OC opinion thread

[PonyEcho 1,610]

hhmmmm what to say, what to say got any snacks?

 

bleh i suck at these kinds of thing so i'll just make it simple

the point of this thread is for people to post there OC's here so that other can look at them an give criticism and way to improve in any way and also to help people who can't think of anything for there OC too i.e. unsure about design or back story.

 

Rules

1. if you post you OC please stay to give critisism to other OC's

2. be nice, if you don't like what others have said about you OC be respectful about it (yes this referring to myself and the recent forum drama around a similar topic)

3. when giving criticism please go into detail about it and not be so harsh.

4. treat Alicorn OC's with respect (yes even i have a bias about them and I will follow this rule )

 

and that about it.

 

any way i'll start with my OC's

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/whirlwind-r1650

pretty much my main OC and i've been working to refine his story more and his purpose is to be adaptable for RP's and stories but remain some what cannon and none OP

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/velvet-splash-r1852

my newest OC that i do with some help with, her character page is a mess

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

Ha, I meant to start this kind of thread after the other descended into bickering

Let's see:

Velvet: Nice design, The backstory could use some more details here and there (why exactly does she love exploring? why does she dye her hair?)

Whirlwind:

Again,very nice design. The backstory is solid too, Maybe have him be a (part time) flying coach/safety instructor for young pegasi?

 

Anyway, here are mine

Joan

Silverwisp

[Descant 1,898]

Alright, I'll help keep this thread alive. Let's have a looksee...

 

I actually rather like Silverwisp the Bard. You summed his personality up neatly and shortly (certainly something I could never do), and he has quite the entertaining backstory. Plus I like the hat and scarf. Where'd you come by his picture? Did you draw that? Because the style that his picture is made in is pleasing to my eyes.

 

Joan is interesting too, I hadn't thought about the Nightwatch being recreated with the return of Princess Luna. Very pleasing design, I'd like to see her animated in the same style as Silverwisp. I still want to know how you did that. Anyway, very plausible backstory. I like that little quirk you included about the moths. To the best of my knowledge (which is admittedly not very extensive), these are exceptional OC's. Descant approves.

 

Anyway, my OC... I've only got one at the moment, although I'm working on an idea for another at the moment.

Descant

Edited November 16, 2012 by Descant

[leogal 74]

Oh boy Oh boy!!

Whirlwind is thought out fairly well and I have little to say on him, Velvet Splash however, reminds me WAY too much of a mixture of Laura Croft and Indiana Jones...unless that's what you were going for in which case she should be some sort of school teacher that went on awesome adventuresome expeditions with her father as a young mare :3

I LOVED Joan (and the art style used for her) and Silverwisp's a very interesting chara (although I thought he reminded me of a certain, large and sexy pony in colour combination...)

Descant is a brilliantly put together pony! I could tell he was based on your own personality (at least a little), and he's very well thought out! Well done!

 

Here are my OC ponies:

Honey Mane : http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/honey-mane-r1895 (my ponysona)

Lemon Lime : http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lemon-lime-r1941 (my simple RP OC pony :3)

[Descant 1,898]

Oh boy Oh boy!!

Whirlwind is thought out fairly well and I have little to say on him, Velvet Splash however, reminds me WAY too much of a mixture of Laura Croft and Indiana Jones...unless that's what you were going for in which case she should be some sort of school teacher that went on awesome adventuresome expeditions with her father as a young mare :3

I LOVED Joan (and the art style used for her) and Silverwisp's a very interesting chara (although I thought he reminded me of a certain, large and sexy pony in colour combination...)

Descant is a brilliantly put together pony! I could tell he was based on your own personality (at least a little), and he's very well thought out! Well done!

 

Here are my OC ponies:

Honey Mane : http://mlpforums.com...oney-mane-r1895 (my ponysona)

Lemon Lime : http://mlpforums.com...emon-lime-r1941 (my simple RP OC pony :3)

 

Haha, thanks! And I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw Silverwisp, and thought of another pony. Although I probably would have phrased it differently, had I chosen to point that out.

 

I really like Honey Mane's design. And you summed up her entire character quite well. Short, sweet, and to the point.

