We at the Dark Side.

[Boido no dakugeitsu 51]

Hello, and welcome to the Dark Side. My name here for our purposes is Asmodeus. Now here you stand wondering why you have been separated from the mane group, well there are two answers, one you where originally part of the whole, the separated into ponies, and whatever else; then into those who are here for cookies, and those who are not. You all are here for cookies, and because you are ponies, and everyone loves ponies.

 

I am here to regretfully inform you that the dark side has no cookies. While Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis, and myself may gather round in a kitchen, and bake some cookies, these are purely personal cookies between friends. They are not communal cookies to be shared with the whole of the Dark Side.

As of right now we are at work finding the source of this common misconnection that the Dark Side has cookies.

 

On the note of desserts we do have wonderful ice cream, but only in Dark Side Chocolate. Oh, and we have no cheese, or cheese related food items, as it tends to incur the wrath of our dear Queen Chrysalis. Now what we do have is a Cake, but it is indeed a lie. We have a singular cake in the Dark Side, but it's a hologram set down by the Mane-iac to trap Princess Celestia… it has not, and most likely will not capture Princess Celestia.

 

What else? Ahh yes, sign ups for the Dark Side are over by the holographic cake, it is currently managed by Zoroark, and Queen Chrysalis. Those not interested please follow King Sombra to the portal to Equestria. Say hi to Absol as well while you leave if you do!

 

Any and all questions can be directed to Nightmare Rarity. The Dark Side thanks you for your time, and your soul. Have a happy day!

[Ribbonfree 2,383]

You know not the true darkness in my soul, casuals.

 

Just gonna say.

[NomDeSpite 452]

tl;dr

[Boido no dakugeitsu 51]

Tl;dr? What!? Where did you get that booklet?! Mane-iac! Hey! Stop handing out your comprehensive guide to the Dark Side! No-pony cares! Who's gonna take the time to read it? Hmm? Well I suppose, if they didn't take the time to read it I honestly wouldn't care either.

 

Hey you! Keep the handbook or trash it. Don't come whining to me that it's too long, and you don't have the patience to read it, we at the Dark Side really don't care. So don't go "ohh wow that looks like a lot I could read it… or I'll just too long didn't read!" Because we don't care, it's the Dark Side.