Demirari 454 November 22, 2013 Share November 22, 2013 It's a murderfest for anyone that is a Earth pony. Getting really racist here! And I hope there are more survivors... Feel bad for Bon Bon. Wait a sec... Bob Bon's corpse fell... Sweet lord, it's a conspiracy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerise Hood 102 November 22, 2013 Author Share November 22, 2013 (edited) It's a murderfest for anyone that is a Earth pony. Getting really racist here! And I hope there are more survivors... Feel bad for Bon Bon. Wait a sec... Bob Bon's corpse fell... Sweet lord, it's a conspiracy!We shall see, my friend... The good news is that the violence is toning down. Also, I'll be introducing a new character next chapter. So I can put spoilers in spoilers? Cool! Now I can make an endless chain of Spoilers! Edited November 22, 2013 by EpicHarmony Star Belle-(http://mlpforums.com...tar-belle-r4493 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Bright 872 November 22, 2013 Share November 22, 2013 Well...that just got 20% darker... How does one insert a spoiler? Here is my ponysona Lee! An interesting character, by all accounts. The split minded adventurer David Pocket is here with Poe to keep him company. (Both in need of very heavy editing :/ ) Also, here's my: Johari Window, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerise Hood 102 November 22, 2013 Author Share November 22, 2013 Well...that just got 20% darker... How does one insert a spoiler? Since when were you Rainbow Dash? The answer, obviously, is in a spoiler. [ spoiler ].......[ / spoiler ] without spaces. nlah blahb blah blan lbsn blah spelling FAIL! Star Belle-(http://mlpforums.com...tar-belle-r4493 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Bright 872 November 22, 2013 Share November 22, 2013 (edited) I don't know I just felt like quoting RD at that moment in time. Edited November 22, 2013 by Dave Pyro Here is my ponysona Lee! An interesting character, by all accounts. The split minded adventurer David Pocket is here with Poe to keep him company. (Both in need of very heavy editing :/ ) Also, here's my: Johari Window, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demirari 454 November 22, 2013 Share November 22, 2013 (edited) "A ninja threw a hoof granade at them, which missed and hit Sugarcube Corner. " Granade should be grenade. ""We... Made... It..." She breathed. Pinkie Pie carefully open the bag she held, revealing the Cake Twins. The were crying" The should be they. And this one left me a bit confused. Dodging an arrow, I jumped onto roof of Sugarcube Corner. Out emerged a straight-haired Pinkie Pie holding baby blue sack in her mouth. Using her usual stunts, she wove through an army of soldiers, with only a few cuts. There should be a at "baby blue sack," so it should be, "a baby blue sack," if I'm not mistaken. Minor mistakes. ^^ Edited November 22, 2013 by Demirari Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irish Mist 119 November 23, 2013 Share November 23, 2013 Well *sip* that escalated quickly. But seriously, this was interesting though I really felt you need to give more details and/or descriptions to what's going on. 1 Characters: Hunter: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/hunter-r5382 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demirari 454 November 23, 2013 Share November 23, 2013 I agree with what SmileyV said, more description and slow down the speed. It is going a bit too fast for my taste. Slow and detail wins the race. ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not Mike Jones 5 November 27, 2013 Share November 27, 2013 There will be a lot more blood. And death. Hooray! Honestly, this ain't that disturbing to me. Then again, I'm a little bit of a goreaphiliac (Is that even a word?) so don't be surprised. Nice work so far, can't wait to read more! MLP Forum's favourite Autist! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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