*sigh*

Man, oh, man, Hard to Say Anything is unadulterated shit. A failure of epic proportions not seen since PPOV.

Where. Do. I. Even. Start?

Anyone can write a good episode. Becky Wangberg is so exception. One big problem with bringing in new writers is sometimes they don't get the characters, the worldbuilding, and theme molding. Hamilton knew what he was doing and clearly researched the series. Wangberg didn't do enough, and it showed.

You can actually count the number of times the CMCs have been out of character at any point in the series. If you take the comics into account, the Holiday Special is their worst. Is the characterization that bad here? Thankfully, no. But is their worst in the show in a long time? One hundred percent. The CMCs were absolutely clueless in not only what they're doing, but also how they're doing. When they realize Big Mac on a crush on Sugar Belle, they all believed it was literally a good idea to follow the classic fairytale tropes and outcomes. They're fairy tales for a reason, yet they treat the novels like a how-to instruction book. Naïve they can be, but they're not stupid. How they're unable to separate fiction from reality's beyond me.

More mind-boggling is how every time they screw up, they perform an even dumber idea, which worsens the matter worse and pisses off Sugar Belle even more. They may always have the best strategies (or the best common sense), but they're all smart and clever in their own way. There's also a great sense of maturity beyond their years. Lost Mark, anypony? Well, this maturity is missing. This isn't the CMCs. This is a generic group of caricatures in disguise. I don't know which performance is worse, this or The Show Stoppers. More about them later.

To hear Big Mac actually speak way more beyond the clichéd "Eeyup" and "Nope" is a long-awaited surprise. That doesn't mean he's still in character! Big Mac may be only a stallion of a few words, but he's still very intelligent, caring, and observant with some dignity. Why the hell would he subscribe to the CMCs' stupid plan on copying the fairy tale clichés to woo Sugar Belle over Stereo Pop? My mind boggles that he'd think at any point that it was a good idea to follow that book o' fiction. Hell, at least once, he questioned their ideas, but gave in. You can have a crush and still retain some common sense.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders tell Big Mac to go back to her and ask was their best idea prior to the end by a long shot. They still could've done the same after Feather Bangs barged in and suddenly became the episode's antagonist. More on him later.

But after all the shenanigans, Apple Bloom finally realized…

Quote

Apple Bloom: We should've been thinkin' about what would mean a lot to Sugar Belle!

On 5/13/2017 at 9:09 PM, Dark Qiviut said:

Well, why didn't you think about this in the first place?!!

Why is this such a big problem?

1. This is something that any of them should've figured out a long time ago, especially Big Mac. He's smart enough to know that Sugar Belle might've wanted or needed something that could be beneficial. Rather than immediately going to the storybook, they should ask Big Mac why he had a crush on her and what would be something most beneficial to her (and, by extension, everyone else in the town). This should've been the case for Apple Bloom, who knows him better than the others.
2. Why didn't this come to her mind in the first place? Because if any of the CMCs didn't go to their stupid scheme, this whole plot would've been resolved by the 11-minute mark, and we'd have to have another one to fill the rest of the time frame. The one line makes all four look even dumber than they were during Act 2.

Now, to talk about the elephant in the room:

Rather than re-write it, let my initial reaction tell the story:

On 5/13/2017 at 5:05 PM, Dark Qiviut said:

So, Big Mac follows the CMCs' stupid advice and try to plant a kiss on Sugar Belle, who's happily napping in a hammock.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????!!!!!

What the absolute hell is DHX trying to say with this stupid joke? That forcefully kissing a girl in the middle of nowhere is funny? The CMCs are convincing Mac to sexually harass another pony, and Big Mac's going forward with it! With the news and awareness of sexual violence going on at the time this was written and developed, how the hell can Hasbro's censors not pick this up?

Sure, Looney Tunes was able to use this joke. I heard the very same from a lot of people when Brotherhooves Social aired. That comparison doesn't fly anymore. We live in an era with a whole more activism. Trans* rights' activism is at an all-time high now, and we just had Women's Marches. Times have changed. When there's a different political climate, unfortunate implications open up. They may not intentionally harm anyone, but that doesn't make it okay.

Unfortunately, DHX gets tone-deaf too often for its own good, and all the unfortunate implications over the years really proves this. The jokes from Brotherhooves Social contain transphobic/transmisogynist implications, because Big Mac in drag (the "Man in a Dress" trope) is literally the joke, and they force in clichéd jokes (including a gross-out reveal of his Adam's apple) to really hammer in how bad his disguise is. This vile joke here carries some of the biggest unfortunate implications in the series, because it's sexual harassment.

I haven't even counted the other reasons why this joke fails on such an epic-fail level, which includes Sugar Belle's fright and Big Mac's disgusting kissy face.