 

Again, with Lemon Lime, very well designed. Unique concept, not one I see often. It might be a good thing that you're keeping your OC's stories short, it means you have a lot of wiggle room when RPing. I really should learn something from you about that.

 

 

Now, the main reason I'm posting in this thread again is not because I want Descant to be evaluated again. I'm posting again, partially because I wanted to, and partially because I want some opinions on a new pair of mine, that I'm bringing about for Roleplay purposes. Descant's more of my ponysona, he doesn't roleplay well in many situations, as I'm discovering. He's a bit too specific.

 

The OC I'm working on right now is actually two ponies, a pair of twins that I am, at the moment, calling "Rag and Tag". I have other names I'm considering for the pair of them, but that's the best one I've come up with so far. The Twins are probably going to be pegasi, and are about the age of the Mane Six, if not a few years younger. They're rather immature, mischievous, mildly athletic and playful. Often, when they disagree with each other, or get bored, they start to argue, blocking everyone else out, try to cause trouble, or start wrestling and attacking at each other. Most of the time they get along quite well, however. They're not unintelligent, merely unconcerned; they don't really apply themselves to their studies, instead spending their time with mild shenanigans, or else laying about, bored. They get along well with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

 

I haven't decided what their designs should be, nor what their cutie marks are. I'm not even sure if I like the names Rag and Tag. But I do know I want their designs to be almost the same, maybe with a few subtle differences in the coloring or the mane. Heck, maybe I'll make one a colt and the other a filly. I haven't decided yet. Opinions? I'll upload their page once I've come to a decision and completed it.

[leogal 74]

Now, the main reason I'm posting in this thread again is not because I want Descant to be evaluated again. I'm posting again, partially because I wanted to, and partially because I want some opinions on a new pair of mine, that I'm bringing about for Roleplay purposes. Descant's more of my ponysona, he doesn't roleplay well in many situations, as I'm discovering. He's a bit too specific. The OC I'm working on right now is actually two ponies, a pair of twins that I am, at the moment, calling "Rag and Tag". I have other names I'm considering for the pair of them, but that's the best one I've come up with so far. The Twins are probably going to be pegasi, and are about the age of the Mane Six, if not a few years younger. They're rather immature, mischievous, mildly athletic and playful. Often, when they disagree with each other, or get bored, they start to argue, blocking everyone else out, try to cause trouble, or start wrestling and attacking at each other. Most of the time they get along quite well, however. They're not unintelligent, merely unconcerned; they don't really apply themselves to their studies, instead spending their time with mild shenanigans, or else laying about, bored. They get along well with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. I haven't decided what their designs should be, nor what their cutie marks are. I'm not even sure if I like the names Rag and Tag. But I do know I want their designs to be almost the same, maybe with a few subtle differences in the coloring or the mane. Heck, maybe I'll make one a colt and the other a filly. I haven't decided yet. Opinions? I'll upload their page once I've come to a decision and completed it.

Oooooh a challenge!!! You really shouldn't post that, I take it quite literally

Now I'mma go toss together a pair of twin ponies for you in Illustrator!! Rag and Tag...sounds like they would be quilting ponies!!! NO!!! Ragdoll ponies!!!!!!! OmgImmastartrightnow!!!!

PS- What ever you do don't look up Rag Tag on google :S

Edit - Did em' up in Illustrator quick! They aren't pegasi, but they ARE fiery red heads!! I can just see them getting into all kinds of mischief around Ponyville!

 

http://leogal.deviantart.com/gallery/?catpath=scraps#/d5lgnzm

 

Edited November 18, 2012 by leogal

[Descant 1,898]

Wow! That's... fantastic! Words don't even describe... Just wow! Thank you!

I'll be honest, when I pictured them in my head, I thought they'd have a slightly smaller build, but I'm not complaining. Not at all! This might actually suit them better than what I had in mind originally. Also, I love how they're redheads! I had the Weasley Twins in mind when I was creating the concept for these characters. Is that what inspired you to make them redheads?

Mind if I use this picture for a Character Page I'm about to make for them? I might take them to the pony editor myself, I guess to add my own little spin on them, but I'm definitely going to give you credit for the design on their character page.

