You think you are (or were) in a one-sided relationship? Tell it to a fish.

[Evilshy 5,090]

So there's this kind of deepsea Anglerfish called Haplophryne mollis, or the Soft Leafvent Angler.

 

If you don't know what anglerfish are, here's some general info in the spoiler:

 

Remember that crazy fish with the light on it's head in Finding Nemo? That's an Angler fish. They live down in the depths where it is literally black all the time, except for these little lights they have on the end of stalks attached to their head. Since it's so dark down there, most things don't have very well developed eyesight, so they just see a blurring mass of light, and are compelled to check it out. Then they get eaten.

This spoiler contains info completely unrelated to the rest of this thread, but I'm including it anyway because it's just that damn cool.

 

 

One species related to Angler fish gives off much brighter red light. Most things in the animal kingdom can't see red, some exceptions being Baboons and some other primates (such as Humans, obviously), and this species of fish. This fish also has pretty developed eyesight for the depth it lives in, so it basically has an invisible flashlight to hunt for prey with. Pretty awesome

 

 

 

So anyway, this species, Haplophryne mollis has a pretty major problem; there aren't any mates around. These fish are fairly rare, and they like to spread out, so there are seldom more than two or three within the same general area, and what are the chances that they'd meet up while both being the fish equivalent of horny?

Cue evolutionary weirdness.

Males are born as these tiny little dudes with highly developed senses of smell. When they become sexually mature, their digestive tracts begin to fail, which is a biological sign to get a fucking move-on and find a wife.

So when they do find a female, they bite into their side and release saliva that digests both the skin of the female and the mouth of the male. Then they fuse together as blood vessels of the female join those of the male. The males body receives nutrients from the females bloodstream, eventually becoming a part of her, and then gradually degenerates into a pair of testicles in a vaguely fish-shaped sack.

 

So don't any of you ever complain that somebody is using you. You could've been born as a male Anglerfish. And if Hinduism is correct and you're a massive dick your whole life, you might reincarnate as one.

 

EDIT: Aaaaaand I just realized this would've made a fairly good blog post. SO I MADE IT ONE.

Edited September 20, 2012 by Evilshy

[Starshine 16,333]

...ouch

 

So all male Anglerfish only exist just to be his wive's balls? That sounds so wrong on many level

 

The only way it could be worse is the female can be fused with multiple males

[Bohtty 1,775]

I think our IQ level is a little bit higher than that fishes. Not to mention that the physical mating process for a human doesn't work like that. Gross either way.

[Mephala 2,633]

WTAF.

That was just one of those things one does not need to know XD

It's certainly...ah...INTERESTING. There we go.

But weird. What kind of evolution is that? XD

[Twiliscael 3,960]

You'd think evolution could have made that A LITTLE bit better right?

Like, I'm gonna end up as my girlfriend's testicles when I have to reproduce.

WTF?

[AegisReflector 886]

Personally, it beats being a male Prying Mantis where the female just eats your head off.

 

Sooooo, biting a little skin vs. biting a whole head off.

[Starshine 16,333]

Personally, it beats being a male Prying Mantis where the female just eats your head off.

It's "instant death after making out" versus "sentenced to live as her balls or die a slow death"

 

I'm pretty sure it's a very one-sided comparison :/

[AegisReflector 886]

It's "instant death after making out" versus "sentenced to live as her balls or die a slow death"

 

I'm pretty sure it's a very one-sided comparison :/

 

My post was supposed to be a joke.

 

Of course, I'm pretty sure none of us here would like to be a fresh sack of testicles, now, would we?

[One 498]

I already knew this... I learned nothing and wasted my time... But I guess that's just about all the Internet is, wasting time and getting nothing out of the time you spent. Kind of like a casino to.

[Sugarcube 213]

After reading these I felt like the wdafq meme. That is intense, and just curiously interesting. I mean, it is just mind blowing, not to mention a real kick in the balls for the angler fish (pun pun pun)