The Banned Game

[Nightfall 3,950]

Banned.

 

How do I remember you from somewhere...?

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned for some reason.

 

I'm just one of those guys whose face you can't remember.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned because I feel my avatar needs glasses or a monocle.

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned because you made me want to draw a face onto my avatar.

[Jadefire 2,797]

Banned for best face.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned because yours might now be the most awesome avatar here.

 

Banned because you lack facial accessories.

Edited September 10, 2012 by Dr_Waveband

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned because your avatar lacks a mustache.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned because you haven't seen this, then.

 

 

 

 

 

[Flutter_Wonder 16]

Banned because I LOVE MUFFINS!!!

[Bari 7,023]

Banned because Pinkie Pie is awesome.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned for irrelevance.

[MuniMoose 489]

Banned because we had something to ban you with, but lost it. :/

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned because Rarity's horn looks wobbly.

Edited September 10, 2012 by JayBee

[Bari 7,023]

Banned because I had to do this.

[FizzyImp 1,838]

I don't wanna ban you because of that awesomeness

Unfortunately, rules are rules... [ban]

Edited September 10, 2012 by JayBee

[Jadefire 2,797]

Banned. A force stronger than all the forces of the universe compels me to ban you.

[Bari 7,023]

Banned because I am the purple knight.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned because you're still a pony.

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned because I didn't make my egg sandwich tasty enough.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned for unforgivable kitchen failure.

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned for still being a cuppycake.

[Zalgo 593]

Banned because

 

 

 

 Chapter one

Written by: Pierre Boulle

Jinn and Phyllis were spending a wonderful holiday in space, as far away as possible from the inhabited stars. In those days interplanetary voyages were an everyday occurrence, and interstellar travel not uncommon. Rockets took tourists to the wondrous sites of Sirius, or financiers to the famous stock exchanges of Arcturus and Aldebaran. But Jinn and Phyllis, a wealthy leisured couple, were distinguished in their cosmos for their originality and a few grains poetry. They wandered over the universe for their pleasure- by sail. 

 Their ship was a sort of sphere with an envelope- the sail -wich was miraculously fine and light and moved through space propelled by the pressure of light radiation. Such a machine left to it's own devices in the vicinity of a star will always move in a straight line in the opposite direction to the latter; but since Jinn and Phyllis's stellar system contained three suns which were relatively close to one another, their vessel received rays of light along three different axes. Jinn had therefore conceived an extremely  ingenious method of steering. His sail was lined inside with a series of black blinds which he could roll up or unroll at will, thus changing the effect of the light-pressure by modifying the reflecting power of certain sections. Furthermore, the elastic envelope could be stretched or contracted as the navigator pleased. Thus, when Jinn wanted to increase his speed, he gave it the biggest diameter possible. It would then take the blasts of radiation on an enormous surface and the vessel would hurtle through space at a furious velocity, which made Phyllis quite dizzy. He would likewise be overcome by vertigo and they would then cling passionately to each other, their gaze fixed on the mysterious and distant depths to which their flight propelled them. When on the other hand, they wanted to slow down, Jinn pressed a button. The sail would shrink until it became a sphere just big enough to contain them both, packed tightly together. The effect of the light became negligible and this minute bubble, reduced to nothing more than its own inertia, seemed motionless, as though suspended in the void by an invisible thread. The young couple would spend rapturous idle hours in this reduced universe, built on their own scale and for them alone, which Jinn compared to a becalmed sailing-ship and Phyllis to the air bubble of the sea-spider. 

 Jinn knew a number of other tricks, considered as the height of art by sailing cosmonauts: for example, making use of the shadows of the planets and certain satellites in order to change course. He imparted this skill to Phyllis, who was now almost as accomplished as himself and often more daring. 

 One day Jinn and Phyllis were lying side by side in the middle of their spacecraft without a care in the world, making the most of their holiday by basking in the rays of their three suns. Eyes closed, Jinn was thinking only of his love for Phyllis. Phyllis lay stretched out on her side, gazing at the immensity of the universe and letting herself be hypnotized, as she often did, by the cosmic sensation of the void. 