 

I got Rag and Tag from, well, from the word Ragtag. As should be fairly obvious. Other names I was considering were along similar lines; I had Riff and Raff in mind too, or, to a lesser extent, something having to do with Gemini, or Pollux and Castor.

Edited November 18, 2012 by Descant

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

Did you draw that? Because the style that his picture is made in is pleasing to my eyes...

 

...Anyway, my OC...

 

Why thank you, the picture is a sketch that I vectored over. (Never got around completely finishing it, since I'm lazy )

Descant: Nice design, good backstory, but I feel he would benefit from being a bit less self-insertionary. OCs that are

too close to their creators tend to put people off.

The twins: Nice idea, like it a lot. Maybe have their cutiemark be a laughing halfmask (think roman comedy mask).

 

I LOVED Joan (and the art style used for her) and Silverwisp's a very interesting chara (although I thought he reminded me of a certain, large and sexy pony in colour combination...)

 

...Here are my OC ponies:

 

Again, thanks. Silverwisp's colouring is more or less the result of my lack of imagination (I'm blond so I decided he would be too, and red gave the most pleasing contrast).

 

Honey Mane: Absolutely adore the design (hat ftw). Very nice backstory too (maybe include what exactly she studied in Canterlot).

Lemon Lime: Again, a very effective design. Also my favourite kind of backstory: Simple, feels canon and with nice little details (her talking to her plants). Bravo

[Descant 1,898]

Why thank you, the picture is a sketch that I vectored over. (Never got around completely finishing it, since I'm lazy )

Descant: Nice design, good backstory, but I feel he would benefit from being a bit less self-insertionary. OCs that are

too close to their creators tend to put people off.

The twins: Nice idea, like it a lot. Maybe have their cutiemark be a laughing halfmask (think roman comedy mask).

 

I've done the same thing for Descant, now, if you've noticed. Haha, I'm not great at drawing myself, I had to get a friend to draw it. But I vectorized it myself.

 

About Descant, I can see what you mean. His backstory was completely fabricated, has nothing to do with me at all. It was mainly his personality that was self-insertionary. But you're right, I really should scale it back some.

 

The Twins: Thanks! I've started their OC page (Look in my sig!), I'm going to work on developing their backstory when I actually finish my math homework (I'm fabulous at procrastinating). I like the halfmask idea, I think I'll give it to at least one of them. I want them to be like Flim and Flam, where their cutie marks are similar, but not identical. Maybe I'll give Tag the halfmask, and Rag three smaller ones, or of something similar.

Edited November 18, 2012 by Descant

[MelancholicMemory 2,025]

I like Descant. His backstory is very detailed and well thought out.

 

Whrilwind is also very detailed. Very good character design

 

Silverwisp is a very interesting character and I like him, but you might want to flesh out his backstory more. He seems like a fun character.

 

Overall, I think everyone here is very good at designing their OCs appearance. All of them seem unique, interesting, and fitting their character.

 

Here's one of my OCs, Moonbeam. I might put my others here later.

Edited November 18, 2012 by MelancholicMemory

[Driz 1,552]

Here's one of my OCs, Moonbeam. I might put my others here later.

 

She's cute! :3

 

Very good personality too, I must say. Very interesting how she's dreamy and nocturnal. I like it very much~

 

---

 

Here is my latest OC: Benjamin Von Dusk. I created him to be slightly gloomy and creepy, I hope I succeeded.

 

Also, here's Amber Vox. I feel like she needs a few criticism as well... Anyway, pick whichever you want~

[PonyEcho 1,610]

Oh boy Oh boy!!

Whirlwind is thought out fairly well and I have little to say on him, Velvet Splash however, reminds me WAY too much of a mixture of Laura Croft and Indiana Jones...unless that's what you were going for in which case she should be some sort of school teacher that went on awesome adventuresome expeditions with her father as a young mare :3

I LOVED Joan (and the art style used for her) and Silverwisp's a very interesting chara (although I thought he reminded me of a certain, large and sexy pony in colour combination...)

Descant is a brilliantly put together pony! I could tell he was based on your own personality (at least a little), and he's very well thought out! Well done!

