request Need feedback on Lightning Flicker(Help?)

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 

Lightning Flicker is a pegasus mare and was born in Las Pegasus. As a filly, Lightning had a sister who she loved dearly, thinking of her as her best friend. One day lightning loses her sister in an accident. In memory of her sister, she carries around a ribbon that belonged to her sister. Due to this situation, Lightning never allows herself to get close to any other pony. Which is why she pushes them away by being a bully. 

Lightning and her family move to Ponyville to get out of the city, thinking it's a bad influence on lightning. After weeks in Ponyville, Lightning has shown every other pony who she is a bully. Lightning finds Candy Star crying over an out of stock scarf, making fun of her for it. Star Shine realizes the ribbon that Lightning carries around with her at all times is a sensitive subject she doesn't want to be known. Star Shine makes fun of it and even takes it from her, not knowing of what it means to lightning.

Lightning gets upset over Star Shine messing with the it and every other pony starts mocking her for it. Candy Star finds Lightning crying as she holds the item in her hoof. Candy Star approaches Lightning, trying to learn what's wrong. Lightning tries to distance herself. Eventually Candy Star gets Lightning to open up to her and Star Shine, Which they learn of the significance of the item. They soon become friends and eventually best friends. Once they become best friends lightning stops carrying the item with her. Representing that she is finally able to let go of the past and look forward to the future with her new best friends.

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Its a not a tragic backstory, just shows how much Lightning loved her sister. 

Edited March 25, 2015 by Candy Star

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

The story is quite touching and not complicated (which is good).

I like your OC's mane colors and style, but I would maybe look into making her coat black, grey, or white to look more like a storm.

The colors don't represent her cutie mark, they are for her personality.