Stone Cold Steve Jobs

Actual instructions posted on every toilet stall in the place i work:

🚽

Instructions For Use

1. Remove  (1) One toilet seat protector from dispenser.

2. Remove center piece of protector and put in toilet.

3. Place toilet seat protector on toilet seat.

4. Sit.

5. When you have finished your task put seat protector in toilet and flush!!!!!!

In no place does it say where you are supposed to sit though. And what do you do upon sitting? Ponder the futility of existence? Stargaze? Order pizza? Be specific. 

That friend of mine who miscarried a few weeks ago found this picture online.

Heads are going to roll. WHO DRANK THE LAST OF MY VODKA

I was about six steps away from fainting due to heat exhaustion during my route today. Then all of a sudden the skies just opened up and we had a torrential downpour. I was in heaven for about 15 minutes. Then it stopped and I was good until a few hours later when I almost fainted again.

How you holding up?

This is my new tattoo. I call it "Pennysaver."

or more specifically, 358 pennysavers in the crook of my damn arm all day.

State of Decay 2 Pros:

-Dramatic improvement in zombie threat levels.

-Zombie plague no longer extremely rare, now a very real danger if you're not careful.

-Freaks are far more aggressive.

-Graphics have improved somewhat.

-Three maps each the same size as SoD 1.

-Ability to form alliances with fellow survivors or hostility. 

-Noise levels now far more important to survival.

-Ability to exile bad survivors from the community.

-NO LILY RITTER.

-Game does not continue even when not being played.

-Gun accurately dramatically improved.

-Co-op

-Much more variety in terms of upgrading home base.

-Vehicle upgrades now possible.

-There is a house named "House with weird green paneling."

Cons:

-Clunky controls

-Very buggy

-There is an option in the radio menu to help you when you get stuck in the environment as opposed to simply fixing the bugs.

-Survivor AI is a lost cause and will regularly wander into your way while you attempt to deal with zombies.

-Weapons break within minutes of repairing them.

-Characters seem to run out of stamina after two or three attacks.

-Snacks can no longer be used while in combat, negating their usefulness.

-Auto aim sometimes locks on to nearby survivors if you're not careful, leading to unwanted fights.

-Finishing moves are very buggy and often instead just help the downed zombie back up instead of killing it.

-Night is too dark, even with the flashlight or headlights active.

-Resources go down faster, providing a welcome challenge but requiring more tedious looting.

-Zombie virus, in spite of being hyped up to be a serious issue, is paused by leaving infected survivors in the infirmary.

-Virus cure is incredibly easy to make and leaves the virus itself as an inconvenience more than anything else.

-Survivors who you have allied with by doing repeated favors for will up and skip town if you fail to help them just once.

-Sparse resources mean you will spend more time scavenging than you hoped for. 

-Repetitive dialogue

-Lily Ritter makes a cameo and is apparently alive and well while the characters you actually cared about in State of Decay 1 are confirmed dead.

-Fighting is more stilted and awkward.

-Vehicles can hold resource rucksacks and items in the trunk but do not automatically deposit them in the base inventory upon returning home.

-Even characters in perfectly decent moods cause fights.

-There is a house named "House with weird green paneling."

All in all I would give this game an "I-don't-rate-these-anymore" out of 10. Pretty disappointing experience. If you need to choose between this and the original game, go with the original.

I'm reasonably sure I just tried to deliver human remains to a cemetery for Amazon.

I just unlocked an achievement in State of Decay 2 called Friendship is Magic and now I'm confused. I thought I was just being everyone's bitch in a vain attempt to get food.

And i still have no food.

God this guy is a riot.