mega thread Last Poster Wins

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

You will all fall before my undead army eventually. I have nominated myself as absolute ruler.

You'll have to get through me first if you wish to win.

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Perhaps you would like to invest in my 'shape-shifting mercenary/ assassins for hire' company (Jerk Co.). I assure you that my mercs will grant you the rule of several planets, if not star systems, within the next solar sweep.

[Sunshower Raindrops 3,227]

This thread isn't the same without Life giver.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Sunshower Raindrops

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Too bad no one else does the whole unconventional RP'ing thing here anymore. This was a great place to just jump into adventure without all of the formalities.

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Very well then, how much are these so called mercenaries, and will they ensure me victories across multiple dimensions?

I Have an unlimited supply of skeleton foot soldiers after all.

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Well the amount and the type of currency depends on your current location, dimension-wise. The type of merc also varies on what task you have in mind, however I guarantee that they will all have the same end result;GLORIUS VICTORY!

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Right, well the current headquarters is... HEY!! Turn down that music!!!

Tartarus.

How would I go about purchasing these mercs? We're all shady characters obviously. Discounts? I have an army to maintain, they don't eat much food but, my can they party hard!

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

You do not currently have any discounts or frequent user privelages as of now, however you will get a sweet 80% discount on all future purchases, provided that you merge your faction with ours.

 

Well, the exchange is simple: just take some blue chalk and etch a symbol of the moon, almost any vague crescent will do. Then inside the moon, write your contact's name and/ or basic affiliation (just write Jerk Co.) And place about 500 units of Ley or Vis energy. That should cover the cost of the transportation and payment of your mercs (Twenty experienced Jinn, three Fire Giants and Twelve, young Alternian Trolls.).

Edited August 28, 2014 by AI Pony

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Henchman! You heard the man! Excuse me, they can be quite incompetent. Hurry up! Your dark lord is waiting!

*does some shifty markings*

 

Alright this had better work..

I'll take the 3 Fire Giants. I've already got quite a bit of ground covered, but some powerhouses should make my conquest easier.

Expensive though. Hm.. 

Very well then. Pleasure doing business with you.

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

The pleasure was all mine.

Feel free to make use of my services at any time, and don't forget to consider the merging discount.

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Hm.

It's good to know I can get some quality minions out there.

Merging discount?! Well. I could surely go for that.

Though I'll have to consider those terms and conditions carefully.

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Don't worry about paperwork or traced teleportation magic either. We rarely have our customers sign paperwork and we have no fine print! Yes, all our terms are up front and on the table, meaning no underhanded tricks, treachery, or backstabery. Our Dimentional rifts are also maintained during all hours of the day, to ensure your safety from the royal families or other factions.

Edited August 28, 2014 by AI Pony

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Eh.. Well. No treachery? It sounds like a good idea to me. 

Having myself as an ally means you'll gain access to all manner of undead minions also. We have lot's of Skeletons and such here at The Crimson Empire. It also means you'll gain additional protection from Death and the dark forces.

*signs paperwork*

Very well then!

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Thank you for your support. I hope that our partnership will aid in your endeavors!

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Excellent! That 80% Discount will certainly come in handy. 

Are your services only limited to mercenary work, or so you also specialise in architecture of any kind?

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

We here at Jerk Co. tend to stick to combat and weapon supply, however we do support all manner of architectural work (Some rogue Dwarves and Earth ponies have a knack for building design).

We build a large variety of settlements, ranging from measly Frontline Command Outposts and Excavation sites to Fortresses, Strongholds, and generally snazzy looking hideouts.

Did you have anything particular in mind?

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Some fortresses should be good. Just plain dungeons AREN'T ENOUGH!

Always getting infiltrated by those no good heroes.... Mrflflfhh *faint muttering*

 

Right. That should be good. I've decided it should be adorned with blood red carpet. Oh yes, and we must make sure there are proper fortifications on this building cannons and the like! Some secret passages to ambush enemy attackers should be good..

I'll also throw in a hamper of tea while I'm here!

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Will do!

I'll even throw in some complimentary chains for the dungeons (they come in two styles; 'Rusty Bronze' for that look of neglect, and 'Sturdy Iron' to give the impression of inescapable doom).

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Hm. The Sturdy Iron is pretty tempting, but I'd have to go for the "Rusty Bronze" this time. I'd have some extra backup with those skeleton sentries anyhow. It gives it a nice look of decay. It's all about atmosphere you know.

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

Yes, I do agree that atmosphere plays a big role in the overall impression of a fortress.

Sometimes though, I personally wish that heroes put more thought into their own buildings, as well as their overall style. Heroes have also disappointed me nowadays because they don't do the whole wishy-washy, back and forth, good v.s. evil banter anymore. I used to love having long meaningless, moral conversations before and as we battled, but now I just end up with one sided speeches.

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

I was wondering what had happened to this thread. Good to see it's still alive and stuff.

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Oh yes, impression is everything. The feeling of dread in a castle. Impeccable. that atmosphere can't be matched. Every stain on the wall, random cricket and weed in the courtyard counts.

 

Heroes and their nonsense Psh. It's all just a battle for who knows what! Being a villain is so much more rewarding I tell you! The limitless power at your command, and the crushing of opponents! And of course, we throw the whackiest parties in town! 

[AfTeRwArDs 509]

So, we discussing villainy?

 

I'm more of an anti-villain myself.

 

Or anti-hero...?

[The Crimson Cross 7,533]

Well. I'm quite attached to villainy, after all a competent villain tests the skills of the hero after all!

[~~~~~~~~~~ 1,174]

And that is exactly why I founded Jerk Co.

My main goal is to provide villains with what they need to be THE VERY BEST.

We can't just let any buffoon with a grudge start a killing spree, war, or political uproar, can we?