My unnamed Fan Fiction

[SilverHeart 741]

So I started writing a fanfiction. It takes place when Discord took over Equestria, before Celestia and Luna were in power. This was originally going to be a Dark Souls and MLP crossover but after much thought I decided that it should go in a different direction. Basically it takes place in Canterlot and follows Silver Heart (I rather like my OC...) as she... tries to survive/save Equestria.

 

This is my first attempt to write fiction or anything outside of school/college. I'm looking for anyone that would be willing to help edit and proofread (If proofreaders are something I need) and critique. Anything that can be constructive really. Also this would just be the introduction chapter, I need to work on the ending of this but I thought I would go ahead and post here.

 

I'm colorblind so if the colors (of the ponies or setting or armor...or anything) are not exactly accurate/match (Like I'm not too sure if Silver Heart having a Blue/Purple mane and a Silver coat matches) please let me know...I don't really know what colors go together too well.

I'm going to try to not make it too grimdark (if I even do make it grimdark) since I want people to enjoy it and it seems that many do not care for Grimdark stories.

 

Also I tend to ramble on. So I apologize for that.

 

 

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No, this really isn’t a good way to start a story either,” I complained to my self as I crumpled yet another piece of paper and threw it on the ground next to countless others, “honestly, how do other ponies do this…it’s hard.” I levitated the pen down and rubbed my temples with my hooves. I think I’ll take a break. Yeah, it should be about lunchtime anyway. I should really try my hoof at art instead.

 

I slowly raised myself up and walked over to my cot. The royal prisons are surprisingly comfortable. For the most part the guards are surprisingly friendly and kind to the prisoners. The royal dungeons are nothing like the rumors say. There are no demons or mages sacrificing ponies in profane rituals for power. Nopony is getting tortured, well as far as I can tell nopony is being tortured. I’m glad I applied to be the nurse here; it isn’t that much work for decent pay.

 

My ears perked up at the distant sound of hooves on stone. I sat up and stared at the dark steel door, patiently waiting for the guard to open it. While I waited I looked around the room to make sure everything was in order. Having a tidy workspace makes one look good to superior officers. The potion table at the back of the room was neat and order. The reagents and ingredients were neatly organized on the shelves next to it. My desk was organized. I smiled to myself; I was doing a great job compared to my predecessor. The floor was…covered in paper…ponyfeathers.

 

I leapt up from the cot and looked for something, anything that I could hide them in. I could get fired if they found out I’ve been slacking. Where’s my wastebasket? The hoofsteps were louder now, possibly loud enough to be right outside my door. I looked around the room; it was gone. I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled open a desk drawer and levitated the trash into the drawer and slammed it shot. I leapt back onto the cot, just in time too, the door opened to reveal a familiar looking crimson red stallion in a chainmail tunic with an unkempt blonde mane, floating next to him was a similarly familiar looking wastebasket. The only thing that set him apart from other guards was an enchanted short sword that faintly glowed blue on his barding.

 

“Good morning Silver Heart, how’s my little cousin doing today?” His deep voice mumbled as he walked into the room.

 

“It’s not morning, it’s lunchtime. I’m doing fine though, a little bored but that’s nice at times. Thanks for asking, Iron Pommel. How about yourself? Also why do you have my wastebasket?” I asked him as I got off the cot and walked towards him.

 

“I’m fine, my shift doesn’t start for about half an hour and I’m bored. So I thought I would visit you. And you never picked it up after you dropped it off for the custodians to take the trash last night.”

 

“Oh no, am I in trouble? Will the Warden get mad?”

 

“Um…no?” Iron said as he rolled his eyes at me. “I highly doubt Lord Bloody Rend would care Silver. He’s like the nicest stallion ever. I’m not even sure how he got to his position by being so kind. Besides he’s more than the warden of the dungeons. He’s the captain of the Canterlot Guard. He has to manage the city patrols and keep order with all the refugees flooding the city. He doesn’t care about one mare and her wastebasket. Although he may get a kick out of your little stories.” Iron flashed a wicked grin in my direction.

 

“What stories? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lied.

 

“Oh? So you don’t know anything about a bunch of stories that were in a certain wastebasket about a silver mare with a dark blue mane named Sterling Heart,” He started snickering, “falling in love with a unicorn king named Sable Sol?” At this point he burst out laughing. My cheeks betrayed me as I turned a crimson that rivaled his coat. He only laughed harder seeing my shame.

