Can someone critique my OC Pixie Dust?

[Bronyette 835]

Pixie Dust is in dire need of a critique of her backstory as well as everything else.

 

If you'd be kind enough, could anyone help me critique her design as well as her concept, personality and backstory. She seems a bit clichéd to me.

 

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http://mlpforums.com/blog/1283/entry-7625-pixie-dust-art-warning-image-heavy/#commentsStart

 

Here is her pictures. I have so many that they don't even show up on there anymore.

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Age: 17-19

Gender: Female

Species: Earth Pony

Appearance: Pixie has thick and soft lilac fur. Her mane is long and flowing, it starts off with a light blue patch and increasingly gets lighter as it flows downward. Her eyes are round and are a very bright light blue.

Cutie Mark: Her cutie mark is a cyan blue parasprite.

 

She got her cutie mark while pulling a prank which involved hiding parasprites in her mother's kitchen cabinet. Her cutie mark symbolizes her mischievousness and sweet nature. And perhaps being destructive.

 

Personality: Pixie is extremely bubbly and almost always happy. She is easily amused by the smallest things, and loves to get a smile from anyone. Her voice is sweet and as quiet as a whispered lullaby. The normally sweet mare can get really grumpy fast if she doesn't get enough food or sleep.

 

She does get saddened at times by thinking she is a useless "earth pony" as her father lead her to believe. Pixie wishes to herself to become a Pegasus. She wants nothing more than to show her father that she is worth being his daughter.

 

Backstory: Pixie Dust grew up in a shack in the country, close to a small town. She was always regarded as sisterly in her town, and was actually quite popular. Pixie, though, always shied away from the stallions that took interest in her.

 

Her mother ran a flower shop, which Pixie worked at for most of her fillyhood. She thought that she would earn her cutie mark in designing or knowing the different varieties of flowers, but she never did. Pixie was always a prankster pony growing up, pulling plenty of pranks on her mother and sisters, but never dared to mess with her father.

 

When she was a bit older her father left her mother and sisters. He returned to Cloudsdale, saddened and angered that none of his offspring had the ability to fly after his sister lead him to believe she could. His sister ran away far into the forest that was close to their house and never came back.

 

Pixie Dust grew up and tried to forget what had happened. She even maintained her bubbly disposition. Pixie missed her older sister and father at times. Pixie knew her sister was out there somewhere, so she would watch out in the distance some nights to see if she would come around. The youngest filly would sometimes plant a circle of flowers and leave some apples inside of them, hoping her sister would come by and take the offering.

 

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If you can't tell, I'm a horrible writer

Edited January 26, 2014 by Bronyette

[Fantasma Phantasm 673]

Hmmm.... I see. Well your oc seems well rounded. I see where you clichéd a bit, such as the average bubbly and shy, sweet voice persona you put on Pixie, you know, the average candy. Also, the food sleep thing is a bit underwhelming as well since that attribute is with almost all people(ponies!). (trying my best to be critical here! Its HARD!) Design: I like it! Though the cutie mark could be a little more exotic. Woopie cushion and a bouquet of flowers perhaps?  Backstory: Great! I see nothing wrong in that section, good story! Hopefully this helps! Not good at critique but I just wanted to see if I could help! Also, would like to critique mine? His name is Mr. Green! 

[Bronyette 835]

Hmmm.... I see. Well your oc seems well rounded. I see where you clichéd a bit, such as the average bubbly and shy, sweet voice persona you put on Pixie, you know, the average candy. Also, the food sleep thing is a bit underwhelming as well since that attribute is with almost all people(ponies!). (trying my best to be critical here! Its HARD!) Design: I like it! Though the cutie mark could be a little more exotic. Woopie cushion and a bouquet of flowers perhaps?  Backstory: Great! I see nothing wrong in that section, good story! Hopefully this helps! Not good at critique but I just wanted to see if I could help! Also, would like to critique mine? His name is Mr. Green!

 

The parasprite thing kinda ties in with her name, so I picked it. :3 it's sorta to describe her as a nuisance, just like the parasprites around ponyville.

 

Also could you give me a link to Mr. Green

[Fantasma Phantasm 673]

http://mlpforums.com/topic/86060-good-ol-mr-green-needs-your-thoughts-on-him/ Here you go!! Hopefully he is to your liking!

[Bronyette 835]

Awesome. I critiqued him.

[Bronyette 835]

Anyone else? :3

 

I'd like one more critique please.

;-; anyone? Please, I want her to be perfect.