offering critique Silky's Beauty Spa (OC creation and re-designing)

[Star Silk]

2 minutes ago, Sparkliersparks said:

Alright, i think this is the place...
anypony here?
 

As you step into the spa, you find yourself greeted by several ponies who either wave or say hi. You were offered a potion by this pink pony who introduces herself to you as Silky.

"Hello there, lovely! Drink this! Once you do, you will become invisible when I bring you over to the chair. You won't be able to see your own reflection until I offer you some potions and references from our magazine! Come - come, let us not wait too long. I can't WAIT to meet the true you!" She gently guides you along the elegant room.

[Sparkliersparks 127]

I take the mysterious potion in my hoof and take a curious sniff
smells like cherries...

I down the whole thing in one go
My throat feels tingly...

[Shiny Silvermoon]

Shiny Silvermoon suddenly opened the door of the spa and came inside, leaping excitedly closer to Silky. She didn't see the new customer who just became invisible.

"Silky! Silky! Silky! Guess what? I've told a new friend, by the name of @Sparkliersparks, about this place and they are going to come here any time soon! Did you see them?"

Edited February 26 by Shiny Silvermoon

[Sparkliersparks 127]

I sneakily walk over to Shiny
and boop her on the muzzle
"boop!"

"Gotcha!"

[Shiny Silvermoon]

6 minutes ago, Sparkliersparks said:

I sneakily walk over to Shiny
and boop her on the muzzle
"boop!"

"Gotcha!"

"I knew it! This place was built on an ancient buffalo cemetery! It's haunted by the booping ghosts of the natives!" Shiny yelled while getting on top of a shelf like a scared cat.

[Ice Princess Silky <3 13,895]

9 minutes ago, Sparkliersparks said:

I sneakily walk over to Shiny
and boop her on the muzzle
"boop!"

"Gotcha!"

“Goodness!” Silky would giggle. “Looks like your friend is way ahead of you, Shiny?” And Silky would then throw a sheet over @Sparkliersparks’s invisible form so that she could properly guide the pony to the seat before pulling the blanket away and asking Shiny to roll over a golden cart of potions. 

“Now! Tell me! Which are your favorite colors? Who do you admire and which potion reminds you of what?” She would then hand you some magazines of famous and popular ponies to understand your style.

 

(psst google images helps for references of ponies and ideas xD ) 

[Shiny Silvermoon]

1 minute ago, Ice Princess Silky said:

“Goodness!” Silky would giggle. “Looks like your friend is way ahead of you, Shiny?” And Silky would then throw a sheet over @Sparkliersparks’s invisible form so that she could properly guide the pony to the seat before pulling the blanket away and asking Shiny to roll over a golden cart of potions. 

After climbing down the shelf where towels are stored, Shiny eagerly moved the golden cart of potions closer to her friends.

[Sparkliersparks 127]

I look over the magazines and think to myself

well my favorite color is blue...

I flip the page and see the great and powerful Trixie

wait, the great and powerful trixie!, I went to one of her shows once!

she was great!

 

I look over to where silky is

I want blue for my coat..., like the sky, but slightly darker 

[Ice Princess Silky <3 13,895]

Ah! I see! I see! Hmm *she shows you some swatches* 

Spoiler

1.

 

2.

One or two, dear. You’ll find the skies have so many beautiful shades of blue!

[Sparkliersparks 127]

hmmm
I take both swatches in either hoof
the second one doesn't looks appealing at all

Um, I think I'll go with 1, please

[Ice Princess Silky <3 13,895]

13 minutes ago, Sparkliersparks said:

hmmm
I take both swatches in either hoof
the second one doesn't looks appealing at all

Um, I think I'll go with 1, please

One is perfect because it is exactly what I imagined when you said sky! Perfect! Now! Is there a warm set of color that you like? Every sky has its sunrise and sunset (warm tones).  
 

*she then shows you an image of Trixie* 

Spoiler

See how against her blue her eyes are purple? (Warmer tones) and she wears a purple cape to bring them out? It is optional. But here are some potion bottles to contrast the blue! (There were yellows, oranges, reds, all the colors of the sunset)

if you are not interested in the warmer tones that is ok too. 
 

tell me this.. what are your interests. I throw a ball into a cloud - how do you retrieve it?

1. You chase it 

2. you glide towards it

3. you magic it back 

[Sparkliersparks 127]

I look back down to the magazine and browse the famous ponies section

I flip the page and arrive at the super models section
I flip the page once more, and am greeted by a picture of silky

huh, her mane does look pretty nice, I wonder how she gets it so shiny...

I look back up from the magazine

Yeah I think I'll go with blueish purple for the mane

I'm not sure about the eyes yet...
Oh you dropped your ball?

let me get it for you!

I light up my horn and grab it with my field
I levitate it back into your reach

Here you go!
 

Edited February 26 by Sparkliersparks

[Sparkliersparks 127]

I fell asleep in the chair

Having a nice nap

[Rethajni 2,660]

*A strange looking robot pops out of the locker with the battery charged up*

 

[Sparkliersparks 127]

Huh
wha?
Is somepony there?