 

I hung my head as I tried to think of a way to justify my stories. I couldn’t think of a single thing, so I said the only thing I could. “Shut up,” Nice retort, Silver. Way to show him whose boss. “Names are hard.” I really should have burned those instead of just throwing them away; I’ll burn the rest when he leaves.

 

“You didn’t even change their coat or mane colors. It’s like you weren’t even trying to hide the fact the stories were about you. Oh but I will give you props for changing the color of your cutie mark. At least you tried there.” He said sarcastically.

 

“If you’re done being an ass, I’m going to get back to work. You should go wait for your shift somewhere else.”

 

“Oh, now you’re being racist, Silver. What do you have against the donkeys? I thought you supported their freedom” He smiled at his own stupid joke. I rolled my eyes at his attempt at humor. “I mean they are a hard working people.”

 

He really was an ass. Not that I’m a racist or anything, I mean that in the most non-racial way possible. I mean it purely as an insult in correlation to him being a jerk, not that he’s a donkey. “That’s because their slaves, you jerk. They don’t have a choice in the matter of whether or not they are hard workers. If they don’t work they get killed. Doesn’t that seem a little too cruel?”

 

“They are lesser beings Silver.” He declared with far too much malice. “They aren’t even ponies. Why should they get the same rights? They definitely can’t use magic. They can’t use magic, fly or even farm well. They would die off without us. We’re doing them a favor by letting them work for us. Honestly they are only suited for menial tasks. See, Lesser beings.” He slammed his hoof down onto the stone.

 

Obviously we weren’t going to agree on this and I’ve never been one for confrontation. This was getting out of hoof. “Okay, okay. Fine, let’s change the subject before we start fighting. Are you patrolling the refugees again today?”

 

“Yeah, I really wish we could get in contact with Phillydelphia or Cloudsdale to see what happened…we don’t have the resources to feed the refugees or even room to shelter them. They are starting to get rowdy, we can’t just abandon them either. We haven’t even been a nation for more than a few decades, the political fallout would probably bring us to war. While I know we could beat either the Pegasi or the Earth Ponies, I’m not sure we could beat them both if they allied against us.”

 

“I know…I scored higher than you did in history and government, remember? So have they even said anything besides some mish mashed monster brought their capitals to their knees?”

 

“No, they all say it’s true. I’m beginning to think we should believe them…as unlikely as it is that something that’s a non-unicorn can even cast powerful magic. The biggest problem is that I don’t know of anypony that could cast use such ridiculous magic. It doesn’t make sense.”

 

“That is pretty silly though. Sugary dark rain? Sticky candy clouds? It’s all very ridiculous.” I laughed.

 

“It is, the part I can’t believe though, besides pretty much everything else they’ve said, is that the pegasi and earth ponies just bowed to this creature. It’s ridiculous. Cowards. I should probably get moving. It was fun talking to you, Silver. Have a great day.” He slowly moved towards the door.

 

“Thanks, you too.” I said as I cantered towards my desk. “Stay safe and say hi to Aunt Sugar and Uncle Cobalt for me.”

 

“Same here, tell your parents I said hello too. Oh and don’t worry no one else read your stories. I just wanted to make fun of you; it will be our secret.“ He said with an over exaggerated wink, Oh sweet Sol he can be annoying. “Be careful with the refugees about. They are getting a bit desperate for food and bits. So when you go home tonight watch out. Some of them may try to mug you for your bits.”

 

“I will, see you next week?”

 

“Sure. See you then.” He replied as he gently closed the heavy door.

 

I waited until I couldn’t hear his hoofsteps anymore. I pulled the drawer open with my teeth as I levitated a large iron bowl down from one of the shelves. I put each and every one of my literary abominations into the bowl. I closed my eyes as an aura of white surrounded my horn and focused on the thought of producing a small spark of fire. After what felt like an eternity of concentration I felt the telltale feeling of energy leaving my body. I opened my eyes to see the paper was slowly feeding the fire that I had started. I was glad nopony was here to see me have so much trouble with such a simple spell. I failed many of the more advanced practical magic courses at school. The only courses that I excelled at were emergency medical spells and basic applications of telekinesis.

 

I felt a twinge of disappointment as I watched the testaments of my adoration for the lovely and noble Sable Sun burn to ashes. He was everything a mare could hope for. He was known throughout all of Equestria as the strongest of the leaders of ponykind. He was one of the foremost scholars on magical combat theory and the only pony that could beat him in a melee was General Snowy Fields. More than any of that though, he was kind. He cared for each and every one of his subjects. He may be a little old fashioned with his civil policies; most unicorns were; so it wasn’t much of a deal breaker that he viewed other races as inferior. It didn’t hurt that he was pretty handsome to boot.