 

Here are my OC ponies:

Honey Mane : http://mlpforums.com...oney-mane-r1895 (my ponysona)

Lemon Lime : http://mlpforums.com...emon-lime-r1941 (my simple RP OC pony :3)

 

Thanks for the Criteeks everyone, as for Velvet Splash she came out on the spot because i was thinking of a adventurer but for the studying of mythical creatures then though of the transformation from hard working mare to the free spirited one.

 

Honey Mane- very nice i love the design and the fact the OC has family ties out side the cannon, also i feel more could be added.

Lemon Lime- nick picture of the OC and the design is good, all i can say is the SHY part feels unnecessary because the character is very talk active..

Edited November 18, 2012 by PonyEcho

[MelancholicMemory 2,025]

She's cute! :3

 

Very good personality too, I must say. Very interesting how she's dreamy and nocturnal. I like it very much~

 

---

 

Here is my latest OC: Benjamin Von Dusk. I created him to be slightly gloomy and creepy, I hope I succeeded.

 

Also, here's Amber Vox. I feel like she needs a few criticism as well... Anyway, pick whichever you want~

 

Thanks !

 

I like BVD. Gloomy and creepy are kind of my thing He's interesting and unique, and the mystery which surrounds him is pretty cool. I also like his appearance. However, I feel like you focused so much on making him mysterious that his character lacks definition. Also, his atitude toward gambling seems contradictory to his general personality, though I could be wrong.

 

I love Amber Vox! She's adorable and her voice changing power is so cool! I think you did a great job at designing her character. The only criticism I can give is that her happy personality doesn't fit with her somewhat sad background, though everyone reacts to things differently, so I suppose her backstory can work the way it is.

[leogal 74]

Wow! That's... fantastic! Words don't even describe... Just wow! Thank you!

I'll be honest, when I pictured them in my head, I thought they'd have a slightly smaller build, but I'm not complaining. Not at all! This might actually suit them better than what I had in mind originally. Also, I love how they're redheads! I had the Weasley Twins in mind when I was creating the concept for these characters. Is that what inspired you to make them redheads?

Mind if I use this picture for a Character Page I'm about to make for them? I might take them to the pony editor myself, I guess to add my own little spin on them, but I'm definitely going to give you credit for the design on their character page.

 

I got Rag and Tag from, well, from the word Ragtag. As should be fairly obvious. Other names I was considering were along similar lines; I had Riff and Raff in mind too, or, to a lesser extent, something having to do with Gemini, or Pollux and Castor.

 

OMG!!! I did it up and didn't think you would actually LIKE it!!! Lol! I feel so proud right now :3 To be honest, I thought they sounded kind of like Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy :3 My mom used to read me the stories and they seemed to be getting into lots of mischief ALL the time, so I thought that would be perfect as a concept for the twins!! Thank you SOOO much for liking them!! Edited November 19, 2012 by leogal

[Descant 1,898]

OMG!!! I did it up and didn't think you would actually LIKE it!!! Lol! I feel so proud right now :3 To be honest, I thought they sounded kind of like Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy :3 My mom used to read me the stories and they seemed to be getting into lots of mischief ALL the time, so I thought that would be perfect as a concept for the twins!! Thank you SOOO much for liking them!!

 

Lol, triple post. Well, that's not quite where I got my inspiration for them, but I can see why you thought that way. I based them loosely off of Fred and George Weasley, if you're familiar with Harry Potter at all. Like I said, I had no idea what they would look like, but your interpretation of their appearance seems to fit quite nicely. With your permission, I'd like to edit and tweak your design of them a bit myself, I guess to add my own twist on them?

 

I like the colors and their mane and tail designs. They fit the characters quite nicely. I'm not sure if that was a result of you pursuing a Raggedy Ann appearance about them, but it fits what I was looking for. If it were me, though (Time for me to get to a bit of nitpicking ), I might have given them freckles rather than blushes (Like I said, Fred and George; Even if Raggedy Ann and Andy had been my sole source, I wouldn't want Rag and Tag to be a literal ponyfication of them), and made Tag a bit smaller (He looks to be Big-Mac sized in the picture. I pictured the pair as being, if not slightly younger, to be rather lightweight.). Other than those little tidbits, I'm amazed. They fit the descriptions I provided of the characters quite perfectly. Of course I like them I can almost see them just wanting to leap off the page to engage in some mischief-making!

