Pandora

what's one thing you regret?

For me it's falling for a guy who ruined my friendships irl,
I wasn't allowed to see my friends while we would always hang out saturdays, just do girl stuff but he had zero trust.
Manipulated me, put me under pressure and acted like a creep.
"what cinema are you going to? so i can sit in the back and watch you while you watch with your friends.."
there was always something I did wrong.. & he was never clear with his answers.."was always a yes, no.. maybe" type of thing

I never realized stuff because I was mad in love despite him being disloyal, and in a message from before we were that close.
 

Mind you that my anxiety was already bad there,
whenever i'd say i'm gonna go do stuff with my friends saturday he'd play on it whining like "don't gooo~ then i'll be alone..etc etc"
up until the point i started telling my friends i felt sick and that i couldn't show up,
I ended up literally growing sick to my stomach though on a daily basis.

This man wasn't honest, he was disloyal.. scary... and only out for one thing, not love.

Because he was like that i grew really scared and would hide in the chair each time a car drove by. Afraid, he'd stand there at the door.. or just drive by constant..

Because of that man I pushed my friends away so much that they didn't want me around anymore even after apologizing.
10+ years of friendship ruined by a scary person.
I wish I could reverse that time, so i can tell myself, don't