writing Needles and Pins

[Artemisia 166]

Just something I wrote the other day....

 

I’m walking on needles and pins

My eyes closed shut tight

A voice at the doors saying let me in

And I know, it’s not a pretty sight

I tiptoe through the halls

Avoiding the wet paint on the walls

 

I’m walking on needles and pins

Avoiding your gentle touch

A voice at the door saying let me in

It will hurt but, our love is not a crush,

I tiptoe through the halls

Avoiding the wet paint on the walls

 

I’m walking on needles and pins

Should I fall into your arms?

There’s a voice at the door saying let me in

My mind sounds alarms

I tiptoe through the halls

Avoiding the wet paint on the walls

 

I’m walking on needles and pins

Until I fall into you

There’s a voice at the door saying let me in

And you whisper to me, I love you too.

Needles and pins

Needles and pins

 

Let you in.

Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia

[Finesthour 7,287]

Lots of repetitive uses of "I tiptoe through the halls"

Not saying it is a bad thing, I just caught it a lot xD

 

I really like it though!

[Artemisia 166]

Lots of repetitive uses of "I tiptoe through the halls"

Not saying it is a bad thing, I just caught it a lot xD

 

I really like it though!

 

i used repetition as a literary device to tie it together. thank you though.

also if you noticed i did that with other lines too, kinda like a pantoon but not quite.

Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia

[Finesthour 7,287]

i used repetition as a literary device to tie it together. thank you though.

also if you noticed i did that with other lines too, kinda like a pantoon but not quite.

 

As I noticed x3

 

It was really good!

[Artemisia 166]

aw shucks. really? thank you. I have written some other stuff but is isnt very good.

[Finesthour 7,287]

aw shucks. really? thank you. I have written some other stuff but is isnt very good.

 

Upload them silly c:

[Artemisia 166]

Upload them silly c:

 

I will eventually, they need editing and are all on my flash drive or old computer. I will also be writing more this summer. Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia

[Finesthour 7,287]

I will eventually, they need editing and are all on my flash drive or old computer. I will also be writing more this summer.

 

Can't wait x3

[Artemisia 166]

C: i will be spending a big chunk of time at my grandparents house in the mountains so they will likely be nature inspired.

Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia

[MachineGunLola 408]

You're very good.

[paranoidpaprika 1]

nature is the greatest muse i like how visual it is, i can really picture it in my head

[Artemisia 166]

You're very good.

 

nature is the greatest muse i like how visual it is, i can really picture it in my head

 

aww thanks its not that good. it was just running through my head for a couple days and i had to write it down maybe i should get out my old lit journal and put up a few from there or the weird french love poems i wrote