Edited November 19, 2012 by Descant

[leogal 74]

Lol, triple post. Well, that's not quite where I got my inspiration for them, but I can see why you thought that way. I based them loosely off of Fred and George Weasley, if you're familiar with Harry Potter at all. Like I said, I had no idea what they would look like, but your interpretation of their appearance seems to fit quite nicely. With your permission, I'd like to edit and tweak your design of them a bit myself, I guess to add my own twist on them?

 

I like the colors and their mane and tail designs. They fit the characters quite nicely. I'm not sure if that was a result of you pursuing a Raggedy Ann appearance about them, but it fits what I was looking for. If it were me, though (Time for me to get to a bit of nitpicking ), I might have given them freckles rather than blushes (Like I said, Fred and George; Even if Raggedy Ann and Andy had been my sole source, I wouldn't want Rag and Tag to be a literal ponyfication of them), and made Tag a bit smaller (He looks to be Big-Mac sized in the picture. I pictured the pair as being, if not slightly younger, to be rather lightweight.). Other than those little tidbits, I'm amazed. They fit the descriptions I provided of the characters quite perfectly. Of course I like them I can almost see them just wanting to leap off the page to engage in some mischief-making!

 

I haven't quite mastered "light-weight" for male's yet lol, but I can definitely do some sketching today! I can see how you took them from the Weasley twins, makes a lot of sense, and I agree that freckles would look awesome on them! I'll do some re-working after I finish making supper/breakfast for everyone at my house (it's supper, but my hubby wants eggs and sausage lol) Hopefully I'll have it all done for you before I go into the hospital :3 No laptops allowed on the Maturity ward lol

PS - Triple post was an accident lol...my screen wasn't posting till I refreshed lol

Edited November 19, 2012 by leogal

[Descant 1,898]

I haven't quite mastered "light-weight" for male's yet lol, but I can definitely do some sketching today! I can see how you took them from the Weasley twins, makes a lot of sense, and I agree that freckles would look awesome on them! I'll do some re-working after I finish making supper/breakfast for everyone at my house (it's supper, but my hubby wants eggs and sausage lol) Hopefully I'll have it all done for you before I go into the hospital :3 No laptops allowed on the Maturity ward lol

PS - Triple post was an accident lol...my screen wasn't posting till I refreshed lol

 

Why, thank you! Honestly, it's super nice and rather unexpected that you would do all of this for some random guy on the internet! It restores my faith in humanity slightly, haha! Don't worry about it too much, though. Real life is easily more important. I just wish I was better at drawing. I feel kinda bad having to get others to do it for me.

 

Oh, and I've double and triple posted before, too. I was just poking fun, don't take me too seriously

Edited November 19, 2012 by Descant

[Dreadmallon 353]

I'm just curious, is it frowned upon to have an OC have a major role in a fanfiction? Not a main character, but still has a major role.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Prince Dusk

[Descant 1,898]

I'm just curious, is it frowned upon to have an OC have a major role in a fanfiction? Not a main character, but still has a major role.

 

I don't see a problem with it. I guess it depends on the, ah... plausibility of the OC in question. Like, if we're talking Princess Celestia's godly Auntie Stella, then yes, there'd probably be a problem with that. It's preferred if an OC is going to have a major part in a fanfiction, that the OC isn't overpowered and has flaws, physical and personal, just like everypony else. And it never hurts to incorporate a few OC's other than the main one. It all really depends on the context. Like, if the fanfic revolves over Auntie Stella usurping the throne, then I guess that would be acceptable. But if it's a situation where Auntie Stella is chillin with Fluttershy and Angel Rabbit, well, that might be scoffed at.

 

Generally, alicorns are just unpopular in general, because they have a reputation of "being gods". Try and avoid having your OC go into godmode, and it'll be fine.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Descant

[Dreadmallon 353]

I don't see a problem with it. I guess it depends on the, ah... plausibility of the OC in question. Like, if we're talking Princess Celestia's godly Auntie Stella, then yes, there'd probably be a problem with that. It's preferred if an OC is going to have a major part in a fanfiction, that the OC isn't overpowered and has flaws, physical and personal, just like everypony else. And it never hurts to incorporate a few OC's other than the main one. It all really depends on the context. Like, if the fanfic revolves over Auntie Stella usurping the throne, then I guess that would be acceptable. But if it's a situation where Auntie Stella is chillin with Fluttershy and Angel Rabbit, well, that might be scoffed at.