 

My ears twitched as I heard the sound of hooves pounding down the hallway. Usually ponies didn’t run through the halls of the prison; so whatever is happening must be important. Just in case whoever was running was coming for me I doused the fire with a small bucket of water that had been used for cleaning the floors. Just as I was about to set the bucket down the door was bucked open.

 

Standing on the other side of the door was a large stallion in a set of plate mail that covered his entire body, making him look more like a magical construct than a pony. The armor was crafted from a foreign metal that seemed to suck the light out of the room. At his side was a massive sword made of the same foreign metal that his armor was, I’m not sure if my telekinesis would be strong enough to even swing it.

 

Everything about the stallion set off warning bells inside my head. Starting at the base of his horn were two pieces of metal that spiraled around it as they gradually thinned until they tapered to a point at its tip. From the white glow his eyes cast through the angular slits along his enchanted helmet to the curves and angles of the armor along the rest of his body, just standing there he practically emitted intimidation itself. This was a member of the famous Kings Guard. They are one of, if not the strongest military unit in Canterlot. As the name suggests they are the personal guards to King Sable Sun.

 

He turned his head and stared at me for a few seconds before he spoke with a deep voice “Proper protocol dictates that you bow before a member of the Kings Guard, little filly.”

 

Little filly? What a jerk. How did he get to be a guard for Sable Sun? My first instinct was to tell him to go buck himself for talking to me like that. Instead I bowed my head to the floor. I’ve always been far too submissive when it came to standing up for myself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

 

“That’s better. Now are you the nurse? If you are come with me, if not then tell me where I can find her.”

 

Seriously how did someone this rude get to be a member of the most esteemed guard in Equestria? He’s such a jerk. “Yes, I’m Nurse Silver Heart.” He nodded at me and walked back out into the hallway. I ran into the hallway. The stallion was waiting for me to follow him. As I walked towards him he started slowly walking down the hall.

 

“An earth pony stallion forced his way into the throne room of the High King Sable Sun. He injured some of the guards that were stationed outside the throne room. And then he demanded that we surrender to his lord.”

 

“So I’m treating the guards?” I asked, hopeful that I would finally get to do something useful for somepony.

 

“No, why would you even think that? You’re the dungeon nurse. We have our own medics. You’re treating the earth pony, we need him strong enough to interrogate. Anyway, if you interrupt me again I’ll have you thrown in the cell with the prisoner. When Lord Sable Sun laughed at his demands he tried to attack him, while yelling that Sable was dooming his entire city. It would have been humorous if he hadn’t managed to somehow get past two of the Kings Guard and reach the throne before they could move. Thankfully Lord Sable wasn’t as unobservant as them and cut him down before he got too close. I don’t know why the fool isn’t dead; few could survive an attack by Sable Sun, even if they took him by surprise. However when he is strong enough I will personally interrogate him.”

 

I find it hard to believe that somepony could just get past two of the Kings Guard. “So who’s this lord?”

 

The black knight stopped in front of one of the heavier cells. Two soldiers in the standard guard barding were guarding the entrance, they both bowed before the Kings’ Guard. “I don’t know I wasn’t there, I just got the gist of what happened. Anyway we’re at his cell. I doubt he will be up anytime soon. Just treat his injuries and then go back to your station. If he regains consciousness come get me, I’ll be in the Wardens office. Check on him every hour on the hour. Are your orders clear?”

 

“Um yes sir.”

 

“Good. Now get to work.” He barked as he turned and walked back down the hallway.

 

I turned around to see that one of the guards was unlocking the door for me. He kicked it open and stared at me expectantly. I walked through the door to find a burnt and bloody mess of a pony lying in the middle of the floor. Along the length of his right side was a cauterized gash; his orange mane and red coat were singed black along the wounds length. His Cutie Mark was a blue circle with a wooden staff pierced through it. My mind briefly tried to find any possible meaning for such a cutie mark, if he were a unicorn it would be obviously be magic but he isn’t one…he’s an earth pony. This really wasn’t the time to be thinking about something like that.

 

Well at least the wound is already cauterized, that should stop the bleeding and help prevent infection. To his left was the cell cot. His body was engulfed by a white glow as I lifted him up and set him on the bed. I set my saddlebags next to him and pulled out some sage and honey. My eyes closed as I lowered my horn to his body and focused on casting the few spells that I thought would help. After casting my repertoire of spells I poured honey over the wounds. I’ve never seen burns this bad; I hoped that these were still the right way to treat burns as bad as these. After pouring the honey over his burns I wrapped his body in sage. You know, if he hadn’t been burned, he would have been quite handsome.

