R3B0UNd

[Page Turner 607]

http://www.fimfictio...y/13935/R3B0UNd

 

Octavia has kicked Vinyl out. Again. Pinkie Pie decides to help the DJ pony get over her blues by throwing her the biggest and greatest party Ponyville has ever seen! But why does she care so much? And is this really the end for Octavia and Vinyl?

 

This Story Exists because I wanted to see A Vinyl and Pinkie ship, but it didn't exist. So I said 'Screw it, I'll Write it myself.' and so I did.

 

Remember, Feedback is Magic!

Edited April 25, 2012 by Page Turner

[Crispy 5,565]

The title scares me. I hope Pinkie isn't just a rebound for Vinyl. That'd make me sad.

 

Seems like a solid premise for a fic, though. I'll give it a shot.

[Page Turner 607]

This lack of response makes me sad.

[Hat988 108]

I am watching it on Fimfiction and really liked the first chapter The second chapter seemed as if you had the plot all planned out then you ran through it quickly like checking the points off a list. Even though you described a party, it would be a good opportunity to have Pinkie and Vinyl take turns with the music so they can take care of the guests. We could then see how they approach parties and interact with others - Pinkie might want everyone to try the cupcakes for her recipes or Vinyl might find some statement by a random background pony pertinent to her relationship with Octavia. This would give you more opportunity for making the characters more familiar and realistic as well as potentially giving you areas for a subplot. At the moment, it looks like a very typical romance problem that you might see on daytime TV which needs some unique twist to it.

I'm suggesting you can make the characters more interesting and do the rather formulaic approach really well or you can shake the plot around. Preferably both.

 

A way you might do this as an author is to write from the plan as you have done. Then give the Pinkie and Vinyl more to do. Plan a second pass by finding where potential scenes could be (such as expanding on the party) and figure out what else they might want to do. Do a third pass for characters like Octavia and her new friend if you think its necessary.

 

I hope you take this as constructive advice because I do like your story and hope to see it continued

Edited May 13, 2012 by Hat988

[Page Turner 607]

Wow, you bring up some really good points, thanks! As it is I just want to get the entire story out there, just so It'll be complete, after that I probably will go back and expand upon it.