 

Generally, alicorns are just unpopular in general, because they have a reputation of "being gods". Try and avoid having your OC go into godmode, and it'll be fine.

 

My main OC is:

 

Dusk - Dusk is an alicorn initially created by Nightmare Moon (and a large fragment of her own darkness) prior to her imprisonment. He was born evil, but under the raising of Celestia, and learning the power of friendship (like Twilight), Dusk's evil nature quickly diminished. He focused mainly on enhancing is skills with flight and magic, and ignored his royal duties, much to the dismay of Celestia.

Despite having friends, Dusk also gained enemies, some without his own knowing. This eventually led to his own imprisonment, as own of his most dangerous enemies was one whose hatred and paranoia of Dusk was hidden, and remained that way even when Dusk was imprisoned. This enemy was a former captain of the Royal Guards (still thinking of a name). One who was considered a legendary guard throughout history and a hero amongst other guards. Using his cunning, the captain tricked everyone except his own squad (who helped him regardless) that Dusk was an evil monster, and that he must be kept away from Equestria. He forced Dusk's friends (who were former bearers of the Elements, as Dusk was awarded the Element of Magic from his studies) to "get rid of" Dusk, otherwise he would.

In the last minute, his friends sadly turned on him, and turned him into a small orb. By the time the captain and guards arrived, Dusk's friend -blank(lol)- ran out and hid the orb. From Dusk's perspective, this was cold-blooded betrayal. Additionally, he never realized the length of his imprisonment, as he fell asleep for that time. In fact, to Dusk, his imprisonment lasted seconds. This would happen about 73 years before our current MLP time.

 

Dusk is like Twilight, but with a negative future.

 

EDIT: Dusk is not meant to go "god-mode," so don't worry. He is much weaker than Celestia and Luna. If you had to compare his magic with anypony, he'd be more along the class of Shining Armor, Twilight, etc. Dusk has a decent wingpower, but he isn't very fast, but agile.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Prince Dusk

[Descant 1,898]

My main OC is:

 

Dusk - Dusk is an alicorn initially created by Nightmare Moon (and a large fragment of her own darkness) prior to her imprisonment. He was born evil, but under the raising of Celestia, and learning the power of friendship (like Twilight), Dusk's evil nature quickly diminished. He focused mainly on enhancing is skills with flight and magic, and ignored his royal duties, much to the dismay of Celestia.

Despite having friends, Dusk also gained enemies, some without his own knowing. This eventually led to his own imprisonment, as own of his most dangerous enemies was one whose hatred and paranoia of Dusk was hidden, and remained that way even when Dusk was imprisoned. This enemy was a former captain of the Royal Guards (still thinking of a name). One who was considered a legendary guard throughout history and a hero amongst other guards. Using his cunning, the captain tricked everyone except his own squad (who helped him regardless) that Dusk was an evil monster, and that he must be kept away from Equestria. He forced Dusk's friends (who were former bearers of the Elements, as Dusk was awarded the Element of Magic from his studies) to "get rid of" Dusk, otherwise he would.

In the last minute, his friends sadly turned on him, and turned him into a small orb. By the time the captain and guards arrived, Dusk's friend -blank(lol)- ran out and hid the orb. From Dusk's perspective, this was cold-blooded betrayal. Additionally, he never realized the length of his imprisonment, as he fell asleep for that time. In fact, to Dusk, his imprisonment lasted seconds. This would happen about 73 years before our current MLP time.

 

Dusk is like Twilight, but with a negative future.

 

I could see this making an interesting fan fiction. I can't really speak for everybody, though. Like I said, alicorns are just generally unpopular. Not much can be done about that. But Dusk isn't just some random alicorn, he's indirectly royalty. I can guess that this fanfic is about him returning in Twilight's time, if not about his betrayal. I would be interested in reading it regardless, but to the best of my knowledge, alicorns tend to be controversial among most bronies. Good luck! I'm sure your story will be quite good.