 

For good measure I cast another spell, designed to dull pain. With my energy thoroughly sapped, I started packing the rest of my supplies back into my saddlebags. That was very tiring, I’m glad I don’t have to do this too often. I started walking towards the cell door.

 

“Good morning madam.” I flinched before I turned around to see the stallion sitting up on the cot as if nothing were wrong. His voice was soothing. He was staring at my flank. Pervert. He raised his head and looked into my eyes. His eyes were beautiful, almost mesmerizing. “I apologize for being rude.”

 

“Um…it’s something that I’m used to...prisoners do it all the time. Now you really shouldn’t be up…please try to rest. After trying to kill King Sable Sun, I doubt you ill get off with a light sentence.”

 

“I’ll do that but what is a beautiful mare like yourself doing in such a horrible dungeon?” He said as he flashed a charming smile in my direction. My heartbeat quickened, that smile combined with his eyes made me melt.

 

“I…um I’m the nurse. I help inmates that are injured and try to make sure that nopony gets treated too horribly.” I stammered as I tried to break my gaze into his eyes.

 

“Well that is quite honorable of you, isn’t it? I assume you’re the one who tried to help me? I actually don’t have to assume, I’ve been awake for quite awhile now. I’ll go ahead and thank you. Now if you would just do me a favor and let me ask you some questions that would be great. Do you have any family?”

 

“Yes, besides my parents I have a sister.”

 

“What are their names?”

 

“My father is Steel Shield, a member of the Silver Knights. My mom is Autumn Breeze, an alchemist. My sist-“

 

“Autumn Breeze? That’s a pegasi name. Is your mother a Pegasi?”

 

Why am I answering these questions? For some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to ask why, instead I just found myself answering his questions. “No, she was born to two Pegasi though, she was left at an orphanage here in Canterlot.”

 

“Alright go on.”

 

“My sister is Autumn Leaf. She’s still in school.”

 

“Pity, it doesn’t seem like you or your family would be all too useful. Now one final question, would you have helped me if you hadn’t been ordered to by that pompous knight?”

 

“I’m not sure…probably. Why?”

 

“It helped me decide something. I wasn’t sure if I should be kind to you or not. Can you do me one last favor? After this I’ll leave you alone forever.“

 

What’s that supposed to mean? “It really depends on what you want but I guess I could if it isn’t something that could get me in trouble.”

 

“Thank you, you’re quite kind. Not everypony would be so good to a pony that attacked their king. Could you do me a favor and tell the guards outside the door that I’m up and would like to talk to the warden or whoever has been put in charge of me?”

 

“Oh that’s it? I could probably do that for you.”

 

“No thank you. You can just tell the guards, you have done more than enough for today.”

 

“Well alright then. Is there anything else?”

 

“No thank you. Just tell the guards I’m ready to go. I’d like to get this over with.” A hint of annoyance leaked into his voice, however he maintained his charming smile.

 

“Alright.” I said as I turned toward the door. As soon as I broke eye contact a feeling of wrongness overcame me. Something about that stallion is off. Half of his body had been burnt black, but he’s acting as if he doesn’t even notice it. Now that I think about it, once we started talking I was acting weird too.

 

“Miss Silver Heart, is something wrong? You’re just standing there.”

 

I turned my head to look at him; once more his brilliant eyes met mine. He wasn’t smiling anymore. “Um, no I don’t think so.” What was I thinking about? I can’t remember…I hate it when that happens. “Sorry, what was I doing again?”

 

“You were about to tell the guards that I am ready to get my interrogation over with.”

 

“Oh that’s right. I don’t know how I could have forgotten about that.” I shook my head as I felt myself blush from embarrassment.

 

“You shouldn’t worry too much about that. It happens around me quite a bit. I just seem to have that kind of effect on those around me. Now please go tell the guards, I’m running out of time.”

 

“What do you mean you’re running out of time?” I stared at him as he began to visibly shake. I started to worry that his wounds were finally getting the better of him.

 

“You are so damn tiring, why don’t you just do as I want?” His voice no longer carried the smooth, calming tone it had before, now he sounded angry and cruel. “What is it that makes you so special? I could understand somepony like Sable Sun not being so easily influenced by me, but you? You’re just some stupid nurse. I guess I can’t be subtle with idiots like you. I, Charming Soul, order you in the name of Lord Discord to open my cell door and get the two guards in here.”

