I'm getting fatter despite my efforts to combat it. I'm just not motivated anymore because I feel myself slipping into depression. I know I need to be seeing a counselor, but I feel like that won't help much as it took me years to finally begin to open up to my previous therapist. I've got confidence issues like you wouldn't believe, and I'm sick of the emotional baggage that (for some ungodly reason) I cling to. I feel like I'm supposed to do everything right, but I don't even know what I want for myself. All I've ever done is what my parents wanted me to do, but when I begin to do the things I want to do, I get lectured as to why it's wrong. How am I supposed to make choices if I'm not allowed to do that? I'm just so confused. I haven't slept right in months. What's the point? Why? Why am I even doing this? I've nothing to prove. Sure, I've come a loooooong way, but what does it affect in terms of the big picture? I'm a speck among many specks, and my impact on the world is negligible at best. I'm tired of feeling like I've got to be fucking perfect to be acceptable. Make straight A's in school. Get a high paying job. Yadda yadda. I feel like I'm going to end up leading a boring ass life doing a boring ass job and taking out a boring ass retirement when I'm 65 and even more of a boring ass person than the boring ass I already am. 

 

I'm sick of feeling like everything I do is a mistake.  

 

This seems to sum me up pretty well

 

239900

[Overdrive 5,366]

239901

[Dewdlz 938]

239902

Edited January 24, 2015 by Dewdlz

[Overdrive 5,366]

239903

 

Uh, you're off.

[Dewdlz 938]

239904

[Overdrive 5,366]

239905

[Dewdlz 938]

239906

[Overdrive 5,366]

239907

[Dewdlz 938]

239908

[Overdrive 5,366]

239909

[Dewdlz 938]

239910

[Overdrive 5,366]

239911

[Dewdlz 938]

239912