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Joke Time!


Lady Rarity Pony

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(edited)

You'll never catch me!

Rape is nothing to joke about.

It is after you watch the movie "Teeth" Edited by Lady Rarity Pony

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LRP's opinions are subject to change without notice. Fees and penalties still apply.

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What do you call when a vampire's car breaks down three miles from a bloodbank?

 

A cab!

 

(Oh, I've done that one before? Alright, let me think of a new one...)

 

What do you call a snail on a ship?

 

A Snailor!


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What do you call when a vampire's car breaks down three miles from a bloodbank? A cab!

I never understood that joke until now .____.

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Economics Explained.

With Cows.

 

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?


SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.



CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRATISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.



DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to

support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,

which was a gift from your government.



NAZISM.
You have two cows.
The state takes both and shoots you.


INDIA.
You have two cows.
You worship them.


AUSTRALIA.

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.



FRANCE.

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block all the roads.

Because you want three cows.



 

Edited by Swoop
  • Brohoof 2

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There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says, "Wow, it must be 300 degrees in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!"

 

A little boy and a pedophile are walking through the woods at night. The little boy says, "It's scary out here." The pedophile says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back through this by myself."

Edited by Twilight Sparkle
Removing a racist joke. Also, the pedophile one's sorta borderline.

GET IN THE PIT

On 8/23/2012 at 1:54 AM, Djenty said:

ON MLP 4UMS ERRYTHIN IS SRS

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Oh yeah, a joke. Um... What's worse than ten dead babies in one spot? One dead baby in ten spots.

Edited by Twilight Sparkle
Removing a response to a direct response to a race joke.

GET IN THE PIT

On 8/23/2012 at 1:54 AM, Djenty said:

ON MLP 4UMS ERRYTHIN IS SRS

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.


The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Hey rabbit, when you...you know, do your business, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"


The rabbit looks at the bear strangely, and after a moment says "no, not really"


The bear smiles and says "good", and picks up the rabbit, wipes his ass with him, and walks off.

Edited by Swoop

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A blonde gets tired of her husband complaining that she doesn't do anything, so she decides to paint the house one day while he's away at work.

He comes home later that day and finds her on the floor wearing two jackets, sweating and gasping for air. He takes the jackets off of her and says "Honey, what the hell are you doing?"

She replies, "I was gonna paint the living room and the paint can said to apply two coats."

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We are generally lax with most kinds of content around here, but some people are sensitive to race jokes. The horrific video that was posted on the last page would definitely count as NSFW material, too, and most definitely doesn't belong on MLP Forums.

 

I understand that race jokes can and are genuinely funny and I don't want to come off as a politically correct control freak, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. I'll have a chat with Kurtiss about them, and we may restore the jokes from the post revision logs depending on where that goes. But I've removed them for now as a precaution.


Twilight SIG 8.png



Avatar credit: robinrain8
Signature credit: Kyoshi

 

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Fair enough. If people get offended by something like that I am sorry.

If not, lets get them back, because they are widely known, used and generally funny.

 

But of course we need to draw a line somewhere. But then again, what about the baby joke, some would be more offended by that than that of a race joke.

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Time for some wordplay jokes! You gotta read these aloud to get the right effect.

 

 

'So a pony and a coyote get into an argument and the Pony gets her feelings hurt. She goes over to a bear and asks him to yell at the coyote for her.

 

The bear asks "Why can't you yell at him?"

 

To which the pony replied "Because I'm a little hoarse." '

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

'A bear walks up to a deer and says "Hey... ... ... ... ... ... How's it going?"

 

The deer asks him, "Why the big pause?" '

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I'm fine with that, I had forgotten what video I linked and was thinking "WTF, Vaginal Violence?" xD

BTW Nice jokes Nicolai


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LRP's opinions are subject to change without notice. Fees and penalties still apply.

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I'm fine with that, I had forgotten what video I linked and was thinking "WTF, Vaginal Violence?" xD

BTW Nice jokes Nicolai

 

I saw that there was a video to 'Teeth' and somehow it never crossed my mind: "Does this break the forum rules?" So you're not alone in thinking "WTF, Vaginal Violence!?"

 

And thanks. ^^

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