 

Before I could even utter a response I found myself walking towards the door. Huh? What’s going on? I tried to stop myself from walking but I couldn’t. Despite trying to, I found that I couldn’t even talk. “Help!” I wasn’t sure where that voice had come from. After a few moments I realized that I had been the one to shout.

 

The guards hastily unlocked the door and stepped into the cell with their spears ready. When they saw me standing off to their right and Charming Soul sitting on the cot they looked to each other in confusion and then back to me.

 

“What they hay, Silver? We thought you were getting attacked. What’s wrong with you?” The Guard on the right demanded. Despite my efforts, I still couldn’t move or talk. I could only watch on and hope that they would stop him before he did whatever he had planned.

Charming Soul cleared his throat to get their attention, as he hopped off the cot and slowly strode in their direction. “Excuse me, may I have a moment of your time?” The rage and hate he had spoken with earlier was nowhere to be found, instead he was back to using his calm and soothing voice. They two guards looked back at him and pointed the heads of their spears at him.

 

“If you take another step forward we will kill you, the only reason you aren’t dead yet is because the Kings’ Guard ordered us not harm you.”

 

“Really? Well what a shame. I’m afraid you two don’t stand much of a chance against me. That doesn’t really matter at the moment though. If you could just do me one favor, that would be great. I want you to go and kill all the other guards in this prison. However leave the Kings Guard for me. I’d like to talk to him personally.” He asked as he flashed his smile again.

 

“Yes sir.” They replied in unison as they saluted him. What!

 

“Oh and before y’all do that could you show me where they took my barding and equipment?”

 

“Of course we can sir, we would love to help.”

 

Charming Soul turned to me. He looked me in the eyes; “You see this is how you were supposed to act, Silver, like a good servant. Anyway have fun. As I promised earlier I’ll leave you alone forever. You can be yourself after we close the cell door. Have fun.” He smiled as he turned back to the guards. “Lead on.”

 

I could only stand and watch as they walked out of the cell. Once the door closed I found myself able to move again. I ran toward the door and tried to open it with my telekinesis, however it didn’t move. Vainly I tried to push it open. The door still didn't move. All I could do was pray that somepony would come find me soon.

 

[Grayhem1136 10]

Helo SilverHeart.

 

I'm Grayhem1136 and I'm new to the site and I'm trying to wright a fanaic aswell, and mebye we cane help each other out.

I'll be honest with you, I need some help to, I just need somepony to tell me if my storys evan a good one.

So i was thinking mabye I could take a look at your stuff and help with the coloring, if you could help me with my story.

 

If your at all inturested send me a message.

[SilverHeart 741]

  On 2012-09-20 at 5:22 AM, 'Grayhem1136' said:

Helo SilverHeart.

 

I'm Grayhem1136 and I'm new to the site and I'm trying to wright a fanaic aswell, and mebye we cane help each other out.

I'll be honest with you, I need some help to, I just need somepony to tell me if my storys evan a good one.

So i was thinking mabye I could take a look at your stuff and help with the coloring, if you could help me with my story.

 

If your at all inturested send me a message.

 

Well I might be able to help you. I don't know much about grammar, punctuation, etc. However I would like to think I have a fairly decent grasp of what makes a good story, so feel free to send me your story in a message.

[SilverHeart 741]

  On 2012-09-20 at 5:10 PM, 'Ballistic456' said:

Ah nooo! I wish I had the time to finish this... I have to go for a while but I'll try and get back to it.

 

Personally, I love it! Not only is it realistic (not super wacky or OTT, which is good) but from the start I had begun to get a good impression of Silver Heart and her attitudes... nicely done

 

 

 

I would seriously consider putting this on fimfiction or another fiction site. You can get help and comments there too

 

I really want to read more!! KEEP THIS UP!

 

Thank you, I'm glad you like it. I'm trying to go for a realistic approach to the whole thing (along the lines of medicine, combat, so on and so forth.) What's OTT?

I was actually worried I wasn't giving Silver Heart enough of a personality.

I'm going to post it on Fimfic as soon as I can figure out a good title for it.

 

  On 2012-09-20 at 5:10 PM, 'Ballistic456' said:

I'm not an expert on 1st person, so I may be wrong here; but you have used condensed words (e.g, couldn't, wouldn't, etc.) which are not part of standard English (in speech the can be used). But like I said, I'm not sure if the rule applies to 1st person.

 

I'll have to look that up then, or maybe someone else knows the answer to that one. Edited September 20, 2012 by SilverHeart