Cancelled.

[Cerise Hood 102]

This has been cancelled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry.

Edited January 11, 2014 by EpicHarmony

[Commander Frost 731]

what the hay? I mean its an awesome story so far but by the warning I thought u ment a few things like a character dying. but this is just grody

[Cerise Hood 102]

what the hay? I mean its an awesome story so far but by the warning I thought u ment a few things like a character dying. but this is just grody

*cough**cough*

"The floor was covered in something sticky and red. I screamed when I realized what is was."

"My crown was tossed and landed right next to Candence's as I was stabbed in the chest."

 

Oh, and there's more to come.

[Commander Frost 731]

*cough**cough*

"The floor was covered in something sticky and red. I screamed when I realized what is was."

"My crown was tossed and landed right next to Candence's as I was stabbed in the chest."

 

Oh, and there's more to come.

I meant dying in like a less disturbing way

[Cerise Hood 102]

I meant dying in like a less disturbing way

Um... That's why the warning is there...

 

 

Spoiler:

There will be a lot more blood. And death.

 

 

[pr3datortac0 15]

I don't think it was that disturbing... a part of a fanfic I wrote(which isn't all that good) is more disturbing.... Seems good so far though

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

@,

 

Alright, you've succeeded in giving me two paragraphs from a point of view that you now can't use, and you have made no excuses whatsoever. You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!"

 

If your goal is a kill-everything and everyone gore fic, you are on the right track. If not... try again.

 

You need more... substance. What was the motivation of the killing? Shouldn't there be a bit more from Twilie's POV before she's killed? Shouldn't some foreshadowing be done? And how was she stabbed in the chest without her seeing the killer? A better way, if you want to ensure fatality without revealing the killer, the blade should enter through the back or a decapitation (separation of head from body).

 

So, nice idea, but it needs work- a lot of it, too.

[pr3datortac0 15]

@,

 

Alright, you've succeeded in giving me two paragraphs from a point of view that you now can't use, and you have made no excuses whatsoever. You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!"

 

If your goal is a kill-everything and everyone gore fic, you are on the right track. If not... try again.

 

You need more... substance. What was the motivation of the killing? Shouldn't there be a bit more from Twilie's POV before she's killed? Shouldn't some foreshadowing be done? And how was she stabbed in the chest without her seeing the killer? A better way, if you want to ensure fatality without revealing the killer, the blade should enter through the back or a decapitation (separation of head from body).

 

So, nice idea, but it needs work- a lot of it, too.

I think that since the fic is going to be based off the RP the characters are going to have to figure out who killed the princesses. And about the stabbed in the chest thing;, the assailant could have used a spell to make them invisible thus twi unable to see them. But thats just my opinion and you could be right. Oh well thats for the writer to decide. 

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

I think that since the fic is going to be based off the RP the characters are going to have to figure out who killed the princesses. And about the stabbed in the chest thing;, the assailant could have used a spell to make them invisible thus twi unable to see them. But thats just my opinion and you could be right. Oh well thats for the writer to decide. 

 

Invisiblity is a cop-out. Just sayin'.

[pr3datortac0 15]

Invisiblity is a cop-out. Just sayin'.

Eh that can be true, but it would also explain how the other princesses were killed so silently. 

[Demirari 454]

The story was well... good. The complaint I have was the lack of detail. I'm not sure, but were you trying to build up a mysterious atmosphere? It seems like there was suppose to be one....

Also there is a error:

"The moment I arrived i the room..." You should fix that.

Edited November 14, 2013 by Demirari

[Cerise Hood 102]

The story was well... good. The complaint I have was the lack of detail. I'm not sure, but were you trying to build up a mysterious atmosphere? It seems like there was suppose to be one....

 

This part wasn't supposed to have a lot of detail. Twilight's part is just a quick sum-up, and the shortest chapter.

My goals were:

1) Cover the Princesses' death

2) introduce the villain

And yes, I the villain is supposed to be mysterious, it helps keep readers.