[PonyEcho 1,610]

 

 

well my problem with Alicorn OC is who people try to say... "well he isn't op or mary sue honest". it kinda dulls what it meant to be an Alicorn.

I did have an Alicorn OC but i create a concept that there was a Olympus like kingdom of only Alicorns were my OC was born, raise and Exiled to Equestria

 

Dusk- interesting concepts having him as a shade of Nightmaremoon but why try to make him see like a good pony? it a very overused idea that i see people use to make something born though darkness or have an evil design but that OC is suppose to be the good guy, but at least the OC is set in the past (could do being more then 73 years because there would be older pony who remember you want to make it in a time were in some way Celestia could stric it from the history) so i doesn't distort the continuity.

anyway decent character i would use him as just a villain type who controls things from afar.

[Koori 156]

I'm not sure if I should be giving critic now so I'll just skip and post my OC.

 

This is my ponified self... or at least the first version anyway. And yes, you're seeing right. He has a broken horn, broken ears and no cutie mark. All that is wrapped in a mystery because he also doesn't have any memory before waking up in Fillydelphia. He stayed there for 6 months before moving to Ponyville. Don't know what else to say except that he's kind and tries to adapt to his own situation all the time.

 

 

This is my 2nd version. I didn't like the hooves I made because later I realized that only strong stallions like Big Macintosh have those so I changed my appearance a little. Also, I kinda wondered if the face was more of a mare kind instead of stallion so I changed that too just in case.

 

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

My main OC is:

EDIT: Dusk is not meant to go "god-mode," so don't worry. He is much weaker than Celestia and Luna. If you had to compare his magic with anypony, he'd be more along the class of Shining Armor, Twilight, etc. Dusk has a decent wingpower, but he isn't very fast, but agile.

 

Okay, this is gonna make me look like a jerk, but here it goes:

-Saying, "he is not overpowered cuz he's only as powerful as Twilight" doesn't do much, considering Twilight is the most powerful (mortal) spellcaster on the show

-There were no other wielders of the elements between the royal Sisters and the Mane

-A captain of the guard tricked Celestia? really?

-As far as we know, alicorns that aren't the royal sisters age at the same rate as normal ponies

-I'm generally not a fan of heavily involving the Mane Six in OC backgrounds, chances are that future episode will contradict your story

-Celestia allows him to harm her guards and get away

 

My main problem here is, that there really is no reason for him to be an alicorn. Just have him be a unicorn, who was Luna's apprentice in the last years before the banishment, if you're dead set on him having flight, just give him the knowledge of the wing spell Twilight used on Rarity (Maybe moth wings). His royalty could be derived from being a descendent of the Unicorn kings (like Blueblood or Cadence).

Maybe replace his imprisonment with a voluntary exile (didn't fit in/wanted to wait for Luna to return ect.)

Then just downplay his interactions with the Mane Six a bit and get rid of the mopy attitude and you got an Oc that would fit in a lot better n the established universe.

[Flaret 240]

I'm not sure if I should be giving critic now so I'll just skip and post my OC.

 

This is my ponified self... or at least the first version anyway. And yes, you're seeing right. He has a broken horn, broken ears and no cutie mark. All that is wrapped in a mystery because he also doesn't have any memory before waking up in Fillydelphia. He stayed there for 6 months before moving to Ponyville. Don't know what else to say except that he's kind and tries to adapt to his own situation all the time.

 

 

This is my 2nd version. I didn't like the hooves I made because later I realized that only strong stallions like Big Macintosh have those so I changed my appearance a little. Also, I kinda wondered if the face was more of a mare kind instead of stallion so I changed that too just in case.

 

 

I like the OC itself, the second version does look better than the first one! His back story (or what you have of it so far) seems interesting, but the fact that he is a blank flank seems a bit weird to me, because he seems fully grown. Maybe you could add one, but make it a bit vague? It would give him some direction, maybe, as I'm sure he would want to figure out what his cutie mark means and what his talent is! That and his missing backstory, obviously. I really like his design, good job ^^

 

Now, it would be awesome if anyone could comment on my OC's ^^ I'm still trying to work out the flaws a little.

 

Flaret: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flaret-r1608

Roseblush (newest addition): http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/roseblush-r1958