movies/tv Rainbow Dash Reviews: Transformers: Age of Extinction

[Mr. Critical 434]

Okay, a little backstory before we begin our review of the movie. Three or four weeks ago, I saw the trailer for this movie and it immediately got my attention. It looked amazing and I asked Critic what Transformers were. He began to explain and my mouth began to drool as if I was given the chance to get the next Daring Do book in advance. Critic and I began watching the previous cartoons and I got sucked in. Then the Princess came over on our little marathon and she was sucked in as well. The three of us had a bit of a mushy bonding moment with this and Transformers became our things. But, whenever I mentioned the movie, I could see Critic's smile shift a bit. Then, when we went go go and see the movie, we saw why. Transformers: Age of Extinction is a terrible, awful movie. We all agree, but I promised to keep this 100% professional.

 

Now, the movie follows an average dad character down on his luck, so I guess we are supposed to connect with him or something. From what we've heard, the actor is pretty good and you know what, he made his lines pretty believable, I just wish he had more going for him other than he's a mechanic. His daughter though, was dull, flat, and hollow as well. She was a terrible actor and from what I was told, she played this character named Katara from this Avatar movie that no one liked. They find Optimus Prime in a theater by accident and learn that he is an alien, planning to turn him in to the government. From there, they learn of conspiracies, illegal acts of harvesting alien metals for their own use to create some... I don't know, rubix cube transformers made of, and this is a stupid name by the way, Transformium. From that, Celestia, Critic and I all face hooved simultaneously. Plus, there isn't much to why the villain hates the transformers other than that they are aliens. So I guess that's all we get. 

The story was weak really, but that's not why you were there, you were there for action, and giant robots and EXPLOSIONS!!! and by Celestia are you going to get special effects. I just wish they weren't so awful. The transformers were designed terribly, but Critic tells me they always look that way. The first time Celestia and I saw Optimus, we both squeed with glee. But the camera angles were so awful we couldn't see what was happening. It looked like globs of metal rolling around and shooting stuff. Other than that, everything in this movie explodes. As if they the movie took place three blocks from the explosion factory in every scene.

With the story being bunk along with the effects, what about the transformers themselves, because that is what Celestia and I wanted to see. And to be honest we only recognized Bumblebee and Optimus. Other than that we got Hound, Crosshairs, and Drift. Only one of which we actually know of. The other two we have no clue who they are. As for enemy transformers, we have the bounty hunter who is stealing the autobot sparks, the life force of the transformer, saying "they're creator wants them back. Okay, that's pretty interesting but he's barely in it, making way for the human villains and taking a back seat to them. And speaking of back seats, the biggest offense is Galvatron. Its a bit complicated to explain here so, he was originally megatron redesigned by a planet eating god to destroy the matrix of leadership. Wow, I feel like an egghead right now. The humans are hollow and have nothing going for them. Thats all I got to say about them. They were boring and had no real purpose in this film other than for the audience to connect to.

With effects, story, and characters are gone. Was there anything good about this movie on a personal note? Actually, there was one thing I liked. The Dinobots. Sure, they weren't the originals and no one ever spoke their names like Grimlock, Sludge, Snarl, Swoop, and so on. But the knight look they had was pretty cool. I just wish they did something other than giving the autobots something to ride into battle. We see them kick some flank for a few minutes and they disappear. But, the thing I liked was the design, not much else.

So to recap, the story was awful, the effects were awful, didn't really care for the characters, and there weren't any autobots or decepticons fighting each other. It was just a mess and a bad movie. In fact, we made a new rating system for it. From lease bad to awful, it goes Discord, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Tirek, and Sombra. And I can safely say, Transformers: Age of extinction gets the Tirek seal of approval. If you want to turn your brain off for stupid fun, then go for it. But leave your brain on and you will be bored senseless. I'm Rainbow Dash and I'm going to go watch the transformers cartoons while we play with our transformers toys.