 All of a sudden she came out of her trance, wrinkled her brow and sat up. An unusual flash of light had streaked across the void. She waited for a few seconds and saw a second flash, like a ray being reflected off a shiny object. The cosmic sense which she had acquired in the course of these cruises would not deceive her. Moreover Jinn, when it was pointed out to him, agreed with her and it was inconceivable that Jinn should make a mistake in this matter: a body sparkling in the light was floating through space, at a distance which they could not yet assess. Jinn picked up a pair of binoculars and focused them on the mysterious object, while Phyllis leant on his shoulder. 

"it's not a very big object," he said. "it seems to be made of glass.... No, do let me look. It's drawing closer. It's going faster than we are. It looks like..."

 A puzzled exp<b></b>ression came into his eyes. He lowered the binoculars, which she at once snatched up.

"it's a bottle darling"

"a bottle?"

She looked at it in her turn.

"yes, it's a bottle. I can see it quite clearly. It's made of light colored glass. It's corked, I can see the seal. There's something white inside which looks like a piece of paper- a message obviously. Jinn, we've got to get hold of it!"

 Jinn was of the same opinion and had already embarked on some skillful maneuvers to place the sphere on trajectory of the unusual body. He soon succeeded and then reduced his own speed to enable it to catch up with him. Meanwhile Phyllis donned her diving-suit and made her way  out of the sail by the double trap-door. There, holding on to a rope with one limb and brandishing a long handled scoop in the other, she stood in readiness to retrieve the bottle. She trembled from her head to legs with impatience, gesticulating like a spider on the end of it's thread as she shouted down the telephone to her companion:

"slower Jinn... No, a bit faster than that, it's going to pass us....

Starboard... Now hard to port... Hold it... I've got it!"

She gave a triumphant cry and came back inside with her trophy.

"Jinn, break it open, hurry up!" Phyllis begged.

Less impatient, Jinn methodically chipped off the sealing-wax. But when the bottle was thus opened, he saw that the paper was stuck fast and could not be shaken out. He therefore yielded to his mate's entreaties and smashed the glass with a hammer. The paper unrolled itself. It consisted of a large number of very thin sheets, covered in tiny handwriting. The message was written in a language of the Earth, which Jinn knew perfectly, having been partly educated on that planet. 

 An uncomfortable feeling, however, restrained him from reading a document which had fallen into their possession in such an incongruous manner; but Phyllis's state of excitement decided him. She was not so well acquainted with the languages of Earth and needed his help.

"Jinn, I beg you!"

He reduced the volume of the sphere so that it floated idly in space, made sure that there was no obstacle in front of them, the lay down beside his companion and began to read the manuscript.

Chapter 2

I am confiding this manuscript to space, not with the intention of saving myself, but to help, perhaps, in averting the appalling scourge which is menacing the human race.

Lord have pity on us!...

"the human race?" Phyllis exclaimed, stressing the second word in her astonishment. 

"that is what it says here" Jinn assured her "don't start off by interrupting me" And he went on with his reading. 

As for me, Ulysse Merou, I have set off again with my family in the space ship. We can keep going for several years. We grow vegetables and fruit on board and have a poultry run. We lack nothing. One day perhaps we shall come across a friendly planet. This is a hope that I hardly dare express. But here, faithfully reported, is the account of my adventure.

 

It was in the year 2500 that I embarked with two companions in the cosmic ship, with the intention of reaching the region of space where the supergigantic star Betelgeuse reigns supreme.

 It was an ambitious project, the vastest that had ever been conceived on Earth. Betelgeuse - or Alpha Orionis, as our astronomers called it- is about three hundred light years distant from our planet. It is remarkable for a number of things. Firstly it's size: it's diameter is three or four hundred times greater than that of our sun; that's to say if it's center was placed where the sun lies, this monster would extend within the orbit of Mars. Secondly, it's brilliancy: it is a star of first magnitude, the brightest in the constellation of Orion, visible on Earth to the naked eye in spite of it's distance. Thirdly, the nature of it's rays; it emits red and orange lights of a most magnificent effect. Finally, it is a heavenly body with a variable glow; it's luminosity varies with the seasons, this being caused by alterations in it's diameter. Betelgeuse is a palpating star. 

 

 

 

I typed all that. Not just now of course, but a month year ago I think

Edited September 11, 2012 by Zalgo

[FizzyImp 1,838]

Banned because it's the wrong place to post literature.

[Zalgo 593]

Banned because my roof is missing a tile.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Banned because I have more active posts than you.

 

Banned because I thought ninjas lived under bridges or something. You're basically hobos, right?

Edited September 11, 2012 by Dr_Waveband