Now to go over the last sentence in full:

1. Big Mac's big kissyface is a pure grossout shot. The audience is supposed to laugh at how big, long, and plump Big Mac's forced kissy face looks. What makes it even more disgusting is the closeup of his lips and how Sugar Belle looked at from the corner of her sleepy eye. Seeing swollen, close-up lips protruding from straight on is disgusting, not funny.
2. Sugar Belle's expression is the cornerstone of why the sexual harassment implications exist. She's completely unaware of not only his advances, but his presence, as well. There's no inclination of her realizing he's there nor wants him there. She just wants some peace and quiet.
   
   Compare that shot to this panel from FIM #25 (The Good, Part 1/2):
   
   
   In the old forums, IDW editor Bobby Curnow admitted that T3's supposed to be a Western parody. Rarity's and Twilight's expression don't suggest parody, but assault. Longhorn's terrorism isn't played for laughs at any point. How is the audience supposed to not take it seriously? A possible way to make this a parody is to treat it as one, like Tumbleweed and the crew immediately playing mindgames with Longhorn in a Bugs Bunny-Yosemite Sam kind of way. If Tumblweed's flicked to a poll, he jumps off the poll (with some cartoon physics, like warping the wood like a spring) and kicks his ass.
   
   If Sugar Belle showed any awareness of Big Mac's advances and presence, then the parody could work. Something like pretending to sleep, teasing Big Mac with a joke-y line like "Pass me the sunscreen" or "I know you're there, Mack-y" would help shape the parody together better? Why? Because it suggests consensuality among both side, fixing the implications in the process.

For those who suggest either the implication doesn't exist exist or it's okay because the humor was at Big Mac's expense:

1. Watch the scene in full. Pay attention to how Big Mac behaves and how Sugar Belle reacts. All of this helps shape up the implications.
2. Big Mac being the butt of the joke doesn't make the implications disappear.

To tell me otherwise suggests that I should turn off my brain. Two words: never happening.

While Hard sucks, it had a decent start. But when Stereo Pop (screw "Feather Bangs"! The other name applies better) appears, the plot sinks.

And Stereo Pop himself is nothing but an episodic accident.

1. As a character, what character? As a personality, he has as much dimension as Flash Sentry: almost none. There's nothing engaging or charismatic about his character. Each line he spews is flat and stilted. Nothing he says represents anything a realistic person would say.
2. Outside from being a contrived antagonist (more on this below), his whole purpose is to be a 100% parody of Bieber…back in his early days as a singer. His haircut, suave behavior, and song all scream early-days Bieber more specifically and stereotypical interpretations of boy bands back in the 1990s and 2000s.
   
   And the jokes surrounding him suck. Why? Because this whole thing is surrounded by dated pop culture references. There's no effort being put into this joke, and every skit related to him (from the voice to hair swaying to the autotune in his song) is one-dimensional.
   
   Not even his intentionally phallic cutie mark (there's a reason why his tail covers most of it most of the time) is funny. It's just "it's an erect penis mark. Laugh." Jokes don't work that way.
   
   Pop culture jokes in themselves are really, really difficult to get right. Why? Because what could be cool and funny today could become tacky tomorrow. There's no one right way to make a good pop culture joke, but the better techniques that I've seen are to make sure the core of the joke isn't the pop culture reference, written with enough effort to make it timeless, or keep it really subtle to the point of the audience not having to get the reference at all to make it work. This joke fails.
3. Clearly he's written to be an antagonist, yet they never properly build him up to be an antagonist. I don't know what went on behind the scenes, but it feels like the writers were reminded that a conflict's needed, and they plug him in very suddenly to fill this in. We never heard of him at any point in the show, and you can educationally guess that he won't appear again.
   
   The ending where he admits to be nervous around others…that was the best part of the whole episode. Why? Because it gives him some character. Unfortunately, it's too little, too late. To have this swerve happen in the last thirty seconds is nothing but laziness just to make the audience sympathetic. It's a major insult to the story! As a whole, Stereo Pop contributes nothing but the nosedive of its quality and can be written out entirely.
   
   If he wasn't in this episode, this episode would be a thousand times better!

On second thought, to compare Stereo Pop to Flash is an insult to Flash. Even though Flash is a stereotype, at least he feels like a genuine character at times! There's nothing genuine about this piece of shit!

On top of that, this whole episode directly contradicts the continuity of the show. In Hearts & Hooves Day (which this episode directly references), the CMCs state how it was bad for them to force romance between two ponies. They're doing the very same thing here, only without the love poison and with Big Mac as the vessel. Like RF, they're referencing continuity they shattered. DHX's blatant disregard ruins the moral's weight.

Lastly, one important question. How long did Big Mac's have crush on Sugar Belle? When did it begin? The episode hints that it began that week, but you only truly get to see the part where Mac's crush developed. What would help really improve this episode is if we get to see Big Mac's crush develop from beginning to end.

