Rate my oc?

[Marciblook 610]

Well, this one I came up with when I saw the lack of disabled oc's, the only other blind pony I've ever seen is snow drop. Anyway, this is night shade

(may change name if something comes along that sounds better)

 

Backstory: He was a scientist, he worked in a small lab underneath his home. He brewed many things down there, much like zecora in her hut. His passion was for dark magic, and curses, he worked on curse potions, cures for common ailments, and he even worked on a few spells of his own.

 

One day, his daughter had finally gotten her cutie mark, so his wife brought her down to show him. He was working on a very unstable potion, but he didn't realize how unstable it was at the time. After a Few seconds, there was a bubbling coming from the beaker he was working with. He had realized too late, the potion was going to explode.

 

The potion had different effects on each of them. For the mother, she got the worst it had to offer, the potion killed her. For the daughter, she was put in a coma. And for him, he was blinded by the explosion. That was the day he vowed to find a cure for the potion he had made, and help anypony find a cure for whatever ails them.

 

Well, let me know what you think

Edit: major overhaul took place, feel free to tell me how you like this new him (still need to update pic)

Edited July 18, 2014 by Tone shift

[pinkiepartypie 779]

OMG I LOVE THIS CHARACTER...if u mind we should do a rp together with him...LOVE IT

[Marciblook 610]

OMG I LOVE THIS CHARACTER...if u mind we should do a rp together with him...LOVE IT

Wow, really? Most of the time I just kinda...hm, well maybe I should give myself more credit, ok, I'll add him to the database and we can rp whenever

[HunterTSN 1,444]

Ech, although I really like the idea of blinded or otherwise disabled OCs, I have to say having a student read aloud a blinding curse seems to come off a little forced and very cheesy. I understand that this is a universe of magic and technicolor ponies but there are still some things that fall beyond the realm of believable.

 

An alternate story I would suggest is him becoming diseased at a young age and this resulted in the loss of his sight, as such he overcame his blindness to become a doctor to help others who share his ailment.

 

It's not quite so flashy or dramatic but really does add more to his character as well as bring out his personality while at the same time keeping away from that "random unfortunate coincidence" trope. I'm not demanding you use this instead, those are the things you want to aim for when creating a good backstory.

 

Visually he's pretty good, I would go with a little less green and a little more dark blue or purple to match his namesake and perhaps tone down the tail, but the aesthetics can be whatever make you happy.

Edited June 30, 2014 by TheSteampunkNinja (TSN)

[pinkiepartypie 779]

AWESOME THX SO MUCH....incredil character

[Marciblook 610]

Ech, although I really like the idea of blinded or otherwise disabled OCs, I have to say having a student read aloud a blinding curse seems to come off a little forced and very cheesy. I understand that this is a universe of magic and technicolor ponies but there are still some things that fall beyond the realm of believable.

 

An alternate story I would suggest is him becoming diseased at a young age and this resulted in the loss of his sight, as such he overcame his blindness to become a doctor to help others who share his ailment.

 

It's not quite so flashy or dramatic but really does add more to his character as well as bring out his personality while at the same time keeping away from that "random unfortunate coincidence" trope. I'm not demanding you use this instead, those are the things you want to aim for when creating a good backstory.

 

Visually he's pretty good, I would go with a little less green and a little more dark blue or purple to match his namesake and perhaps tone down the tail, but the aesthetics can be whatever make you happy.

You have a good point...but when I decide on a random backstory for a character, more often then not, it's gonna be pretty cliché, just look at my main oc (link in sig) it's just the way I tell my stories it seems, anyway, thanks for the input

[HunterTSN 1,444]

You have a good point...but when I decide on a random backstory for a character, more often then not, it's gonna be pretty cliché, just look at my main oc (link in sig) it's just the way I tell my stories it seems, anyway, thanks for the input

That's fine perfectly fine, you're the author and it's your character to do with as you please.

Edited June 30, 2014 by TheSteampunkNinja (TSN)

[Silver Letter 1,832]

The character concept is okay. I believe that a disability deriving from more normal sources would be an interesting route to take but as it stands, I feel that the name should be different. It would be annoying to have it inspired by the illness itself and there is certainly more to him than that.

[Marciblook 610]

The character concept is okay. I believe that a disability deriving from more normal sources would be an interesting route to take but as it stands, I feel that the name should be different. It would be annoying to have it inspired by the illness itself and there is certainly more to him than that.