I awaken from my power nap and notice a strange looking robot

[Rethajni 2,660]

10 minutes ago, Sparkliersparks said:

Huh
wha?
Is somepony there?

I awaken from my power nap and notice a strange looking robot

 

*She makes computer sounds and talks with a electronic voice waving her head*

I'm Kramathia, your vitual assistant at the spa, you can ask me to play music, ask "hey Kram" and Ill respond, Having fun on the spa, did you got your order correctly? Dont forget to give us a good rate!

Edited February 26 by Rethajni

[Sparkliersparks 127]

Hey Kram... uhh
Where'd those other two run off to?

I look down to inspect my hoof and see right nothing

I'm still invisible right now
how does this usually work?

I already picked my coat and mane colors...
do i just drink the potions?

[Rethajni 2,660]

7 minutes ago, Sparkliersparks said:

Hey Kram... uhh
Where'd those other two run off to?

I look down to inspect my hoof and see right nothing

I'm still invisible right now
how does this usually work?

I already picked my coat and mane colors...
do i just drink the potions?

*Kramathia makes more machine noises*

Playing "Where'd those other two run off to?" in Poniville Music

*plays a silly song*

[Sparkliersparks 127]

I tilt my head to the side and smile as I watch Kram do her best

I give the machine a head pat as a reward for effort

Thanks Kram, very cool...

[Shiny Silvermoon]

9 hours ago, Sparkliersparks said:

I tilt my head to the side and smile as I watch Kram do her best

I give the machine a head pat as a reward for effort

Thanks Kram, very cool...

Suddenly, Shiny Silvermoon came out of a locker just like Kramathia. She was wearing cardboard boxes on her head and torso with fake robot components drew on them. There was also aluminum foil covering both of her limbs.

"I recharged my batteries and abandonned the weakness of my flesh for the strenght of cybernetic stuffs! Beep boop! Look at what I can do now!"

Shiny then tried to flip a bottle but, as she was about to fail, used her magic to make it land perfectly.

"Impressed, organic friend? Beep boop!"

[Sparkliersparks 127]

1 hour ago, Shiny Silvermoon said:

Suddenly, Shiny Silvermoon came out of a locker just like Kramathia. She was wearing cardboard boxes on her head and torso with fake robot components drew on them. There was also aluminum foil covering both of her limbs.

"I recharged my batteries and abandonned the weakness of my flesh for the strenght of cybernetic stuffs! Beep boop! Look at what I can do now!"

Shiny then tried to flip a bottle but, as she was about to fail, used her magic to make it land perfectly.

"Impressed, organic friend? Beep boop!"

I am jolted awake by the strength and certainty of steel

Ahhh!
Shiny?
Thank goodness you're back!
I've been invisible for what feels like the last 24 hours in here
Please help me

Edited February 27 by Sparkliersparks

[Shiny Silvermoon]

"If you are wondering where Silky is, fear not! She is a very busy pegasus and has a lot of ponies to take care of! She will come back to you as soon as she can! However, I can't really help you as, unlike unicorn magic, I have zero knowledge in potions! You can always put some clothes on so we can see you! Like I said, Silky will come back to you as soon as possible!" Shiny Silvermoon responded.

[Sparkliersparks 127]

10 minutes ago, Shiny Silvermoon said:

"If you are wondering where Silky is, fear not! She is a very busy pegasus and has a lot of ponies to take care of! She will come back to you as soon as she can! However, I can't really help you as, unlike unicorn magic, I have zero knowledge in potions! You can always put some clothes on so we can see you! Like I said, Silky will come back to you as soon as possible!" Shiny Silvermoon responded.

"Yeah Alright, I guess she is a princess..."
I walk over to where I left my saddle bag and retrieve my writing implements
I take my quill and inkwell, along with a piece of parchment and some blotting paper
I dip my quill in the ink and scribble a little until it runs out, then I go for another dip
I scribble some more having to dip my quill four more times until I was done 
After I'm done I dry the excess ink using some of my blotting paper
Once done, I pack everything up and slip my saddle bag back on
A floating saddle bag walks over to the pretty looking robot
It gives her the piece of parchment and says

"Here's my email and phone number, let me know when Silky's back!"

A floating saddle bag runs out of the establishment, with nefarious intentions

"I'm gonna go boop as many ponies as possible before I get arrested!"
"Time to put this invisibility to good use!"

It runs away into the distance at the exact maximum running speed of the average royal guard
Looking for unprotecting pony muzzles to boop...

 

[TheJollyofPones 2,428]

*Saturn walks in* Hello? I came back, since I haven't been here in a while

I brought some friends! (Scootaloo and Orange Swirl walk in) 

Edited May 10 by ThatPinkPone

[Shiny Silvermoon 3,803]

2 hours ago, ThatPinkPone said:

*Saturn walks in* Hello? I came back, since I haven't been here in a while

I brought some friends! (Scootaloo and Orange Swirl walk in) 

Shiny Silvermoon instantly turned around to meet the gaze of @ThatPinkPone. "Oh! Hello, Saturn Ring! How have you been? Really nice drawings you got here!"