fan fiction MLP as Colts

[137.RADIO 4]

A test write so far. There's an idea cooking in my head and I have a hard time getting it out, but here goes nothing...

 

Anyways, this is the MLP as Colts. There's something I debated between character opposites and gender bending, where with the latter *I think* you have the general personality. I have a lot of thoughts, and I'm using the names that have come from here but as for if he has his own fan fiction or something... I don't know if he does or not.

This story is not a perfect pancake flip of the canon universe.

-------------

Part one

 

"PRINCE LUNARIO!"

A white pony burst into the doors of the high courts with guards running after her but one glare from the princess caused them to look back to the prince, waiting for orders. Prince Lunario sighed, pushing extremely confidential records back into the abyss of their folders with his magic, taking his time to get everything back in order.

Princess Bluebell tapped her hoof, daring to trot closer, growing impatient. From the far edge of the table, a younger colt with light pink hair and a crown too big for his head leaped towards the princess, as if summoned.

"What is it?" The prince asked finally, daring himself as to see how long he could keep his cool.

Bluebell took a moment to try and will the tiny pink prince back to his hiding spot, avoiding verbal reprimand for the mysterious of alicorn power were, exactly that. She gave up, clearing her throat. "The gala is in three short months, and I want you to begin the preparations!" She jumped up, emphasizing her drama. "I need you to!" Lunario opened his mouth to have the guards drag her out by her hind legs, but the princess yelled again. "Do not botch the guest list again! You have to invite Elusive."

The prince cast an annoyed look. "I'm sorry?"

Bluebell groaned. "He is the best fashion designer in all of Equestria, and my future boyfriend." She gestured to her dress, an even whiter, overly extravagant ball gown with yellow trim to match her hair and way too many gems. "This is an original, custom made."

Lunario almost laughed. "Fashion designer? Shouldn't that tell you something?"

Bluebell stomped her hooves again. "Your hair sparkles and I don't see you ogling the guards."

Lunario rolled his eyes. "Fine, now leave." The princess twirled around and galloped out, slowing down at the end of the hallway, the guards closing the doors once more, and locking them from the inside this time. The prince looked down at his younger brother. "What do you think? Would you want to help?" Prince Sol thought this over, but the thought of responsibility scared him off to another room of the palace. Lunario thought of going after him, but changed his mind. Maybe mundane party preparations would take his mind off what was trapped among the folders. It wasn't as if he'd get to experience any of it anyways. There were too many ponies who wanted a greeting with the Prince of the moon, even more so now that tiny Prince Sol may be at his side, if Lunario let him.

 

------------------

What really bothers me most is that I'm writing this in 3rd person, but I almost got the hang of it.

[SrFrog 927]

Not bad, the only thing I can recommend is to give the speakers a new line each time they say something. Just makes things a bit easier to follow.