Artemisia 166 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 (edited) Just something I wrote the other day.... I’m walking on needles and pins My eyes closed shut tight A voice at the doors saying let me in And I know, it’s not a pretty sight I tiptoe through the halls Avoiding the wet paint on the walls I’m walking on needles and pins Avoiding your gentle touch A voice at the door saying let me in It will hurt but, our love is not a crush, I tiptoe through the halls Avoiding the wet paint on the walls I’m walking on needles and pins Should I fall into your arms? There’s a voice at the door saying let me in My mind sounds alarms I tiptoe through the halls Avoiding the wet paint on the walls I’m walking on needles and pins Until I fall into you There’s a voice at the door saying let me in And you whisper to me, I love you too. Needles and pins Needles and pins Let you in. Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finesthour 7,284 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 Lots of repetitive uses of "I tiptoe through the halls" Not saying it is a bad thing, I just caught it a lot xD I really like it though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemisia 166 June 19, 2012 Author Share June 19, 2012 (edited) Lots of repetitive uses of "I tiptoe through the halls" Not saying it is a bad thing, I just caught it a lot xD I really like it though! i used repetition as a literary device to tie it together. thank you though.also if you noticed i did that with other lines too, kinda like a pantoon but not quite. Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finesthour 7,284 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 i used repetition as a literary device to tie it together. thank you though. also if you noticed i did that with other lines too, kinda like a pantoon but not quite. As I noticed x3 It was really good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemisia 166 June 19, 2012 Author Share June 19, 2012 aw shucks. really? thank you. I have written some other stuff but is isnt very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finesthour 7,284 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 aw shucks. really? thank you. I have written some other stuff but is isnt very good. Upload them silly c: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemisia 166 June 19, 2012 Author Share June 19, 2012 (edited) Upload them silly c: I will eventually, they need editing and are all on my flash drive or old computer. I will also be writing more this summer. Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finesthour 7,284 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 I will eventually, they need editing and are all on my flash drive or old computer. I will also be writing more this summer. Can't wait x3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemisia 166 June 19, 2012 Author Share June 19, 2012 (edited) C: i will be spending a big chunk of time at my grandparents house in the mountains so they will likely be nature inspired. Edited June 19, 2012 by Artemisia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MachineGunLola 408 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 You're very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoidpaprika 1 June 19, 2012 Share June 19, 2012 nature is the greatest muse i like how visual it is, i can really picture it in my head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemisia 166 June 19, 2012 Author Share June 19, 2012 You're very good. nature is the greatest muse i like how visual it is, i can really picture it in my head aww thanks its not that good. it was just running through my head for a couple days and i had to write it down maybe i should get out my old lit journal and put up a few from there or the weird french love poems i wrote 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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