fan fiction Unfinished Story: Should it be continued?

[super*specialSTAR 19]

On another site, I never got the chance to ever finish this story. It's a fanfic, with the OC I signed up as now! Please read and tell me how to improve it, and if I should continue it!

 

EDIT: I doubt this story would work. I am not very acquainted with Equestria's or any other area in the MLP story's politics or justice system. I am a new fan after all.

 

 

Sacrifice

 

Surrounded by an aura of utter misery, a young unicorn pony, almost full-grown but not yet out of fillyhood scrutinized her face at a few teacherrs' registration forms. Her dark grape purple mane was wavy, flowing so it perfectly framed her long vivid aqua neck and head. The pony's delicate facial features were colored by unfittingly disappointed emotions as she glanced at her healthy cyan body of a unicorn, one that bore not one Cutie Mark. The Cutie Mark was ever so envied, being a mark of pure maturity. Its absence had made its mark on many foals before, generation after generation.

Young but precocious Wisdom Lace wished for a chance to become a teacher. How she longed to help others learn and have them teach her something once in a while! Sadly, where was she going to find a job? It wasn't like she had a Cutie Mark yet. Wisdom Lace unhappily grimaced at the thought of her premature stage. If anything, that was not anything she had now. She'd have to manage well without it. Her sincere friend Empathy Ribbon the Earth Pony was very sympathetic. The chipper, golden orange pony with a flaxen mane and tail could always relate with her friend and many more.

"I'm sure you'll find a job somewhere, Wis. I believe in you," Empathy Ribbon stated confidently.

"How can you say that? Since I don't have any Cutie Mark they'll deem me bratty and unfit for a teacher's job!" Wisdom Lace scoffed back, obviously irate.

"Don't get yourself down, my friend. Anything's possible. You just have to look."

"Where?"

"Anywhere you'd like. You can't just wait for a possibility to happen. You have to make it happen. There's no excuse for lazyness!"

With that, Empathy Ribbon gently shoved Wisdom Lace into her room.

"Don't forget to get your lucky heart gem, Wis! We're packing off to go on an adventure through our lives!"

Wisdom Lace groaned as she reluctantly opened a light lavender luggage bag. She packed up her accesories, tolietries, clothing, and more she could fit. She decided to wear the jewel on a necklace, it softly resting upon her neck. The jewel was perfectly cut, a prism reflecting all sorts of beautiful rainbows. It glinted in light and it felt very hard and cold. After she thoroughly jammed everything in, Empathy Ribbon barged into the room with her own olive green bag.

Excitedly, Empathy Ribbon chattered, "Oh boy! This adventure is going to be great!"

Wisdom Lace cut her friend off short as politely as she could.

"Emp, this is only going to be a job-hunt. Nothing to get worked over so much."

"Oh, right!"

With that, the two ponies journeyed through every place they could get to and finally came across a harsh, dark place at night. Finding it dangerous to be mobile at night, the two ponies settled down in a little, nearby inn. It wasn't fancy, but it was quite modern for a tiny motel, having a dark scarlet and light beige theme for coloring.

As the starry night passed, little did Wisdom Lace and Empathy Ribbon expect that there was a nice, big suprise in stock for them. it wasn't going to be a pleasant one, however.

The cream colored curtains slowly parted as the bright sun shone throughout the room, quietly waking Wisdom Lace up before Empathy Ribbon. Unfortunately, the cheap inn had no cafe to eat at for breakfast. Therefore, Wisdom Lace and Empathy Ribbon had no option but to enter the closest town for food, a place about half a mile west. Still, it was worth the travel.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The place they found was a suprisingly cutesy little town named Avadoniagoria, constructed of buildings with colored glass, big smooth stones, and dark magohany wood. There was this lovely cafe that was very vibrant with pastel hues, especially yellow and pink. It had many bows and frills that bordered the table cloth and cushioning for the chairs. The two ponies enjoyed a light breakfast of sunny-side up eggs, crispy bacon, and English muffins. After they finished their orange juice with no pulp, they paid the bill and left to have a nice stroll around this adorable little town. Wanting to learn much more about this town, they did window-shopping and sight-seeing ever so often.

"Wow! Look at this!" Empathy Ribbon pointed out with her orange hooves very abruptly.

Wisdom Lace's eyes greatly widened as they scanned on a glass window that has a huge "Help wanted" sign that was eggshell blue with dark green print. It demanded for a teacher, a private tutor. But where? After squinting for nearly a minute, Wisdom Lace and Empathy Ribbon couldn't read the microscopic text. It was only then when Wisdom Lace learned the true macabre customs of a decieving town as she interrogated a male pony passing by who was only a few months older than her.

"Why do you ask? No one wishes to teach there. It's for a bratty colt who has been sentenced with the death penalty for a series of four robberies and a murder of an important nobleman. He had been a witness. He could have stopped it all but no. He gets what he deserved, ma'am. He probably was a rascal all the time."

Wisdom Lace's mouth dropped open in total disbelief. No young pony should deserve such a thing. But it happened. Her heart was torn apart between being just a mere bystander without a job, or being ostracized as the tutor of a guilty convict.

She chose the latter, to follow her heart, since she was certain that wasn't the true story at all. And it turned out, she was right. But the important question was simply:

How was everyone going to treat her afterwards?

Edited December 4, 2011 by Wisdom Lace

[snakeeyes077 3]

Sounds like an interesting story to read, I would read it