 

Also there is a error:

"The moment I arrived i the room..." You should fix that.

I, uh, don't see the error.

I don't think it was that disturbing... a part of a fanfic I wrote(which isn't all that good) is more disturbing.... Seems good so far though

I'm glad. There will be more chapters(they'll be posted here), which could be a bit more disturbing. Edited November 14, 2013 by EpicHarmony

[Demirari 454]

The I between arrive and the room.

Edited November 14, 2013 by Demirari

[pr3datortac0 15]

He's saying it should be "in the room"

[Cerise Hood 102]

@,

 

Alright, you've succeeded in giving me two paragraphs from a point of view that you now can't use, and you have made no excuses whatsoever. You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!"

 

If your goal is a kill-everything and everyone gore fic, you are on the right track. If not... try again.

 

You need more... substance. What was the motivation of the killing? Shouldn't there be a bit more from Twilie's POV before she's killed? Shouldn't some foreshadowing be done? And how was she stabbed in the chest without her seeing the killer? A better way, if you want to ensure fatality without revealing the killer, the blade should enter through the back or a decapitation (separation of head from body).

 

So, nice idea, but it needs work- a lot of it, too.

Lots of your questions will be answered in the next chapters.

(By the way, there are these cool things called arms. They can stretch around a body.)

The villain is partially made of smoke.

"You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!""

 

Yeah... That's pretty much a sum up of this chapter...

Edited November 14, 2013 by EpicHarmony

[Demirari 454]

Thanks for correcting that mistake; that mistake made my head go lolol off into somewhere god knows where.

However, I am not sure if the correct saying should be: in, into, or to.

Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter!

[Cerise Hood 102]

Thanks for correcting that mistake; that mistake made my head go lolol off into somewhere god knows where.

However, I am not sure if the correct saying should be: in, into, or to.

Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter!

I am a grammar freak, so usually there won't be any mistake unless I missed them.

 

I am working on the next chapter, it should be up tomorrow on THIS THREAD(!!!!).

 

 

The next chapter will be from Applejack's POV.

 

[Commander Frost 731]

what the hay? I mean its an awesome story so far but by the warning I thought u ment a few things like a character dying. but this is just grody

i take it all back, its an awesome story, and its inspired me to write this,

http://mlpforums.com/topic/78403-the-cutie-mark-crusaders-the-cutie-mark-warriors/

the prologue isn't that goury but the rest of the story is.or will be i mean.

[Demirari 454]

i take it all back, its an awesome story, and its inspired me to write this,

http://mlpforums.com/topic/78403-the-cutie-mark-crusaders-the-cutie-mark-warriors/

the prologue isn't that goury but the rest of the story is.or will be i mean.

Selfless advertising? And is this thread turning into a grim era? Gonna read yours Brony Dash!

[Commander Frost 731]

Selfless advertising? And is this thread turning into a grim era? Gonna read yours Brony Dash!

lol thx and the first half of what you said I had no idea what u said.

[Demirari 454]

lol thx and the first half of what you said I had no idea what u said.

Wasn't supposed to make sense. Just something I slapped something together to reach the 100 words minimum.

 

Also I though this story was suppose to update today?

[Commander Frost 731]

Wasn't supposed to make sense. Just something I slapped something together to reach the 100 words minimum.

 

Also I though this story was suppose to update today?

his or mine? and now its only 20 words not 100

[Demirari 454]

His, he did say today, didn't he? Or Epicharmony is lying to us!

[Cerise Hood 102]

His, he did say today, didn't he? Or Epicharmony is lying to us!

"He" is not lying to you, because the writer is a "she".

 

Also, stuff happens(Like An Unusually Busy Friday And Saturday. Gah, I'm not used to having this much stuff happen on the weekends.).

 

I'll finish writing when I finish this one task. I'll notify you when I post it.

[Trevor Bright 872]

Well, you've got me hooked. Post the next chaps soon please!? or...if there aren't more chaps to come...where are you going to post that the RP is started? I know you said January, but I can't wait!

@