Well, I'm kinda set on it being some sort of curse...that way it gives him a reason to find more cures and stuff. and the name has more to do with his studies than his illness, considering he works in dark subjects and I just made a big edit, I'm not sure if you saw that yet

[Cassafrass 249]

Here's my full-on personal opinion:

 

This OC... um...

 

Well, first off it has an alicorn horn. A no go in my book!

 

The design is... interesting to say the least. Is he a kid? Because he looks like a foal to me because of how short he is. :x

 

Does he have no cutie mark? (I don't see one...)

 

What is that on his bum, not to be rude? ^^;

 

That's a whole lotta green... whoa. And the two manestyles don't go together very well imo.

 

Are those female eyes I spy?

 

That backstory has an interesting premise, with the whole spell thing and all, but just comes off as... sort of creepy. The idea of him being blind is very interesting though!

 

The name seems a bit... overrated, and when I hear it I think of a "dark" pony... but I see you may change it which is cool! (sorry I have no ideas DX)

 

Sorry that this came off sounding so negative. He's not a bad character! (I've seen much, much worse), but I think he just needs a few tweaks if you are up for doing it.
 

[Marciblook 610]

Here's my full-on personal opinion:

 

This OC... um...

 

Well, first off it has an alicorn horn. A no go in my book!

 

The design is... interesting to say the least. Is he a kid? Because he looks like a foal to me because of how short he is. :x

 

Does he have no cutie mark? (I don't see one...)

 

What is that on his bum, not to be rude? ^^;

 

That's a whole lotta green... whoa. And the two manestyles don't go together very well imo.

 

Are those female eyes I spy?

 

That backstory has an interesting premise, with the whole spell thing and all, but just comes off as... sort of creepy. The idea of him being blind is very interesting though!

 

The name seems a bit... overrated, and when I hear it I think of a "dark" pony... but I see you may change it which is cool! (sorry I have no ideas DX)

 

Sorry that this came off sounding so negative. He's not a bad character! (I've seen much, much worse), but I think he just needs a few tweaks if you are up for doing it.

 

Ok, first, I didn't know the horn was an allicorn horn

 

2 he's actually about in his mid 30s

 

3 I find it hard to import cutie marks to the creator, it's a book with some sort of dark symbol in it, for now, it shall be a pentagram

 

4 I just added it, thought it'd look cool

 

5i was going with an almost plant like look to him

 

6 damn, I always forget to take those eyelashes off

 

And 7 yes, I may change the name, but considering the plant like color scheme, and his type of studies I thought it would fit well

Oh, and the reason I have those two styles gap for his mane and tail, is cause I wanted him to look slightly unkept, cause he can't exactly style his tail or mane by himself, and he's too busy studying to fix them, and well...it slowly got worse and worse

[Cassafrass 249]

Haha, no worries! Again sorry if I sounded harsh. That was just my first reactions. Hm... ok he's better now that I have heard what you have to say! No worries. Besides, he's your OC - do whatever you like with him. ^^

[Marciblook 610]

Haha, no worries! Again sorry if I sounded harsh. That was just my first reactions. Hm... ok he's better now that I have heard what you have to say! No worries. Besides, he's your OC - do whatever you like with him. ^^

It's fine, I'm sure it would have been better if I explained a bit more though

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

@,

 

Excellent, someone who is humble enough to ask for advice from the community. I applaud you!

 

So, from reading this thread, I pick up a couple things-

 

1. Unless you are going for a floramancer (plant magic caster), don't intentionally color him after the generic green plant. Especially considering his name, you might want to darken the main coat just a few more shades and change the color of his mane/tail. Stripe it with a lighter green if you want, just make sure there's more of a color to it. You might want to change his backstory up a bit and maybe his name if you don't want to change the coloration. Who knows, maybe his colleague poisoned him with a rare, blinding pollen from an obscure flower instead...

 

2. The backstory seems slightly generic. Powerful guy. Rival curses him. While, by all means, it's not bad- in fact, the concept is halfway decent- it could use some more detail and more plot threads, especially if you are going to take him into roleplaying. For example, what's the name of the rival? Was specific magic did he specialize in, or just malumancy (evil magic) in general ? What was a taster of his backstory before he joined with his partner? What did he do to get his rival upset at him? Us DMing types love juicy details that we can use to personalize the roleplay to everyone playing, instead of just a generic roleplay where everyone does their own thing within the boundaries.

 

3. Check your grammar. One mistake that the auto checker made- it's spelled 'colleague' not 'college'. Use partner if you are unsure.

 

Just some tips. If you want a few more or some help, feel free to PM me. I have some experience in the field.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Nyx Assassin