Another problem is other than the bedroom eyes in Act 1, Sugar Belle never reciprocates it until the end. When you have the mutual admission happen this quick, the pacing feels rushed, and the weight of the crush falls flat. DHX, you've sucked at writing romance since the very beginning, and you suck here. STOP WRITING ROMANCE!

It's very clear that Hard's attempting to parody fairy tale tropes, much of which seen in Disney classics. Note the word "attempted." If you're going to write a good parody, put in the effort to write the jokes correctly and avoid horrendous implications.

What movie parodied them well?

This whole movie's a fairy tale parody. But it knows what they're doing. Hell, they write the love's first kiss parody correctly!

As a whole, the episode is a mess and clearly the first bad episode of the season.

This whole episode would've worked much better if it was completely retooled. Here's an idea of mine below:

1. After Applejack can't make her apple delivery due to being under the weather, Big Mac takes over her job by bringing the shipment of apples to Sugar Belle's home, where they meet for the first time.
2. He and Sugar Belle exchange acquaintances and pleasantries, and Big Mac wonders what's going on with him. He wonders what feels funny.
   
   Sugar Belle begins to feel the same.
3. Over the rest of the week, as Applejack recovers from her cold, Apple Bloom feels suspicious about Big Mac's continuous adventures to Starlight's old village. They know something's funny with Big Mac and try to figure out what.
   
   The other ponies from Our Town notice the same with Sugar Belle, as she's been jotting recipes for killer apple treats, something she hadn't done before.
   
   But they both keep it a secret.
4. One day, Starlight decides decides to make a visit to her old village, where she's shocked that apples are stored and organized outside Sugar Belle's home.
   
   Suspicious, she knocks on her door, and she answers. Soon, they rib each other. Not long after, she discovers interesting recipe titles, all related to the McIntosh apple that's grown so much in the SAA orchard. Starlight eavesdropping the titles upset Sugar Belle, and she reveals to having a crush on Big Mac. She asks Starlight not to tell anypony about it, which she promises.
   
   Back in Ponyville, Apple Bloom prodded Big Mac after noticing a behavior change, and he reveals to her about his crush on Sugar Belle. She promises not to tell anypony, either.
5. Silence for the next couple of days, but Starlight spent a portion of the second day continuing to be re-acquainted with the village and had a little gossip talk with Sugar Belle as they co-planned a recipe. She asked Sugar what she liked about Mac, and she explained about his wonderful personality, including the ability to care and help. When Starlight asked what would mean a lot to him, she isn't sure. Starlight explains a bit of his family, and what they do to transport items. Here, Sugar Belle recalls how  some wagons were falling apart and getting beaten up and has an idea of giving him (and the rest of the family) new ones. Fortunately, Starlight knew of a neighborhood carpentry, and they agreed to go there tomorrow. Starlight decided it was time to leave, but Sugar Belle invited her to stay for the night.
   
   That evening, Big Mac's hard at work designing a brand-new display shelf and counter for Sugar Belle. The structure would have three tiers to place her baked goods and an icebox underneath to store refrigerated fruits, vegetables, and other perishables. Apple Bloom watches from the doorway.
6. Next day, both of them visit a carpentry near Town Hall, and came up with a brand-new wagon design for Big Mac. The wood was smooth, nailed, and polished. Sugar and Starlight painted his wagon with yellow on the wheels, green on the side, red bed, and orange straps. It was also sturdier, squeak-free, and easier to pull. Just in case, there's an attachment for extra goods. The other orders will be coming the next day.
   
   Big Mac and Apple depart SAA for Sugar Belle's house and encounter many troubles, from treacherous roads to collapsed trees to his wagon ready to fall apart on the next stop or bump.
   
   Starlight and Sugar Belle arrive at SAA, but AJ reveals he and Apple Bloom weren't home. He and Apple Bloom left. They knew where he was going and followed his tracks. They journeys several miles till they approached near the arid village.
7. CRASH!!
   
   About 300 yards away, they see Big Mac and Apple Bloom standing in the middle of the road, their wagon destroyed, and both of them trying to keep everything in the same pile.
   
   Sugar Belle helps clean up the mess and puts their supplies on the bed of the new wagon, which she gave to him. It was a gift since he needed it.
8. Big Mac thanked her and revealed that he was headed to her house to help renovate her pie shelves. She hugs him and thanks him with a kiss on the cheek.
   
   At the village, all four construct her new shelf and icebox. She really appreciates what he did and thanks him. And with a small nudge from Starlight, she reveals she has a crush on him and asks if they can go on a date. Blushing, he accepts, and they share a nose nuzzle.
   
   To conclude, AB and Starlight walk away with them both splitting the lesson.